joyfinder

[joyfinder]

Today, I found my fix of childlike joy in one of my favorite places: the climbing gym! I've noticed lately that I've had trouble progressing in my climbing. I had a big burst of improvement for a few months, which quickly plateaued. I lost that crazy serotonin rush that I would get from sending a new limit or flashing a really hard route. I'm now trying to rediscover fun in my favorite sport. I did that today by trying a dyno on one of the routes set at my gym. One of my favorite feelings is being able to throw and catch myself on really powerful moves. So instead of spending all my playing energy on hard routes that my ego wants to reach the top of, I went to a route that I knew had a fun move in it (that I had not successfully stuck yet). This was a 12+, so if I'm not putting all my energy and focus into it, it is very unlikely that I will send it. This allowed me to not worrying about how far I'm going to get on the route. The end goal wasn't to send it. I just wanted to try that super fun move. This was a good call on my part because I had a BLAST and even ended up successfully doing the move. Sometimes I just need to tie a rope to me and throw myself up a wall with no intentions of actually reaching the top. These ten minutes of what felt like playing (rather than competing with myself and others) has already brought me more excitement towards the sport than I've had in the past few months.

Stop doing what you think you're SUPPOSED to be doing. Follow what your mind is trying so hard to draw you towards. For me, it was that silly dyno that caused me to swing 15 feet into my belayer's arms every time I missed (it is super overhung and one of the first moves on the route; he is not a bad belayer).

[joyfinder]

Losing the Privilege of Simple Joys

As we grow from children to adults, there is a strange shift in the way that we go about our day to day lives. Although it may not be intentional, children prioritize having fun. As a kid, I would always be looking for a good source of entertainment. This could be running around and juggling a soccer ball, doing cartwheels and flips, drawing something I thought was pretty, learning new hairstyles, and the list goes on. None of these activities I did had an end goal; they were simply for bringing me excitement and happiness. Nowadays, I find myself only participating in similar activities with an intentional end goal. I'll juggle a soccer ball or lay in the grass thinking that going outside might make me less depressed. I mess with my hair because I desperately want to try something different for a day that won't make my greasy hair so obvious. I do cartwheels and handstands just to make sure that I can still do them, because I have a horrible fear of losing my youthful mobility.

My goal for this blog is to help me get back into a headspace where I find joy in small things, the way I did as a child. It makes me sad to see the way that adults stop participating in the small things that brought us joy in our day to day lives as children.

Today, I asked myself why it has been so long since I've seen a huge hill and decided to roll down it, instead of walking. Rolling down hills is classic childhood fun in my book. In my older teenage years, I am the only person I can remember that would ever decide to roll down a hill. It would always bring a smile and some laughter to those around me, but hardly anyone would ever join me.

I have struggled with pretty bad anxiety and depression for a lot of my life. We are all told that going outside and doing physical activities is good for our mental health, but it can be hard to find the energy to be consistent with exercising. I have found that I don't get much gratification out of these activities when I use them as an attempt to make myself feel better. If I can find the activities that truly bring me a youthful kind of joy, it won't have to feel like a part of my routine. I'll be playing because I like to play, not because I have to in order to be less depressed. This will be the documentation of my journey to find and practice the small joys in my life. I am ready to channel my inner child!