julien-luc-blog

[julien-luc-blog]

There was something about the look that Luke was giving him that caused Julien to try even harder to stop crying. The look that he was receiving was one that he could have sworn could give him hope. His heart was pounding when Luke pulled him in towards his body, hugging him tightly. It was as if the entire world froze for him in that moment. All of the walls that Julien was starting to build back up were wavering, part of him wanted to pull away in case he was hurt by Luke again, but the dominant side of him wanted to give everything to Luke, to hold him and never let him go. The conflicting sides of him confused him somewhat. What was it that he truly wanted? Luke. It was an obvious answer, not one that he ever needed to guess at. It was just like he said, he would always only want Luke. The risk of being hurt again was worth it if Luke was there.

Finally, Luke spoke, and the words that were coming from his mouth were all of the things that he was hoping to hear. Feeling Luke's face in his hair, just like he would always do before. Julien's arms immediately wound around the man holding him as he heard him speak, plead. He pulled Luke tighter, his voice still strained as he replied, "No... I don't hate you... I forgive you, I will always forgive you."

Julien pulled away from Luke enough to cup his face, one hand on either side of his face, and kiss him. At first it was gentle, forgiving, loving, but soon the kiss changed into something more desperate. It was his cry for Luke to understand just how much he needed him, needed his touch. He continued to kiss him for quite some time before he pulled away again. His tears had finally stopped, his eyes searching Luke's, "Thank God you're not leaving me..." It was all that he could think of saying before his lips claimed Luke's again as his fingers slid into Luke's hair. 

When Julien broke their kiss a second time, all he could do was smile. An overwhelming sense of happiness had overtaken him again, he felt complete, even if it did seem cliche. The love of his life, was going to stay with him, he wouldn't lose the one thing he cared for most in the entire world. His fingers ran over the lines of Luke's face before he finally spoke again, "I love you, mon amour, and I'll love you forever. Nothing, and no one, will ever be able to change that feeling. I will always belong to you in every way. Always."

Bienvenue à Paris || Luke & Julien

Julien’s sadness was eating at Luke. He regretted what he said. He regretted how he acted… He felt disgusted with himself for making his lover feel so worthless.Seeing Jules like this wasn’t at all comforting. The sobs and the tears went deep into Luke’s soul. There shouldn’t ever be a reason for Julien to cry. Logically he knew bloody well his lover hadn’t slept with that girl. What had he been thinking earlier!? Ah, but that’s right… He wasn’t thinking at all. 

His own tears were refusing to dry up, but relief washed over him when Jules didn’t pull away from his touch. In fact the Frenchman seemed to need and welcome it. Luke squeezed him tightly and as Jules shift a little, he got a better hold and managed to wrap his arms around Julien’s upper torso. Leaning in, his face pressed to the other’s hair. He inhaled deeply, smelling the familiar shampoo Jules used mixed with his personal smell. Luke loved this. How the hell could he ever give it up? Did he even want to give it up? No… Even in his furious state he didn’t think about leaving Julien. Such was evidence of how strong their bond was. If Jules could forgive him for this, he  wouldn’t dare do something so stupid again.

He looked down when he felt Julien pull his head back to look at him, and Luke felt his chest tighten as he looked in the watery blue eyes. Julien wasn’t lying about this. A guy who lied would be this upset even if he was trying to fake it. Why hadn’t he seen this? He’d been stupid… This man was perfect for him. His better half. Luke pulled Jules tightly to him, needing so badly to just be… One. To make things right and go away.

“I’m sorry,” he finally whispered, his voice a bit hoarse. “I’m so sorry, Julien.” He pressed his face back into the man’s hair, “So wrong… I was so wrong. I’m sorry. Forgive me,” he continued to mumble, “Forgive me. Please, don’t hate me.” He knew he screwed this up bad.

[julien-luc-blog]

It had seemed like ages that he sat on the floor of the library, sobbing, and the sobs didn't seem to want to ease up. Every time that he felt like his finally regaining control of himself, he only remembered what was said and wound up in another state of tears. It was a vicious cycle that he was beginning to think would never end. The more he thought about the things that were said, the more he realized that he had this coming. He'd been such a terrible person for so long, he couldn't possibly have expected someone of Luke's caliber of person to remain with him for long. It was inevitable that Julien's past would catch up with him to destroy the one thing he wanted most in his life, and destroy his happiness.

The thoughts that were running through his head were quickly changing him. Soon, the tears subsided as he became bitter about the whole ordeal, bitter that he had to give up something that he wasn't ready to, but the bitterness soon turned into an anger that was directed towards himself. This was all his fault, and he deserved it. He could feel himself closing up, feel himself trying to build that wall back up, the one that didn't let anyone in, the one that never let people close enough to him to ever hurt him. He didn't want anyone to know him like Luke knew him, he didn't want anyone else to be given the opportunity to take the place Luke. He vowed to himself, in his silence, that he would never again love anyone the way that he loved Luke Remington.

Despite the fact that he had managed to calm himself, at the thought of Luke his whole body collapsed into tears again, the sobs shaking his body, and hiding the fact that someone had come into the library. He was so lost in his sobs that he hadn't even heard anything, but he could feel Luke's presence next to him after a moment. His eyes were closed, and at first he thought that he was only imagining that presence because he was starving for Luke's touch, but when he felt the hand on his shoulder, and then felt his body being drawn in, he knew that his sense for the other man wasn't just something he had made up, it was true. He tried to calm his sobs, tried to stop, but for some time his body shook with the cries as Luke held him, and Julien's arms wrapped around Luke and his hands gripped the other man's shirt tightly as he burrowed into the comfort of Luke's touch.

There was no telling why Luke was here with him. Maybe he just felt bad for the ridiculous state that he'd found Julien in, maybe he was coming to say goodbye, and wanted to be civil about it. He didn't care what the true reason was for it, but he tried to use whatever time he thought he had with Luke at that moment to try to clarify his feelings. His voice was muffled against the other's body as he spoke, once his sobs halted, and turned into a silent cry, "I never did anything with her... I love you too much, the thought of being with her didn't even cross my mind."

Julien lifted his head and looked into Luke's eyes for a moment, although even at this close of a range, Luke's face was made blurry by the tears that had filled Julien's eyes. "It's only you... It's only ever going to be you. I don't want anything else, I don't need anything else, but I can't... I can't live without you. You're always going to be everything to me, and if I can't have you, then I don't want anyone else in this life, even after you're gone."

Bienvenue à Paris || Luke & Julien

He couldn’t look, but he heard Julien leave the room. He was an ass for even kicking the man out of his own room, but he didn’t know what to do. And it wasn’t surprising that Jules leaving didn’t help a damn thing. Only made things worse. The tears were falling in a steady stream, and he didn’t even bother to wipe them away. The room empty, Luke felt his own panic build up. Julien left; he left because Luke had temporary stopped thinking clearly. Did he honestly believe a man who had taken care of him and loved him so thoroughly was running off to sleep with random girls and/or men? In his heart of hearts, Luke knew his reaction was bullshit. Fueled by his self doubt and his own issues more than anything. And he cried harder because of that.

Julien was gone god knows where and Luke chased him out and he knew he hurt the man badly. Blinded. Blinded by emotions and currently blinded by tears. Luke sank where he stood and let out a scream. He needed to get that out and soon he was panting and shivering as he tried to calm himself. What did he do!? Bloody hell, what did he do!? Jules was going to hate him. He fucked up what goodness they had! Over a stupid tabloid clip. Over pictures that were practically a paparazzi set up. He was seeing a lot clearer than he was five minutes prior, and all he could feel was regret and panic for being separated from Julien.

He sat on the floor like that for god knows how long before the tears calmed enough that he could see clearly and even pull himself together to move. Luke got off the floor finally, feeling drained as ever. He had to find Julien and he was hoping more than anything his love was still in the house. He wasn’t sure if he could make this right, but he knew he had to at the very least say he was sorry. Like sorry fixed anything, but… He had to do something damnit! Hurting Jules would eat him alive just as his words probably would eat the other man alive. How did they become so connected? The anger was nothing to the pain he inflicted on them both…

The bedroom door was pulled open and luckily no one was around. Luke surely looked a hot mess. His pale face was blotchy and reddened, and the tears hadn’t stopped yet. Eased up, but the trickle was a steady one and his shirt front was soaked like he was a 2 year old. But he left the room like that anyways, heading in a direction he didn’t even think over. His feet knew where to go as well as his heart. He didn’t second guess it or question it, but he just knew Julien went to the library if he was still in the house. He halted outside of the library’s doors, hesitating and shaking. Things needed to be made right, but he wasn’t even sure where to start with this. He pushed down a small and very pathetic whimper as he opened the library’s doors and stepped in.

At first he was caught by how silent it was, but… He heard the sobbing soon enough. His heart dropped, but he went to the sound anyways. Julien was hidden away practically and Luke had never seen him look so small. He did this… The tears had a mind of their own, he swore. His sadness just picked up in intensity as he sank to his knees. Luke didn’t know what to say, but he crawled towards Jules and did the first thing that came to mind. He put his hand onto the other’s should and moved closer, and started to pulled Julien up and against him. If the other man would have him, he didn’t play on letting go or leaving the other’s side for a good long while…

[julien-luc-blog]

[julien-luc-blog]

[julien-luc-blog]

The sob that came from Luke caused a sharp aching pain deep inside him. He couldn't believe how much this was hurting him. Why? Why had he fallen for this man? Why had he allowed his guard to go down for someone who wouldn't listen to reason? How was it so hard to build up this much trust with someone, and so easy for everything to come crashing down? This was all his fault. If he hadn't had the reputation he did then this woman never would have felt the need to jump on him, and in turn he and Luke wouldn't be having this conversation. He wouldn't feel as though he was losing his entire reason to live.

Julien no longer had words to say. Luke had finally said the words, he'd given the sign that he wanted Julien to go away. The weight of those words hit him harder than anything else that was said. Julien stood there his mouth open as if he wanted to say something, but as he stood there looking at Luke, he couldn't. He couldn't stand there and look at the greatest love he's ever known, and know that the man before him that he loved everything about wanted nothing to do with him anymore. He nodded slowly, feeling lost... With one last look at Luke, who was distorted by the tears he was refusing to let fall, he turned and left the room.

Never in his life had he walked through his house feeling more lost, and he tried to think of where he could go, where nobody would bother him. He found that his feet carried him to the library. He entered it, shutting the door behind him and hiding amongst some bookshelves he sank to the floor, only now realizing that he was gasping for air, the pain he felt was more intense than any physical pain he had known. No longer could he hold back the tears that had filled his eyes, they fell down his face as he let out a loud, strangled sob, his fingers dug into his hair, tugging at it roughly, trying to confuse the pain for something else, anything else. His body curled into itself as it wracked with continuous sobs.

Bienvenue à Paris || Luke & Julien

He didn’t know what to think and everything just plain hurt. Julien was the first person he’d truly been in love with. Someone who drove him crazy with simple words or looks. He’d bloody do anything and everything for Jules, and it felt like this was killing him. Julien cheated on him? His mind kept jumping between belief and denial. Julien wouldn’t do that, but then again why wouldn’t he? When he was perfect and he could have whoever he wanted. All of Luke’s doubt bubble to the surface with this. Fear was behind it all; it was always fear. Luke feared that he wasn’t good enough or worthy.

But the look on Julien’s face… Gobsmacked mixed with horror. He damn well deserved to be horrified for what he did… What Luke thought he did. “Why, why…” He shuddered and shook his head and back himself up against the wall, his knees going weak while his stomach started to protest. Julien  of course was denying everything fervently. And it squeezed at Luke’s heart because under any other circumstance he would have wanted to wrap his arms around the Frenchman. Even in his upset, seeing Julien so upset did nothing to make him feel better. And then that awful thing he said. He wanted to hurt Jules, but he got no pleasure from that. Damnit! Just looking at his face…

Luke inhaled sharply and bit hard on his bottom lip. A sob was just on his lips, especially has he watched Julien’s eyes water. He’d never seen the man get emotional like this. Not calm and cool Jules. This was too much. It was bizarre that Luke’s eye eyes didn’t truly tear up until he saw his lovers, but unlike Julien he could hold them back. Silent tears began to roll down his cheek when he finally let his bottom lip go from between his teeth. It was swollen and red from how hard he bit it and it was a miracle he hadn’t bit through it… He couldn’t do this. “We can’t,” he started, but the words got straight stuck in his throat. A lump blocked them and he shook his head as if to clear it out.

He couldn’t do this! He couldn’t even look at Jules. To many emotions came up and they were all overwhelming. “I can’t be around you,” he finally whispered.

[julien-luc-blog]

Fear is a terrible feeling. The feeling that the most important thing in his entire life was slipping away, and he could see it in the look in Luke's eyes. His heart was pounding in his chest, but it hurt, pain. All Julien could do was stand there looking at him stunned. He couldn't believe that Luke had said all of those things, believed any of those things. God, all he did was love Luke. He loved the man more than life itself, and he would have traded anything, and everything in his life to keep Luke. Julien's brain didn't seem to be working. He heard the accusations being thrown at him, and every time he opened his mouth to say something he stopped because he wasn't sure how to say anything. Words, which usually came so easily to Julien couldn't even come out.

It wasn't until Luke stepped away from him, and the terror spread through his whole body that Julien's brain seemed to kick into action again. "I... NO! I never kissed her! I swear that I didn't! I heard my name and turned around and she had jumped at me, I had no idea, and... they talked to her? What could she possibly have to say for anything? Nothing happened, Luke! Nothing! I swear it!" Julien stepped towards him trying to close the gap. He wanted to hold on to Luke, keep him there until he understood that everything he saw and heard wasn't the complete truth.

What he hadn't expected were the next words that flew out of Luke's mouth. The words stunned him, halting his movements for a moment like a slap across the face. The words choked anything that Julien wanted to say, all of the air left him as if he'd been punched. He finally tore his eyes away from Luke for a moment, swallowing with difficulty before he stumbled back a couple of steps. "I... I didn't leave to meet with her... I went... I went with my mother to go and buy the pastries..." He looked up at Luke with tears in his eyes, but trying to hold back from crying. "I went with her to get those for you... I wanted to surprise you..."

Bienvenue à Paris || Luke & Julien

Not what he thought? Isn’t that always what a person said when they got caught. Luke’s mind could think. He couldn’t process this right. All he kept thinking was Julien was gone this morning and clearly a idiot for being caught. Of course the paparazzi would be watching. He’d been caught! Luke’s heart was thudding as if he’d just done some exercising, but really he’d gone rigid on the could and was looking at Julien with a mix of disbelief and a mounting upset. “You slept with that blonde twat?” He voice was strained and his lip started to tremble. Luke didn’t think… The look on Jules’ face… He let a strangled cry and stood up quickly from the couch.

“It’s not what I think, yea? You… You!” He could even form his words yet as he body just trembled violently. “You were caught, Julien! There’s picture of you kissing! And then they talk to her…” He shook his head. He thought Julien wouldn’t do something like this to him; to them. But the pictures. They always speak so loudly and his heart literally ached. “You went this morning to be with her? Bloody hell.”  He glared for the first time at Jules and back away a few more feet, not wanting to be near the guy. What the hell had he been thinking…

All this time he should have guessed Julien would be more interested in pretty things? The man loved to flirt and had his charm. It should be surprising so many people wanted him. Hell, Luke had been lucky to snag his attention perhaps. He looked down and clenched his hands, unable to look at the Frenchman now. An anger he’d never even tasted before washed over him. One powered by confusion, doubt and perceived betray. “I trusted you. I trusted you even though I knew you were a damn slut!” The words flew out his mouth without a thought, but he couldn’t control his anger at this point. “The pastries were some sort of guilt food!?” He finally looked back up. Green eyes had gone glossy even with his narrowed  gaze.

[julien-luc-blog]

The events of the morning flew out of Julien's mind as he spent more time with Luke. Everything that they had decided to do seemed to only put Julien in a better mood, so by the time that they were back home again, and lounging around the thought of the woman this morning had long since cleared his mind. He sat there with Luke, an arm wrapped around him and watching him flip through channels until he found something that he wanted to watch. Julien had settled in for a long amount of time watching whatever it was they would inevitably. He didn't care what it was, just as long as he was with the love of his life. He kissed Luke gently before getting up to head to the bathroom for a moment, leaving Luke to watch the French news.

He was happy. Perfectly happy. Completely happy. There was nothing that he could have possibly changed in his life that would have made him any happier than he was at that very moment. Julien heard the tv get louder, but unable to make any sense of what was being said, he didn't worry about it. It wasn't until he was out of the bathroom and back in the presence of Luke, looking at what was on the tv that he understood. He'd heard his name come out of Luke's mouth in a way that sounded odd, and not at all like he'd ever heard it said before. He didn't like the way that it sounded. The moment that his eyes saw what was happening on the tv, it felt like his heart came to a halt. Everything seemed to freeze in that one moment of horror. 

Turning his attention back to Luke, he took a moment, now that the news was finally on to some other story, to try and gather his thoughts and then speak. "It's not what you think it is, Luke... I know what it looks like on that tv, but I promise you that it's nothing like that at all. You know how they get on things like that, how they like to blow up stories just for drama. Don't listen to them, don't pay any attention to whatever it was that they were saying. It wasn't true, any of it, I'm sure." Julien didn't know what else to say, he hadn't seen any of the segment until the very end, but he saw that photo, and he knew what it definitely looked like. He also assumed that, knowing the history he had with the media, that it was hyped up to be something completely opposite of what had actually happened. Nevertheless, he had a feeling that whatever they reported was not going to help his case. The feeling of panic bubbling up inside Julien this time, was worse than what happened with the paparazzi before. This was a fear completely unknown to Julien before.

Bienvenue à Paris || Luke & Julien

After that first paparazzi incident, things have been running a lot smoother. There was no uncomfortable mobbings, and while the pap still tried to take pics and talk with the couple, it was easy to ignore. Luke had taken to looking at Julien to keep his focus and calm when he started to get too nervous. And that had been working for him quite well. France was everything he’d hoped it would be and more! He loved everything Julien had showed him, and he had to admit Paris was a romantic city. He easily fell into the old world charms and of course experiencing it all with Julien made his heart soar. Yup, the incident at the Louvre was long forgotten. 

Luke woke up rather late one of the days and found that not only was Jules missing from the bed, but also the room. In fact he didn’t see his lover until an hour later when he came back from what Luke guess was a bakery, and he was ecstatic to see the pastries that were brought back. The couple went to a few shows that day, but otherwise took it easy, and Luke was content to relax around the luxurious bedroom and flip through random channels. In fact in his spare time, Luke had taken to watching a lot of French TV. It helped with his own vocabulary and pronunciation  so all in all, he was more excited about watching the news than he ever was back home. Occasionally he’d asked Jules for help when he wasn’t sure what a word was, but Luke was getting pretty good with day to day French, and even understood well enough when the anchors spoke too quickly.

It was pretty much boring news from around the city. A few traffic accidents, some sort of event happening at the Eiffel tower… Nothing spectacular until a young anchor came on and started talked about a long time French “celebrity” and the girl he was spotted with today. Luke rolled his eyes at first, but then paused when he realized that the picture of a young model pressed up against… Julien. Luke brows furrowed in confusion, wondering what this mess was. He turned up the TV some and paid attention. Especially when the girl in the picture came on and started talking about Julien and what a great guy he was and how she had a she had him have history together that eluded to things Luke didn’t even want to think about. The segment then went on flash pictures from their stay together hear and Paris, ending on a note of what would Julien’s mysterious male lover feel about this.

Luke was frozen on the spot and shocked about what he just say. That picture was just from this morning! This morning when Jules hadn’t been there when he woke up… Just this bloody morning… Luke felt his heart clench as he dropped the remote from his limp hand and it clattered loudly on the glass coffee table. “J-Julien,” he muttered, still at a loss for words.

[julien-luc-blog]

Everything that had happened had seemed to die down. Once again all that was Julien and Luke, was back to normal. It was as if the incident hadn't really happened. Of course, on their trips out into the city there had been a couple of times where Julien could tell that Luke was nervous, but with security their trips seemed to go a tad more smoothly. They were still greeted by flashing cameras everywhere that they went, but there were no people mobbing them. Julien's father had been extremely strict with their new security, stressing the fact that he did not want a hand to touch his son, or his son's boyfriend. They were to ensure that things went as normally as possible for the couple everywhere that they went.

It was on a beautiful morning that Julien woke up before Luke, as was the usual. Pulling Luke gently towards him, and placing a kiss on his neck, before nuzzling him. Luke remained asleep, and a loving smile spread over Julien's face as he admired the love of his life. He carefully slipped out of bed, ensuring that he didn't wake Luke up, and quickly dressed. An idea had come into his head, and he was hoping to catch his mother to go with him. Hurrying through the large house he found his mother heading toward the kitchen, no doubt trying to see what she could get the cook to make for them this morning. Jogging up to his mother, he wrapped an arm around her and kissed her cheek from behind before falling in to step beside her. "Maman, I want to do something for Luke."

It didn't take much convincing on Julien's behalf to get his mother to agree, and soon they were walking through the city toward their favorite bakery. He was determined that Luke needed to try all of Julien's favorite pastries. Upon stopping at the bakery he and his mother bought what seemed like almost everything. Julien heard his name being called, but not in the way to get his attention, but in a tone of disbelief. He immediately turned around, only in time to feel a body barrel into his, and arms wrap around his neck. What shocked him even more than that were the familiar kisses on each cheek, of which he jerked away from instantly. Once he caught sight of the face in front of him he knew immediately who it was. She was hard to forget, with her constant calling, her finding his mother constantly, her showing up anywhere Julien was. All it took was a look at his mother before she jumped into action, and they were quickly out the door and headed home. It wasn't until he was inside the estate that Julien felt remotely comfortable, going to find Luke the moment he was inside the house. She was gone, and everything was fine. He'd managed to get away before she could throw herself at him again, and now all he wanted was the comfort of Luke's touch.

Bienvenue à Paris || Luke & Julien

At times they definitely seemed like a pretty storybook laced with lots of romance and heavy smut, and surprisingly Luke loved this. There were times he would cringe at couples he noticed being mushy. Not because he didn’t believe or want love, but because he didn’t understand how people could just… Leave it open like that. But now he found he didn’t care. Public, private, he loved showing his emotions to Julien. In fact, as he sat on his lover’s lap, he realized his foul mood practically went out the window. His nerves were still there about what would happen in the future, but now he felt safe and soothed by Julien’s touch. He had pulled away earlier, but he realized he needed the other more than anything.

A lazy grin quirked his lips, the first smile in a while, and it was like he literally relaxed into Julien’s embrace. He listened closely to what was said, and while he shuddered at the thought of trying to go out again, he could at least handle it if security was around. He didn’t want to think about how bad it could get otherwise. He’d heard to stories of people getting assaulted by paparazzi or vice versa. And when Jules mentioned being possible grabbed his stomach jumped. It didn’t want to picture Julien getting manhandled or even something crazy like getting dragged off.

“We’ll be ok,” he finally muttered, “And I still have a lot of places I want to see in this beautiful city…” Though he mentally added he couldn’t wait to get his ass home to New York were they could live in peace and do as they please without nasty cameras around. Thank god they hadn’t found out his lover had moved to America. But Luke settled and shifted a little so his arms could rest on the back of the chair to support himself. “Happily forgotten, my love.”He smiled just as their lips met. He groaned softly, his teeth instantly catching Julien’s bottom lip in a gentle nibble.

[julien-luc-blog]

Haha, horrible smut novel language? I'm not even sure what that means. Remember, I told you, you're not allowed to read me smut novels. I refuse.

#you are the most perfect man in this entire world #this will never change

There are times I feel like speaking in horrible smut novel language when you make me melt.

[julien-luc-blog]

Don't worry, you do the same to me, mon amour.

#you are the most perfect man in this entire world #this will never change

I can, it’s just never gets old when you get the better of me and my emotions go wild.

[julien-luc-blog]

You should be able to handle me always, but I enjoy when you get this way. It shows how much I affect you. 

#you are the most perfect man in this entire world #this will never change

I can’t handle you sometimes, my love.

[julien-luc-blog]

#you are the most perfect man in this entire world #this will never change

Damn. You.

[julien-luc-blog]

[julien-luc-blog]

Niece! I get a Niece! [Private]

Yes, care a lot as in love. I can’t help it. She’s done something to me that I can’t even handle. I feel so vulnerable around her, and I love it. Honestly, Ivy would have the upper hand in this relationship because I would about do anything for her.

[julien-luc-blog]

#Happy Birthday Brother In Law :D

Did you just call me Brother-in-law?

[julien-luc-blog]

I think I can most definitely do that for you.

Luke || Julien

Good. Naked, my love. Naked!

[julien-luc-blog]

IT IS MY BIRTHDAY! AND I'M IN PARIS! Here, you've been given the gift of my face. 

AUJOURD'HUI CE MON ANNIVERSAIIIIIIREEEEEEEE!