juliuscaessar

[juliuscaessar]

Telegram: @JulSiposso

[This headcount is based on the Broken colors game. The headcount in Russian will be after English. Have a nice reading. // Этот хэдканон написать по игре Брокен колорс. Хэдканон на русском языке будет после английского. Приятного вам прочтения.]

ENGLISH:

Is it normal to want to be a source of joy and confidence for someone? We always drown for a healthy relationship, but sometimes we catch ourselves thinking that we want a person to feel needed and confident thanks to us. I don't want it to look like an addiction, but sometimes it seems that way. It's like we want someone to depend on us, and that's not okay.

By nature, Damon is someone who loves to take care, help and support a loved one. This is not because it is necessary, but because he himself wants to show kindness and care. Damon can't care who he's with, otherwise it's already some kind of nightmare. But it is important that such support does not turn back into an addiction that has settled in the chest. Maybe it depends on the person. If MS has problems with self-esteem, she may begin to depend on his support.

In his understanding, everyone should have their own sources of joy and confidence. But every time, everything always leads to one thing - dependence on MS. The desire to attract her attention to herself, to make herself the most important source of her emotions and life. Damon just wants MS to depend on him, and that will never become the norm. Even growling at another person, he will still make attempts to make her his own. But even so, the realization that this is not right will fly in his head. He can only hold on so as not to make a terrible mistake that will destroy everything that is now.

RU:

Нормально ли хотеть быть для кого-то источником радости и уверенности? Мы всегда топим за здоровые отношения, но порой ловим себя на мысли, что хотим, чтобы человек чувствовал себя нужным и уверенным благодаря нам. Не хочется, чтобы это выглядело как зависимость, но иногда кажется именно так. Будто мы хотим, чтобы кто-то зависел от нас, и это не нормально.

По своей натуре Дэймон тот, кто любит заботиться, помогать и поддерживать близкого и любимого человека. Это не потому что так нужно, а потому что ему самому хочется проявлять доброту и заботу. Дэймону не может быть все равно на того, с кем он, иначе это уже какой-то кошмар. Но важно, чтобы такая поддержка не превращалась заново в зависимость, которая засела в груди. Возможно, это зависит от человека. Если у МС проблемы с самооценкой, она может начать зависеть от его поддержки.

В его понимании, каждый должен иметь свои источники радости и уверенности. Но каждый раз всë и всегда приводит к одному - зависимости от МС. Желание привлекать еë внимание к себе, сделать себя самым главным источником еë эмоций и жизни. Дэймон просто хочет, чтобы МС зависела от него, и этого никогда не станет нормой. Даже рыча на другого себя же, он всë равно будет совершать попытки сделать еë своей. Но даже так, понимание того, что это не правильно, будет летать в его голове. Ему остаётся только держаться, чтобы не совершать ужасную ошибку, что разрушит всë, что есть сейчас.

[juliuscaessar]

TW: BLOOD, OBSESSION, CANNIBALISM // Кровь, одержимость, каннибализм.

telegram:: @JuliusDoe

[This headcount is based on the Dead Plate game. The headcount in Russian will be after English. Have a nice reading! // Этот хэдканон написать по игре Деад плейт. Хэдканон на русском языке будет после английского. Приятного вам прочтения!]

ENGLISH::

All this is for love. Only with such words could a man justify himself. It's very stupid, he knows that, but these are the only words he could say to his red-haired lover, whom Vincent adored so much, but could not say directly. That's probably why the kid found his own way to show him how much he suffered from not mutual love.

How many times had he suffered from how many times he had heard Rody complain about his already ex-girlfriend who had left him without even explaining anything. How many times had he heard all these complaints and whining, comforting the young man and discussing all his problems with him, as soon as he began to trust him. It happened very often, but the redhead never noticed his concern, drowning in his suffering. That's exactly what prompted him to do all these actions so that the boy finally paid attention to his dependence on a young man.

The sharp blade of the knife, covered with fresh blood, reflected the soft light of the room, illuminated by an old lamp that was about to burn out so soon. A woman's body lay on the floor, without breath, without a heart and without life. Now it is with this body that Vincent will show his chosen one how much he loves him. With heavy but precise movements, the dark-haired man plunged a knife into the girl's flesh, cutting the middle gluteus muscle, allowing bright blood to flow down the bare, pale skin, dripping onto the cold tile of the pantry. The incision on the muscle bundles resembled a separate kind of painting, causing goosebumps on the back when the fine hairs stood on end with anticipation, spreading damn excitement through the body. But even in this case, the chief could have complications in the form of a strong femur. Changing the knife to a hoe was Vincent's smartest and most convenient solution for this case. The strong blow of the hoe, like the blow of a whip, echoed loudly from the white walls, creating its own melody of death in the old room. The semi-tendon muscle creaked pleasantly at the touch of the axe tip, as if it were a thin bone of a hare breaking under a murder weapon. From now on, this carcass was nothing but a future dinner for the evening for a man with his own kind of love.

The candlelight illuminated a table in the restaurant where only two people were sitting, Vince and Rody, with glasses of red semi-sweet wine. Only one of the men had a plate with a well-fried steak, a small amount of side dish and garnished with fresh herbs, which attracted them so much with their sweet aroma. A small, delicate piece stuck into the sharp teeth of a fork, so slowly, but with desire, approaches the pink lips, which gently opened, welcoming their delicious and long-awaited dinner. White teeth bit off a piece of meat, carefully tasting this dish. The mucous membrane completely covers the piece of meat when the papillae of the tongue have thoroughly tasted the dish. The way Rody's adam's apple twitched with each sip was mesmerizing to the dark-haired man's eyes, who looked at him with anticipation and hope. After that, a quiet question was heard, clarifying the ingredients of such delicious meat that the redhead liked so much. But he only got one thing in return.

— it's a secret, but this dish is filled with your love, the last love that you will not repeat and will never return. — A soft smile spread across Charbonneau's lips as he looked at him with eternal love. It's unlikely that Rody will ever like the secret recipe, when in fact he was just pushed by cannibalism.

RU::

Все это — ради любви. Только такими словами мужчина мог оправдать самого себя. Очень глупо, он это знает, но это единственные слова, которые он мог сказать своему рыжевласому возлюбленному, которого Винсент так сильно обожал, но не мог сказать напрямую. Наверное, поэтому парнишка и нашел свой способ показать ему то, насколько сильно он страдал от не взаимной любви.

Сколько раз он страдал от того, как много раз он слышал жалобы Роди на счет его уже бывшей девушки, что покинула его, ничего даже не объяснив. Как много раз он слышал все эти жалобы и нытьё, утешая юношу и обсуждая с ним все его проблемы, лишьбы только он начал доверять ему. Это было очень часто, но рыжий так и не заметил его заботу, утопая в своих страданиях. Как раз именно это и сподвигло совершить все эти действия, чтобы парнишка наконец-то обратил внимание на его зависимость от молодого мужчины.

Острое лезвие ножа, покрытое свежей кровью, отражало мягкий свет помещения, освещённое старой лампой, которая так скоро собиралась перегореть. Женское тело лежало на полу, без дыхания, без сердца и без жизни. Теперь именно этим телом Винсент и покажет своему избраннику, как сильно он любит его. Тяжёлыми, но точными движениями темноволосый воткнул в плоть девушки нож, разрезая среднюю ягодичную мышцу, позволяя яркой крови стекать по голой, бледной коже, капая на холодную плитку кладовки. Разрез на мышечных пучках напоминал отдельный вид живописи, вызывая мурашки на спине, когда тонкие волоски поднимались дыбом от предвкушения, распространяющие чертово возбуждение по телу. Но даже в этом деле у шефа могли случится осложнения, в виде крепкой бедренной кости. Смена ножа на тяпку было самым умным и удобным решением Винсента для этого дела. Сильный удар тяпки, будто удар хлыста громким эхом отдавалось от белых стен, создавая собственную мелодию смерти в старом помещении. Полусухожильная мышца приятно скрипела от прикосновения острия топора, словно это тонкая кость зайца, ломающаяся под орудием убийства. Отныне эта тушка являлась ничем, кроме как будущим ужином на вечер для человека со своим видом любви.

Свет огня от свечей освещал столик в ресторане за котором сидели только двое, Винс и Роди, с бокалами красного полусладкоговина. Только перед один из мужчин стояла тарелка с хорошо обжаренным стейком, небольшим количеством гарнира и украшенным свежей зеленью, что так притягивали своим сладким ароматом к себе. Маленький, нежный кусочек, воткнутый в острые зубчики вилки, так медленно, но с желание приближается к розовым губам, которые аккуратно раскрылись, приветствуя свой вкуснейший и столь долгожданный ужин. Белые зубы откусили кусочек от мяса, внимательно пробуя это блюдо на вкус. Слизистая оболочка полностью покрывает кусок мяса, когда сосочки языка тщательно пробовали блюдо на вкус. То как кадык Роди поддергивался от каждого глотка, завораживали глаза темноволосого, который с предвкушением и надеждой смотрел на него. После этого послышался тихий вопрос, уточняя ингредиенты такого вкусного мяса, что так сильно понравился рыжему. Но в ответ он получил лишь только одно.

— это секрет, но это блюдо заполнено твоей любовью, последней любовью, которую больше не повторишь и никогда не вернëшь. — мягкая улыбка расползлась на губах Шарбонно, когда он с вечной любовью смотрел на него. Навряд ли когда-то секретный рецепт понравится Роди, когда на самом деле его просто подтолкнулина каннибализм.

[juliuscaessar]

[juliuscaessar]

(This drawing from collaboration challenge with another artist and group drawing will follow publish later.)

[juliuscaessar]

[I don't know English very well :(]

telegram:: @JuliusDoe

TW:: mention of drugs, death, tantrum, overdose.

for a long time, the tiny apartment had been filled with the sound of water; cold jets, like heavy stones, fell with a crash on the floor of the bathtub, beat against the tiles of the wall, splashed in different directions and occasionally fell on a gray carpet laid on the cold floor in order to warm the feet of those taking a shower or doing morning procedures. there were only two options, but it is difficult to guess which of them will be correct. how many times has this noise been repeated day after day, leaving no chance to forget the quiet, familiar sound. the young man's ears had already become accustomed to a small noise, behind which distinct heartbeats pumped up the atmosphere of a quiet but very restless life of two sane people, or rather former people who could no longer be called sane, in four gray walls, decorated in places with dark posters or joint photos of friends.

- Venny, — a hoarse voice suddenly called out. it barely sounded, but it was perfectly audible and echoed throughout the room, - Venny.. - the blond man creaked again, barely getting up from the sofa, and after heavy steps, shuffling his bare feet, which had long been reddened from the cold prevailing in the dwelling, he went to the bathroom, which for a long time had already been the only source of noise in the old one. this apartment was not new and beautiful, it was a decrepit, worn-out room that had not been cared for or paid for for a long time. no matter how many times people come for payment, they have never been opened and are unlikely to be opened with such tenants.

A once elegant pale hand first grabbed the doorjamb, then a white-green crown appeared on the threshold, followed by the entire thin body of a student whose name had long been familiar to the man sitting on the floor as the name of his dealer.thin, bare limbs lay on the floor, his face had long been cold and seemed to turn blue, reminding him of a long-forgotten thing. the blond strands of hair that six months ago shone with golden and pearly iridescences in the sun during long walks are now tangled on top of her head in knots, wet either from the water that poured out of the turned-on shower, or from the painful foam that flowed from her mouth some time ago, running over razor-thin lips, graceful chin and pale cheeks, falling on a voluminous crumpled T-shirt worn on a naked body.

Levi shuddered. all the thoughts in my head began to get confused, and my strength increased with every millisecond. his gaze fell on the boy's left arm: the thin limb was covered in bruises, and in place under the elbow, near the vein that had long been hidden from eternal torture, there was a new, even more frightening and sympathetic scar. looking below, the drug dealer also noticed a syringe, a dirty syringe, which the blond man probably used more than once, hoping to get another dose of euphoria and happiness in the form of heroin.

His eyes closed, and his heart slowly began to calm down. tachycardia was not long in coming. the cramp started as suddenly as the foam and vomiting. Venny was unable to move.

the pupils dilated, as if opening a gate from this world to another and dragging the blond man further and further there.

Heavy footsteps sounded in the room next to it. they were getting closer, and then their source was visible - the same dosage friend, who was under the same high, only in a lower dose, because the willpower and reason had not yet left the blond man when he took another dose of the drug in his hand.

- Venny, what are you doing? — A confused voice rang out. the guy knelt down next to his friend, whose shoulders were now hugged by the same pierced arm. her owner did not remember how he got up and left the bathroom, leaving an old friend under an overdose, or how he fell asleep suffering from painful withdrawal, and then woke up and saw a frightening picture. No, he had forgotten almost everything. and at the moment, almost the main word, because what remained in Levi's memory and crippled mind tormented him for the rest of his life, which now looked like an existence without purpose, without meaning, without an acquaintance who abandoned the dealer because of his weakness.

[juliuscaessar]

[I don't know English very well :( ]

telegram:: @JuliusDoe

It became difficult to breathe, and the cold fingers on the thin neck were not going to ease the pressure. The MC squeezed the flesh, watched as the lips parted, only in a desire to gain access to air. at least there should have been some kind of salvation, but no matter how hard you try, only by suffocating you can love life and the old moments that a person so grasped. Damon could only cling to his hands with his nails, but there was no more strength to save him, resistance did not help in any way. these are the rules of life. Either fight for your life or die like the last puppy. everything that is happening now is for the benefit of him, for the benefit of all mankind. and the blond one, working and praying to him, atones for his guilt before the Lord for all his sins before this meeting. because everything that is being done right now is the right decision. therefore, even now he does not hold a grudge against him, only gratitude and love. so much so that he felt animal fear and absorbing love in front of an authoritative person. the voice was hoarse, so it was difficult to speak, and there was less and less air.

— I'm sorry, but now we've had enough..

my ears rang as nausea gradually crept up my throat, and my head was spinning. in parallel, everything went dark in his eyes, while Damon lowered his head, no longer feeling life, only fatigue. The grip loosened as the hands grabbed the white-haired man by the jaw, directing his gaze to dark eyes full of coldness and callousness. It's death, but from love. Is there anything better?

The MC only nodded, bowing and saying goodbye to the lifeless body, kissing the cold lips that no longer spoke. you will no longer hear the voice hiding from pale lips.

[juliuscaessar]

[Hedkanon. I don't know English very well :( ]

telegram:: @JuliusDoe

there are sobs and screams. Screams and crying are heard. The white-haired man turns around, bites other people's fingers until they bleed, pulling the drug dealer's head by the hair with all the strength he has left.

Levi's cold hands grabbed the guy by the jaw, directing his gaze at himself. Right now, this anger and fun were tangled in the minds of both guys, which captured them from the inside. Levi's thin eyebrows were drawn together in the area of the bridge of his nose, his teeth were closed while his cracked lips moved at times, a broken nose, heavy breathing. Of course, all this was frightening, but there was something that scared me even more. The clouded look in someone else's eyes looked directly at his beloved customer, causing either fear or anger. Venny had always considered himself a fearless and strong man, although now, in a bad state, lying in a pool of blood and vomit, he could not understand how pathetic and disgusting he was.

— this is the only thing that can free us from the shackles of suffering.

Choking on his own saliva and blood, the boy screams, looking at his friend. another dull sound is heard, a burning sensation in the cheek area and a crackle, mixed with a scream. abruptly, the green-haired man fell silent, only spitting out a clot of blood and green saliva sideways. their addiction grew side by side, causing them to lose their minds almost at the same time, but still the winner will be the one who eventually survives and does not catch an overdose.

only over time, the grip loosened, and Levi's body crashed to the floor as he wiped the blood from his nose with the sleeve of his jacket and let out a cheerful laugh. relaxing at a wonderful moment, the drug dealer, feeling only a fiery pain that gives slight pleasure, quietly looked up, listening to the grunting sound from Venny, trying to catch his breath from the recently experienced horror.