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lowkey some of you guys would thrive in a world that was better and kinder.

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People who say “oh but with uniforms you don’t have to worry about kids bullying each other over clothes” are psyops to me there’s no way people genuinely believe that uniforms do anything to curb bullying

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one of my favorite moments of my mom is when i made her play undertale in 2021 on the switch and when she fought mettaton for the essay question “what do you like most about mettaton” she (agonizingly slow with the on screen keyboard) typed out “his sparkling wit”

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Hey man, ahead of this heatwave I'm gonna go ahead and rip the veil off of something for you:

The reason American Southerners have the luxury of saying that 90 ain't that bad and it's not unbearable until it's 100 is 1) prolonged exposure to high temperatures over multiple decades 2) our mindset for these living conditions.

You don't have number 1, and you can't just acquire it, so I need you to adopt number 2 immediately. How do you live like a Southerner in the heat?

Don't be a hero.

Stay inside. Buy a box fan, put it next to a bucket of ice, and wrap your arms around it like a lover. Do not leave the shade under any circumstances. If a dude makes fun of you for getting out of the sun, don't get mad, just think of a funnier insult to call him while you flip him off and go stand under a tree.

Southerners love nothing more than to exaggerate and lie to each other. Like I think we got off on the wrong foot when you walked in on us saying things like "It was only 110, I didn't even take my damn jacket off" when really, last week it was 95 at 10 PM and we were on the bed buck nekkid in front of the fan moaning incoherently and praying to die. So yeah, we can take extreme heat. We also want you to think we can take ludicrous heat. You must learn to talk shit and then be a hypocrite and a coward in your actions, because this will serve you best.

It sounds like I am joking but I cannot express to you how much I am not. Do not fuck with Mother Nature, because that bitch will kill you. Take every opportunity to lower your body temperature and drink water, because that is what all of us in hot climates are doing all the time, and that is why we are not dead, even when it seems like we should be.

(And yeah, we do go through like two and a half ugly weeks in April every year where everyone wants to absolutely just goddamn drop dead because none of us have our heat tolerance back, but we must go to work anyway, which must be a crime. And yes, when it gets below 70 we really all do short circuit and cover ourselves in seven jackets, except for Shorts Guy.)

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Do you think we could use him as a lock pick

I bet we could

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every single server with a “vent channel” is awkward, creepy and toxic so i came up with the idea of a “medical status” channel which i didn’t even have to write rules for everyone just read my mind and is perfectly using it as intended and hopefully it speaks for itself

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me: So then we take the liquified wood pulp, and dry it again, into these thin sheets. caveman: [confused, but trying to keep up] uh huh. me: And we take the graphite stick - it doesn't need to be wrapped in wood like this, but we like making them this way so you don't get graphite on your hands. And that's what we draw with. caveman: [eyes lighting up] Oohhh so you use the wood pulp sheets to paint on them, like hides? me: Exactly! And now, you could use this method to draw anything you can visualise with your mind's eye, but for the sake of this demonstration, let's draw a vision of a woman with features of an animal whose powers and traits she represents, and a figure that is stylised and exaggerated beyond what nature really allows. caveman: As wide as she is tall, with tits to match? me: Exactly. caveman: This is the only sensible use of this technology.

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tumblr glitched and now there’s just a guy in the void

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one time i visited a cemetery and this one dude's grave had THE sexiest male angel statue i've ever fucking seen. like. he was nude except for a sword and helmet. he had nipples. you could see his entire bare thigh. what a baller move to put an ancient athenian's wet dream on top of your eternal resting place. i think about him a lot.

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if I play my cards right maybe this tumblr mutual and I will have sex one day

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Otters at the Oregon zoo I saw on my birthday, one is sucking on the others ear

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Theme Park horror stories: The contractors hired to build it used sub-par materials, leading to repairs needing to be done frequently, and some turns were too tight, causing bruises from riders bashing against the side of the car

Water Park horror stories: And that was the fifth casualty that month

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new cat bed invented

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My fave genre of images

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indeed.com search history "pet for mysteriously wealthy older woman" "unethical science test subject full time" "vampire thrall with room and board"