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I miss who I was before the pain sm guys its not even funny

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Everyday (1-2 times a year) I persist through the horrors (talk to a doctor about my chronic issues) and succeed (cry for 10 hours after)

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a feeling you just cant explain..

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when I’m watching the quirky ballet show my mom likes and I can feel the blorbo disease spreading inside me every time that obnoxious but earnest little french freak and his absolute pathetic menace of an american choreographer think about each other onscreen

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Write it shitty, write it scared, write it without a clue but don't you be so spineless and have an AI write fanfic for you.

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Guys, im in the trenches (reading Klance)

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Chapters: 6/7 Fandom: 9-1-1 (TV) Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Evan "Buck" Buckley & Maddie Buckley Characters: Evan "Buck" Buckley, Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Christopher Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Maddie Buckley, Bobby Nash Additional Tags: Chronic Pain, Buck deals with the long term effects of him almost dying multiple times, Hurt/Comfort, dealing with chronic pain, Bucks blatant disregard for his health, Evan "Buck" Buckley Needs A Hug, The Buckley siblings are best friends, Pre-Relationship, Minor Character Death, Happy Ending, Established Relationship, We skip the get together woops Summary:

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Im actually so insanley proud of how this chap came out.This has tk be the hardest thing ive written (and re-written) ever probs. But its been a very hard chap to write because it deals with a lot I'm still struggling with. Especially as i had to see it from Eddie’s (or a non chronically ill) person. In my little self centered brain, I still struggle with the thought that my illness and pain can cause others discomfort bc a) I'm in pain and can't verbalize that and b), I have never had that care or a person who sees me or believes me (or simply acknowledges) my pain. So, for me, “acknowledging” is having to scream and yell to be heard about my pain, throttle them until the information is understood and still having to fight for this acceptance and additional care they have to provide  (with bitterness from them or still residual disbelief). And that's not… nice. 

But, well, these dumbasses don't have that. And idk how to writer that :’) (also welcoming people's suggestions for changes that need to be made or if something is not written very well or could be harming, please tell me) As the general thought for fanfics, I am fully using this as my own therapy (I did cry while writing this stfu) bc this is for me mostly but I hope one of yall finds comfort within it as well

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AO3 COME BAAAACKKKKKK

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Chapters: 5/7 Fandom: 9-1-1 (TV) Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Evan "Buck" Buckley & Maddie Buckley Characters: Evan "Buck" Buckley, Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Christopher Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Maddie Buckley, Bobby Nash Additional Tags: Chronic Pain, Buck deals with the long term effects of him almost dying multiple times, Hurt/Comfort, dealing with chronic pain, Bucks blatant disregard for his health, Evan "Buck" Buckley Needs A Hug, The Buckley siblings are best friends, Pre-Relationship, Minor Character Death, Happy Ending Summary:

Breathing had never felt worse. He could feel the pull of muscles against his ribs and it made him want to scream.

“Buck?”

He could cry. He probably did with how Eddie rushed towards the bed again.

“Buck, what is it?”

He shakes his head, wincing at the small movement and just willing himself to shrink down the covers without moving

OR

A character study for Buck dealing with chronic pain

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Chap 5 out now! Next update might take a bit but here it is for now

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Chapters: 2/6 Fandom: 9-1-1 (TV) Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Evan "Buck" Buckley & Maddie Buckley Characters: Evan "Buck" Buckley, Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Christopher Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Maddie Buckley Additional Tags: Chronic Pain, Buck deals with the long term effects of him almost dying multiple times, Hurt/Comfort, dealing with chronic pain, Bucks blatant disregard for his health, 5+1 Things, Evan "Buck" Buckley Needs A Hug, The Buckley siblings are best friends Summary:

Breathing had never felt worse. He could feel the pull of muscles against his ribs and it made him want to scream.

“Buck?”

He could cry. He probably did with how Eddie rushed towards the bed again.

“Buck, what is it?”

He shakes his head, wincing at the small movement and just willing himself to shrink down the covers without moving

OR

5 times buck was dealing with chronic pain and one time eddie helped (after almost every major #buckalmostdies moment)

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Heyyyy, im back from hiding 🤭, just posted chap 2 on my lil sort of character study Buck with chronic pain. Soooooo yeah :)

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ao3: *lagging*

me: *refresh*

ao3: *still not loading*

me: *suspicious eyes* *goes to tumblr and sees ao3 trending*

me: GODDAMIT

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Reblog if you're on team "don't touch me without my permission but if you have my permission please never stop touching me"

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The Dorm Room

@wolfstarmicrofic day 23 -377 words

For someone who was so self deprecating, and tried so hard to distance everyone from him, Remus Lupin was an extremely clingy cuddler. He and Sirius could be just laying on the bed, and the second that sleep starts to overtake Moony, he will throw an arm over the other boy and nuzzle his face in the crook of his neck. 

They’re sitting on the sofa? Once he gets a little sleepy he will fall on Sirius’ chest.

Taking a kip on the ground? His head will 100% be on his boyfriend’s lap. 

And Sirius would never even think of complaining about it, except maybe in the mornings. 

The mornings were the worst, because then Remus would be in full cuddling mode: legs tangled with Sirius’, head on his chest, arms around his waist… the full package. 

And that would be fine if Moony was an early bird, but sadly he liked to sleep in, so much so that he often risked to skip breakfast, were it not for that lunatic that is James Potter, who takes it in his hands to make sure nobody skips the most important meal of the day. 

“Moony, please let me go.” Sirius tried, as softly as he could, to free himself from his boyfriend’s grasp.

“Moons, I have to pee, please.” The only answer he got was Remus getting even closer to him, slightly shaking his head. 

“Come on love, we can’t stay in the dorm room for the whole day, we have to get up.” 

“Mhhhh no.” 

And that was a very convincing argument for Sirius, who was all but melting at the sight of his very cuddly, very sweet, very lovely boyfriend. 

Sadly, it was not convincing enough for one James Potter, who violently opened the curtains of their bed. 

“I HOPE YOU ARE NOT NAKED! GOOD MORNING LOVEBIRDS, TIME TO RISE AND SHINE!” 

“Fuck off Prongs!!!”

Remus started to curse their friends while covering his eyes with his hands, freeing Sirius from his lovely prison. 

Mission completed?

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If you're disabled/ chronically ill, the universe should make you immune to all the "normal" illnesses.

I'm sick every day and ON TOP OF THAT I have food poisoning? No thank you, you can fuck right off.

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Really annoying how the default thought my brain goes to when my pain gets really really bad is "I want to die". Because I don't want to die. I just don't want to be feeling the overwhelming pain in my body. But ever since I was a kid that's what my brain goes back to. I want to die. I want to die. I want to die.

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Removing the duolinguo widget on my phone making me feel like an alcoholic poring the alcohol down the drain

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Being chronically ill is like

“It’s fine”

“It’s fine”

“It’s fine”

*complete mental breakdown because you can’t do this anymore*

“It’s fine”