justventing-things

[justventing-things]

I’ve been critiquing other people’s writing again.

[justventing-things]

Here, have some quotes from the worst book I ever read

Not naming the title or author, since it should be read by no one, ever.

But you should know that this book came out in 2010.

“I know you are online because we both use AOL and you are my only buddy. I see you online.”

I don’t know what’s worse, that Character 1 only has one AOL friend, or that it’s 2010 and the main characters are still using AOL.

There’s also plenty of shitty writing:

“I received e-mails like that all the time, so it never crossed by [sic] mind that inviting (Character 1) to my book signing would set my nightmare into motion, with my life quickly spiraling out of control and (Character 1) as the driver”

What kind of mixed metaphor is this? You can't drive a spiral. I get that you're trying to say Character 1 caused your life to become a mess, but you need to refer to something car-related if you want to call her the driver and have this make any kind of sense. Even something and cheesy as my life was about to become a three car pile-up, and Character 1 was the driver is better.

“‘'Anything for you, (Character 1),' he stated in a tone that implied sexual overtones.”

Nothing about that sentence is sexy. 

“'You know I'm attracted to men who are aggressive, direct and protective of their woman, yet can put her in her place. A real man wears the pants in the relationship and his woman wants to cater to him because he treats her right.'

[. . .]

'I don't care what he says. He thinks I'm supposed to abide by his rules like he can tell me what to do, like I’m supposed to accommodate his every request. He's not the boss of me.’”

Sooo...I need a man who can boss me around and take control, but also he’s not the boss of me? 

Also, all the fucking mysogyny:

“After we married, I knew I would have to work with her, to get her to the level of what I expected from a wife. And you best believe, one of the major lessons was to learn how to please me in bed. I was being patient for now because I knew she hadn't had much experience. However, the excuse couldn't last forever.”

Ugh I feel so gross just sharing this

“‘Like I explain in my books, women are emotional creatures and usually they can't separate love from sex. They equate one with the other. Men, on the other hand, have no problem distinguishing between the two.’“

UGGGHHHHH

“'You know I have never taken shit from any woman I've ever been with. I don't have time for all that drama and chaos in my life. If a chick intends to bring that my way, she better get to steppin'.'”

God HOW DARE a woman have emotional needs?! 

And then some that fall into no category, except to say...WHAT THE FUCK

One that I won’t share directly but compares BDSM to actual slavery, naming a real person who once was a slave and suffered through much abuse, and...

“As she lifted her head to look at me, at first, all I could see was that wild hair covering her eyes. She reminded me of the character from the movie The Grudge. The one who came out of the TV."

Yeah, that was my favorite part about the Grudge! Where she comes out of the TV! 

[justventing-things]

So I found this book called Rodham and it’s an alternative history novel about what would have happened if Hillary Clinton had never married Bill. Totally perplexed as to how you publish a novel like that about a still-living person. Like, most fanfiction websites don’t let you post “real people” fanfiction because it opens them up to libel suits. 

Conclusion: A wistful Hillary Clinton wrote the book and published it under a pseudonym. 

[justventing-things]

Just because you write something in first-person present tense doesn’t mean it’s good.

[justventing-things]

Okay, Pokemon series...

I don’t want a wholesome, goofy kid who just wants to be the best trainer so he can impress his brother or grandpa or whatever. I don’t want a nice neighbor.

I want a fucking RIVAL. 

I want to battle an NPC who keeps me on my toes, who always chooses the starter that has a type advantage over you. I want someone to swoop in on me when I’ve fresh out of Mt. Moon, covered in Zubat bites with all my pokemon at half-health. Someone who actually uses 6 pokemon, and the battles against him feel special and important because of that. I want an asshole rival who stole his pokemon and I can feel good about thrashing him. 

I don’t want these friendly rivalries with the nice kid next door. I don’t want Calem or Hop or Hau or any of them. Bring back bastards like Silver. 

Better yet, bring back bastards like Gary Fucking Oak.

Smell ya later!

[justventing-things]

It’s cool with me if you’re a social justice warrior, or a social justice bard or a social justice wizard or whatever social justice class you identify with.

Just don’t be a social justice munchkin. 

[justventing-things]

Why I stopped reading your DA2 fic

Huge DA2 fanfic pet peeve of mine: when authors turn Leandra into some shrew who just cares about money, status, and so badly wants to see Hawke married to some other rich noble. 

She talked about Hawke getting married ONCE in a 20ish-hour game. ONE TIME. 

You know who Leandra is. She’s the woman who ran away from a life of privilege and wealth to marry an apostate, fully accepting a life on the run and believing that she would never return to Kirkwall. She’s a loving and caring mother who is angry at Gamlen for losing the family estate, forcing her CHILDREN to live in squalor. EVERYTHING she does is for her kids. Fighting with Gamlen, she still stands by her statement that “love is more important than money” and seems to approve of Hawke’s relationships with their party members. I’m pretty sure she’d be pretty okay with whoever Hawke wanted to marry, because she did the same thing.

“But it’s an AU!” AU doesn’t mean that you get to change the most FUNDAMENTAL aspect of a character’s personality without giving me a damn good reason. 

I have legit only read 1 AU fic that gives Leandra this treatment that did it well enough that I bought it. 

One line in an entire game does not a character make. 

[justventing-things]

A rant about Charles from Let’s Play

First of all, I legitimately like the web comic Let’s Play. It’s funny, it’s cute, and I just want to see where Sam’s career is going! But there are a couple things in it that bug me, namely a Welshman that everyone seems to love. Tbh, I probably wouldn’t have felt the need to write this if there weren’t so many Charles/Charm fans. I’m not exactly a part of the Let’s Play fan community, but the impression I got is that everyone seems to love Charles, and ugh, no thanks. Not for me.

So here’s some of my issues with Charles:

His interactions with Eva. Charles rightfully got a bit of flak after calling Eva a bitch. Later, we find out that he’s hooked up with her. When Marshall/Ben is in the hospital after having a heart attack Charles apologizes for calling her a bitch (which I honestly wonder wasn’t written just out of pressure from the fans). He then proceeds to berate and humiliate Eva, WHILE HER LITTLE BROTHER IS IN THE HOSPITAL. Kinda renders the whole apology moot.

“But his wife cheated on him!” Yeah, and that sucked. It’s understandable that that experience wounded him, and gave him his frozen hearts. But more often than not, cheating on your partner is a symptom of wider problems in the relationship. Especially in committed, long-term relationships, like an actual marriage. I find it preeeeetty unlikely that his ex-wife just saw a hot dude and took him home. She likely had a pre-existing relationship with said hot dude and was unfulfilled in her marriage. She’s obviously at fault, but Charles wasn’t doing his bit in the marriage, either. And while it’s sort of assumed he’s cold and manipulative because of his divorce...who’s to say he wasn’t like that *before*? 

He’s just a jerk. Take a lady home and then ignore her so you can play a video game a different lady made? Jerk move. 

I like seeing how Charles challenges Sam and makes her grow as a person, but honestly, he’s just an arrogant pile of red flags for me.