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jynxwriter · 7 years ago

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#100 Dialogue Prompts- Angst Edition

“This will be the last time you lie to me.”

“You know it’s not like that.”

“How could you think this wouldn’t hurt me?”

“You’re never going to be the same after this.”

“I just think it’d be best if we never met.”

“I can’t believe you would even think to leave me like this.”

“You never loved me, did you?”

“It didn’t have to be like this, but now you’ve ruined everything.”

“I hope you’re happy.”

“If you had have kept your mouth shut, then he’d still- he’d still be here!”

“What did you want once this was all through? Tell me!”

“Now I have to deal with the consequences of your actions. Thanks, it means a lot.”

“You could’ve- could’ve stayed. You could’ve helped me fix things.”

“I knew she’d never change, she was too stubborn, too similar to me.”

“This isn’t going to be fixed. You’ve ruined this for good now.”

“I hope I’m not put in the same part of hell as you.”

“When did you think you could hurt me again? Today? Tomorrow?”

“You’re back in my life and I want to die again.”

“You only ever brought me pain and I’m sick of it.”

“I hope you got what you wanted.”

“You made me miserable and I still loved you.”

“When you die, I’ll be the first to dance on your grave.”

“Don’t underestimate me, I have more power than you can even comprehend.”

“If only you knew what you’d brought upon yourself.”

“We’re never going to have a happy ending, just remember that.”

“Everytime something goes well, I momentarily forget how much I despise you.”

“Don’t pretend like you’re not happy to see me like this.”

“There is nothing worse than seeing you get what you want.”

“Your mind must be a horrible place.”

“You can cut me, bruise me and skin me alive, but you will not take her from me.”

“How is it that we always end up in this predicament?”

“I want to wipe that grin of your face with my sword, but my mother taught me to play nicely.”

“Did anyone ever tell you how pathetic you are? It’s incredible how low my standards are for you.”

“Ah, well if you want them back alive, I suggest you lay down your own life.”

“Don’t be ‘smart’. The battlefield is no place for Math Scholars.”

“You shouldn’t have come. You can’t be-”

“Stop talking or tomorrow won’t come.”

“Hand me the gun and I’ll kill him myself.”

“I shouldn’t care for your life, but I’m starting to and it’s becoming an inconvenience.”

“If you live to see her, please send my best regards and this box of her father’s ashes.”

“It would’ve been nice to get to know you better, but I’m afraid I don’t care.”

“I can’t help but think you’re a terrible person.”

“Seeing your face has unconventionally made me want to die. I wasn’t quite prepared for this feeling.”

“You could have loved me, I’m quite good at seducing, but you’re actually vile.”

“I hope I see you in a bodybag sometime.”

“Let’s pretend you didn’t cheat on me with my sister and be good people for a few minutes.”

“We should probably stop talking forever.”

“If I hated you anymore, I think I’d probably be crowned as satan’s right-hand man.”

“To say I ‘tolerate you’ is a vast overstatement.”

“You broke her heart and came back for more, you bastard.”

“This isn’t fifth grade, this is a courtroom, you whore.”

“I think you’d be the perfect match for my ex-husband. He loved to sleep with multiple people.”

“I’m not coming home, don’t look for me.”

“Time was always a measurement of this relationship and we finally ran out.”

“Please don’t look at me with such hatred.”

“I could’ve died and you couldn’t have cared less.”

“Just get out. I- I don’t want you hear, just leave.”

“You’re not the same person I married, don’t tell me I’m wrong.”

“I wish you wouldn’t beg for forgiveness, it has the opposite effect of what you want.”

“Don’t hate me for this. You would’ve done the same.”

“This could’ve been the end and you were ready to let me go.”

“You should’ve left me, you could never deserve the person I’ve become.”

“Hate me all you want. I know I’m right.”

“Today you broke my arm, I hope tomorrow it’s not my heart.”

“Nothing can justify this, you’ve ruined him.”

“You live with so much guilt, I hope it drives you mad one of these days.”

“My life was ruined because of one mistake. You were that mistake.”

“You are everything I hate, don’t ever come back.”

“Evil doesn’t come close.”

“Your wrongdoings are becoming your pastimes.”

“I wish you had of just done it for the thrill of it, but now you’re in deep shit.”

“Next time, I won’t be here to salvage your wreckage. This is the last time.”

“You should have ruined me when you had the chance.”

“No one will keep your name alive. Once you’re gone, everything you once stood for disappears too.”

“Don’t pretend you haven’t thought about your life without me.”

“This is always how it ends.”

“Break my heart once more, I dare you.”

“Forget how you loved me once, I mean nothing now.”

“This isn’t Romeo and Juliet, this is real life and I can go on without you.”

“You don’t own me, I don’t belong to you.”

“I should’ve died. That would’ve made you happy.”

“Are we going to carry on like this or are you going to give him back to me.”

“She drowned and he lost his mind.”

“We shouldn’t. You’re married and I’m pregnant.”

“You’ve never been loved, I can tell.”

“Who told you I needed fixing and what made you believe them?”

“You’re almost as far-gone as I am.”

“Maybe it’s best that we don’t go home.”

“Roaming the streets was never safe for her. What makes you think it’s different for you?”

“I think you’re going to ruin me. Am I right?”

“Do you remember our last feud? I wouldn’t want someone to lose their life again, would you?”

“Kiss me quick and leave them be.”

“I hate seeing you so sad. It’s just so dramatic how humans show emotions and being sad is such a boring one.”

“Will you ever forget my number? No? Ah, because you still love me.”

“After the funeral, let’s surrender.”

“What made you think I cared for you?”

“It’ll be fun explaining this to your sister. I hope she likes horror stories.”

“Don’t act as if we’re friends. I know how much you want to slit my throat.”

“Let’s not get angry. Let’s calmly and sensibly take this outside so I can ruin your face.”

“Please ruin yourself for me and I’ll watch in adoration as I fall apart as well.”

// GuYs, i haVE ofFiciaLly hAd toO muCh coFfeE. I never thought this day would come (or night/morning. It’s 2 am lmao), but here we are. I want to sleep, how are you my darlings? xox //

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jynxwriter · 7 years ago

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How To Write Emotion

So you’ve got your characters, but you’re still attempting to figure out how to make sure they don’t come off as emotionless robots? You’ve come to the right place!

The best strategy I’ve found for making sure your characters don’t come across as completely apathetic without it breaking the veil of the story you’ve created is by telling the characters emotions without explicitly saying the emotion. Your readers are smart, I can promise you they’ll figure it out.

Do NOT say things like; “He smiled happily.”

If he’s smiling, the readers will know he’s probably happy. Your best bet would be to either leave it as “He smiled” or if you want to be more descriptive talk about how he’s feeling other than happy. Is pride welling in his chest? Are there butterflies in his stomach? Can he feel tears forming in the corners of his eyes? Those were very different types of situations that you just thought of, wasn’t it? It also paints a better picture than happy. On average, the more your reader can picture something, the better attached they can get to the story.

Examples;

His stomach dropped to somewhere beneath his toes, and he felt an instant urge to vomit. (Describes; Dread)

She dragged her feet the whole way, lips pressed into a fine line. (Describes; Reluctance)

They could not quite manage to stifle their yawn, wiping at their eyes languidly. (Describes; Tiredness)

He could feel his cheeks flush as he averted his eyes towards the floor, taking a sudden interest in his shoes. (Describes; Embarrassment)

The easiest way to write emotions is just to think about what you feel when those emotions come to you. If possible, attempt to trigger some of those emotions in yourself. Think about an embarrassing moment, or watch a cute dog video, or a sad movie. If you’re typically unphased by the emotion you’re attempting to write, try to ask a friend what they feel.

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jynxwriter · 7 years ago

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Murder starters

“Are they dead?”

“Oh my God, you KILLED a PERSON!”

“Am I next on your hit list?”

“Calm down, it’s just a corpse.”

“Do you act like this every time someone kills something in front of you?”

“You can’t go around killing people- that’s illegal!”

“Don’t be ridiculous; you just ran a red light so that makes you just as guilty.”

“Give me a minute to process the fact that I just witnessed you murdering someone.”

“Are you sure they’re dead?”

“They had it coming.”

“It’s like they were asking to be killed.”

“If it wasn’t me, it would have been someone else.”

“If it upsets you that much, then don’t look.”

“How can you eat after what you just did?”

“Just because I killed one person, it doesn’t mean I’m about to go on a murder spree!”

“Why must you make a big deal out of one little corpse?”

“If it makes you happy, I’ll notify their family.”

“How do you expect me to sleep after that?”

“I killed someone.”

“What if they had a family? Did you ever think about that?”

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jynxwriter · 7 years ago

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not sure what should happen next in your story?

Embarrass your protagonist. Make them seem weak and vulnerable in some way.

Shoot someone. That always takes the reader by surprise.

In relation, kidnap someone. Or, rather, make it seem to your protagonist like someone has been kidnapped.

Have one of your side characters disappear or become unavailable for some reason. This will frustrate your protagonist.

Have someone kiss the wrong girl, boy, or person, especially if you’ve been setting up a romance angle. It’s annoying.

If this story involves parents, have them argue. Push the threat of divorce, even if you know it won’t ever happen. It’ll make your readers nervous.

Have someone frame your protagonist for a crime they didn’t commit. This could range from a dispute to a minor crime to a full-blown felony.

If this is a fantasy story involving magic or witchcraft, create a terrible accident that’s a direct result of their spell-casting.

Injure your protagonist in some way, or push them into a treacherous scenario where they might not make it out alive.

Have two side characters who are both close to the protagonist get into a literal fist-fight. This creates tension for the reader, especially if these characters are well-developed, because they won’t know who to root for.

Make your protagonist get lost somewhere (at night in the middle of town, in the woods, in someone else’s house, etc.)

Involve a murder. It can be as in-depth and as important as you want it to be.

Introduce a new character that seems to prey on your protagonist’s flaws and bring them out to light.

If it’s in-character, have one of your characters get drunk or take drugs. Show the fallout of that decision through your protagonist.

Spread a rumor about your protagonist.

If your protagonist is in high-school, create drama in the school atmosphere. A death of a student, even if your protagonist didn’t know them personally, changes the vibe.

If your story involves children, have one of them do something dangerous (touch a hot stove, run out into the road, etc.) and show how the protagonist responds to this, even if the child isn’t related to them.

In a fantasy story, toss out the idea of a rebellion or war between clans or villages (or whatever units you are working with).

Add a scenario where your protagonist has to make a choice. We all have watched movies where we have screamed don’t go in there! at the top of our lungs at the main character. Make them go in there.

Have your protagonist find something, even if they don’t understand the importance of it yet. A key, a document, an old stuffed animal, etc.

Foreshadow later events in some way. (Need help? Ask me!)

Have your protagonist get involved in some sort of verbal altercation with someone else, even if they weren’t the one who started it.

Let your protagonist get sick. No, but really, this happens in real life all the time and it’s rarely ever talked about in literature, unless it’s at its extremes. It could range from a common cold to pneumonia. Maybe they end up in the hospital because of it. Maybe they are unable to do that one thing (whatever that may be) because of it.

Have someone unexpected knock on your protagonist’s door.

Introduce a character that takes immediate interest in your protagonist’s past, which might trigger a flashback.

Have your protagonist try to hide something from someone else and fail.

Formulate some sort of argument or dispute between your protagonist and their love interest to push them apart.

Have your protagonist lose something of great value in their house and show their struggle to find it. This will frustrate the reader just as much as the protagonist.

Create a situation where your protagonist needs to sneak out in the middle of the night for some reason.

Prevent your character from getting home or to an important destination in some way (a car accident, a bad storm, flat tire, running out of gas, etc.)

#thank #ref

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jynxwriter · 7 years ago

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How to make a character's death sadder

Don’t have them die of old age after a long, fulfilling life. Many people don’t even think of this as sad (note that this can still work if you have enough of the other factors).

Leave one of their major goals unfinished. The more enthusiastic they are about completing the goal, the sadder.

Give them strong relationships with other characters.

Make them fight against whatever is causing their death. Their ultimate loss is sadder if they struggle.

Kill them in the middle of their character arc.

Don’t describe their funeral in detail. Maybe it’s just me, but I find that long descriptions of funerals kill the sadness.

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jynxwriter · 7 years ago

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if you’re a writer (this includes writing fanfiction) listen up and lemme tell you some shit about quotation marks

(I’m putting this in some ship tags to get more people viewing it okay)

I don’t care if you think your writing is perfect, and I know this is a bit of a long post, but please just read this for one second. If, when we get down to the example sentences, you realize that you already know all this, feel free to continue on your merry way.

So I read (and write) quite a bit of fanfiction, and I generally get turned off by grammatical errors, as many people do. Some stories may have great grammar when it comes to everything else, but the dialogue and quotation marks often seem to get messed up (even by some of the more famous fanfiction writers), so I’d like to clear a few things up. Some of these things might be really obvious, but I’d like to cover all the bases here. I’m not trying to make anybody feel stupid, as these are fairly common mistakes; I just feel like I should use my grammatical knowledge for the greater good. Please feel free to hit me up with any questions.

Now let me explain.

Keep reading

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jynxwriter · 7 years ago

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Temperature part 5: Maybe

First part

Goth// @nekophy

Palette// @ angexci

Palette sighed softly, scratching at the dirt with a plucked feather from his wings. Twenty minutes. Twenty whole minutes was how long he had been waiting for Goth. Their meetups were now a daily thing and Palette was sure that Goth would have remembered that. Palette let the feather drift to the ground as he got up and started to pace, making a couple rounds around the clearing. He began to count how many times he maddeningly went around, feeling as if he was on a carousel at this point.

He had began to consider calling it quits but he didn’t want Goth to be met with disappointment and nothing if he did arrive. He sighed and continued to pace, stopping when he heard a small voice begin to speak. “I’m here…” It whimpered out, breaking the prior silence that filled the clearing. Palette turned to Goth and started to smile but it quickly faltered when his eyes landed on Goth’s cute freckled face. Small tear tracks were adorning his cheeks and he seemed to tremble as Palette approached him.

Palette walked up to him and got onto his knees, cupping Goth’s freckled cheeks. “What happened?” Palette ushered, worry filling his fruit colored eyes.

“What do you think?” Goth asked, breaking their eye contact and sniffling softly. Palette sighed softly, leading him to the middle of the clearing. He promptly sat down and brought a now blushing Goth into his lap.

“Now tell me,” Palette started. “What did he do to you?” He asked, in a soothing voice. Goth hesitated to answer but responded, in a small voice.

“H-He cut me again…” Goth responded, trying to make his voice sound blunt and devoid of emotion but knowing him, his attempt was fruitless. Palette cupped his cheek gently, sighing softly as he looked into Goth’s dull eye.

“What do you mean by that, Goth?” He asked. He felt a small urge within him, to just hug and hold Goth. But he resisted, not wanting to make the smaller uncomfortable.

“R-Remember how I said parents may cut the arms of their child?” Goth asked. “Y’know… As punishment?”

“Yeah?” Palette started and his eyes suddenly widened. “He didn’t…” Goth nodded softly and gripped onto his sleeves, wanting to suddenly hide himself. Palette suddenly cupped Goth’s chin, forcing him to look up at him. Goth felt himself blush a small bit from the gesture. He requited it by holding onto Palette’s arm, smiling a small bit at the warmth that would never stop radiating from him. Palette smiled as well but it faltered as he began to voice his sudden request. “Can I see?” Palette started and Goth tilted his head slightly. “You know… What he did?” Goth hesitated. Hotbloods never saw anything of this kind. Their minds couldn’t comprehend something a broken one could.

“I can’t show you…” Goth said, averting his gaze with the taller.

“Why not?” Palette replied with a slight whine, causing a small bit of guilt to pang in Goth’s chest.

“Palette,” Goth started, letting out a small sigh. “You’re a hotblood. You’re much more fragile than I am. This could scar you…”

“I’ll be fine Gothy, I swear!” Palette smiled lightly, wanting Goth to trust him. “Please?” Goth sighed softly and hesitantly rolled up his sleeves, revealing his sliced up forearms. Small bloodied slivers adorned his forearms, causing Palette to cover his mouth in both horror and sickness. Looking at it, he felt as if he was going to puke. Goth saw this and quickly rolled down his sleeves. He began to apologize rapidfire, knowing he shouldn’t have done that. He should’ve just stuck with his gut feeling. Palette eventually found his voice and spoke. “I’m fine Goth…” This only caused Goth to whine.

“But you’re not,” Goth sighed. “I shouldn’t have shown you at all, it’s my fault.” His voice broke, causing Palette to feel a small pang of guilt in his chest. He suddenly hugged Goth tightly, not holding back anymore. He didn’t care if Goth tried to push him off or anything, he just wanted to comfort him. Surprisingly, Goth hugged back. Though, he was hesitant in doing so. He sniffled softly, burying his face in Palette’s chest. Palette pat him softly, whispering small words of reassurance. He then rubbed his wings gently, finding that they were rough and dirty. During this, he found a blood feather in his wings.

“Hey, Goth?” Palette started. “You know you have a blood feather, right?” He asked, Goth suddenly looking up at him.

“No, I didn’t know…” Goth replied.

“M-Mind if I take it out? I don’t want your wing to hurt…” Palette voiced his concern and Goth nodded subtly. Palette swiftly plucked the feather, not wanting to take too long. Goth, of course, hissed in a bit of pain but he then sighed in relief.

“T-That feels much better.” Goth said, smiling a bit. Palette had placed the feather down but Goth quickly picked it up. He examined the feather, suddenly squeezing the swollen quill. Suddenly, a blue colored blood squirted out of the tip and onto Palette’s clothes, which were already a light color. Goth’s eyes widened. “Oh my gosh! I’m s-so sorry!” Goth said, feeling a bit sickened and guilty.

“It’s fine,” Palette said, trying to hide his slight disgust. “It’ll come out.” He pat Goth softly, gently taking the blood filled feather and tossing it to the side. Goth looked away, now trying to hide himself in his wings. Palette sighed and gently moved his wings away. “Don’t feel bad, Gothy.” Palette said, cupping his cheek gently. “It’ll come out, I swear.” He said, trying to reassure the smaller but Goth just shook his head subtly.

“Palette, It’s not just that,” Goth started. “I just keep making terrible mistakes!” He whined, and Palette sighed softly.

“We all make mistakes, Goth,” Palette pet him gently. “It’s fine, no one’s perfect y’know?” Goth just whimpered.

“But my… he… expects me to be perfect, or else.”

“You know what,” Palette got up. “Let’s try to forget all this stuff. Let’s just go have some fun.” Goth, who had been pushed off and much to his disappointment, tilted his head in a bit of confusion.

“What’re we gonna do?” Goth asked getting up as well. He shuddered when he was reminded how tall Palette actually was. Palette smiled a bit and picked Goth up, still wanting to be close to the other.

“We’re going to… to… hm.” Palette stopped, actually quite unsure of where they were going to do. He pondered on the places they could go. It had to be a discreet place for the two. Two friends. A coldblood and a hotblood, the most unlikely pair.

“So…” Goth broke the silence again. “Where are we going?” He said, fidgeting with his sleeves. He then looked up Palette, blushing a small bit in his grasp. Palette suddenly let out a cute and small gasp.

“How about we explore the forest? No one comes here anyway so we’ll be fine!” Palette smiled at the thought, excited to explore with his friend. Goth frowned at this, knowing many animals resided within the dark oak forest. The last thing he wanted was to be mauled to death by a grizzly bear or end up a wolf’s lunch.

“What about the a-animals?” Goth whined, a bit scared.

“We can just fly away,” Palette responded, feeling like that was the most obvious choice. “We both have wings don’t we? It’ll be simple!”

“Palette,” Goth looked up at him, embarrassed for what he was about to say. “I can’t fly.” He hesitantly admitted. Palette looked at him, a bit dumbfounded.

“You seriously can’t?” Palette questioned.

“I haven’t learned how.” Goth responded and Palette sighed softly. He had been a bit confused. Why hadn’t he? It was natural for all creatures with wings to learn how to fly. He knew for a fact coldbloods could fly as well. All of a sudden, he smiled at Goth.

“Maybe I could teach you how sometime!” Palette smiled brightly, and Goth shuddered at the thought.

“M-Maybe…” Goth wasn’t quite sure about Palette trying to teach him. After all, he had been prohibited from learning how. “Anyway, are we going or not?” Goth asked.

“Mhm!” Palette smiled. “Is this gonna be like a date or something?” Palette snickered.

“Of course not!” Goth’s cheeks flushed heavily at the thought. Him and a hotblood? Absurd. But why was he blushing at the thought? Maybe it was just a bit flattering. “Let’s just go a-already.” Palette giggled lightly at Goth’s antics. He got down to Goth’s height and gently grabbed his hand, which was much smaller than his own. Palette let out a small ‘aww’ as he looked at his hand. He quickly then stood back up and started to bring Goth away from the clearing.

Goth had a bit of trouble keeping up, since he only came up to Palette’s waist. Next to him, he looked like a child. Palette, of course, noticed this. He quickly picked Goth up, this now becoming a trend. Goth huffed at this. “How many times are you gonna do this?” Goth asked, his cheeks flushing again.

“Until you grow a couple inches!” Palette giggled. The two eventually arrived in the forest. Goth had been placed down and was now examining the nostalgic forest. Palette had smiled as he looked around the forest. “It’s so pretty here!” He exclaimed.

“It’s familiar.” Goth replied, walking around a bit and looking at the many sights to see. That’s when one tree in particular caught his eye. It had a small cave like hole in the trunk. That's when Goth suddenly crawled inside, making Palette gasp.

“It’s Goth sized!” He exclaimed, his voice resembling one of a child’s.

“I’ve… been here.” Goth said softly, examining the desperate scratched words inside. It unsettled him.

“Really?” Palette approached the hole, getting to his knees. “Is it like a hiding spot?”

“Mhm…” Goth replied, starting to crawl out of the small cavern. “I remember stashing food in here. I basically lived here when I was young.” Goth looked down at his dirtied slippers. “I haven’t been here in so long.” He started to hug himself in some kind of comfort. Everything came flooding back to him. Palette frowned at this and picked up the smaller. Goth writhed a bit in his grasp, still not used to being held like this. He squeaked when he was abruptly hugged by Palette. “Why are you doing this, again?” Goth asked softly.

“You’ve just told me so much!” Palette whined slightly. “You’ve been holding back a lot of things and now you’re just letting them out, and to me of all people! I feel obligated to at least do something!” Goth looked away and felt his cheeks flush softly. No one had ever really cared for him so hearing this caused him to feel a small bit of happiness. He then got out of Palette’s arms, dropping to the ground.

“Well,” Goth started, looking up at Palette. “Are we gonna stand here and mope or are we gonna try to have some fun?” After a couple seconds, Goth let out a grim giggle. “The word ‘fun’ still doesn’t sit right with me.” “Maybe that can change.” Palette said.

“Maybe, just maybe.” Goth said softly, smiling a small bit.

#My writing #Poth #Goth #Palette #CB #HB #Temperature

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jynxwriter · 7 years ago

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Words and Phrases To Include In Your Sex Scenes

Appetite -

craving, demand, gluttony, greed, hunger, inclination, insatiable, longing, lust, passion, ravenousness, relish, taste, thirst, urge, voracity, weakness, willingness, yearning, ardor, dedication, desire, devotion, enthusiasm, excitement, fervor, horny, intensity, keenness, wholeheartedness, zeal

Arouse - agitate, awaken, electrify, enliven, excite, entice, foment, goad, incite, inflame, instigate, kindle, provoke, rally, rouse, spark, stimulate, stir, thrill, waken, warm, whet, attract, charm, coax, fire up, fuel, heat up, lure, produce, stir up, tantalize, tease, tempt, thrum, torment, wind up, work up

Assault - attack, advancing, aggressive, assailing, charging, incursion, inundated, invasion, offensive, onset, onslaught, overwhelmed, ruinous, tempestuous, strike, violation, ambush, assail, barrage, bombard, bombardment, crackdown, wound Beautiful - admirable, alluring, angelic, appealing, bewitching, charming, dazzling, delicate, delightful, divine, elegant, enticing, exquisite, fascinating, gorgeous, graceful, grand, magnificent, marvelous, pleasing, radiant, ravishing, resplendent, splendid, stunning, sublime, attractive, beguiling, captivating, enchanting, engaging, enthralling, eye-catching, fetching, fine, fine-looking, good-looking, handsome, inviting, lovely, mesmeric, mesmerizing, pretty, rakish, refined, striking, tantalizing, tempting Brutal - atrocious, barbarous, bloodthirsty, callous, cruel, feral, ferocious, hard, harsh, heartless, inhuman, merciless, murderous, pitiless, remorseless, rough, rude, ruthless, savage, severe, terrible, unmerciful, vicious, bestial, brute, brutish, cold-blooded, fierce, gory, nasty, rancorous, sadistic, uncompromising, unfeeling, unforgiving, unpitying, violent, wild Burly – able-bodied, athletic, beefy, big, brawny, broad-shouldered, bulky, dense, enormous, great, hard, hardy, hearty, heavily built, heavy, hefty, huge, husky, immense, large, massive, muscular, mighty, outsized, oversized, powerful, powerfully built, prodigious, robust, solid, stalwart, stocky, stout, strapping, strong, strongly built, sturdy, thick, thickset, tough, well-built, well-developed Carnal - animalistic, bodily, impure, lascivious, lecherous, lewd, libidinous, licentious, lustful, physical, prurient, salacious, sensuous, voluptuous, vulgar, wanton, , coarse, crude, dirty, raunchy, rough, unclean Dangerous - alarming, critical, fatal, formidable, impending, malignant, menacing, mortal, nasty, perilous, precarious, pressing, serious, terrible, threatening, treacherous, urgent, vulnerable, wicked, acute, damaging, deadly, death-defying, deathly, destructive, detrimental, explosive, grave, harmful, hazardous, injurious, lethal, life-threatening, noxious, poisonous, risky, severe, terrifying, toxic, unsafe, unstable, venomous Dark - atrocious, corrupt, forbidding, foul, infernal, midnight, morbid, ominous, sinful, sinister, somber, threatening, twilight, vile, wicked, abject, alarming, appalling, baleful, bizarre, bleak, bloodcurdling, boding evil, chilling, cold, condemned, creepy, damned, daunting, demented, desolate, dire, dismal, disturbing, doomed, dour, dread, dreary, dusk, eerie, fear, fearsome, frightening, ghastly, ghostly, ghoulish, gloom, gloomy, grave, grim, grisly, gruesome, hair-raising, haunted, hideous, hopeless, horrendous, horrible, horrid, horrific, horrifying, horror, ill-fated, ill-omened, ill-starred, inauspicious, inhospitable, looming, lost, macabre, malice, malignant, menacing, murky, mysterious, night, panic, pessimistic, petrifying, scary, shadows, shadowy, shade, shady, shocking, soul-destroying, sour, spine-chilling, spine-tingling, strange, terrifying, uncanny, unearthly, unlucky, unnatural, unnerving, weird, wretched Delicious - enticing, exquisite, luscious, lush, rich, savory, sweet, tasty, tempting, appetizing, delectable, flavorsome, full of flavor, juicy, lip-smacking, mouth-watering, piquant, relish, ripe, salty, spicy, scrummy, scrumptious, succulent, tangy, tart, tasty, yummy, zesty Ecstasy - delectation, delirium, elation, euphoria, fervor, frenzy, joy, rapture, transport, bliss, excitement, happiness, heaven, high, paradise, rhapsody, thrill, blissful, delighted, elated, extremely happy, in raptures (of delight), in seventh heaven, jubilant, on cloud nine, overexcited, overjoyed, rapturous, thrilled Ecstatic - delirious, enraptured, euphoric, fervent, frenzied, joyous, transported, wild Erotic - amatory, amorous, aphrodisiac, carnal, earthy, erogenous, fervid, filthy, hot, impassioned, lascivious, lecherous, lewd, raw, romantic, rousing, salacious, seductive, sensual, sexual, spicy, steamy, stimulating, suggestive, titillating, voluptuous, tantalizing Gasp - catch of breath, choke, gulp, heave, inhale, pant, puff, snort, wheeze, huff, rasp, sharp intake of air, short of breath, struggle for breath, swallow, winded Heated - ardent, avid, excited, fervent, fervid, fierce, fiery, frenzied, furious, impassioned, intense, passionate, raging, scalding, scorched, stormy, tempestuous, vehement, violent, ablaze, aflame, all-consuming, blazing, blistering, burning, crazed, explosive, febrile, feverish, fired up, flaming, flushed, frantic, hot, hot-blooded, impatient, incensed, maddening, obsessed, possessed, randy, searing, sizzling, smoldering, sweltering, torrid, turbulent, volatile, worked up, zealous Hunger - appetite, ache, craving, gluttony, greed, longing, lust, mania, mouth-watering, ravenous, voracious, want, yearning, thirst Hungry - avid, carnivorous, covetous, craving, eager, greedy, hungered, rapacious, ravenous, starved, unsatisfied, voracious, avaricious, desirous, famished, grasping, insatiable, keen, longing, predatory, ravening, starving, thirsty, wanting Intense - forceful, severe, passionate, acute, agonizing, ardent, anxious, biting, bitter, burning, close, consuming, cutting, deep, eager, earnest, excessive, exquisite, extreme, fervent, fervid, fierce, forcible, great, harsh, impassioned, keen, marked, piercing, powerful, profound, severe, sharp, strong, vehement, violent, vivid, vigorous Liquid - damp, cream, creamy, dripping, ichorous, juicy, moist, luscious, melted, moist, pulpy, sappy, soaking, solvent, sopping, succulent, viscous, wet / aqueous, broth, elixir, extract, flux, juice, liquor, nectar, sap, sauce, secretion, solution, vitae, awash, moisture, boggy, dewy, drenched, drip, drop, droplet, drowning, flood, flooded, flowing, fountain, jewel, leaky, milky, overflowing, saturated, slick, slippery, soaked, sodden, soggy, stream, swamp, tear, teardrop, torrent, waterlogged, watery, weeping Lithe - agile, lean, pliant, slight, spare, sinewy, slender, supple, deft, fit, flexible, lanky, leggy, limber, lissom, lissome, nimble, sinuous, skinny, sleek, slender, slim, svelte, trim, thin, willowy, wiry Moan - beef, cry, gripe, grouse, grumble, lament, lamentation, plaint, sob, wail, whine, bemoan, bewail, carp, deplore, grieve, gripe, grouse, grumble, keen, lament, sigh, sob, wail, whine, mewl Moving - (exciting,) affecting, effective arousing, awakening, breathless, dynamic, eloquent, emotional, emotive, expressive, fecund, far-out, felt in gut, grabbed by, gripping, heartbreaking, heartrending, impelling, impressive, inspirational, meaningful, mind-bending, mind-blowing, motivating, persuasive, poignant, propelling, provoking, quickening, rallying, rousing, significant, stimulating, simulative, stirring, stunning, touching, awe-inspiring, energizing, exhilarating, fascinating, heart pounding, heart stopping, inspiring, riveting, thrilling Need - compulsion, demand, desperate, devoir, extremity, impatient longing, must, urge, urgency / desire, appetite, avid, burn, craving, eagerness, fascination, greed, hunger, insatiable, longing, lust, taste, thirst, voracious, want, yearning, ache, addiction, aspiration, desire, fever, fixation, hankering, hope, impulse, inclination, infatuation, itch, obsession, passion, pining, wish, yen Pain - ache, afflict, affliction, agony, agonize, anguish, bite, burn, chafe, distress, fever, grief, hurt, inflame, laceration, misery, pang, punish, sting, suffering, tenderness, throb, throe, torment, torture, smart Painful - aching, agonizing, arduous, awful, biting, burning, caustic, dire, distressing, dreadful, excruciating, extreme, grievous, inflamed, piercing, raw, sensitive, severe, sharp, tender, terrible, throbbing, tormenting, angry, bleeding, bloody, bruised, cutting, hurting, injured, irritated, prickly, skinned, smarting, sore, stinging, unbearable, uncomfortable, upsetting, wounded Perverted - aberrant, abnormal, corrupt, debased, debauched, defiling, depraved, deviant, monstrous, tainted, twisted, vicious, warped, wicked, abhorrent, base, decadent, degenerate, degrading, dirty, disgusting, dissipated, dissolute, distasteful, hedonistic, immodest, immoral, indecent, indulgent, licentious, nasty, profligate, repellent, repugnant, repulsive, revolting, shameful, shameless, sickening, sinful, smutty, sordid, unscrupulous, vile Pleasurable - charming, gratifying, luscious, satisfying, savory, agreeable, delicious, delightful, enjoyable, nice, pleasant, pleasing, soothing, succulent Pleasure - bliss, delight, gluttony, gratification, relish, satisfaction, thrill, adventure, amusement, buzz, contentment, delight, desire, ecstasy, enjoyment, excitement, fun, happiness, harmony, heaven, joy, kick, liking, paradise, seventh heaven Rapacious- avaricious, ferocious, furious, greedy, predatory, ravening, ravenous, savage, voracious, aggressive, gluttonous, grasping, insatiable, marauding, plundering Rapture - bliss, ecstasy, elation, exaltation, glory, gratification, passion, pleasure, floating, unbridled joy Rigid - adamant, austere, definite, determined, exact, firm, hard, rigorous, solid, stern, uncompromising, unrelenting, unyielding, concrete, fixed, harsh, immovable, inflexible, obstinate, resolute, resolved, severe, steadfast, steady, stiff, strong, strict, stubborn, taut, tense, tight, tough, unbending, unchangeable, unwavering Sudden - abrupt, accelerated, acute, fast, flashing, fleeting, hasty, headlong, hurried, immediate, impetuous, impulsive, quick, quickening, rapid, rash, rushing, swift, brash, brisk, brusque, instant, instantaneous, out of the blue, reckless, rushed, sharp, spontaneous, urgent, without warning Thrust - (forward) advance, drive, forge, impetus, impulsion, lunge, momentum, onslaught, poke, pressure, prod, propulsion, punch, push, shove, power, proceed, progress, propel (push hard) assail, assault, attack, bear down, buck, drive, force, heave, impale, impel, jab, lunge, plunge, press, pound, prod, ram, shove, stab, transfix, urge, bang, burrow, cram, gouge, jam, pierce, punch, slam, spear, spike, stick Thunder-struck - amazed, astonished, aghast, astounded, awestruck, confounded, dazed, dazed, dismayed, overwhelmed, shocked, staggered, startled, stunned, gob-smacked, bewildered, dumbfounded, flabbergasted, horrified, incredulous, surprised, taken aback Torment - agony, anguish, hurt, misery, pain, punishment, suffering, afflict, angst, conflict, distress, grief, heartache, misfortune, nightmare, persecute, plague, sorrow, strife, tease, test, trial, tribulation, torture, turmoil, vex, woe Touch - (physical) - blow, brush, caress, collide, come together, contact, converge, crash, cuddle, embrace, feel, feel up, finger, fondle, frisk, glance, glide, graze, grope, handle, hit, hug, impact, join, junction, kiss, lick, line, manipulate, march, massage, meet, nudge, palm, partake, pat, paw, peck, pet, pinch, probe, push, reach, rub, scratch, skim, slide, smooth, strike, stroke, suck, sweep, tag, tap, taste, thumb, tickle, tip, touching, toy, bite, bump, burrow, buss, bury, circle, claw, clean, clutch, cover, creep, crush, cup, curl, delve, dig, drag, draw, ease, edge, fiddle with, flick, flit, fumble, grind, grip, grub, hold, huddle, knead, lap, lave, lay a hand on, maneuver, manhandle, mash, mold, muzzle, neck, nestle, nibble, nip, nuzzle, outline, play, polish, press, pull, rasp, ravish, ream, rim, run, scoop, scrabble, scrape, scrub, shave, shift, shunt, skate, slip, slither, smack, snake, snuggle, soothe, spank, splay, spread, squeeze, stretch, swipe, tangle, tease, thump, tongue, trace, trail, tunnel twiddle, twirl, twist, tug, work, wrap (mental) - communicate, examine, inspect, perception, scrutinize Wet - bathe, bleed, burst, cascade, course, cover, cream, damp, dampen, deluge, dip, douse, drench, dribble, drip, drizzle, drool, drop, drown, dunk, erupt, flood, flow, gush, immerse, issue, jet, leach, leak, moisten, ooze, overflow, permeate, plunge, pour, rain, rinse, run, salivate, saturate, secrete, seep, shower, shoot, slaver, slobber, slop, slosh, sluice, spill, soak, souse, spew, spit, splash, splatter, spout, spray, sprinkle, spurt, squirt, steep, stream, submerge, surge, swab, swamp, swill, swim, trickle, wash, water Wicked - abominable, amoral, atrocious, awful, base, barbarous, dangerous, debased, depraved, distressing, dreadful, evil, fearful, fiendish, fierce, foul, heartless, hazardous, heinous, immoral, indecent, intense, mean, nasty, naughty, nefarious, offensive, profane, scandalous, severe, shameful, shameless, sinful, terrible, unholy, vicious, vile, villainous, wayward, bad, criminal, cruel, deplorable, despicable, devious, ill-intentioned, impious, impish, iniquitous, irreverent, loathsome, Machiavellian, mad, malevolent, malicious, merciless, mischievous, monstrous, perverse, ruthless, spiteful, uncaring, unkind, unscrupulous, vindictive, virulent, wretched Writhe - agonize, bend, jerk, recoil, lurch, plunge, slither, squirm, struggle, suffer, thrash, thresh, twist, wiggle, wriggle, angle, arc, bow, buck, coil, contort, convulse, curl, curve, fidget, fight, flex, go into spasm, grind, heave, jiggle, jolt, kick, rear, reel, ripple, resist, roll, lash, lash out, screw up, shake, shift, slide, spasm, stir, strain, stretch, surge, swell, swivel, thrust, turn violently, tussle, twitch, undulate, warp, worm, wrench, wrestle, yank

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jynxwriter · 7 years ago

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An Enemy Has Been Slain

Aaaa sorry if anything’s wrong in this- I’m not too familiar with League of Legends

The once bright blue sky had begun to change to shades of pastel pinks and oranges. Not many champions would have gone out to a battle since night had been creeping up but some did. Lulu had somehow convinced Veigar to do one more battle with her, feeling euphoric from their past ones. She wanted to do at least one more and then she’d be satisfied. Veigar had questioned why she couldn’t just go by herself since he had been starting to get a bit tired from the countless hours of fighting champions and minions. She wouldn’t tell him why exactly, but she did tell him that it would be the last one for the day and they could go home and rest after. He finally gave in since Lulu had started to turn him into a small squirrel, which she knew he despised. After a couple of those, he agreed, not wanting to be silenced anymore.

Veigar had quickly bought some health potions with the starting gold he got, along with Lulu. Once they had finished making their purchases, they ran out of the spawn and into the bottom lane of Summoner’s Rift, waiting for the minions to spawn. Veigar leaned on one of the turrets, yawning softly and covering his mouth as he did. “Why did I agree to this again?” Veigar grumbled, rubbing his eyes and standing up a bit straighter.

“You know exactly why Veigar!” Lulu giggled, twirling around a bit as she waited.

“How do you still have energy? We’ve been fighting all day yet you seem the same.” Veigar said, starting to walk as the minions came into view, Lulu following close behind him.

“No idea,” She shrugged. “If I could, I would battle all day!” She skipped up next to Veigar, almost brushing against his shoulder. If she had gotten any closer, the little spikes on his clothes would have pricked her but she wouldn’t mind much since they didn’t seem that sharp. She sighed and started to fight the enemy minions that approached.

Veigar stayed a fair distance away from the minions, eventually getting a bit closer and killing more, earning gold as each one fell onto the grass. Lulu had weakened most of them for Veigar, letting him get most of them, killing a few by accident. Veigar didn’t seem to mind much though, he seemed more focused on getting to the turret to end the battle quicker, which Lulu didn’t blame him for. This caused Veigar to get hit more often by minions, which Lulu distracted by attacking them. Soon enough, another champion came into view, Miss Fortune. Veigar groaned as he realized. “Of course we get one of the stronger ones.” He grumbled, using a baleful strike on her.

Of course, Miss Fortune wasn’t going to take that. She quickly used a double up on Veigar, which promptly hit Lulu. Lulu growled softly as Miss Fortune hit Veigar again. She quickly used her Glitterlance on her, distracting her from Veigar. The two fought for a bit, Lulu almost getting killed but Veigar quickly intervened, pushing her away. “Go recall, I can handle this for a bit.” He said and Lulu nodded, running off and recalling back to spawn.

Veigar used a couple more baleful strikes on Miss Fortune, along with some dark matter but she continued to heal, which ticked Veigar off a bit. Out of the blue, Veigar felt a swarm of bullets hit him. He tried to move out of the swarm but ended up getting stopped by minions. Lulu had quickly run back into the lane, casting a whimsy on herself to make it there faster. She then used her whimsy on Miss Fortune, turning her into a squirrel. Veigar quickly hit her, trying to get in as much damage before she changed back. He ended up running critically low on mana.

Not realizing it, Veigar tried to cast another spell but to no avail. Miss Fortune had been approaching, ready to finish the job as Veigar was critically low on health as well. Panicking, and not remembering the potions he purchased, he bolted into the jungle, Miss Fortune obviously following. Lulu had gotten distracted by minions, so she fell behind in the chase. What made it worse was a swarm of bullets quickly fell on her, slowing her down.

Veigar quickly ran through a small river in the jungle, some plants causing him to stumble. That was enough for Miss Fortune to catch up to him and grab him. She flung him into one of the rocks in the jungle, causing a bit of damage. A part of the rock ripped a part of his clothes open. He tried to get up, but he couldn’t, feeling a bit of panic settle in despite the fact he would be back in a minute. The fact of being so helpless is what scared him. Miss Fortune approached him, an evil smirk on her face. Veigar couldn’t help but pull his ears down from under his hat. Veigar let out a small gasp as Miss Fortune pressed both of her guns to his chest. Two gunshots could be heard throughout the jungle, along with a wet splatter.

Lulu finally caught up casting a few whimsys on herself. When she turned the corner she could see Miss Fortune, standing over a limp and lifeless Veigar, the words “an ally has been slain” ringing out throughout the Rift. Lulu let out a scream as she saw two bullet holes going straight through his chest. Miss Fortune quickly escaped, using her strut and leaving a trail of hearts behind her as she ran. Lulu approached Veigar, feeling like she was going to cry despite the fact Veigar was going to respawn. She had failed as a support and failed in keeping Veigar safe. She suddenly felt anger bubble inside her as she started to run after Miss Fortune, determined to kill her for what she had done. She cast another whimsy on herself and began to run after Miss Fortune, who had run into the middle lane along with an Annie, who was on her team. Lulu immediately casted a whimsy on Miss Fortune once again, using her Glitterlance on her. Annie had quickly used incinerate on Lulu, which caused Lulu to retaliate. Suddenly, Annie had summoned Tibbers, her bear who promptly attacked Lulu. Lulu screamed and tried to shield herself with her arms, running low on mana and health.

Veigar suddenly teleported behind Lulu, grabbing onto her arm and quickly using his flash and getting a fair distance away. He ran into a secluded area in the jungle, shaking Lulu slightly. “Lulu, what the hell were you thinking?” He exclaimed, a little shocked she would attempt that, as she was a supporting champion.

“I wanted to avenge you…” Lulu said softly.

“Lulu you knew I would respawn, it’s not like I died forever,” Veigar responded, pushing his hat up a bit so he could get a better view of Lulu. He noticed she had been shaking slightly and Veigar sighed. “I’m not mad Lulu, don’t start thinking that.”

Lulu nodded slightly and tried to regain her composure. They had gotten pretty deep into the jungle so they started to walk out, going back to their lane. “Maybe I just care too much…” Lulu said softly as they walked.

“What?” Veigar gave Lulu a questioning look.

“Maybe I just care too much about you! I just feel so bad when anything happens to you…” Lulu sighed softly, gripping her staff tightly. Veigar sighed softly. How could she care so much about a yordle like him? He was evil or at least tried to be, and Lulu was just so sweet. But then again opposites do attract in some cases.

Soon enough, the two emerged from the jungle, immediately greeted by Miss Fortune, who Veigar and Lulu promptly attacked her, making her run off for a moment before coming back to attack. Lulu, who had her ult ready, quickly used it on Veigar, watching him grow quickly and watching Miss Fortune get knocked back and get stunned. Lulu quickly used her Glitterlance on Miss Fortune, watching her health drop. Veigar turned back to normal size soon after, finishing the job and watching Miss Fortune fall onto the soft grass and the words “an enemy has been slain” be called out by the icy announcer’s voice.

Lulu felt her euphoria from before come back to her as they started to attack the turret in front of them. Soon enough, it fell and Miss Fortune came back with Annie. “Do they honestly believe this is a challenge?” Veigar rolled his eyes and started to attack Annie while Lulu attacked Miss Fortune. Like before, Lulu’s health had been significantly lowered. Suddenly, Miss Fortune did something completely uncalled for. Lulu felt a pain in her chest as Miss Fortune suddenly kicked her to the ground, starting to shoot at her. This, of course, distracted both Annie and Veigar. Annie running up to assist Miss Fortune and Veigar running to do the exact opposite. Veigar quickly used his Event Horizon on Miss Fortune, using his Baleful Strike after. Lulu had hoisted herself up quickly, polymorphing Annie and attacking her, eventually killing her, the words once again being called throughout the Rift. Lulu quickly helped Veigar take Miss Fortune down for the second time, swiftly moving onto the next turret.

Soon enough, they had reached the inhibitor, having to shut down Annie and Miss Fortune multiple times. Both of the yordles having to recall a couple times as well. Soon enough, the inhibitor had cracked, causing the super minions to spawn. Miss Fortune stomped up to the two yordles, suddenly casting a cone of bullets on them both. “An ally has been slain!” The icy voice called out once again. As Veigar looked to his left, he saw Lulu had been killed. Then something he couldn’t describe happened. He felt a burning feeling within him and as he looked back to Miss Fortune, it got worse. He suddenly used as many attacks as he could on her, wasting most of his mana and watching her health deplete quickly. She soon had fallen to the ground, Veigar glaring down at her body. He felt a bit strange though, why did it feel so bad to see Lulu gone? He knew she would respawn. Maybe this is what Lulu had felt before.

Lulu had quickly teleported next to Veigar, finding Miss Fortune on the ground. She smiled quickly and ran with him to the turrets in front of their Nexus, Lulu attacking one along with some teammates and Veigar attacking one alone. They eventually both fell, all of them attacking the Nexus as quickly as they could.

As soon as the attacking started, it soon ended, as the Nexus shattered and the words “Victory!” being yelled throughout the rift to their team. Lulu couldn’t help it, she hugged Veigar, squealing excitedly from the euphoria. Veigar was going to push her off, but he couldn’t do that to Lulu, not after he saw how happy she had been prior. Veigar sighed and lightly patted her, making Lulu giggle cutely. “Aw! You do have a heart!” Lulu giggled, seeing Veigar blush softly.

“I do not! I don't care for you at all!” Veigar huffed, crossing his arms.

“Admit it! You care for me a whole lot! Don’t you Veigar?” Lulu giggled. “I mean, you do know I could see you after I was slain right? You got so mad at Miss Fortune!” Veigar quickly pulled his hat over his eyes, not wanting to look at the other.

“So what if I did? I was just mad because we were doing so well and she ruined that!” Veigar hissed softly as he was pulled away from the rift by Lulu.

“Nope! You just care for me a whole lot!” Lulu smiled. “Come on Veigar, admit it.” Veigar sighed softly, there was no arguing with this girl was there?

“Fine, maybe a care just a little…” He mumbled.

“Enough to go psycho on Miss Fortune?” Lulu asked.

“Just enough,” Veigar looked up at the sky, which had grown dark. “And I’ll do it again if I have to,” Veigar said as they exited the rift. He was glad to have had this last battle, even if it meant he would be a bit sore later. It was worth it.

#My writing #Veigar #Lulu #league of legends

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jynxwriter · 7 years ago

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Temperature part 4: A Freckle of Hope

(Disclaimer: the end of this part is very graphic and violent, you have been warned.)

First part

Goth// @nekophy

Palette// @angexci

Palette had been flying through the air, a warm smile spread across his face despite the pain in his hand from the prior night. He had stayed up late drawing and it ended up making his hand begin to cramp. He didn’t mind it however, he just landed in the soft grass in front of the clearing. Yesterday, he had met a small Coldblood, named Goth. Despite the reputation they had in the Hotlands, he talked with him, finding that there had been some misconceptions about their reputation. They weren’t all bad, some were just scared and confused. He sighed softly as he wove around the off-colored trees around the small clearing. Palette’s previous smile faltered slightly as he realized Goth hadn’t been there. He sighed again and sat in the grass. Goth had run into the clearing after about a minute, panting lightly. “I’m s-sorry!” Goth yelled as he entered the clearing. “For what?” Palette cocked his head to the side, much like a puppy would. “I was l-late…” Goth whimpered as he walked closer to Palette, his cloak waving around a bit in the breeze. Palette giggled softly and smiled. “It’s alright! No one’s perfect!” He patted the spot next to him, motioning for Goth to take a seat. Goth didn’t understand what Palette wanted, so he ended up standing in front of him idly. “Goth? Aren’t you gonna sit down?” Palette asked. “I’m supposed to?” Goth responded, confused. “Well, what do you think this means?” Palette giggled and patted the ground once again, looking up at Goth expectantly. “U-Uhm...” Goth fidgeted with his hands and Palette rolled his eyes. Palette then promptly pulled him down onto the grass, making him squeak. Palette smiled lightly and then handed Goth the paper he was holding. “What’s t-this?” Goth asked and scanned the paper. “Well, yesterday I was looking around for inspiration and you happened to be it!” Palette laughed sheepishly. Goth immediately blushed at his comment. He looked back at the picture, which was beautifully done. It and ominous yet calm demeanor to it. It was perfectly colored and shaded, which made Goth feel like he wasn’t worthy to be holding something such as this. Goth was ripped out of his thoughts when Palette began to speak. “Dang it!” Palette exclaimed, gazing at the picture from over Goth’s shoulder. “I forgot your freckles!” Palette huffed, feeling disappointed he forgot the small flecks. “I’m g-glad you did honestly,” Goth said softly, smiling sadly. “Why exactly?” Palette started. “Or, would you not want to say?” “I’d rather not talk about it,” Goth stated, sighing softly as he tried to hand the paper back to Palette, but Palette just pushed it back to him. “I want you to keep it!” Palette said with a sweet smile. “P-Palette I can’t…” Goth whimpered. “Something bad will happen, I’m sure of it.” Palette sighed and hesitantly took the paper back, resisting the urge to convince Goth to keep the paper. “If you insist.” A moment of silence fell over the two and they looked away from each other. After a bit, Goth had plucked a feather from one of his wings, hissing softly from the small dosage of pain. He then promptly started to scratch at the dirt with his foot, the bottom of his slipper getting dirty. Once Goth removed his foot, there was a clear spot in the dirt. He then took the feather in his hand, much like a pencil, and begun to write in the spot he cleared. “Does one deserve to be judged on the small speckled flaws of their character? Or does one deserve judgment on themselves as a whole being?” He wrote, smiling a bit as his surprisingly fancy writing was scratched out into the dirt. Palette had looked over at the short sentence and smiled. “Your handwriting is very pretty,” Palette said. “Did you take this from a book or something?” “No, I usually make these up myself,” Goth responded. “And thanks, it took me a while to learn how to do script. Eventually, it just kind of stuck with me.” Goth smiled up at Palette. “Do you write often?” Palette asked. “As often as I can,” Goth sighed softly and held his forearms. “I honestly wish I had more time to. I mean, I could do it in school, since no one does anything, but I’d get punished regardless.” “I would just write at home if I were you,” Palette suggested. “Can’t,” Goth responded bluntly. “Too many consequences.” Palette sighed but didn’t press on. He watched Goth scratch at the dirt again with his foot, making a clear area. He started to write once again. “What if the ‘nonsensical actions’ of a child were no longer misinterpreted?” Is what Goth had written in his fancy script writing. Palette felt slightly confused by the phrase but continued to watch him write. Soon enough, Goth stood up and dropped the feather. “Sorry Palette, I need to go…” Goth said, fluttering his wings a bit. “Oh, alright! I’ll see you tomorrow!” Palette said, standing as well. “Bye Gothy!” Palette said and started to run, catching some air beneath his wings. Once Palette was in the air, he facepalmed. “Really, Palette? Gothy? Are you kidding me?” He sighed softly and held onto his picture, making his way home. Meanwhile, Goth had been walking home. He knew that the cracked and wonky sidewalk had been covered in some kind of grime, so the bottom of his somewhat soft slippers would get even dirtier. He approached his house once again, feeling his stomach lurch a small bit from the thoughts of what could happen. He took a deep breath and slowly opened the door. To his surprise, there was no yelling or agonized groans. Without thinking twice, Goth smiled. He hadn’t gotten beaten today, he got to see Palette, and he got to write a little without consequence. Could this day get any better? Of course not, was Goth’s immediate thought, but it didn’t falter his slightly crooked smile. He had suddenly decided to take a risk and go against his word. He was going to write. He had started to approach the steps, feeling a slight freckle of confidence and a whole infection of doubt. Goth had half expected to be pulled back down the stairs, or suddenly pushed by Reaper, who might’ve been upstairs, but nothing happened. He smiled more and went into his room, locking the door quickly. He walked over to his desk and opened the drawer on it, which was filled with lined paper that he stole from the school over time. They were miraculously in perfect condition. Goth took out a pencil from the drawer as well, which had been a bit worn down. Goth then sat down, placing the paper in front of him and beginning to write. After a few minutes, Goth immediately felt content. He smiled widely as his pencil laid out words on the page. “And I realize, the damp forest is brimmed with life as I feel small and soft bunnies brush gently against my ankles.” A noise pushed Goth out of his content state. Reaper had arrived late and from what Goth could tell, he was not happy. Goth had started to scramble to put the paper away, but Reaper had unlocked the door. Reaper had come in and stared him down. “What were you doing?” He growled. “I w-was….I…” Goth couldn’t get the words out. Reaper’s expression told him that he had to hurry up. “I was w-writing,” Goth said quickly and quietly. Reaper growled and grabbed him by the scarf, pulling up from the ground. Goth writhed like a scared animal as he choked. Reaper pulled him downstairs and into the kitchen. Goth started to cry, knowing exactly what was going to happen next. To Goth’s surprise and immense pain, Reaper flung him into the counter, making him scream and cough up blood. Reaper walked over to a drawer and pulled out a rather sharp knife. He then walked over to Goth, who was laying crippled on the floor. He pulled him up by the arm and pulled his sleeve down. His forearms were adorned with cuts and Reaper had begun to make fresh ones, making Goth sob hysterically. Once Reaper felt that his arm had been damaged enough, he moved onto the second one. He then dropped Goth and let the knife fall beside him, almost cutting him. He then promptly left. Goth sobbed on the floor, his moments of happiness was crushed along with hopes. Nothing was left. Not even a freckle of it.

#My writing #Poth #Goth #Palette #HB #CB #Temperature

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jynxwriter · 7 years ago

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So, so many works I’ve read could be vastly improved with tightening and shaving of superfluous words. Wordiness is an easy stumbling block, as we’re used to how we talk. We’re used to how others (long ago) wrote. But times change, my friend, and so do expectations of the writer. We don’t get paid by the word in fiction. So show your smarts and say as much as you can with as much power as you can in as few words as possible.

Here are a few things you can cut without reserve to help shorten your story right now. And as you catch yourself using these words in your next draft, hit that backspace before you finish the sentence! It’s okay if you already have. You can go delete them now. No one will ever know.

Moment/Second/Minute

It’s so tempting. I am guilty of using this word like fertilizer in my first drafts. But most of the time, these words aren’t needed at all. They add nothing.

He sat down for a moment, sipping his coffee. vs. He sat down and sipped at his coffee.

But he only did it for a moment, you say!

He sat down for a moment, sipping his coffee. When the door opened a second later, he shot to his feet. vs. He sat down and sipped his coffee. The door opened, and before he could swallow his first sip, he shot to his feet.

I know, this is about making your writing more concise and my “right” example has more words than the first example. But what’s the difference? The words used in the second sentence are more tangible. They give a visual that “a second later” and “for a moment” don’t. And you could leave that part out, of course, if you’re really going for trimming word count. It doesn’t paint quite the same image, but “The door opened and he shot to his feet.” is a perfectly good sentence.

Suddenly/All of a sudden

You’ve heard this one, before, surely. These words are used…when? When you’re trying to portray suddenness. Surprise, perhaps. So why are you adding in extra words to slow down the pace?

She flipped on the TV and reclined in her chair. All of sudden, the TV flashed a bright light and the power went out. vs. She flipped on the TV and reclined in her chair. The TV flashed once before the lights went dark. The power was out.

That sense of immediacy is felt when stuff just happens. So let it happen. If it’s rhythm you’re worried about, then find more useful words to create the rhythm. Notice that I didn’t just cut “All of a sudden” out of the sentence and leave it. I reworded it a bit to make it stronger.

Finally

It can be a useful word, but more often than not, it’s just taking up space.

Really/Very

Just…delete them.

To alter a Mark Twain quote:

“Substitute ’[fucking]’ every time you’re inclined to write ‘very;’ your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.”

But seriously, if you’re saying, “She was breathing very hard.” You could just cut the “very” and say, “She was breathing hard.” Or, even better, “She was panting.” Or, EVEN BETTER: “She panted.”

Himself/herself/myself/themselves

Reflexive nouns have a specific purpose, though they can still often be avoided. They fall into the category of “use only when it’s confusing otherwise.”

Correct: He looked at himself in the mirror. Better: He looked in the mirror.

Incorrect: She gave them to Andrew and myself before leaving. Correct: She gave them to Andrew and me before leaving.

Technically correct I guess: I haven’t eaten lunch myself. (Intensive pronoun; aka waste of words) Better: I haven’t eaten lunch.

Intensive pronouns add emphasis, but that emphasis is negligible and often negated by the power of tightening your narrative.

That

You can likely cut 60% of your “that"s and your story will be unaffected. Sometimes, you do need to add a “that” here and there for clarification, but not always. And sometimes it’s just plain incorrect.

The jacket was the coolest one that he’d ever owned. vs. The jacket was the coolest one he’d ever owned.

In other cases, you might do well to substitute “that” with “which.” Though, if you’re doing this, make sure you do it properly. That change can often alter the meaning of your sentence. That can be for the better, though.

The vandalism that read “Bad Wolf” made Rose nervous. vs. The vandalism, which read “Bad Wolf,” made Rose nervous.

Do you see the difference? In the first sentence, the words are what make Rose nervous. In the second, the vandalism itself makes Rose nervous, and it happens to say “Bad Wolf.” In this case, if you’ve watched Doctor Who, then you know the first example is the correct one.

So when you’re sharing details using “that” or “which,” contemplate how important they are to meaning of the sentence to determine which type of clause you need to use.

Then

Or worse, “And then.”

It makes your writing sound a bit juvenile. Either cut it entirely, or substitute “and.”

She jumped into the pool, then hit her head on the bottom. vs. She jumped into the pool and hit her head on the bottom.

And then, after all that time, she fell asleep. vs. After all that time, she fell asleep.

Even

Sometime “even” can help emphasize a situation or behavior, but when it’s used in narrative improperly, it sounds childish and silly.

He couldn’t even breathe. vs. He couldn’t breathe.

Even with the new hair gel, his hair was terrible. (This one is fine, though you could still cut that “even” if you really wanted to…)

Just

Just…Delete it.

Breathe/breath/exhale/inhale/sigh/nod/shrug

Another one I’m so guilty of. In my first drafts, I tend to talk about how a character is breathing, or when they’re sighing like nobody’s business. I know a lot of writers who are guilty of this, too. It’s a great tool to use scarcely. In intense moments, you can let your character take a final deep breath to calm themselves. When a character almost drowns, those first few sweet breaths are important. But you readers know that people breath all the time. And just because you need a beat in your dialogue doesn’t mean you need to remind your reader that the character is still breathing or moving.

Rather/quite/somewhat

She was rather tall. She was tall. He was quite idiotic. He was idiotic. They were somewhat snazzy. They were snazzy. Why do you need those words? Kill ‘em.

Start/begin

This is a great example of fluff.

She started to run toward the shop. vs. She ran toward the shop.

He began scolding them for their performance. vs. He scolded them for their performance.

There are obviously uses for this word, like anything. He started the car. Begin your tests! But when you’re using it to slow the action and the pace of your narrative, then consider heavily if you need it. You probably don’t.

In order to/in an attempt to

Phrases that add unneeded complications, cumbersome wording…kill ‘em!

She bit down in an attempt to stop herself from screaming. vs. She bit down to stop herself from screaming.

Was able to

He was able to call. vs. He could call. OR He called.

This is one that isn’t inherently bad, but it can easily be overused and cutting it will help simplify your narrative.

Due to

Ugh. Are you trying to sound proper and stuffy? Because that’s a reason, I guess, to use this phrase…and yet it sounds like doodoo. (Yes. I’m an adult.) Rephrase. Use “Because of” or just avoid the need altogether.

We stopped due to traffic. vs. We stopped because of traffic. OR (Strength of narrative!) We stopped mid-highway. The parked cars went on beyond the curve of the road, out of sight.

Visibly/obviously/apparently/audibly

These are a sign of telling in your narrative when you should probably be showing.

She was visibly shaking. –> She shivered, hugging her upper arms. He was obviously tired. –> He yawned and tripped on his own feet as he crossed the room. They were apparently angry. –> They stomped and shouted, demanding attention. She screamed audibly. (Really?) –> She screamed.

Don’t tell your readers what emotion a character is feeling. Instead, give a few clues that they can see/hear/feel the emotion too.

While

This word has lots of legitimate uses. However, if you’re using it poorly, then your narrative reads like an Early Reader’s book, and you (unless that’s what you’re writing) probably don’t want that.

“Get it together,” he said while flipping them off. vs. “Get it together,” he said, flipping them off.

Turned

One of the classics. So overused, my friends. It’s needed on occasion, but not nearly as often as we use it. Just cut it out.

They turned toward her as they spoke. vs. They gave her their full attention as they spoke. OR They looked into her eyes. OR (Nothing. Readers don’t have to be updated on every little movement.)

Saw/looked/regarded

UGH. Regarded:Looked::Mentioned:Said

And, like “said,” many, many instances of these words can be nixed.

She saw them run for the hills. vs. They ran for the hills.

This can be tricky, I know, when you’re writing in limited-third or first POV. It’s tempting to put every action directly through your POV character’s filter. But resist that temptation! There are times when it’s appropriate, occasionally, but it can be overdone so easily.

I looked at her and said, “Please.” vs. I said,“ Please.” OR. I took her hand. “Please.”

This example sides with the breathing and the turning. It’s often an unneeded update on the tiny movements of the characters. And, again, sometimes you need that beat or that little detail in an intense moment, but not often.

Said/replied/stated/spoke/mentioned/asked/commented/yelled/cried/shouted

I’m not here to tell you to cut all your dialogue tags (please don’t). I’m also going to the last person who insists you get rid of “said.” In fact, I’m in the “said is invisible” party of writing nerds and I think, if you’re going to use a standard tag, it should be “said” 90% of the time.

But aside from that, using as few dialogue tags as possible is a good thing. I’ll do a full post on this soon, but for now, be aware of how often you rely on these words in your dialogue and do your best not to overuse them. Use surrounding action and context to take some of the reliance off of these words.

To-Be in all its conjugated forms

If you’re using any of this list:

am, is, are, was, were, be, being, had been

Then check yo'self. Some tenses call for an auxiliary verb. Some types of sentence do, too, not doubt about it. But many don’t, and cutting to-be verbs when you can will help tighten your writing.

We were going to the store. vs. We went to the store.

Sounds were echoing through the chamber. vs. Sounds echoed through the chamber.

To-be verbs can also be an indicator of passive voice, though they aren’t always.

He was hit by the ball. vs. The ball hit him.

Last but not least, check all of your adverbs.

Chances are, if you’re using an adverb, you could be using a single strong verb instead and giving each sentence more punch.

He ran quickly. –> He sprinted. I hit him hard. –> I socked him. She spoke quietly. –> She whispered. They ran into each other fast. –> They crashed.

So what am I supposed to do about this?

Take it to heart. Try not to let these words take over your brain as you write. Once your manuscript is finished, try this method:

Use Find and Replace. Replace any and all of the aforementioned words in ALL-CAPS. Now, if you’ve paid attention to my advice in using emphasis, then those all-caps will really stick out as you’re reading over your work and you can decide at each instance whether your usage is appropriate, or if it needs to be rewritten. As I did to this very old draft of mine from my first NaNoWriMo (in which I used every single word on this list, I’m sure).

When I used this method with my most recent WIP, I was able to cut my word count from 105k to 93k without cutting any content whatsoever. It takes a lot of work and it’s pretty tedious but the results are amazing!

It wouldn’t be the English language without exceptions, would it?

Now, there is actually an important time for intentionally using any or all of the words on this list. You know when that is?

When it fits the character’s voice. - More on this in my next post!

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