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k-enneagram · 2 years ago

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What Triggers Each Enneagram Type into Conflict?

WE ALL EXPERIENCE CONFLICT DIFFERENTLY

What you define as conflict is not what I might define as conflict. What makes me feel icky and squeamish and worried is not necessarily the same for you. And those might not even be the words that you would use to describe your sensations of conflict.

CONFLICT MAY NOT BE WHAT YOU THINK IT IS

I recently worked with an Enneagram Seven senior leader. She was surprised by her test results, having been sure she was an Eight. As we read over her report, she said “I am great at resolving conflict, the Seven’s conflict avoidance just doesn't make sense to me.”

As we dived deeper, she started to see how what she thought of as conflict, wasn’t really conflict. And that she was a Seven after all.

WHAT'S NOT CONFLICT?

Conflict is NOT:

Having an issue you feel confident resolving.

Disagreeing with someone about the plan, but feeling psychologically safe to explore the issues together.

Walking away from a conversation feeling heard and knowing you will be able to find a resolution in the future.

Conflict IS:

A situation where disagreement includes tension, a lack of harmony and friction.

When you don't feel heard or replay the conversation again and again in your head.

Where the issue feels unresolved and the other person “just needs to come around to your point of view.”

A perception (even if only you are experiencing it) triggered by feeling you have something to lose in some way.

WHEN YOU FEEL THIS SORT OF TENSION, HOW DO YOU REACT?

As a Seven, for me it feels icky and squeamish, like a kaleidoscope of scared butterflies madly flying round inside me. I feel nervous and angry. I have loud, angry thoughts with many “how dare they!” reactions. And I have worried thoughts about being able to flee the situation: “How can I escape without a suitcase, I better buy one now!” And then I tend to withdraw and become more silent.

But how I react at home is not how I react at work. I generally feel more secure in work-based situations, so instead of withdrawing, I tend to want to confront or talk about those issues as quickly as possible. I feel anxious and the quickest way to relieve that tension (in my perception) is to talk it out – although those icky sensations spiral when the people I want to talk to are unavailable.

When it comes to learning how to manage your reactivity, it’s important to become more aware of what you define as conflict and how you react to it.

Reflection Activity:

When you experience a sense of inner tension and a perception of being in conflict with someone else, how do you react? (List sensations, feelings, thoughts and behaviors.)

What situations commonly trigger that sense of unease?

How do your reactions differ between work and home?

WHAT YOUR ENNEAGRAM TYPE CAN REVEAL ABOUT YOUR REACTION TO CONFLICT

As each Enneagram type focuses on different things, it is more likely to be triggered by something related to that domain.

But you might also relate to what triggers other Enneagram types, so as you read through each description, ask yourself:

When was the last time I was triggered by that?

What happened?

How did I react?

What was my deeper motivation underlying that reaction?

When it comes to learning how to manage your reactions to conflict, just focus on the suggestions for your type. Those strategies are designed to work with your Enneagram type’s defenses and personality structure.

ENNEAGRAM TYPE ONE: THE PERFECTIONIST

The One focuses on “being good” by “doing things the right way.”

They pay attention to rules and standard procedures. They notice errors and are quick to correct them. They want to behave appropriately for the situation and act with integrity at all times. Maintaining high standards is very important to them.

That means they are more likely to experience conflict when any of the following happen:

Someone breaks the rules,

Someone doesn't act appropriately for the situation, or

They disagree about the right or correct way to complete a task.

If you are a One, aim to become more aware of the irritation you feel when triggered. Notice what you do with that irritation. How does it direct you to act? For example, do you become more polite? More critical? Or try to teach people the right way?

One’s manage their reactivity when they can regularly practice:

Acknowledging there being more than one right way.

Meeting people in the middle and compromising.

Being more flexible and lightening up.

ENNEAGRAM TWO: THE GIVER

The Two focuses on “being liked” by “creating positive experiences for people.”

They focus on creating a fun working environment and supporting others to be successful. They like to build relationships and network across the organization. And they are good at providing positive feedback and affirmation.

That means Twos are more likely to experience conflict when any of the following occur:

They feel unappreciated,

They feel rejected or unliked, or

They feel excluded.

If you are a Two, notice how hurt and deflated you feel when these things occur. Start to notice what happens with those feelings. How does that hurt lead you to react? Do you express that emotionally with others or keep it to yourself? Do you react by becoming more strategic about getting someone’s approval?

Two’s manage their reactivity when they can regularly practice:

Learning to say “no” or “maybe” to prevent overgiving.

Being more aware of their underlying emotions.

Noticing when they are avoiding conflict and spending time thinking about what’s happening.

ENNEAGRAM THREES: THE ACHIEVER

Threes focus on “gaining rewards” by “quickly achieving goals or tasks.”

They are quick to figure out how to reach a goal and work hard to get it. They might enjoy competing to win or striving to be the best. They are good at selling and marketing, adapting on the spot to the requirements of their audience.

That means they tend to experience conflict when:

There is an obstacle between them and the goal,

Others slow them down or waste their time, or

They look bad in front of others.

If you are a Three, become more aware of the frustration you feel and the underlying sense of insecurity or sadness. How do those feelings direct you to act? For example, do you take responsibility or blame others? Do you work harder? Do you cut corners? Do you become more focused on being admired by others?

Three’s manage their reactivity when they can regularly practice:

Being more patient when working toward important goals.

Connecting with their underlying emotions and desires.

Listening more fully to others without focusing on the goal.

ENNEAGRAM FOUR: THE INDIVIDUALIST

Fours focus on “being understood” by “creating unique work.”

Hence, they tend to take a creative approach to problem-solving and often have a clear creative vision. There is a desire for work to be authentic and unique. They have a deep emotional awareness and sensitivity so they tend to have a lot of patience dealing with difficult people issues.

That means they tend to experience conflict when:

They feel misunderstood,

Their creative vision is not respected, or

People are inauthentic with them.

If you are a Four, become more aware of how you react when you feel triggered. Do you work harder to prove yourself? Do you get moody and sad about what’s missing? Do you get angry and competitive? Four’s responses to conflict differ widely, so it's useful to know what reaction is more common for you.

Fours manage their reactivity when they can regularly practice:

Processing their feelings before talking to others.

Being patient with others’ lack of understanding.

Appreciating that others are not as connected to, or comfortable with, deep or intense feelings.

ENNEAGRAM FIVES: THE INVESTIGATOR

Fives focus on being “knowledgeable” through “in-depth research.”

Hence, they tend to be subject-matter experts in their chosen field of interest. They focus on gathering information to provide insightful, rational and objective analysis. They prefer to work alone for long periods so they can fully immerse themselves in understanding complex problems and systems without interruption.

Fives are more likely to experience conflict when:

They don’t have enough time or space to think things through,

They lack access to information,

They are pulled into others emotional issues, or

They are pressed to share more information than they want to.

If you are a Five, you are likely already aware of just how sensitive you are to what’s going on around you, and the need to control your time, space and energy levels. When you feel triggered, do you become more withdrawn and hard to reach? Do you become impatient, defensive or controlling? Or do you express your reaction through art-making or crafting something?

Fives manage their reactivity when they regularly practice:

Sharing more of what they are thinking and feeling in the moment.

Staying engaged without withdrawing.

Building stronger relationships with others.

ENNEAGRAM SIXES: THE SKEPTIC

Sixes focus on “being safe” by “planning scenarios to manage risks.”

Sixes are good at assessing and managing risks. They anticipate potential problems and troubleshoot issues as they arise. They are good at asking questions and playing devil’s advocate to uncover potential issues and risks.

They are more likely to experience conflict when:

They are unable to ask questions,

People are inconsistent or unethical,

Projects are greenlit without careful consideration, or

Authorities misuse their power.

If you are a Six, you are likely to react to this tension in one of three ways. Some Sixes become more doubting and questioning. Other Sixes can stop questioning and become too certain of the rules. And other Sixes will rebel, stirring up trouble or taking risky actions.

Sixes manage their reactivity when they can regularly practice:

Becoming more aware of the underlying fear and anxiety.

Trusting people sooner.

Voicing concerns and providing potential solutions.

ENNEAGRAM SEVENS: THE ENTHUSIAST

Sevens focus on “avoiding pain and suffering” by “imagining pleasurable future experiences.”

They focus on finding the positive in the negative and use their enthusiasm to inspire others. They envision future possibilities and make plans to bring those ideas into fruition. They are out-of-the-box thinkers who enjoy celebrating successes.

This means they are more likely to experience conflict when:

They are required to focus on what’s not working,

Their ideas are dismissed or not asked for, or

They feel constrained or that their options are limited.

If you are a Seven, start to become aware of the underlying anxiety and fear of being trapped. How does that fear direct you to act? Do you speed up or slow down? Do you become more opportunistic? Do you become more scattered or indecisive? Do you become even more positive?

Sevens manage their reactivity when they can regularly practice:

Becoming more aware of underlying anxiety and their reaction to it.

Staying present when difficult situations arise.

Following through on plans without getting distracted.

ENNEAGRAM EIGHTS: THE CHALLENGER

Eights focus on “being strong” by “taking charge.”

That means that unless they feel someone is firmly in charge, they will easily step into a managerial role. They tend to see the big picture easily and want to have an impact. They are decisive and move things forward quickly. They are comfortable confronting others, but don’t always realize the impact their big energy has on others.

Hence Eights tend to experience conflict when:

Others don’t agree with the actions they want to take,

They see people as being indecisive or incompetent, or

People aren't honest with them or go behind their backs.

If you are an Eight, become more aware of how your energy becomes bigger at times like these. What does the energy drive you to do? Do you act without telling anyone about it? Do you become more protective of others, possibly in a pushy or bossy way? Or do you become more rebellious or controlling?

Eights manage their reactivity when they can regularly practice:

Slowing down and listening to others more.

Pausing before making decisions or taking action.

Seeing all perspectives as equally valid.

ENNEAGRAM NINES: THE PEACEMAKER

Nines focus on being “calm” by “maintaining harmony” within themselves and in the environment around them.

They want work to be tension free and focus on creating inclusive environments where everyone feels heard and respected. They aim to create consensus before making any decisions and want to hear all sides of an issue. They are friendly, humble and support others to succeed. And when the conflict isn’t directed at them, they help diffuse tense situations.

They experience conflict when:

Others are disrespected or not supported,

They are overlooked or not consulted, or

They are told what to do.

If you are a Nine, start to notice what happens when you experience tension. Do you withdraw and become more stubborn or passive resistant? Do you find it hard to slow down and work even harder? Do you become less in touch with your own preferences and opinions?

Nines manage their reactivity when they can regularly practice:

Learning to tolerate tension and conflict when it arises.

Remembering that conflict can be a good thing.

Being more in touch with their own opinions and emotions.

#enneagram #enneagram all #conflict #fave

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k-enneagram · 2 years ago

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Passions and Traits

1 core

Passion: Anger

The passion of Anger/Resentment causes the One to be judgmental and critical, as they are constantly frustrated with themselves and the world for not living up to their high standards of perfection and correctness.

Trait Structure:

Anger: resentment at failure to meet their perfectionistic standards, vehement "righteous indignation", largely unexpressed hatefulness

Criticality: fault-finding, making others feel guilty or awkward, constructive intent, moral reproach, accusation of imperfection, prejudice toward out-groups

Demandingness: vindictive over-assertiveness, disciplinarian, inhibition of spontaneity and the pursuit of pleasure, exacting hard work and excellence, sermonizing, preaching, teaching, need to "manicure" the environment.

Dominance: autocratic, dignified assertiveness, aristocratic self-concept, superior and condescending, disdainful and patronizing, entitlement on the basis of high standards--diligence, intelligence, family background, etc.

Perfectionism: pursuit of mastery, endorsement of an authority (often abstract, like social norms or an office), orientation toward "Law and Order", vehement interest in principles/morals/ideals, striving to be better, harshly critical of oneself, believing one's intentions are virtuous and therefore excusing bad behaviors, hypocritical

Over-Control: difficulty to function in non-structured situations, logical and methodical (thoughts are rule-bound), blocking of emotional expression, alienation from emotional experience

Self-Criticism: inability to accept oneself, self-vilification, chronic emotional frustration, need to try harder in pursuit of worthiness  Discipline: hardworking, over-serious, postponement of pleasure and natural impulses, opposition to pleasure and the "play" instinct

2 core

Passion: Pride

The passion of Pride causes the Two to deny that they are anything but selfless, as they ignore their own needs and try to specially meet the needs of others in hopes that others will praise and appreciate them for it.

Trait Structure:

Pride: imaginary exaltation of self-worth and attractiveness, demanding privileges, boasting, needing to be the center of attention, "playing the part of the princess"

Love Need: excessively romantic orientation, need to confirm an inflated sense of worth, need to regard oneself as special that is satisfied through receiving love, "touchy feely", subtle intolerance of limits, invasive, "over-involved" in relationships, possessive, seductive

Hedonism: wishing for pleasure often substitutes for pleasure, equate being loved to being pleased, affectionate, tender, can become temperamental when not indulged or made to feel loved/pampered, pretendedly content and animated, propensity to be frustrated, wants attention and stimulation, low tolerance to routine and discipline, wants an irresponsible or playful life

Seductiveness: highly interested in being attractive, affectionate, warm, supportive, empathic, erotically or socially seductive, often seen as "superficial, fickle, or unstable", an unconditional friend, theatrical love displays but a failure to deliver, "giving to get", flattery to those who are worthy of being seduced, erotic inclination

Assertiveness: daring audacity, willfulness, propelled by a strong uninhibited drive, vitality, adventurousness  Nurturance and False Abundance: repression of neediness, unaware of own neediness, compulsion to please and be extraordinary, identification of the neediness of others, covertly satisfy their love need by having an abundance of love to offer

Histrionism: independence through the denial of dependency/needs, freedom of willfulness and wildness, often rebellious to authority in a mischievous and humorous way, intensity and wit to attract attention, larger than life self-image, sustaining the illusion of positivity

Impressionable Emotionality: highly emotional (like the type 4) but often an anti-intellectual style of emotionality (unlike type 4)

3 core

Passion: Deceit

The passion of Deceit causes the Three to be excessively image-oriented, as they lie and exaggerate their successes and knowledge in order to appear more valuable, desirable, and admirable than they feel they are.

Trait Structure:

Attention Need and Vanity: cultivation of appearance in order to be seen/heard/appreciated, sense of loneliness, chronic frustration from the need to be for others, belief that they may not be loved without accomplishments/attractiveness, fear of failure, perfectionism of form, imitation/chameleon-like, generalized desire to please and attract, refined, considerate, generous

Achieving Orientation: ability to do things expeditiously and precisely, specially efficient, practical, tend to undervalue thinking that is not logical and scientific, systematic, success > considerateness, often cool/calculating, value self-control, insisting things are done their way, competitiveness, deception, bluffing, self-promotion, slander, tension

Social Sophistication and Skill: entertaining, enthusiastic, bubbly, sparkling, conversationally active, pleasing, needing applause, witty, concern with status

Cultivation of Sexual Attractiveness: self-beautification, conservation of sexual attractiveness, formalistic beauty yet emotionally hollow

Deceit and Image Manipulation: takes on different appearances to satisfy the "thirst to be", confusion between extrinsic validation and intrinsic value, what is seen by others becomes what they perceive as reality, skill in presentation

Other Directedness: values according to which the self is shaped come from external references, identification with prevalent values, conformist but avant-garde

Pragmatism: rationality, intellectual, organized, keen, practical, functional

Active Vigilance: incapable of surrender or self-abandonment, attitude of self-reliance, anxiety about things not going right—need everything under control, superficial optimism

Superficiality: lacking access to the depth of their feelings, not knowing who they are beyond tangible characteristics and roles, not knowing what they want beyond pleasing others and being effective, (often unconscious) thirst for inner depth is apparent through the excessive labor

4 core

Passion: Envy

The passion of Envy causes the Four to be temperamental, as they believe that they are fundamentally lacking or flawed, missing something that others have.

Trait Structure:

Envy: love hunger, guilty/controlled greed, over-desiring, self-frustration, pursuit of the extraordinary and intense, dissatisfaction with the ordinary, extreme neediness but disliking neediness

Poor Self-Image: feeling inadequate, prone to shame, sense of ridicule, feeling unintelligent/ugly/repulsive/rotten/poisonous, unfair self-criticism, clingy, demanding, biting, dependent, over-attached

Focus on Suffering: use pain as revenge, unconscious hope of obtaining love through suffering, sensitive, intense, passionate, romantic, suffer from loneliness, may feel their life is "tragic", deep longing, nostalgic, intimately forlorn, often languorous and pessimistic/bitter, lamenting, complaining, despondent, self-pitying, feeling of loss or fear of future loss, mourning, amplification of suffering, purposely make painful choices, victimization

"Moving Toward": crave love, clinging to frustrating relationships to postpone separation, motivational inability to care properly for themselves (5-like "helplessness")

Nurturance: thoughtful, understanding, apologetic, soft, gentle, cordial, self-sacrificing, humble, obsequious, "giving to get", empathic identification with the needs of others, possible masochistic exaggeration of nurture into self-enslavement

Emotionality: emotions mixed with intellectual interests and introversion, intense emotions including hatred

Competitive Arrogance: attitude of superiority through a "prima-donna" or complex/victimized "misunderstood genius" role, wit, interesting conversation, imaginative, emotional depth, like analysis

Refinement: aversion to grossness, stylish, delicate, elegant, tasteful, arty, posturing, attempt to be different than they are, envy and imitation of originality

Artistic Interests: pain channeled into art and beauty

Strong Superego: seek to be better than they are, keenly aware of their standards, self-discipline/rule-oriented, ego ideal is more aesthetic than ethical, tenacity

5 core

Passion: Avarice/Greed

The passion of Avarice/Greed causes the Five to be detached and isolated, as they feel the world will catastrophically drain them and believe they must withdraw to prevent that.

Trait Structure:

Retentiveness: not generous in terms of money/time/energy, insensitivity to needs of others, hold on to ongoing mental content, not open to environmental stimulation, pessimistic about receiving protection/care from others or having the power to demand/take what is needed, rigidity in mental function (struggle to transition between mental states)

Not Giving: avoid commitment to avoid giving in the future, need to be unbound/in full possession of themselves, fear of being "left without"

Pathological Detachment: aloof, loner who does not feel lonely, minimization of needs, inhibition and fear of expressing anger

Fear of Engulfment: fear/avoidance of being "swallowed up by others", fear of dependency, sensitive to interference/interruption, prone to interrupt self for external demands/perceived needs of others, over-docile, need to find oneself in loneliness

Autonomy: need to do without external supplies, stock up resources in their "ivory tower", idealize autonomy

Feelinglessness: lost awareness of feelings, indifferent, cold, unempathetic, apathetic, diminished capacity to feel pleasure

Postponement of Action: lack enthusiasm to act, excessive restraint, procrastination

Cognitive Orientation: introversive, intellectual, replace living with learning, prepare but never feel ready, dwell in abstraction, avoid concreteness, curious

Sense of Emptiness: sterility, depletion, meaninglessness, inner vacuum, ontic insufficiency

Guilt: guilt-prone (like 4s), vague sense of inferiority, vulnerable to intimidation, awkward, self-conscious, hidden

High Superego: driven, high demands of self and others, perfectionistic

Negativism: wish to not give/do as expected from themselves or others

Hypersensitivity: gentle, soft, harmless, do not want to disturb surroundings, fear of rejection, low pain tolerance

6 core

Passion: Fear/Anxiety

The passion of Fear/Anxiety causes the Six to be suspicious and worried, as they are aware of what could go wrong and don’t want to be endangered or put their trust into the wrong people or beliefs.

Trait Structure:

Fear, Cowardice, and Anxiety: imagined dangers, fear of change/making mistakes/the unknown/letting go/hostility/trickery/being unable to cope/death/aloneness in a threatening world/betrayal/loving, insecure, hesitant, indecisive, tentative, inclined to compromise, paralyzed by doubt, prone to compulsive double-checking, struggle in unstructured situations, fear future consequences

Over-alert Hyperintentionality: suspicious/over-cautious disposition, excessive deliberation for what to others is a spontaneous choice, rational choices, on lookout for hidden meanings

Theoretical Orientation: devoted to reason, scientism, questioner, problem-solver, trouble-shooter, looks for problems to feel safe, indirect, vague

Ingratiating Friendliness (mainly SP6): warm to be likeable and therefore safe, seeking and giving warmth, hospitable, generous, exaggerated faithfulness, obsequious, associate with stronger people, competitive inclinations

Rigidity (mainly SO6): value rules/institutions, controlled, well-informed, hard-working, precise, responsible, dutiful, need clear-cut guidelines of right and wrong

Pugnacity (mainly SX6): compete with authority, guilt, fear of retaliation, paranoid insecurity, argumentative, critical, skeptical, cynical, think they know the right way/pressure others to conform, bluffing, scapegoating

Orientation to Authority and Ideals: aggressive to those below, submissive to those above, both love and hate authority, ambivalent, idealize the "great/strong"

Accusation of Self and Others: guilt--alleviated through projection/creation of outside enemies and warmth/rigidity/pugnacity, self-protective, blame-avoidant, feel persecuted, persecute others

Doubt and Ambivalence: uncertainty, invalidate themselves while propping themselves up, doubt self and others, doubt themselves and their own doubt, suspicious but afraid they may be mistaken, wish to please and move against, wish to obey and rebel, wish to admire and invalidate

7 core

Passion: Gluttony

The passion of Gluttony causes the Seven to be excessive and scattered, as they are constantly seeking the next entertaining or fulfilling thing and don’t want to be held back by a commitment to what they have in the present.

Trait Structure:

Gluttony: open-minded, exploratory, insatiable, frustration hidden behind enthusiasm, glutton for the extraordinary/esoteric, anti-conventional

Hedonistic Permissiveness: self-indulgent, laissez-faire attitude toward others, entitlement to gratification

Rebelliousness: humorous outlet, intellectual rebellion (anti-conventional attitude), behavioral acquiescence, diplomatic rather than oppositional to authority, equalitarian

Lack of Discipline: unstable, non-committal, perceives pleasure-postponement as lovelessness

Imaginary Wish-Fulfillment: focus on fantasy/plans/utopia/future/potential, disconnected from down-to-earth reality in favor of imagined plans and ideals

Seductively Pleasing: want to fulfill those they want to 'seduce' through helpfulness/problem-free generosity, good hosts/spenders, hidden exploitation/parasitic tendencies, entertaining, repression of pain and refuge in pleasure

Narcissism: exhibitionist, "know better", well informed, "intellectually superior", compulsion to explain, pretended superiority masked by "brotherly" bonds, hidden inferiority/insecurity, manipulatively charming, hypnotic enchantment, good intuition

Persuasive: often high intelligence, high verbal ability, skillfully explain and rationalize, belief in their own wisdom and respectability

Fraudulence: confused between imagination and reality, have a persona hiding anxiety, have a smoothness hiding aggression, have a generosity hiding exploitativeness, metaphorical "charlatans"

8 core

Passion: Lust

The passion of Lust causes the Eight to be domineering and excessive, as they are constantly seeking intense experiences, a way to assert their own will, and a way to manipulate situations to serve them.

Trait Structure:

Lust: intense, gusto, contactful, sensory-motor disposition, passionately in favor of lust/hedonism in life, need to prove themselves/that things deemed "bad" are not that bad, need stimulation/excitement (propensity to boredom), impatient, impulsive, pleasure in fighting for pleasure, pain (of others or of themselves in overcoming obstacles) becomes pleasure when they satisfy their impulses

Punitiveness: sadistic, exploitative, hostile, blunt, sarcastic, intimidating, frustrating, most angry, least intimidated by anger, quick retaliation to get over anger, take "justice" into their own hands, harden themselves against life

Rebelliousness: revolutionary activists, strongly opposed to authority/traditional education

Dominance: arrogant, power-seeking, need for triumph, put others down, competitive, act superior, believe it "doesn't pay" to be weak/accommodating

Insensitivity: tough, confrontational, ruthless, callousness, unsentimental, realistic, direct, brusque, disdain for fear/sensitivity, exaggerated risk-taking

Conning and Cynicism: skeptical of virtue, distrust in others' motives, more blatantly deceptive than 7s ("easily seen as a cheat"), assertively bargain

Exhibitionism (Narcissism): entertaining, witty, often charming, consciously use seductiveness/bragging to gain influence/elevate status, "buy out" others to make up for unaccountability/violence/invasiveness

Autonomy: idealize autonomy, reject dependency, self-reliant, all because they tend to see others as potential competitors or targets of exploitation

Sensory-motor Dominance: predominance of action over intellect and feeling, concrete, focus on "here and now", clutching at the present, impatience toward memory/abstractions/anticipations, desensitization to subtlety of aesthetic/spiritual experiences, not deeming anything "real" that is not tangible or an immediate stimulus to the senses

9 core

Passion: Sloth

The passion of Sloth causes the Nine to be unrealistically idealistic, as they do not want to be disturbed by a reality that is not peaceful, happy, or stable, and they are overly flexible as a means of ignoring developing their individuality.

Trait Structure:

Psychological Inertia: paucity of inner experiences, lack of inner fire/passion, narcotization, thick-skinned, lack of subtlety/imagination, deafening of inner voices, deadening of feelings (expressed through phlegmatic disposition, lack of communication about self, or jovial disposition to hide it), don't want to be in touch with their experience, concrete, concern for survival/practicality

Over-Adaptation: inattention to personal needs, over-controlled disposition, alcoholic propensity, compensatory indulgence of physical appetites that doesn't intensify their "aliveness", deliberate, responsible, yield to demands/needs of others

Resignation: abdicate from themselves/life, "play dead to stay alive", contentedness, give up/don't stand up for themselves

Generosity: good-natured, kind, helpful, forgiving, take themselves lightly to not weigh upon others, good listener, sympathetic

Ordinariness: often low self-esteem, low concern about excelling/shining, plain/simplistic, deep unconscious love thirst, vicarious participation--identity by symbiosis with family/nation/party/club/team

Robotic Habit-Boundedness: creatures of habit, excessive concern for preserving their balance, bound by custom and regularity, passion for comfort

Distractibility: over-simplify outer and inner world, intellectual laziness (excessive concreteness/literalness), distractible/concentration difficulty, inattentive/forgetful, deliberately pursue distractions (ex. TV, crossword puzzles, sewing, sleeping, activity in general) to "not see"--narcotization and "numbing out"

-----

Source: “Character and Neurosis” by Claudio Naranjo

Short Summaries of the passions and traits by: wrinklyintp

PDF put together by: itzmelol

Note: It is recommended to also read the source above, as these are just shortened descriptions of the ones given in the book.

#enneagram #enneagram all #Claudio Naranjo

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k-enneagram · 2 years ago

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Enneagram Type Under Stress

Type 1, The Perfectionist

Attention goes to error and correcting error.

Stress in Type: become more critical or judgmental of self or other

Stress moving toward Stress Point: turn their anger inward and become distressed or depressed or collapse into shame; feel indignant that their expectations are not being met

Overwhelm moving toward Security/Heart Point: becoming hyperactive or busy and unable to focus

Type 2, The Giver

Attention goes to the needs and wants or others

Stress in Type: get busier trying to please others, flattery

Stress moving toward Stress Point: when their giving is not acknowledged can become irritable and attacking; blame and make demands; become controlling, distrustful and isolated

Overwhelm moving toward Security/Heart Point: collapsing into feeling shame and not good enough; feeling cut off and abandoned

Type 3, The Performer

Attention goes to task and goals, accomplishments and a successful image

Stress in Type: get busier working on gaining approval for accomplishments and building image of success

Stress moving toward Stress Point: procrastinate, become indecisive and apathetic; numb out with more work, drugs, TV, etc; become less productive and more inefficient

Overwhelm moving toward Security/Heart Point: becoming fearful about what others are thinking about you and trying to get reassurance or give it to important others

Type Four, The Romantic

Attention goes to the longed for ideal, what is missing in the present, idealizing the future, and intensity and depth in relationships

Stress in Type: get melancholy or envious about what’s lacking in self; feeling shame

Stress moving toward Stress Point: feel trapped and do what others want and can’t say no; try to manipulate others into loving them to fill their emptiness; deny and repress their needs; become dependent

Overwhelm moving toward Security/Heart Point: get more critical and judgmental of self and others; inner critic gets louder

Type Five, The Observer

Attention goes to potential intrusion (what is expected from others), intellectual pursuits, and the world of ideas.

Stress in Type: withdraw into themselves and their thoughts

Stress moving toward Stress Point: become scattered and distracted; hide from feelings and relationships in multiple ideas, food, drugs or excessive activity

Overwhelm moving toward Security/Heart Point: deny what really needs effort by putting effort toward something they are competent; become more controlling and blaming of others

Type Six, The Loyal Skeptic

Attention goes to potential danger or what could go wrong and searching or certainty

Stress in Type: become obsessed with all the possibilities in a situation; consumed with doubt; become paralyzed or conversely move toward risk

Stress moving toward Stress Point: engage franticly in activity to avoid anxiety; take on role or image to feel secure; become aggressive or rigid; tell lies about themselves to cover up or get ahead

Overwhelm moving toward Security/Heart Point: distract themselves with inessential activity

Type Seven, The Epicure

Attention goes multiple options, the next interesting or fun possibility or fascinating ideal

Stress in Type: become more scattered and frantic moving from one thing to another

Stress moving toward Stress Point: become more critical and judgmental of others; lose humor; become obsessive, irritable and blame others

Overwhelm moving toward Security/Heart Point: isolate themselves from world and their feelings; escape into books, computers

Type Eight, The Boss

Attention goes to power and control, potential betrayals and issues of fairness

Stress in Type: get aggressive with their opinions; become angry and blaming; deny their responsibility

Stress moving toward Stress Point: withdraw and take less action in the world; close down from feelings; become defeated or depressed; turn aggression inward

Overwhelm moving toward Security/Heart Point: become overly dependent and emotional; collapse into shame and worthlessness

Type Nine, The Mediator

Attention goes to others’ positions, keeping the peace, others agendas and needs

Stress in Type: get more distracted; collapse into feelings of worthlessness; try harder to control discomfort in the environment

Stress moving toward Stress Point: become overwhelmed with anxiety and worry; become more self-doubting, suspicious, and passive

Overwhelm moving toward Security/Heart Point: become overly focused on managing situations through activity; can become more blaming of others around all they have to do

#enneagram #enneagram all #stress

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k-enneagram · 2 years ago

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Passions of the Enneagram in Everyday Language

According to the dictionary, “passion” means “a state or outburst of strong emotion.” However, in the Enneagram, it's rare to be consciously aware of feeling the ‘passion’ that is driving our personality and defences.

In this context, a passion can be described as an “emotional pattern,” “emotional fixation” or “exaggerated state of the heart.” What can be tricky to wrap our heads around is that no matter how we are consciously feeling, this underlying exaggerated emotional state is almost always operating.

See how much easier it is to say “passion” as a shorthand for “exaggerated emotional state that controls and drives many of our behaviors”?

It is really hard to be in touch with our passion. It is hard to recognize it when it's happening and how it drives our behaviour in many unconscious ways, which is why it’s easier to first understand our passion cognitively, and try to observe it in action, before we try to really work with it.

THE NINE PASSIONS IN EVERYDAY LANGUAGE

Each Enneagram type has a different hard-to-avoid emotional pattern at play. And many are represented by words associated with the ‘seven deadly sins’ otherwise known as vices. Problem is, those words imply these emotional patterns are negative or bad in some way - which they aren’t. Remember, much of our personality developed to protect us from psychic pain as children, and that was healthy and necessary.

So again, don’t think of these “vices” as bad, evil or wrong, but rather a single word that is aiming is to encapsulate a complex emotional pattern.

Here is a short description of each: what it is, isn’t and words or phrases you can use to describe it instead.

ENNEAGRAM ONES - ANGER - IRRITATED

In this context, anger isn’t about feeling or displaying anger. Instead, anger is feeling irritated that there’s a difference between ‘what is’ and ‘what’s right’. It is a chronic dissatisfaction with how things are.

It can look like being critical of things, redoing things the ‘right way’, correcting oneself or others, being sarcastic, being overly polite or admiring, or holding a lot of tension in the body.

Other descriptors: knowing the correct way to do things, believing there is one right way, wanting to correct others when work is not done properly, constantly trying to self-improve.

ENNEAGRAM TWOS - PRIDE - BEING INDISPENSABLE

Here, pride means feeling more important than one actually is. It is about doing things for other people in order to feel better about yourself. Which can quickly be followed by negative self-criticism, which restarts the cycle of needing to be indispensable.

It can look like assuming you know what others need, giving too many compliments, wanting to appear as likable as possible, feeling excessively glad when needed, getting angry when someone refuses your help.

Other descriptors: needing to be needed, strategically helping people in your inner circle, wanting others to depend on you.

ENNEAGRAM THREE - SELF-DECEIT - FALSE IMAGE

Self-deceit is about deceiving yourself as to who you really are by trying to be someone else. It is about becoming what others admire or value, and ignoring what you admire and value.

It can look like mimicking another person, taking on goals without checking if you want them, promoting personal successes while ignoring failures, disguising perceived flaws, being overly concerned with image.

Other descriptors: shapeshifting into what others want, becoming your role models, being overly focused on goals, success and positive rewards.

ENNEAGRAM FOUR - ENVY - LACKING

Here Envy is not jealousy or simply coveting what someone else has. In the Enneagram, envy is constantly comparing yourself to others and only noticing what you are lacking or don't have. It is a constant sense of inner deficiency, wishing for what is “missing” and comparing yourself to someone who has it.

This can look like showing interest in people and their possessions, feeling inferior or superior, praising or criticizing people for what they have or who they are, being competitive, being dramatic or emotionally expressive.

Other descriptors: feeling deficient, feeling sad all the time, constantly noticing what is missing in themselves, others or a situation, comparing self to others.

ENNEAGRAM FIVE - AVARICE - CLOSED HEART

Avarice is not being insatiably greedy about money or wealth in this context. In the Enneagram, avarice means closing your heart to receiving and giving. It means hoarding one's time, knowledge, energy and resources out of fear of having nothing.

This can look like disconnecting from feelings and from people, avoiding intense situations, not seeing abundance as an option, missing someone but not feeling the need to talk to them, and finding ways to be alone. It is a sense that resources of any kind are scarce, and keeping the heart closed to feelings, relationships and experiences will protect them from having nothing.

Other descriptors: hoarding energy, avoiding intensity, not allowing people to get close.

ENNEAGRAM SIX - FEAR - ANTICIPATION

In this context, fear manifests more like constant anxiety. Sensations of apprehension, tension or uneasiness suggest that something is wrong, but the source of danger is not obvious. To release this tension, the heart constantly anticipates the worst but there is always something to fear, so that sense of safety is always out of reach.

This can look like scanning for danger, worst case scenario planning, tension in the body, answering every question with “it depends”, being surprised when good things happen but then forgetting they happened.

Other descriptors: being vigilant, sense of anxiety, unable to relax, asking questions, procrastinating, not trusting self or others.

ENNEAGRAM SEVEN - GLUTTONY - WANTING MORE

Gluttony is more than overeating or drinking. In the Enneagram, ‘gluttony’ is an excessive desire to consume whatever feels good. It is an insatiable and unrelenting need for constant stimulation of any kind - for people, places, experiences and things. It is wanting to have a little bit of all the positive things in life without ever feeling limited.

It can look like fear of missing out, living for excitement, multi-tasking, not finishing tasks or projects, changing the subject, being overly optimistic or putting a positive spin on everything.

Other descriptors: consuming a little of a lot, chasing excitement and thrills, excessive positivity, pleasure hunting, feeling good, not finishing things.

ENNEAGRAM EIGHT - LUST - BEING EXCESSIVE

In this context, lust is not intense sexual desire. In the Enneagram ‘lust’ is excess; excessive energy and intensity. The craving for intensity spreads across all areas of life for an Eight, for which food, work and pleasure are only some of the ways it manifests.

It can also look like speaking loudly, showing force, fighting for justice, intense eye contact, being overly certain or strong willed, using offensive language or being rebellious.

Other descriptors: excess, intensity, big energy, wanting to feel strong and powerful.

ENNEAGRAM NINE - SLOTH - SELF-FORGETTING

Sloth does not mean laziness, as Nines can be incredibly busy, productive people. In the Enneagram, sloth means doing every action, except the right one - the one that matters most to the Nine. Sloth is an inaction to change, and Nines can easily fall into a routine they forget to fall out of, even when it no longer suits them or brings them pleasure.

Sloth is not paying attention to one’s own desires, feelings and sensations, and forgetting about what matters most to you. This can look like paying too much attention to what others want and need, not starting new things, listening to others opinions before sharing your own, being passive-aggressive or stubborn.

Other descriptors: focus on others, forgetting about self, resistance to changing routines, not saying no, always being available for others.

OBSERVE YOUR PASSION

Hopefully these alternate descriptions will help you continue your personal growth journey with the Enneagram. Our Enneagram passion is at the heart of our personality’s defences, and being able to observe it in action is key.

You can get started by using the above descriptors to notice when you have done these things in the past, so you can better catch yourself doing them in the future. Self-awareness and self-observation are key tools on your journey into self-discovery.

#enneagram #enneagram all #passion

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k-enneagram · 2 years ago

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Vice Based on Your Enneagram Type

Vices are deep-seated imperfections in our character and personality. They are often rooted in our attachment styles from childhood and tied into our development through each life stage of psycho-social development.

During times of stress or emotional havoc, our personal vices can emerge without warning. And they’ll come around full-swing, surprising those close to you—and possibly even yourself!

What’s your personal vice, based on your Enneagram type?

Enneatype 1 – Anger

While rarely bubbling up to rage, anger about the injustices of the world can drive you ballistic.

When your personal vice shows up, you:

Become irritated and judgmental

Nit-pick others’ wrongdoings

Jump to conclusions on limited data

Tap impatiently, or express similar non-verbal body movements

Invoke arguments and insist on winning and getting the final say

Project anger onto others and leave them hurt or confused

Enneatype 2 – Pride

Flattery and praise rev up your ego and fulfill your need to gain recognition for your efforts. You want to take care of people, encourage them, and support them. But during stressful states you feel like you must get praise or affirmation back in return.

When your personal vice shows up, you:

Take extra credit for all relationships

Overcompensate self to meet others’ needs

Aggressively attack those who reject your advances

Become more social to gain more friends

Expand your social circles with charm and flattery

Develop a martyr complex

Enneatype 3 – Deceit

Life is your stage, and you play the leading role. You adopt multiple different personas to cope with each situation and convince yourself that everything is “going well”.

When your personal vice shows up, you:

Wear yourself out through work and socialization

Plaster on a smile to hide your true feelings

Fool yourself into being ‘fine’ through denial

Do anything to convince others you’re thriving

Fake stories and experiences to protect your image

Spruce up social media presence to curate an ‘ideal’ highlight reel

Enneatype 4 – Envy

Your ego juggles a balancing act between wanting to remain authentic to your true identity and wishing to adopt the perceived positive characteristics of another individual.

When your personal vice shows up, you:

Make upward and downward comparisons

Blast passive-aggressive and indirect attacks through words

Become self-loathing and struggle with a poor self-esteem

Fight a critical inner voice that says, “You’re simply not special enough.”

Take a long hiatus from social media and communication to find yourself

Go to great lengths and explore avant-garde concepts to differentiate yourself from the crowd

Enneatype 5 – Avarice

You “hoard” space and isolation and avoid accumulating additional responsibilities. You minimize your needs to carve out more resources for yourself.

When your personal vice shows up, you:

Withdraw into isolation and reclusiveness

Avoid others, often for weeks

Rationalize that you can live without relationships or interactions

Escape to other safer mental fantasies and realms to feel secure

Donate unused goods and unread books around the house

Leave social media and quit all platforms cold turkey

Enneatype 6 – Fear

You see threats everywhere and become skeptical of everything around you. You are hyper-vigilant to any chance of making a mistake—and try your best to fly under the radar when possible.

When your personal vice shows up, you:

Subject each of your actions to scrutiny and doubt

Develop headaches from over-thinking others’ intentions

Experience cold sweats and a racing pulse

Lose touch with what’s real or imagined

Convince yourself that you’re destined to fail

Struggle with debilitating worries about yourself and future

Enneatype 7 – Gluttony

Your vices tend to revolve around self-indulgence or distraction-seeking. Rather than tending to your responsibilities or creating a stable life, you seek escape or distraction through activity, impulsive experiences, and pleasure.

When your personal vice shows up, you may:

Use drugs and stimulants to excessive extents

Behave recklessly with drinking and/or spending habits (sometimes all at once)

Put yourself in dangerous situations for the sake of the thrill

Struggle to cope with the mundane aspects of everyday life

Pay more attention to pleasure than health

Refuse to give in to any coherent line of thought or belief

Enneatype 8 – Lust

A lust for life, power, or meaning? Your personal vice takes the cake for all of them. Under pressure, you focus on what you can change immediately: your tone and approach. Sometimes, your forcefulness can push (read: scare) others away.

When your personal vice shows up, you:

Are forceful when dealing with others

Adopt black-and-white thinking: with me or against me

Abruptly cut of ties and burn bridges

Possess a superiority complex

Give others rigid requests and ultimatums

Are blind-sighted to sympathy and empathy

Enneatype 9 – Sloth

Bruno Mars has a whole (rather upbeat) song on the feeling: “Today I don’t feel like doing anything…I just wanna lay in my bed…don’t feel like picking up my phone, so leave a message at the tone…nothing at all.” You’ve probably related to this song during different periods of your life.

When your personal vice shows up, you:

Struggle with chronic procrastination

Experience lethargy and indolence

Possess an indifferent outlook towards life

Repress anger and frustration

Completely detach from reality

Struggle to stand up for yourself or even realize your own true desires.

Summing It Up…

Vices are the blind spots and deep-seated limitations hidden deep in our egos. They tend to emerge out of the blue, during times of extreme distress through surprising bursts of emotions, waves of insomnia, or even a notable shift in your behavior.

How does your personal vice show up in your life? What healthy strategies have you learned along the way to nudge your ego into growth?

#enneagram #enneagram all #vice #vices #enneagram vice

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k-enneagram · 2 years ago

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youtube

#enneagram 1 #enneagram #enneagram videos #type 1 #type 1 problems #Youtube

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k-enneagram · 2 years ago

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i think the worst mistake i made with my earlier enneagram era was that i didn't really fully take into account the subtypes. because a sp4 and a sx4 act SO fucking different from each other.

even if they have the same trait structure and they're both attached to suffering and the feeling of envy, the sp4 does this by becoming a type who suffers silently and swallows their pain and who aren't as dramatic as the e4 is usually thought to be, and often they only internalize their feelings. while a sx4 externalizes their pain, but masks it with anger.

the sx4 can very easily look like an e8 to people not taking subtypes into account. and the sp4 can look more like an e3 or e1 to them because of how disconnected/detached from their feelings sp4s are when compared to the other e4 subtypes.

#enneagram #subtypes #4 subtypes

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k-enneagram · 2 years ago

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Social 1 In Detail

Anger in the Social Sphere

Ironic thing that happens when you mix the Anger of the E1 with the instinct of adaptation, you get a character whose main characteristic is non-adaptability. These people have difficulty of going along with social customs and behavior, as they believe their stance is superior than that of the public and expect others to match their perfect standards, they project their perfection onto the social sphere. Rather than going with the flow of what is happening, they try to impose what they think should be happening, they have rigid ideas about how both they and others should behave socially. Anger here is half-hidden, it doesn't turn into warmth like in the SP1 or is "explosive" like that of the SX1, here it morphs into coldness, a cooler stance that expects you to follow it, the anger only leaks when their ideals are not conformed to.

Ichazo titled SO1 "Inadaptability", it was a representation of someone who has difficulty going along with social customs and behavior[1], feeling a superiority over others which then resulted in the apparent inadaptability.[2] Naranjo describes the assertiveness of anger in this subtype as anger that is supported by intellectual and moral superiority, which requires a corresponding effort to excel, justified through a concealment of desire.[2]

Notable Traits[3]

Existential decisions

Inadaptability is organized around decisions like: if things go like this and I don't like them, I'll do them my way. Even when I need help, it's best not to lean on others; surely I will not receive what I need and in the end I will have to fend for myself. I have to strive and strive to achieve it. I will be strong, so I can face life and overcome my limits and my inability. Neither fever nor disease will stop me, I will always be standing. I will not disturb, and so they will love me. I will strive to deserve, so they will recognize me and I will be able to have the right to live in this world...

P. literally states: “I take care of myself and I don't let myself be taken care of. I take care of everything that concerns me, especially the difficult things. Since I need but it is difficult to be satisfied, I will fend for myself. I will be strong, good, bright, perfect. I will be like my father and the opposite of my mother.” For others, the paternal and maternal roles are reversed, but the final decisions substantially do not change.

Perfectionism

Inadaptability foresees a constant effort and commitment to do things well; this becomes an unrealizable pretension: to be perfect. So, you need to do things better and better and you are never satisfied with what you get. This attitude produces a state of constant tension that prevents you from relaxing and enjoying the results. It quickly departs for another adventure or another obligation to fulfill. Whoever walks this path is supported by a crazy and irrational idea: “Only if I am perfect will I be loved,” says B. The challenge with yourself is that “you have to arrive trusting only in your own ability and so others will admire me”.

Demand

The claim to be perfect needs an executive instrument. How do I get perfection? Demanding, demanding. Even torture. With sacrifice and using only my means. The goal is to improve, improve and improve. I will show those parents, sometimes both, sometimes above all the father, but also the mother, what I am capable of. It is a kind of rescue that the child wants, and today the adult: prisoner of his own history, unconsciously pursues an impossible end of perfection. Develop a special eye to discover the error, the stain. Commitment and demand have the objective of giving a good image of oneself.

The defensive system

The social E1, like the other subtypes, takes as a basis of its defensive systems above all the reactive formation. Suppressing experiences is not enough. It transforms them. He wants to improve. He believes that what he thinks or feels does not have enough value, or that it will not be well received, and then transforms it into something else. The social subtype, in particular, expresses little of its anger — unless it has sexual as its second subtype — and replaces it with more socially acceptable forms. Their attitudes and expressions tend towards seriousness and circumspection. It shows controlled coldness, a subtle smile and a certain kind of gentleness, until it reaches an aristocratic superiority that can lead to indignation. It tends to show calm and control. In the activities that produce the greatest tension, anger becomes a diffuse demand that leads to the obsessive desire to improve and correct, especially the other, but also himself. Anger hides, remains in the background and becomes a push to improve, a pretension and control of oneself and others. Thus, the goal becomes seen as nobler: to do things better, to be better. For P., the result of all this is disastrous. Not being programmed to have children, she manages to have one through artificial insemination. He is mother and father at the same time. It does not recognize the effective father sufficient capacity. He tries very hard; he wants to offer the child as much as possible. "I raised him as I was raised." The father wanted her to be perfect; she wants her son to be perfect. "You don't cry, you don't laugh, you don't feel afraid." The result is that the child self-produces small cuts and suffers; it does not tolerate all this presence and perfection.

Other characteristics

The social subtype is the most intellectual of the three subtypes of E1 and is often a great reasoner. Claudio Naranjo affirms: “Hides rage with imperturbability”. And then he adds: “Aristocratic, elegant, circumspect. Underneath is the fire.”

Several of the people involved in this research are dedicated to volunteering and helping. B. is dedicated to the defense of workers, although with an administrative role. He works in a union he considers “moderate.” Everyone wants to be recognized for their own value, which is lost as soon as a criticism arrives or they realize that they have been wrong. There is a tendency to have the norm in mind: “the true norm is the one I believe in.”

Claudio Naranjo's Social 1 Description[3]

E1 Social - Inadaptability/Superiority

The character one social is very different from the other subtypes of E1. This is the result of a characteristic designated by Oscar Ichazo — from whom I learned — as inadaptability. For a long time I preferred to simply use the word rigidity in describing this character, referring to something akin to a kind of schoolteacher mentality, and also to what Wilhelm Reich saw when he spoke of an "aristocratic character"; it's just that the word rigidity describes a behavioral style or a specific personality trait rather than a need or passion. Therefore, it remained pending for me to formulate a neurotic need from which the rigid character would become understandable.

In this search, the case of a woman who, in addition to being an intellectual and cultured woman who was part of the philosophy department of a university, spoke with a marked American Midwest accent, was very illuminating. And it was striking that she, despite having moved to California a long time ago, she continued with this strong accent that is usually associated with people with little educational level. Being a social character, it could be said that her inadaptability was expressed in it; but how to understand such a behavioral trait from an underlying motivation?

In this case, since people tend to adapt their way of speaking to that of the environment, it was worth asking: why did she care so little about it? It was enough for him to ask me that it became clear to me that the answer lay in his general attitude of feeling right. He acted as if the thought “my form is correct” implied that it is up to others to adapt. And this was also noticeable in the fact that he made language errors that did not correspond to his cultural level, which could be easily understood as a result of that attitude of believing himself to be someone exemplary.

However, the feeling that I am right does not constitute a motivation, or a passion. And if we want to explain the contrast between a conservational one - who, as we shall see, is the perfectionist proper, in view of his chronic awareness of his imperfections, which leads him to perfect himself -, and the social one - who already feels perfect and therefore it can make serious mistakes—, we must go back to the need for superiority, by virtue of which the social adopt the position of impeccable and perfect. The social one has a real passion for feeling “I'm right, and you're wrong”; and this, in turn, implies a certain power over others, because when he can make others feel that they are wrong. It is as if he were saying, “If you are wrong, then I have more right than you to dominate the situation.”

It is a great technique, that of dominating through making others feel that they are wrong, and it can be understood as an alternative to the dominance that the sexual one establishes through mere assertiveness in taking possession and feeling with it. corresponding right. But, since these characters feel above all an implicit moral superiority, it is useful to point out the great difference between morality and moralism: what is immoral in E1, apparently so upright and honorable, lies precisely in that its apparent morality is nothing more than moralism.

Sandra Maitri's Social 1 Description[4]

1+Social – Inadaptability

Social Ones express their social awkwardness and insecurity in stiffness. They have rigid ideas about how both they and others should behave socially, and their passion of anger arises when these ideas are not conformed to. Rather than going with the flow of what is happening in a social gathering, they try to impose what they think should be happening. They are uncomfortable with spontaneity, reflecting their underlying fear that they or others will do something wrong or inappropriate. They become critical and make others wrong for not conforming to their social standards, a reaction formation to their underlying sense of not being good enough to belong.

Beatrice Chestnut's Social 1 Description

Social 1 Subtype description (2021)[5]

This subtype is less perfectionist and more “perfect”—at least from the outside. They focus on finding the right or best way to do things, then teach it to others. They tend to be the most intellectual subtype and may appear superior because they channel their anger into being “the owners of truth.” They are partly successful at repressing anger, so tend to appear “cool” and not as anxious. They focus on injustice or working for social causes, but they don’t feel comfortable in the middle of a group. They often assume the role of leader to model their own rectitude for others.

If this is your subtype, you put a great deal of effort into finding the right—or perfect—way to do something, then become rigid about conforming to that right way. You partially repress anger, so that it fuels an unconscious need to be intellectually or morally superior in the things you do. You need to be the perfect role model to teach others the right way to do things, but you don’t see how this sets you above and apart from others. You assert your own rectitude as an outlet for repressed anger and the need for power and control. It will be good for you to work to become more flexible and less perfect.

Social 1 Subtype summary (2013)[8]

Social Ones (unconsciously) consider themselves to be perfect; they express anger through focusing on being the perfect model of “the right way” to be. They have a teacher mentality that reflects an unconscious need for superiority. In the Social One, anger is half-hidden—there’s a transformation of the heat of anger into cold. This is a cooler, intellectual personality type in which the main theme is control.

Social 1 Subtype description (2013)[8]

The Social One: “Non-Adaptability”

The Social One is less of a perfectionist and focuses more on being the perfect example for others of the right way to be. This One is not an internally anxious person striving to be perfectionistic, but rather a paragon of correct conduct. Social Ones have a need to represent the perfect model of the way to be or do things through their actions—to teach others by example. Ichazo labeled this type “Non-adaptability” and Naranjo calls this subtype “Rigidity,” describing the Social One as having a kind of “school teacher” mentality. Non-adaptability or rigidity refers to the tendency of this character to rigidly adhere to particular ways of being and doing things, as a way of expressing exclusive ownership of the “right” way to be, think, and behave.

In this Social One subtype, anger is half-hidden. Where the heat of anger changes into warmth in the Self-Preservation One, in this personality there is a transformation of the heat of anger into cold. This character tends to be a cooler, more intellectual type, in which the main characteristic is control. However, the anger of the Social One is not completely repressed, because there is an equivalent of anger in their passion for being the owner of the truth. In this subtype, anger gets channeled into an overconfidence about being right or “perfect.”

The Social One has a (usually unconscious) need to feel superior or to appear superior (because a conscious desire to be superior would constitute bad behavior). It is as if they are implicitly saying, “I’m right and you’re wrong.” They have an underlying need to make others wrong to have some power over them. If I’m right and you’re wrong, then I have more right than you to control the situation. Like my Social One father always used to say: “I’ve never been wrong, except once, when I thought I was wrong, but I was mistaken.”

Social Ones learn to repress emotions from a very early age; they were usually good kids who did not cause problems. They may have been young adults who acted “older” than they really were, who often forgot that they were children.

A person of this subtype may purposely not adjust to changing times or customs. A Social One tends to persist in a particular way of doing things that she thinks is right, despite others having evolved into doing it a different way. This One displays the general attitude, “This is how it is and I’m going to tell you how it should be.”

Not surprisingly, Social Ones automatically take on the role of teacher. Social Ones have the sense that demonstrating and modeling what they are teaching is equally or more valuable than what that say. It’s the idea that a good model goes a long way toward making the point being taught. They may also be unaware of the need to appear superior, but may receive feedback from others that they are acting like a “know-it-all.”

This is the Type One who resembles Type Five in that this character can be more introverted and may seem a bit “above it all” and emotionally detached. They separate themselves from the crowd because they are perfect and therefore superior. They never feel completely comfortable in the groups they frequent; they tend to feel alienated. But while Fives focus primarily on conserving energy and resources, Ones focus more on making things perfect and their anger is closer to the surface.

In relationships, Social Ones can have high expectations. They tend to have more confidence in themselves than in others. They can seem remote at times, being self-sufficient to the point of not seeming to need others. It can also prove difficult for partners and friends to convince Social Ones that a perspective other than their own can be correct. They are great reasoners and will argue their point energetically. They dominate through making the other person wrong, and it can be hard to convince them of the validity of a competing point of view.

Haiki Social 1 Description[6]

Social One: Inadaptability

Interestingly, these Ones struggle a lot with being social, as they always expect that things will be done as they think is correct. The passion of anger is transmitted in a passion for Inadaptability. They believe to be a perfect being, never satisfied or asking others for help. Differently from Self-Preservation Ones who think they need to work harder to improve themselves, Social Ones feel like they already are perfect as they are. If they can throw in your face that you are wrong, great! They are very much “I told you so. See how I was right.” In this way, they show their strength and moral superiority: strength that since they were very young masked their tenderness.

They think that everything would be better if everyone acted like them. Without a doubt, they are the most rigid of the rigid. Unlike Threes, Social Ones care very little about what other people think. Their attitude is the opposite of the chameleonic Three. They tend to say things like: “You do it like this” and “This has to be how I say.” They have a tendency of thinking there is only one way of doing things.

In some ways, they can seem a lot like a kind of English Lord. They tend to correct others in an aristocratic way. They can often be intellectual and educated.

All of this being said, Social Ones do not adapt well to the social world, as their desires for others to do what they want make them seem socially isolated. The way they act superior to others makes them seem distant and cold.

This being said, when healthy, they have a very strong inclination to work for the common good.

Carmen Durán and Antonio Catalán's Social 1 Description[7]

SO1: Inadaptability -> Authority

In this subtype, the satellite passion of inadaptability is manifested through a difficulty in following social customs and traditions, due to a rigid maintenance of their own principles. They are the most rigid form of the type. In their eyes, the world is wrong, with people not following the rules. It appears as if only they know how to do things, as if they are always right. They look for universal and immovable norms and principles and try to implement and impose them. Because of this, we have chosen the term “Authority.” Authority that grants them the fact of knowing how things should/must be. This moralistic attitude leads them to be in opposition to the world, in a form of constant criticism of mistakes committed by everyone else, who they seek to correct so they become better. They set out on a crusade of indoctrination, as if their primary motive were to convince others that their principles are correct and just, and that others should comply. The consequence is inadaptability.

References

[1] Lilly J. C. & Hart J. E. (1975), The Arica Training

[2] Naranjo, C. (2017). "Ensayos sobre psicología de los eneatipos"

[3] Naranjo, C. (2012). "27 personajes en busca del ser"

[4] Maitri, S. (2001). "The Spiritual Dimension of the Enneagram"

[5] Chestnut, B. (2021). "The Enneagram Guide to Waking Up"

[6] The Haiki Enneagram Website (Link To Subtype Translations)

[7] Durán, C. and Catalán, A. (2009). "Los engaños del carácter y sus antídotos"

[8] Chestnut, B. (2021). "The Complete Enneagram"

#enneagram 1 #1 subtypes #1 so #so 1

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k-enneagram · 2 years ago

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Sexual 1 In Detail

Anger in the Sexual Sphere

Originally the SX instinct with the Anger of a 1 would produce a highly jealous character which was afraid that someone more perfect would come along to steal their partner, but Naranjo and his students would change this subtype into what it is today. So, what is the SX1? Well, when Anger comes into contact with the relations instinct it produces a character which merges it’s ideals of perfection and projects them onto another, correcting and forcing others to conform to their standards, here anger is expressed the most freely in the three subtypes of the 1, as they feel it’s their duty to reform others and make them more "perfect", a common social role of this subtype is that of a coach, the kind you pay to scream at you to get better.

Ichazo called the SX1 "Jealousy", an individual who feels that their union with another is always threatened by someone more perfect[1], which then manifests as impatient invasion supported by a sense of entitlement.[2] Naranjo described it as assertive anger that overlaps with desire, resulting in characteristic vehemence, comparable to an animal in heat, which he implies with the title "Zeal", he also implies that this can lead to a spirit full of conquest and possessiveness.[2]

Claudio Naranjo's Sexual 1 Description[3]

E1 Sexual – Vehemence/Zeal

Oscar Ichazo used the Spanish noun cello (zeal) in reference to the characteristic passion of the sexual, and this is a word that has a double meaning. When speaking of an animal in heat (that is, in the estrus phase), the word denotes great sexual excitement; In reference to personality, when we talk about doing things with zeal, we mean something similar to care, care, dedication or fervor. Thus, it is understood that heat, in its broadest sense, is something analogous to the intensity with which the animal in heat seeks the object of its instinct.

We would say that a sexual E1 is characterized by a special intensity of their desires that makes them urgent, vehement. If we want to understand why anger in the sexual sphere results in this jealousy, we can say that anger potentiates desire by lending it its aggressiveness. In other words, anger gives any desire a special strength and intensity, so that the person feels not only strongly drawn toward its satisfaction, but feels entitled to it.

The result is a type that is characterized by a strong spirit of domination and conquest. I will explain it with a collective behavior: when the emerald or diamond mines in South Africa were only exploited by Europeans, many objected that this was not fair, since such wealth belonged to Africans. However, many people—completely convinced—replied: “what good is it going to do for them? They have no culture!” And it seemed obvious to them that it was the Europeans to whom the diamonds belonged in view of their civilized character—which contrasted with the supposedly barbaric character of the primitives.

The same thing happened with the Spanish conquerors, who in the name of their very Christian emperor felt authorized to take the gold from the Aztecs or the Incas.

Similarly, some people feel more entitled than their neighbors to the good things in life, to the satisfaction of their desires or even to exploitative behavior. And in this there is not only vehemence of desires, but an illusory and exculpatory conviction that this satisfaction justifies aggressive acts.

A young man in one of my groups explained that when he was about six years old, he liked to put his penis between his sister's buttocks. His mother told him: “No! Don't do that!” And he answered: “Why not?”

Never before have I heard such an anecdote from a little boy: “Why not?”

Because we live in a sufficiently repressive culture so that it is usual that, when children are reprimanded by their parents for sexual activities, they experience it as a shame, and sometimes even with a guilt that leaves traumatic traces. For a sexual one, however, the strength of the drive is sufficient for the person—as in the case of the lustful enneatype—to be more willing to question the censure of authority than the strength of her desire.

Sandra Maitri's Sexual 1 Description[4]

1+Sexual – Heat/Jealousy

Sexual Ones have a vivacious, gushy, hyperanimated, and effusive style of behavior. This constant sense of being impassioned is a leaking of their sexual “heat” into their personality style. They are perpetually afraid that someone more perfect will come along and steal their partner, if they have one, and so are always on the alert for signs that their partner desires someone else. If they don’t have a mate, they are convinced deep down that another, better person will be more desirable to their object of affection than they are. As Ichazo says, “Union with another is always threatened by someone more perfect.”

Beatrice Chestnut's Sexual 1 Description

Sexual (One-to-One) 1 Subtype description (2021)[5]

This is the only Type 1 subtype that feels more comfortable with anger. They tend to express anger more than the other subtypes, even though they also sometimes control it. They are more critical of others than they are of themselves, although they are still self-critical. They claim connection to a higher moral authority and are more often reformers than perfectionists. They are zealous when advocating for what they see as right, for what needs to be fixed, and for their right to get what they want.

If this is your subtype, you express a need to perfect others and reform society so that whatever happens conforms to your sense of what is right, perfect, or just. You criticize others as a way to assert your moral authority. You vent anger and unconsciously avoid taking responsibility for correcting your own flawed perspective or actions. You have a strong need to control what’s happening. Your need to get what you want confirms your sense of what’s right and you avoid questioning your own standards or authority. You rationalize your right to take what you need or fix what needs to be fixed when anger fuels desire.

Sexual 1 Subtype summary (2013)[8]

Sexual Ones focus on perfecting others; they are more reformers than perfectionists. The only One who is explicitly angry, they act out anger through their intense desire to improve others and get what they want. They feel entitled in the way a reformer or a zealot can feel entitled: they believe they have a right to change society and get what they want because they have a higher understanding of the truth and the reasons behind “the right way to be.” The countertype of the Ones, they are more impulsive and outwardly angry—they go against the “counter-instinctive” tendency of the One to repress anger and impulses.

Sexual 1 Subtype description (2013)[8]

The Sexual One: “Zeal” (Countertype)

While the Self-Preservation One is a perfectionist, and the Social One unconsciously takes on the pose of someone who is “perfect” in modeling to the right way to be, Sexual Ones focus on perfecting others. This One is more of a reformer than a perfectionist. They have a need to improve others, but don’t focus on being perfect themselves.

This is the only One subtype that is explicitly angry and so is the countertype of the three One personalities. The Sexual One is impatient, can be invasive, goes for what he or she wants, and has a sense of entitlement. These Ones have an intensity of desire fueled by anger that motivates them to want to improve others. This can be expressed as a sense of excitement, passion, or idealism about the way things could be if people would reform their behavior, or if the reforms they envision were enacted by society. This makes them compelling and vehement.

This character feels entitled in the sense of possessing the mentality of a reformer or a zealot—one who knows how to live or do things better and so feels a right to assert their will over others. Like the mentality of a conqueror, this approach can be rationalized (and made virtuous) through the rhetoric of their adherence to a higher moral code or calling.

According to Naranjo, Ichazo gave this subtype the name, “Zeal,” meaning “a special intensity of desire.” Zeal suggests an intensity or excitement that fuels the desire to connect with others. It also means doing things with care, dedication, and fervor.

This One’s anger infuses his desire with a special intensity or urgency and the person has the sense that “I have to have it,” or “I have a right to it,” or “I have to improve it (society or another person) to make it the way I know it should be.”

In a collective sense, this can be seen in the idea of “manifest destiny,” the ideology that justified the takeover of the western part of the United States from the Native Americans in the 1800s. Despite what our retrospective view of that period might be, this philosophy was a justification for the white man taking over land populated by “savages.” Another example of this ideology can be seen in the minds of conquerors, as when the Spanish conquered South America. The rhetoric displayed there was, “I can take this because I’m noble and civilized.”

In the Sexual One, this intensity of desire can support the impulse to reform or perfect specific others or to make the world a better place in the way this One believes it should be. Sometimes, this desire to perfect others grows out of a genuine belief in an enlightened vision of reform or idealism. However, it may at the same time be fueled by this instinctual subtype’s need to make others more perfect. One woman I know with this subtype reported that she felt she would be justified in leaving her husband if he did not carry out her suggestions for his improvement. And she felt a need to help him become a better person so she could have a better partner

In Western culture there can be an anti-sexual or anti-instinctual sentiment—the idea that it’s not okay to act on one’s desires. For instance, the sinfulness of sex is so pervasive that it can be hard sometimes not to feel improper or naughty if we allow ourselves to freely express our sexual desires. But the Sexual One has a different, more liberated, attitude with regard to sexual desire. There’s a kind of “go for it” mentality that can then necessitate the finding of good reasons to support the rightness of whatever the Sexual One wants to do. Unlike the Self-Preservation Ones, these Ones don’t question themselves as much. Instead they are concerned more with making others into the people they think they should be.

These Ones are avengers; they are not afraid of confrontation. They may be containing a murderous rage that they cannot see. Their anger can be like a volcano that erupts. They perceive themselves as strong. They have great strength and determination and can be very brave. They are also impulsive and do things quickly.

Sexual Ones have two sides: a more playful side oriented toward pleasure and an aggressive, angry side. Pain is the emotion they repress the most and the one they find most difficult to show. They may act out their unacknowledged pain by leading a double life as a way of breaking the rules. Some Sexual Ones display “trap-door” behavior, discharging their anger and pain through “bad” acts. An example of this is Eliot Spitzer. As the Attorney General of the State of New York, he crusaded against lawbreakers, going after Wall Street criminals and prostitutes in an effort to reform society. However, he later resigned as the Governor when he was caught having an ongoing relationship with a prostitute himself.

In light of this type of behavior, this One can look like a type Eight. Like Eights, they can be energetic, assertive, and strong. These Ones believe they have a right to impose their vision and get what they need, in the same way an Eight might overpower or dominate a situation to impose their own will. But Eights and Ones differ in that Ones are “over-social” and Eights are “under-social.”

Sexual Ones bring intensity and energy to relationships. They can be forceful and insistent. They may attempt to reform their partners and friends, conveying the sense of being on a mission or drawing on a higher calling or authority in the things they do. They excel at pointing out what others might need to do to reform their behavior or meet specific standards, but focus less interest and attention in reforming their own behavior, seeing what they do as right.

Haiki Sexual 1 Description[6]

Sexual One: Vehemence

These are people that give their all in everything they do. They obsess and worry about every detail, with an addition for intensity and they transmit their anger into a passion for vehemence.

They are able to easily tap into themes of domination and conquest. They are sure of what there is to be done and they do it without hesitating. Claudio Naranjo spoke of them as being like Spanish conquistadors; in favor of a benevolent God and for the glory of their kings, they sacked and killed without weight on their conscience. To them, it was what had to be done.

In the terrain of romance, they end up being very suffocating while demanding a lot of the other. They confuse sincerity with assertiveness. Differently from Self-Preservation Ones, Sexual Ones can jump from hidden irritation to explicit rage in a heartbeat. They are extremely faithful and loyal; in this sense, they can be very similar to Social Sixes. They create boundaries and limits with clarity and try to respect them. But if they become careless, they can become possessive and jealous.

They are excellent agents of perfection, with a dangerous tendency toward idealization. They experience a constant search for intensity.

In order to grow, they must tone down their intensity and give their impulse a break, making contact with true serenity.

Sexual Ones spew out their anger on the world. There is bitterness written all over them. Their blood boils with their own violence and they become agents of righteous anger.

Carmen Durán and Antonio Catalán's Sexual 1 Description[7]

SX1: Zeal -> Submission

In this subtype, there is a strong tension between a high level of natural impulsivity, uncontrollable by nature, and fear of what a loss of control would entail. They make themselves feel safe through maintaining a highly-controlled, Puritan-like attitude, but their fantasies remain full of desires. It is this projection of their impulses that leads to a zealous attitude, believing that others unable to control their own impulses gives them the right to intervene and submit the other to their ideal. This produces a hypervigilant control and, from there, a desire to find someone they can submit to, someone who will take control, and therefore they can not take the blame for their own desire. The fantasies of losing control are as feared as they are desired and, sometimes, they manifest through a type of double life, where they act out everything they consider wrong or dirty, while maintaining it separate from their orthodox daily lives. We propose the term “Submission,” with a double meaning as it alludes to the desire of finding someone who can submit to them, who they can control control, but at the same time, to the desire for someone who is capable of making them submit and lose control a little bit.

References

[1] Lilly J. C. & Hart J. E. (1975), The Arica Training

[2] Naranjo, C. (2017). "Ensayos sobre psicología de los eneatipos"

[3] Naranjo, C. (2012). "27 personajes en busca del ser"

[4] Maitri, S. (2001). "The Spiritual Dimension of the Enneagram"

[5] Chestnut, B. (2021). "The Enneagram Guide to Waking Up"

[6] The Haiki Enneagram Website (Link To Subtype Translations)

[7] Durán, C. and Catalán, A. (2009). "Los engaños del carácter y sus antídotos"

[8] Chestnut, B. (2021). "The Complete Enneagram"

#enneagram 1 #1 subtypes #1 sx #sx 1

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k-enneagram · 2 years ago

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Self-Preservation 1 In Detail

Anger in the Preservation Sphere

In the E1, the passion of Anger combined with the SP instinct turns the anger against oneself. The Anger of the SP1 is then transformed into worrying about not being perfect. They feel as if they have to be perfect to survive. This 1 is the most perfectionistic, as well as the 1 that hides their anger the most, often you will find this subtype turning their anger outward into warmth, he does not want to let his anger show through. They can feel dirty or that they have a lot to improve in themselves, which gives them an excess of extra pressure. However it is also not uncommon to see these people being extremely critical, both to themselves and to the outer world.

Ichazo called SP1 "Anxiety", someone who is constantly worrying about not being perfect[1], someone with a compulsive need for self-perfection which results in constant worrying about not meeting those perfect standards.[2] Naranjo says that Anger in the Preservation sphere results in "warm" assertiveness, which is justified through good conduct, a "virtue" that could not be claimed without a corresponding self-demand.[2]

Claudio Naranjo's Self-Preservation 1 Description[3]

E1 Conservation (Self-Preservation) – Worry

Ichazo called anguish to the passion characteristic of the one conservation. However, he preferred to use the word worry. It could be said, in fact, that in this type of person concern is a real passion. And it's not just behavior that can be described as worrying too much — or even feeling a need to worry — but they worry about things that are okay, and sometimes spoil what they touch by trying to fix what doesn't need fixing. This need to worry can be understood as an exaggerated need for foresight and to have everything under control, in turn motivated by a fear that its survival or conservation will be threatened.

In reality, the image he has of himself is that of being too imperfect and that is why his activity becomes a constant and obsessive improvement of himself. His anger, on the other hand, hides behind a friendly benevolence and an attitude of service that does not allow his anger and resentment to show through. That is, it transforms his anger into goodwill.

Sandra Maitri's Self-Preservation 1 Description[4]

1+Self-Preservation – Anxiety

The satisfaction of their basic needs becomes fraught with anxiety for Selfpreservation Ones. They have an underlying belief that they are not good enough to merit their needs being met, and because of this they worry in anticipation that something will go wrong and their survival will be endangered. This can become a self-fulfilling prophecy, causing them to take action preemptively or to do things badly out of their anxiety. Their passion of anger gets triggered if someone threatens their survival, a reflection of their deeper anger at themselves for not being perfect and so being unworthy of survival.

Beatrice Chestnut's Self-Preservation 1 Description

Self-Preservation 1 Subtype description (2021)[5]

This subtype experiences the most worry and anxiety and pursues perfection the most aggressively. They usually feel they have to be overly responsible from an early age, and so have a fear about survival. They are the most self-critical and least critical of others. They repress anger the most, and so don’t relate to being angry. Their anger leaks out as body tension, micromanagement, or resentment—or the need to control everything. They are, however, the warmest and friendliest subtype.

If this is your subtype, you maintain a high level of anxiety and worry about everything you do. But you never really feel that things turn out right enough, so you never really feel okay. You unconsciously repress anger to the point where you express its opposite—you appear very polite and friendly. You internalize the anger you repress so that it fuels self-criticism and becomes trapped in your body. You feel the need to control every detail of everything you do. You fret about making everything perfect all the time—including yourself. To grow, you will need to find ways to ease your anxiety and become more aware of your anger.

Self-Preservation 1 Subtype summary (2013)[8]

Self-Preservation Ones are the true perfectionists of the three Ones. They express the passion of anger through working hard to make themselves and the things they do more perfect. In this subtype, anger is the most repressed emotion; the defense mechanism of reaction formation transforms the heat of anger into warmth, resulting in a friendly and benevolent character.

Self-Preservation 1 Subtype description (2013)[8]

The Self-Preservation One: “Worry”

For the Self-Preservation One, anger is most repressed. To render their own anger less threatening, the mechanism of reaction formation transforms the heat of anger into warmth. And this is a major shift—an angry person disconnecting from his anger to become a gentle, supportive person with good intentions. In this subtype, the anger of the One, together with defenses against that anger, manifest as good intentions, perfectionism, heroic efforts, obedience to rules, and an obsessive striving for perfection.

The outward result is an excessively gentle, decent, and kind person. In the quest to perfect themselves, Self-Preservation Ones believe it’s bad to be angry and so make a virtue of being tolerant, forgiving, and sweet whenever possible. Underneath, these Ones are very angry, but they control it. Under pressure, however, this One’s anger may leak out as irritation, resentment, frustration, or self-righteousness.

The Self-Preservation One worries a lot. This subtype has a need for foresight, a desire to plan everything out, and a compulsion to try to have everything under control. Self-Preservation Ones often had a chaotic family history where they had to provide the stability, even as young children. These Ones were usually the most responsible person in the family. Perhaps because their survival felt threatened by out-of-control elements in their early environment, this subtype has a lot of anxiety. They lack confidence that things will go as they should, so they display an excessive sense of responsibility that takes the form of worrying and fussing, even when things are going well.

This One has an ongoing sense that anything could go wrong at any minute unless they are on high alert to make sure that things happen as they should. This One also has a faulty sense of security with regard to survival and an implicit anxiety about things not going well and the consequences of failure. Self-Preservation Ones can sometimes let go of worrying if they become convinced there is nothing they can do about a situation, but it is difficult for them to stop being vigilant if there is something they can do to have an effect on the situation.

This tendency toward feeling anxious and constantly on guard can, in some cases, trigger obsessive-compulsive defenses; that is, Self-Preservation Ones can become obsessive in their thinking and compulsive or ritualistic in their behaviors as they attempt to reduce anxiety by thinking certain thoughts or engaging in certain behaviors. The Self-preservation One does so to gain a sense of control over what is happening, and through gaining a sense of control, finally be able to relax. However, there are so many things to be done and worried about that this One is rarely able to relax. This subtype is the epitome of a true perfectionist, as they are especially hard on themselves if they don’t get things right. As Naranjo points out, Self-Preservation Ones have difficulty loosening their need for control and allowing for a flow to happen. Instead they feel compelled to insert themselves if necessary, to make sure every important detail gets scrutinized and perfected. The quest to do the right thing or to find the perfect solution is how the Self-Preservation One finds safety.

The title of “worry” was given to this type as a descriptive label because they have a passion, or a strong emotional compulsion, to worry or fret. And more than having frequent worry as a character trait, the Self-Preservation One feels an insatiable drive to fret. Self-Preservation Ones typically experience three convergent aspects of this “worry/fret” drive. Constant fretting is used to 1) attain perfection, however small; or 2) avert misfortune, however large; or 3) free themselves from blame, however slight.

Anger lies beneath the fretting and constitutes this One’s early response to having to worry in the first place. The young Self-Preservation One cannot allow himself to be conscious of his anger, as the experience of anger (or overwhelming frustration) itself represents a threat to the child who takes on too much too early. However, older Self-preservation Ones are usually plenty angry and this anger shapes the personality in adulthood.

In relationships, Self-Preservation Ones demonstrate a sensitivity to being criticized and can become very angry when they feel blamed. In times of conflict, these Ones can be self-righteous, rigid, and unyielding. They tend to own up to their failings (sometimes too readily) and are forgiving when others admit guilt or apologize. Partners can feel criticized and held to impossibly high standards, but can also count of Self-Preservation Ones to be extremely reliable and trustworthy.

Self-Preservation Ones can get confused with Type Sixes, especially Social Sixes, who have characteristics that make them look One-ish, like black-and-white thinking and obedience to rules and authorities, or Self-Preservation Sixes, who also feel an underlying sense of anxiety and insecurity. What differentiates the Self-Preservation One from the fear-based Six, however, is the central, though mostly unconscious, role of the One’s passion of anger. Sixes are motivated by fear and doubt as opposed to resentment. Self-Preservation Ones continually ask the question: “Why am I always the one working to improve reality, when it benefits all of us to try to make things right or better?” Sixes, by contrast, are preoccupied with coping with anxiety. Ones also have more confidence in the standards of perfection they apply, whereas Sixes continually doubt whether or not what they do is “right.”

Haiki Self-Preservation 1 Description[6]

Self-Preservation One: Worry

In this case, we are looking at the most perfectionistic and anxious One. The passion for anger turns into an excessive attachment to control and “I have to/I must” thinking patterns, which evidently makes this subtype suffer a lot. They live in an almost constant state of anxiety. Their worry focuses on ensuring that everything will go well, and what “well” means to them will be more than well for everyone else. They do not have a normal measuring stick. They are very farsighted and want situations under their control. However, they are not able to see that everything is good as is and that they are merely in constant improvement mode. They can feel dirty or that they have a lot to improve in themselves, which gives them an excess of extra pressure. They tend to hide their anger, worry, and control, wasting time trying to make it seem like something it isn’t.

In the words of Claudio Naranjo, “We could say that this is effectively a person where worry becomes a true passion. And this is not just talking about a behavior that could be described as worrying too much, but rather that they worry about things that are already good, and sometimes end up losing what they are trying to fix because it didn’t need to be fixed in the first place. This need to worry so much can also be understood as an exaggerated need for foresight and having everything under control, simultaneously motivated by a fear that their survival seems threatened.”

They accumulate a lot of energy trying to appear like an almost perfect person. They tend to always be physically tense and sometimes this can even make them feel like they have physical illnesses. Also, they can sometimes seem quite emotional. With this being said, in the same way that Social Sixes end up mistyping themselves as Ones, a lot of Self-Preservation Ones can mistype as Sixes. This is because, at first look, we cannot see the anger Self-Preservation Ones carry inside, as they just seem like people who look for control and security.

Additionally, the Self-Preservation Ones seems quite reasonable and coherent, with an air about them that seems Three-ish (definitely not Social). It could seem that if we did not know they were emotionally more dead than alive, they would have little to change. They are the most affable and friendly of all Ones since they deeply mask their anger. They are very hard-working, down to earth people. This being said, they are extremely critical to things they do not care for.

To Claudio Naranjo, Aristotle was a good example of a Self-Preservation One: a more down-to-earth philosopher who had an immense influence on his disciples.

Carmen Durán and Antonio Catalán's Self-Preservation 1 Description[7]

SP1: Worry -> Control

In this subtype, anger is transformed into a constant worry about everyone and everything, into a worry that masks aggression, because it gives them the right to intervene in others’ lives, in an imperial need to have everything under control. It is because of this need that we propose the term “Control.” It possesses a strong component of anxiety, insecurity, and preoccupation ensuring that nothing bad happens to them or their loved ones. Maintaining control is a guarantee that nothing bad will happen. Control is related to doing things right, as if it underlies a magic belief about things badly done being catastrophic, while things well done give a type of guarantee. Life will respect me if I do things well. Control, justified by worry, is the distorted form of demonstrating love.

References

[1] Lilly J. C. & Hart J. E. (1975), The Arica Training

[2] Naranjo, C. (2017). "Ensayos sobre psicología de los eneatipos"

[3] Naranjo, C. (2012). "27 personajes en busca del ser"

[4] Maitri, S. (2001). "The Spiritual Dimension of the Enneagram"

[5] Chestnut, B. (2021). "The Enneagram Guide to Waking Up"

[6] The Haiki Enneagram Website (Link To Subtype Translations)

[7] Durán, C. and Catalán, A. (2009). "Los engaños del carácter y sus antídotos"

[8] Chestnut, B. (2021). "The Complete Enneagram"

#enneagram 1 #1 subtypes #1 sp #sp 1

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k-enneagram · 2 years ago

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Social 2 In Detail

Pride in the Social Sphere

Once the social instinct meets the Pride of a 2, it transforms said pride into someone who is often referred to as a social climber. Pride here takes form as feeling worthwhile when achieving a position they are after. They are the coldest and most intellectual 2, as to go out and conquer you need to know how to use your mind, for this reason they like to be seen as people of reference. Because of this, their seduction comes from the intellectual, they are also very efficient in working with people, being great with networking and interacting in the social sphere. Often a social 2 lacks a figure to look up to, and because of this they want to become that figure, going from a lonely child to a parent of everyone. They are also often counter-dependent, meaning rather than being dependent on others and acting the way the other wants them to, they are the ones to push others into playing the court for them, though often there is a person in the SO2s life who they are dependent upon, whether they can admit it consciously or not. They treat themselves as above others and this can manifest as both selfishness for status or a savior complex.

Ichazo titled SO2 "Ambition", it was linked to a prideful individual who exceeds at climbing the social or business ladder[1], an importance and superiority that are nurtured by leadership.[2] Naranjo defined it as someone whose pride translates into ambition and social seduction[2], the most intellectual and emotionally cold among the 2s, someone who couldn't be considered "a silly blonde".[3]

Trait Structure[4]

Cold

Within E2, who is the most emotional type, this is the least so among the three subtypes. If the defense mechanism of the E2 is repression, which turns unconscious the thoughts, cravings, and necessities regarded as unacceptable, in the social E2 this strategy leads to an almost complete cooling of emotions. There are times in which, faced with a significantly painful happening, he “freezes” and loses contact with part of his emotional world.

The social E2 can therefore remain impassible with nothing and no one able to question his aggrandizement. If anyone saw that he cannot do something, that he doesn't know or isn't worthwhile, it would be catastrophic because a self-referential must not ever allow himself to fail. At the same time, this coldness and hardness protects him and helps him cover his terror of being once again betrayed and that no one catches him in a fail. “To protect himself, he sometimes laughs at his feelings or ironizes them, in an attempt to avoid them, or altogether trivializes and doesn't own them.”

He shows himself immensely empathic and emotional when he is set to conquer. Just as he is emotionally indifferent once it doesn't interest him anymore or when he abandons it for another conquest.

The social E2 can go, from a deep subjectivity, to transgressing the norms thanks to his ease in diverting responsibility for his acts, nullifying his emotions, justifying inadmissible deeds, focusing all of his energy on the object of his ambition, above the current moral codes or certain general conventions.

To avoid contact with his inner lack and vulnerability, he shows himself only from his surface, with a hidden fear, keeping everyone from knowing his darker, more needy, and defective side. Or rather he covers the mistakes he makes with lies and arrogance, defending himself with total vehemence and a certain air of innocence, which overwhelms or pushes others away.

Egocentric

His zest for being in the center of attention; giving, organizing, doing, or talking, is another way in which he pales in his sense of solitude and insufficiency, as he confirms the conviction in being the center of the universe. He thinks that from this place no one will be able to question him, nor degrade him by taking him away from the stage from which he receives a transient admiration that he mistakes for love.

Ultimately, he is infatuated with himself; he is his most interesting conquest. In this perspective, he interprets the behaviors of others as referring to himself, be it positively or negatively. And demonstrates a great talent in entangling others for the satisfaction of his necessities.

Demanding and Hypercritical

Inside the social E2 there is a feracious and insatiable inner father, who shows himself demanding, cold, and without compassion, in the form of two coexistent inner currents. One does not tolerate that he diverts from the ambition and ideals that he has fixated. Only when reaching them will he value himself positively, although for a brief period of time, which will rapidly turn to another objective or territory to conquer. The other current, which flows in parallel, is an aggressive intentionality, a buried anger not always conscious, which is normally directed at himself, neglecting his personal care, health, resting times, or allowing himself to receive affection or care.

The social E2 follows an interiorized message from the parents: “Whatever you do, it's never enough.” Because of this he resorts to self-indulgence, occasionally; so that he can lower his own prosecutory angst or negative judgements that he elaborates about himself, and which he sees in the look of whom he has validated as an authority.

Sometimes, he can simulate withdrawal but as a way to demonstrate how without himself nothing works.

And this anger against the self also finds a way of discharge onto others in competition or despise.

As Karen Horney says, these are two sides of the same coin: “The proud develops a series of values that determine what he accepts in himself, of which he must be glorified and be proud of. But this system of values has to determine what must be rejected, disdained, and hated; and one is inseparable from the other. Pride and self-hatred are two expressions of the same process.”

Depreciative

Similarly to E1, the social E2 has invalidated his progenitors in some way and has developed, although this remains in the shadow, a profound despise for mistakes, imperfection, slowness, stupidity, pessimism, or fragility, both in himself and others.

This devaluation starts to generate itself in the oedipal phase, with the polarization of the maternal and paternal figures, where one is idealized and the other despised, and then afterwards depreciating both. This leaves him, invariably, in a relational place in which he doesn't belong and that is horizontal or above the parents. By devaluing them, he lacks parental figures to idealize and with which to identify. This, in turn, will be the seed for not recognizing, as an adult, the power-figures, self-referencing as the only trustworthy authority.

Rebellious and Tyrannical

Ever since childhood they have realized how being close to authority provides him a deal of favors and benefits compared to his equals. They have learnt that holding privileged information or taking part in decision-making gives him a certain power.

Thus, the social E2s characterize themselves by believing to know better than others or that they are more efficient than the rest and by depreciating, like proper envious, others’ attributes. It is truly complicated for them to give up authority for someone, above themselves and their own convictions.

In many biographies of social E2s there are life-stories of certain intensity and instability. These experiences, mixed with their ideas of grandiosity and importance, make him believe that they have certain privileges or that they're above others. They could resemble a conservation E2 in this; notwithstanding, they are different in that the ambitious do this from a manifested anger and a superb and despot demandingness.

They have their own moral code, with which they decide what norms should or shouldn't be respected. This regulamentation can change over time, at his whim, if the circumstances require it, showcasing a total indifference to the ethical implications of other natures. They use and abuse a selective memory in regards to responsibility in his issues.

The lack of clarity with respect to his roles and the absence of limits within the subsystems of the family suppose the greatest obstacle for a social E2, to manage the tasks related to taking authority. This character at times wants to be a brother (colleague), and at others, a father (leader) to the group.

With his critical thinking, scathing and depreciative, and his narcissistic fantasy of omnipotence, doubts that someone can lead him. Somehow stores in memory that one day he delivered himself, naively, to his parents’ will, and was used and betrayed. Since then there is suspiciousness towards authority.

Intolerant of limits

The social E2 doesn't realize that there are external limits to getting what he desires nor to his possibilities. Curiously, given his aggressive and confrontational ways, neither does he know how to impose them to others (even if through humiliation). Because he can't register abuse or aggression as such, and may humiliate himself so as not to lose a relationship. Moreover, the pain he feels in the possibility of loss isn't so much related to the bond itself as it is to contacting the idea of not being worthy and the following abandonment, which would be an even greater humiliation.

Intolerant of critics

Without relating to his own frustrations, the ego grows exponentially, because it is very difficult for people of this subtype to sustain the possibility of failing or being defective to the eyes of others, as well as risking himself to receive any type of criticism, which seem unbearable.

Competitive

Due to this exalted image of self there is no possible competition. If we were to ask a social E2 whether they are competitive, the answer would be a definitive no.

He “knows” that he is better and wants to be given the place he is due. And even though he can maintain an attitude of temperance, security, and confidence, not always does it come to fruition. Entering competition means wanting something one doesn't have and this could make him enter contact with an inner lack, need, or with envy, which underlie his character; or even more terrifying, with the emptiness that renders him incapable.

His ego cannot sustain the idea of there being a worthy enough adversary to be taken into account. He has already defeated the most difficult and powerful one as a child; mommy or daddy. Since then exists his taste for conquering the giant, only to then depreciate and abandon it. The buried fear is that, if he can't, he will become what he is most afraid of being: useless. Then will arrive despise and exhibit being abandoned, like in childhood, to a chaotic emotional world and to solitude.

The person of this character has constituted her self-esteem around being worthy and useful to others. If she can't achieve this, there's the threat of not being worthwhile and the following abandonment. “Everyone leaves, or I make them” they may say, but that's nothing but another way of confirming a narrative of orphan-hood and the need to be self-sufficient. Faced with this failure, the social E2 recomposes himself, isolates fear, belittles the heart, freezes his emotions and swears he will need no one.

Hunger of success and Blindness to failure

The person of this character has incorporated, early in life, the expectations that laid upon her, which drove her to have exit in whatever it is that she purports to. Thus she is not, in absolute, prepared to fail. Thanks to her fantasy, the defense mechanisms of repression and sublimation, and her self-concept of grandiosity, she camouflages it so skilfully that it can't be seen.

Ever since she was little she would talk eloquently about herself as someone who does many things, of which she is certain; and that “all” are done well, which is not as certain. The key is in the adults believing her and giving motivation to keep being this way, so that she may feel admired and also quite very powerful. Sees herself as capable of convincing others, including of her lies. This way she incorporates an image of herself in which she is expected to do important and innovative things, and that she is successful in all she does.

The social E2, when getting to adulthood, tries to reproduce the same situation imagining lots of projects, and telling this as if it were done as a little boy or girl. Thus almost all energy is focused on professional life, mistaking the conquering of territories with receiving love. This way he is kept in contact with constant objectives that allow him to develop his self-image as competent and admirable.

He is an expert in sublimating every setback and makes others see that, even under pressure, his efforts don't cost him. Recollecting himself exhibits in his different personal and professional campaigns, and this benefits him in such a way that he keeps the feeling of accomplishing everything he purports himself. Nonetheless, even though he achieves important merits, he sells more than he can give. In this light he can't see how many casualties have been left in his way, and that he does not share, confirming his own neurosis.

Failure in the working ambit is one of the few opportunities a social E2 will have to realize how far can his self-sabotage and the pain he inflicts on others.

All energy, creativity, effort, and passion that he puts in work is done in detriment to his personal life. He sees all that is amorous, familiar, fraternal, or his own physical and mental health, as a moorland he only visits. He has gotten to the point of forgetting to play, or enjoying the world of love and affection; all of it to avoid connecting to his own vulnerability.

Taken to an extreme, the social E2 won't care about his alimentation, nor his health and most basic and urgent necessities, that he considers inopportune, faced with tasks of higher priority, that are the ones deserving of his attention.

When he fails, the social E2 hides at home or escapes by seeking big innovations in life: changing his social surroundings, his partner or work, maybe even his country. Or he may have refuge in different addictions, such as sex, drugs, gambling... or work, which is the most beloved and prioritized thing for him. Among the Ennea-types, we may definitely define him as the workaholic.

If he can't keep a romantic relationship, he will center on friendships to deaden the emptiness. Even then, if he fails professionally, projects are redirected to the partner with bigger expectations and demands, planning trips, setting rules to her life and trying to “improve” her, as if he had the strategic manual of the good partner; in this way he projects his own ambition onto the other.

This obsessive drive to success may manifest itself in the formula of “it's never enough,” coincident with the message received from the maternal figure: “you are not, and not ever, enough.” Every goal accomplished isn't turned to anything if not the fragile confirmation of his grandiosity and indispensability, but the emptiness is insatiable and demands constant conquers and astounding deeds.

Envious

Envy is the monster of the social E2. Realizing that he envies would be contacting needs, something he lacks, and this would lead him to inadequacy and the emotional void. Contrary to E4, he uses envy as a drive to overcome himself, as a jumpstart to conquer what another has. But the things, as they are; his eye is aimed at the other; what power they hold, what talents, or gifts that he hasn't. Of course that, again in contrast to the E4, this character feeling envy doesn't result in a way to be seen. To be admired he must be useful.

Claudio Naranjo's Social 2 Description[3]

E2 Social – Ambition

In the social two, the passion of pride manifests itself as a satisfaction in the conquest of the public.

To awaken a great passion you may not need to develop much intelligence, or pretend it, but a social two could never be enough to be considered a dumb blonde. A social two needs to be someone, and in order to be someone you need to use your mind more. Being a person who wants to be important to be able to feed his pride, he must be able to seduce the social environment, becoming a seducer of groups, a distinguished being and, perhaps, not only someone superior, but with a gift of leadership.

Ichazo spoke of ambition, but we could say that it is a passion to be in a certain sense above; and through such being above, having influence and having advantages. This is the type of person who presents himself to the world as great or important, unlike the sexual E2, who is mainly interested in being important to his partner, or the conservation type, which, as we will see, is a counter-two.

Sandra Maitri's Social 2 Description[5]

2+Social – Ambition

Social Twos are social climbers, very conscious of social hierarchies and intent on being accepted and aligned with those at the top as a way of resolving their sense of not belonging. Who they are associated with and how important those people are gives them their sense of social standing. The passion of pride manifests here in the self-validation and sense of being worthwhile that arise when they have achieved the position and status that they are after. It also manifests in their refusal to be seen as unimportant or ordinary, rather than special and stellar in whatever group they are part of or aspire to be connected with.

Beatrice Chestnut's Social 2 Description

Social 2 Subtype description (2021)[6]

This subtype shows more leadership characteristics than the other two. They focus more on power and influence and so have a need to “seduce” groups. They project competence and confidence, and are good at playing to the crowd. They tend to enjoy public speaking. They are the most apt to give strategically to get something back. They are more politically savvy, but find it hard to be vulnerable. They tend more to deny their own needs and hesitate to ask for help directly. This is the most controlling of the three subtypes, and they display more of a tendency to manipulate to get what they want.

If this is your subtype, you tend to remain blind to pride and the way it fuels a need for importance and power. It will be important to notice if you display helpfulness and generosity as a strategy to exert control or gain influence. You may support others as a means to control or manipulate. You may get angry when others reject your advice or your help. You appear warm and magnanimous, but can be ruthless when seeking power or exerting control. You avoid vulnerable feelings, but may deploy a (false) vulnerable persona as part of an effort to seduce. You repress exhaustion and sadness in order to serve the ego’s need to be powerful and influential.

Social 2 Subtype summary (2013)[10]

The Social Two is a seducer of environments and groups—a powerful, leader type whose pride manifests as a sense of satisfaction in the conquest of an audience. This is a more adult Two in whom pride is the most obvious; the Social Two cultivates an image of being an influential, supercompetent person worthy of admiration. The name “Ambition” reflects this person’s desire to “be on top,” and as a result of this lofty position, receive advantages and benefits. This Two “gives to get” the most and always has a strategic angle when expressing generosity.

Social 2 Subtype description (2013)[10]

The Social Two: “Ambition”

The Social Two is a seducer of environments—someone who is good in front of groups; a more adult, leader type. In contrast to the other Two subtypes, the Social Two appears as a powerful or intellectual person. This Two has a passion for power, and their pride is expressed through having influence and advantages and cultivating an image of being an influential person.

This Two is the most obviously proud subtype because they are ambitious, know the right people, do important things, occupy positions of leadership, and are usually admired for their accomplishments. In the Social Two, the passion of pride manifests itself as a sense of satisfaction in the conquest of an audience.

In contrast to the more childlike Self-Preservation Two and the more overtly seductive Sexual Two, the Social Two is a more adult “Power Two,” the person who owns their own company, or works at a high level in an organization, or is a leader in their field.

The most intellectual of the Twos, the Social Two needs to be someone important to feed their pride—and to be important, you must use your mind more. Seduction operates in this case through the Social Two’s ability to influence the larger group by being impressive, exceptional, and knowledgeable.

The Social Two’s name, “Ambition,” refers to this person’s passion for being “on top,” being “in the know,” being close to people who are perceived as powerful, and for wielding power themselves. The Social Two has a passion for superiority—a passion to stand above. Because of their need for admiration, Social Twos are competitive and may at times be indifferent to, insensitive to, or in denial about the emotions of others. They tend to (unconsciously) believe that everyone wants to be like them, or that people are less able than they are, or that people are out to get them because they envy their superior skills.

Social Twos are skillful at working behind the scenes to extend their influence within the group and to help the larger entity move in directions that benefit them. They know how to orchestrate individuals within the group or community through the use of strategic giving as a way of gaining allegiance and respect. Although it often operates at a subconscious level, this Two has the strongest reliance on “giving to get” as a strategy in interacting with others. The Social Two almost always has a strategic angle when expressing generosity. They support others as a way of ensuring loyalty and reciprocal relationships. They think in terms of influencing the people around them through the offer or delivery of favors, and they make things happen through the promise of rewards or positive attention.

This Two can be a bit more introverted than the other Twos. They are more attuned to the effective cultivation of a public image that conveys power and authority; this makes them good performers in front of an audience, but it also necessitates a greater level of privacy or removal when they are offstage.

Social Twos can also be workaholics, with a tendency toward omnipotence. They may appear enthusiastic, confident or overconfident—and even manic at times. They tend to engage in power struggles, wanting to dominate and play the protector, and they may express a sense of territoriality at times. They usually have a highly positive sense of their work and their goals as well—they believe that they can accomplish anything.

People with this subtype tend to deny vulnerable emotions, such as shame, fear, despair, mistrust, jealousy, and envy. They may sincerely believe they are displaying vulnerability when they aren’t, or they may use a show of vulnerability for effect with an audience. On the low side, when they are more unconscious and unhealthy, Social Twos may be indifferent toward or contemptuous of others. They may take a position of power and control over others in ways they don’t see, and may even unconsciously exploit others, even while believing they are helping them.

The Social Two can resemble a Three or an Eight. Like Type Threes, Social Twos tend to be goal-oriented, competitive, and successful in their work. They typically get a lot done and have a reputation as powerful people who can lead the group. However, Twos usually have a softer presence and can show more vulnerability, warmth, or emotion on the way to achieving their goals, especially if such demonstrations support their larger aims, whereas Threes tend not to express vulnerable feelings as much. Like Type Eights, Social Twos can be powerful, influential, protective of others, and oriented to the big picture. Unlike Eights, however, Social Twos can display vulnerability more (or use a show of vulnerability to their advantage), and can more readily access their emotions in supporting others or establishing control.

Haiki Social 2 Description[7]

Social Two: Ambition

We call the Social Twos Emperors, as they are more externally oriented. They have a lot of ambition, and both men and women of this subtype tend to be physically strong. They tend to train a lot and have thin waists and strong chests. This figurative armor helps them subconsciously feel invincible. This trait can give them a sense of coldness that doesn’t make them as emotional as Sexual Twos. These are also the subtype of Two that at times can seem like a One. Their pride and need to be someone important can occasionally seem overly strong. If we needed to put one type in charge of a just cause, Social Twos could be the captains of the boat. Ones too, but they would have to be very charismatic for people to follow them. At times, they can seem like some Eights, especially for their sense of protecting their own. They will protect their tribe with a sword and shield. They also will help those that they think need help (even if they didn’t ask). This action, which seems benevolent, as we will see, involves more traps than it seems at first.

This subtype of Two has a very strong capacity to attract others and corresponds quite well with the stereotype of the Italian mother. This Two, as opposed to the Self-Preservation Two, can be very competitive. Putting themselves as equal to others is hard for them and they tend to try to put themselves above. If this requires them showing their physical power, they will do it. It is not super easy for them to collaborate, as they have an inclination to give orders. It is extremely hard for them to ask for help. They tend to be people with a relatively forceful energy but interestingly, at times, some Nines can see themselves as this type. However, there are two basic differences between the types. Twos in general, especially Social Twos, have a more rigid energy (and an occasional narcissistic energy in guys of this subtype). On the other hand, Nines generally have a more masochistic energy. While this nuance can sometimes be difficult to observe, the Nine will say: “I can handle anything” while the Social Two will say “I can do anything.” Social Twos, when they do try to show their needs or that not everything is going well for them, feel a very strong sense of shame and embarrassment.

Carmen Durán and Antonio Catalán's Social 2 Description[8]

SO2: Ambition -> Power

In this subtype, we believe that their true search is for “Power,” which is why we prefer this term. The consequence of this search of power is an ambitious attitude, where true needs are repressed by the eagerness to obtain a position of unarguable dominance, that proves how special they are. The capacity to confront risks gives them an entrepreneurial and adventurous aura, which masks their high level of dependency on people emotionally meaningful to them. But the ambition is oriented toward the recognition of the world or of some people previously regarded as valuable. Getting the approval of these people may become a bigger goal than actually confronting risks and more important than the true realization of the achievement. Maintaining this seductive attitude makes sense because, from it, they can generously and benevolently relate with others, as long as others admire them. If instead of recognition, they find opposition, seduction is substituted with coldness and toughness that make them put personal achievement over everything else.

La Mirada Libre's Social 2 Description[9]

E2 Social: Ambition (Emperor/Empress)

We now move on to the mental subtype of the Twos. Here we do not settle for being the pride and joy of the family or the sweet little girl in Daddy's eyes; we are facing a true conqueror of territories, the one who is called AMBITION in the Enneagram. He wants everyone, not just his family or friends, to attribute personal importance to him, giving him a role of a reference in their lives.

Rubbing shoulders with adults from an early age, he was seen as someone important in the family, not as a child. He was also deprived of contact with his siblings, so he did not learn to relate to his peers as equals, but as competition or people to become superior to. Thus he will continue as an adult to polarize his relationships into "good guys and bad guys," or "with me or against me.”

He has a hierarchical view of people and confuses status with personal worth. Even if he does not mind being unloved, it is essential for him to not be ignored.

He is the least empathic of the Twos and can be mistaken for a mental character or an E1 because he plans, solves problems, handles mistakes, makes decisions, has social cognition and working memory. He is convinced that he can do things better than anyone else, although inside him there is an intense self-depreciation and a deep feeling of loneliness.

It is difficult for him to work in a team since he is a despot with himself and with others. He can abuse others by manipulating them into doing tasks he is not interested in doing himself, setting up a network of collaborators that allow him to dedicate himself to the creativity, organization, social relations or imagination of new projects.

Being an exemplary person of reference in his territory is what makes him feel complete. Under the task of becoming an adult in early childhood, he was forced to banish his heart. For him, there was no childhood beyond 7 or 8 years old (which brings him closer to E1 and E8).

As a child, he felt like "the chosen one," worthy of being seen with love, a special being, but when he was no longer useful to the mother or father, or was not convenient for them for any reason, he was pushed aside with contempt, making him feel deeply humiliated. Since then he has worked tirelessly (he does not feel physical limits) to recover his lost dignity through recognition and being loved again. And in all scenarios, that special person who was loved "unconditionally.”

There are certain differences between men and women of this subtype, but the undiscriminating characteristic is a feeling of being used during childhood, making him great and then "dethroning" him.

Paradoxically, when love comes to him, he distrusts it and cannot surrender or show his vulnerability and need for the other (that which he considers a weakness) precisely because he had to swallow his weaknesses as a child to grow up prematurely. When he considers that he is not loved or not in the proportion that he expects, he feels betrayed and beheads the person, authority or group, or walks away without giving an explanation.

It is the mental subtype of the E2 and its movement is "against".

References

[1] "The Arica Training according to John C Lilly and Joseph E Tart"

[2] Naranjo, C. (2017). "Ensayos sobre psicología de los eneatipos"

[3] Naranjo, C. (2012). "27 personajes en busca del ser"

[4] Naranjo, C. (2020). "Psicología de los eneatipos: Orgullo" (Translated by lawofseven14)

[5] Maitri, S. (2001). "The Spiritual Dimension of the Enneagram"

[6] Chestnut, B. (2021). "The Enneagram Guide to Waking Up"

[7] The Haiki Enneagram Website (Link To Subtype Translations)

[8] Durán, C. and Catalán, A. (2009). "Los engaños del carácter y sus antídotos"

[9] Psychology of Ennea-types Volumes by Claudio Naranjo Interpreted by La Mirada Libre

[10] Chestnut, B. (2021). "The Complete Enneagram"

#enneagram 2 #2 subtypes #2 so #so 2

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k-enneagram · 2 years ago

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Sexual 2 In Detail

Pride in the Sexual Sphere

Combining the Prideful passion with the instinct of relations we get the sexual 2. Passion of Pride manifests here in an extreme sensitivity about being desired or not, and sometimes as a Pride in the number of sexual conquests one has made. This subtype is the most intense of the 2 subtypes, they are obsessed with the desire to be wanted, believing that love is overcoming resistance. They have a superficial personality, they’re also seductive and sexually provocative, almost always intoxicated by love. They constantly move between seduction and aggressiveness, they are generous, indulgent and flatterers but can also be heavily impulsive when their pride is hurt and the love they expect is not given back.

Ichazo called the SX2 "Aggression", someone who believes that love is overcoming resistance[1], the passionate and possessive intensity for a loving bond with someone.[2] Naranjo described it as a need to feel irresistible and to ensure a stable bond, which is achieved with flattery and seduction, which is usually not fully conscious.[2]

Trait Structure[3]

Aggressive

The sexual E2 finds it difficult to ask. He is incapable of frankly asking for fear of appearing as a human being and not a divine being, so he allows himself to manipulate and adopt an exigent position. Pushing and invading, he takes up more space than the space that is his. He adopts the posture of a deserving narcissist. The vital strategy that he brings into play evokes the obtention of a larger space in terms of attention within his original family.

He is impulsive and his motto is: “make love and war.” When he’s going after a goal, he doesn’t look around, and instead focuses exclusively on his desires, which he confuses with real needs. His aggressiveness is expressed in the form of impulsion in the action. Raising his voice, buying the other with affection or whatever he lacks, making a scene and, similarly to the E8, the end justifies the means and the intensity of the action leads to emotional disconnection, which is sometimes confused with the lusty character. This whole mechanism hides the difficulty in tolerating frustration, limits, and the word “no” as an insurmountable barrier; a border that, in its exaggerated dimensions, feels like humiliation.

The person of this character can become violent, brash, and disdainful. In intimacy, upon reaching a certain threshold of frustration, he reacts with indifference or abandonment without too much contemplation or wasted time. He makes up for the loss by continuing his seduction with another candidate, and covers in this way the feelings of loss, frustration, and pain.

In this attitude he differs from the social E2, who expresses more aggressiveness in the intellectual aspect, with arguments and explanations. And, above all, he differs from the conservation E2, where aggressiveness is hidden under a childish halo of huffs and tantrums more than an explicit violence, and can be turned against himself, in accordance with the gestaltic mechanism of retroflexion. This is something hardly seen in the sexual E2, who is fully capable of pouring all his impulse outwards.

Hypersensitive

Pride is sustained through an aggrandized self-image that, occasionally, has to be protected from the world. When he faces confrontation, criticism… or even at the smallest attack on his image, the prideful response is immediate. The volume of the response has little to do with the stimulus, but rather obeys to his hypersensitivity.

When an arrow trespasses the ego defenses and hits right in the middle of the conscience, unveiling a lie or falsehood, he explodes in hyperreactivity, in the face of a painful concern that he cannot tolerate. Before letting himself be hurt, before recognizing this truth that would destroy his ego-construction, at the slightest scratch in his self-image, he automatically gets the impulse to defend himself from the attack. He tells himself that pride is an emotional state that is “easy to hurt.” It is simply an ancient and primal humiliation that hurt him as a child, and left him without the capacity to distinguish between having boundaries, being criticized, and being humiliated.

The “thin skin” may or may not be conscious, depending on the level of maturity. But what differentiates the sexual E2 from the other subtypes is the “spontaneous” compulsivity of the reaction, this automatism of maximum “freedom of expression” of the impulse.

Idolization of desire

The passion of the sexual E2 is to feel passion. The passion of being dragged and of dragging through the intensity of an idealized and genitalized love. Live out the impulse that gives him meaning and strength, in a way that makes it difficult to refuse or postpone any desire, especially in love. The desire is converted into an uninhibited momentum in search of immediate gratification, with manipulative strategies, whatever it takes. He is, in this way, impatient and fickle, chasing what he doesn’t have but believes he deserves.

The most important desire is the desire to be loved and pleased, that of being special in love. It is difficult for the sexual E2 to accept: that which he needs most, he is unwilling to give in. That is what he needs is to learn to love. So his difficulty is in the romantic commitment, compromise, and depth.

He searches for a type of love that serves a neurotic need that could never be satisfied. That which he lacks is what he now searches for unconsciously, and he does this by repeating a type of deficient love based on seduction in the place of this being provided by his parents in the family. His tank is empty, this painful sensation that indicates that not everything is so great and so full of love, bordering on envy and putting in danger the whole ego structure.

Impulsive and Without limits

Someone so wild and impulsive needs freedom. This happens due to a lack of limits; he takes pleasure in violating the rules, in the name of feeling more than thinking. As affirms a sexual E2: “for me, rules are simply optional guidelines.”

There is, in this character, a phobia of feeling the limits imposed on him by external forces. The addiction to the emotional state of the moment gives him an air of freedom that can be confused with the spontaneous truth that, in reality, responds to a difficulty in renouncing the immediate gratification of the impulse. It is for this reason that he appears incongruent and irresponsible.

The sexual E2, since childhood, is used to getting what he wants, like an echo of the oedipal situation in which he got a place of intimacy with the parent of the opposite sex. A place that did not belong to him and that he achieved through seduction—induced ambiguously by his own father or mother—while displacing the parent of the same sex, with whom he has, generally, a conflictive relationship.

He is the wildest and most free of the E2 subtypes. Much more than the conservation E2, without going further, who adopts an infantile position with the sacrifice of a big part of his liberty in order to obtain a privileged relation with the parents, and has to be the best boy or the best girl, which leads to a greater loss of free and spontaneous impulse.

Freedom or, rather, the feeling of being “free” is related with the lack of limits, which were never imposed on him, or that came from an excessive authority that was seduced to overcome the fear of being crushed to death.

Dependent

Apparently independent, he flaunts his freedom, which he confuses with debauchery. But in reality it is a hidden, sly dependence; a dependence that is unspeakable even to himself for it would shatter his idealized image. He needs the other to feel validated, as well as this contact, affective and carnal, where he obtains what he desires.

In denying the lack, the reason the person comes to therapy is usually a relationship issue, where he feels abandoned and the edifice that sustains his pride is destroyed.

Histrionic

Currently the word “histrionic” is used to define the whole emotional stage of the E2 character, especially the sexual E2, who is a specialist in dramatizing emotion. He is also called “histrionic,” for his intense feeling of emotionality and impulsivity; the emotion goes far beyond reason, and is prone to “emotional outbursts.” But the word histrionic is very precise and refers to his theatricality.

The staging of this emotional scene may have nothing to do with his profound emotions. It is only a representation to obtain something else, while hiding the real need that triggered the energetic mobilization. Oftentimes this is unconscious, as all the motivation or sensation is related to the aspect of deficiency, to something that doesn’t align with his aggrandized self-image, so it is relegated to the unconscious through the principal mechanism of the E2: repression. While staging scenes is characteristic of the E2 in general, the expansive and aggressive theatrical capacity of the sexual E2 makes him the most scandalous and shameless subtype.

Histrionics is, in the sexual E2, particularly obvious. As much as he is a prisoner of the shell of his character, he is the best actor specialized in expressing warmth in his distinct declensions. He differs from the conservation and social E2 due to his free and shameless expression of passion. He can surrender to his effusions so much that he lacks the words to express all that he feels and neither his eyes, nor his hands, nor his whole body are enough to communicate his feelings; he wants to break through the other with his voice, with his gaze, and with the fire of his passion.

The very impetuous personalities are still very much capable of expressing rage and struggle, in an emotional catharsis similar to what an actor experiences during a climactic scene. Through seduction he can attain new, higher levels of creativity and expressive wealth: catlike rhythm, submissive gaze that wants to penetrate the other, a mix of tenderness and force, of heat and instinct, a great liberty in physical contact, a natural disinhibition to nakedness, and all sorts of expressions of eroticism that produce an enormous pleasure.

Rebel and Transgressor

In the E2 lives the pitiful sensation of being a fraud, which makes him feel like a fake and, thus, guilty. One of the ways of escaping this is disinhibition and the transgression of the social rules, not as a result of some real autonomy of judgment and action, but rather as an expression of the neurotic need to stand out, with the end goal of obtaining admiration from the people that arouse his interest.

The sexual subtype takes this to the field of erotic-affective relations, including love triangles. He considers himself a depository for new social rules through sexual freedom, with an exhibition of vitality and a feeling of superiority in regards to the most common relationship bonds.

It is not difficult for the sexual E2 to become an advocate for the triumphs of the libido, even with modalities that are provocative or scandalous according to common sense, like a form of narcissistic self-satisfaction.

He needs to feel exalted in relationships where he imagines himself to be at the center of the other’s desires, and intensely emotional, without which he feels dry, empty, threatened by the isolation and dangerously sad. All this is accompanied by the fantasy that it is the others who need his welcoming generosity, when in reality it is he who needs to constantly feel validated in his worth.

Hedonist

The sexual E2 is a hedonist; his search for pleasure serves the avoidance of pain and of any situation that could potentially lead to frustration, which he cannot tolerate. How could someone tell him no? Or not respond to his need to be adored!

To avoid facing this limit he can entangle the other in a persistent promise of pleasure. These seduction games quench the sexual E2’s hedonism as well as his need to break the routine with new experiences. As pointed out by Claudio Naranjo, the desire for pleasure can be considered a substitute for it; and the E2, with his need to eliminate any problematic, bothersome, or non-gratifying part of his life, searches for it in love. His low tolerance to frustration, when he doesn’t feel wanted, leads him to a state of anger and agitation that serves to break the dreaded routine.

Hedonism turns him into a consumerist of relations and objects, as he is indulgent in his intense desire to give and to obtain pleasure.

Idealized self-image

The sexual E2’s image is inflated and grandiose. Radiant and magnificent in fantasy, he is not grounded in reality and facts. It is a dream, but a contagious dream, that convinces himself and others. It is different from the E3’s narcissism, whose marketing of the image is endorsed by titles, by an agenda full of concrete things he has achieved, by hours spent at the gym, by a big wardrobe, or by an excessive taste for cosmetics and plastic surgery.

The image of the vampire, of the femme fatale, who needs to taste and attract, is the ideal compensation from a childhood wound. And the energy invested in preventing this idealized image from crumbling is what provokes a disconnection from the depth of himself.

This theatricalized image, putting on a scene with all the attributes of a liar, made up of intimate music in the voice’s tone, provocation in seductive gestures and in the clothing, and of a suspiciously exaggerated capacity to give.

Lack of consequences

In this discrepancy between the reality and the self-image, the sexual E2 imagines himself as great, generous, and helpful.

He lives in the present in an excessive manner, as if to accord himself today what was promised yesterday. He tells you: “I’m going to help you” with everything. Or: “you know you can always count on me.” Or: “I’ll support you in everything you do.” But when the time comes, the promise is not translated into concrete action. It’s more of a sentiment that exists in that given moment, the fruit of an emotional impulse that sustains his image. And when the occasion comes, there is not much of a service provided.

Universal donor

Someone who feels so superior to others believes that he has much to give in every sense. Someone who continually flees pain, and searches for pleasure through love, cannot give precisely that; love, as he doesn’t have any. But on the contrary, he presents himself as a great donor of love.

Given his feeling of prideful superiority, his high principles in life, love and relationships lead him to see himself as a moral wonder, so he stops taking into account the consequences of his actions as being real.

By structuring his character, his need for affection and to feel like the center of the world transforms into the act of giving love and care. And in all this giving, one thought never leaves him: he hopes that others will recognize all that he has done for them. In his aggrandizement, he pays more attention to what he will receive than what he does for others. It is a continuous action to ensure that others see him, and with a self-image so great, the gratefulness he expects never comes, which causes the pertinacious frustration.

This effort is characteristic to the sexual E2, which can in turn inflate his ego, conjuring in this way the buried idea of not deserving of his internal humiliated counterpart.

Anti-intellectual

The sexual E2 is the most emotional. The sexual E4, also expert in very intense and dramatic emotional manifestations, values nevertheless a more intellectual component in order to exercise sufficient competency in argumentation. In the sexual E2, the incontestable argument is his emotion; things are determined because “I feel this way.” This is his assertiveness, based in his feeling more than thinking and that, in his impetuous disinhibition, brings him a false sense of security and the propensity to be able to obtain everything.

His understanding of reality is based more in emotion than in an objective vision of the facts; emotion contaminates everything in the present moment, and in the name of emotion anything goes. He passionately identifies with emotion and is not interested in the logical world and in structured thought, which seem burdensome and arid to him.

The cognitive or intellectual capacity is devalued in all E2s. It is true that this trait is less present in the social E2, who creates a self-image of a responsive, serious hyper-adult. The conservation E2, identifying deeply with his basic needs, are the most interested in concrete actions to obtain what they need. The sexual E2 feels more than he thinks, and values the emotional and sentimental world much more than the cognitive. This attitude finds its origin in the main defense mechanism: repression.

Competitive

The competitive field for the sexual E2 is above all in sentimental relationships. His struggle to feel unique and unforgettable becomes concrete the moment a third person appears and has the potential to overshadow him. In this case he can turn to a passionate lovesick energy, even though it isn’t clear whether he is interested in the object or in the competition. He also doesn’t ask himself if he desires a lover or a friend, because his interest lies in beating the competitor in order to feel that he is the best in the eyes of anyone. He feels his passion, and believes it, but once he charges forward the prey might no longer have any value for him.

Unconventional

The gestures of the sexual E2 are open, informal, and relaxed. He seems spontaneous and laidback, he feels at home everywhere and occupies a large space that he invades. He is unconventional in his characteristics, as much in his clothing as in his behavior, since he loves to break the mold, he wants to stand out from others at all costs. He is capable of doing in public things that others would only do privately, like taking off his shoes, putting his feet on the couch, showing a scar on a private body part, sleeping in the middle of a meeting, etc., regardless of social conventions. He wants to “do whatever I want, wherever I want, with whomever I want.” He is therefore a provocateur, sweetened by his seductive strategies and by his fear of rejection.

Erotic movements

The energy reaches the most distal parts of the body, giving the skin a warm and rosy appearance. The look, lively and bright, will denote the emotional state in which the person is, a trait that it shares with the rest of the rigid characters of the bioenergetic classification. Already more specific to E2 is the muscular armor in the form of “chain mail,” a form of defense that it shares with the E7, and that supposes a systematic and general rigidity. This “mesh,” which is distributed just below the skin, at the level of the fasciae, is a very efficient mechanism for draining anguish, as it redistributes static energy throughout the body surface. In the old art of war, chain mail was a metallic armor made up of iron or steel rings intertwined with each other in such a way that the energy of any blow was dissipated between all the rings; in short, an effective formula to absorb bumps and minimize damage.

This efficient drainage makes the E2 and, especially, the sexual E2, rarely experience anguish. This is converted into soft and undulating movements, erotically charged and that often confuse the interlocutor, who receives a double message: on the one hand, of provocation; on the other hand, of not taking responsibility for the intentionality of the movement, which is removed from consciousness through the psychic defense mechanism of repression. Its erotic, seductive movement provokes sexual reactions when in reality this is not its function.

This sensual, undulating movement, provided by the muscular defense in “chain mail,” allows a differential diagnosis to be established with other characters that do not have this representative agility and mobility.

Seemingly loose hips

Juanjo Albert affirms, speaking of the hysterical character (the E2): “The defensive function of erotic pseudo-contact and genital sexuality is carried out through its specialization and training to detect the risk of commitment and emotional delivery, and withdraw immediately when that's how it happens.” The most extreme form of a sexual E2 gait is the spitting image of the vampire, whose seductiveness is conveyed not only by her sinuous and exaggerated movements but also through the tone of her voice, the emphasis of her phrasing, her captivating gaze, her voluptuousness expression, and the swaying of the hip, which suggests a promise of orgasm without guarantee.

This typical contouring, as well as the retracted position of the hip, could mean health and connection with sexuality, but in reality it does not. E2’s “charged pelvis” is energetically ready to express its force through orgasm, but discharge movements are limited by its rigidity, with reduced anterior pelvic excursion.

Affectivity disconnected from sexuality

The apparent freedom and looseness of her hip hides the main conflict of this character. This movement is not fully connected to the chest, due to one of its main tensions, in the diaphragm. This is the most active muscle in breathing, so it is involved in the perception and expression of the emotional world. Responsible for increasing or decreasing the signal that is perceived in the chest, it favors or prevents the passage of impulses that come from both the abdomen and the hip, that is, from the world of needs or sexuality, respectively. In this character, the diaphragm is contracted enough that the energetic connection between the hips and the chest is compromised. The diaphragmatic contraction dissociates affections and needs, disconnects the emotional world of sexuality. We cannot speak of a diaphragmatic blockage in a character with emotional connection and expression, but we can speak of a tension that hinders the energetic passage.

Difficulty in delivery

It can be affirmed, reading the tensions and blockages of the sexual E2 body, that there is a difficulty in deep loving surrender, and this is its most significant split.

As Lowen puts it, “Today's hysterical character does not refer to genital contact but to deep, loving feelings.” That is why tantric practice, bioenergetics, integrative body therapy, psychodance, or any other body technique whose objective is the union of the genital impulse with the love impulse have great healing potential for this character.

Cheerful

Compared to the other subtypes of the passion of pride, the sexual one presents a look of contentment and expansive joy. There it differs from the social E2, whose expression is less static, a little more serious and stiff, due to the feeling of importance that invades him. That same joy and smile of the sexual E2 are accompanied, in the conservation subtype, by a look and a boyish face, which often makes it seem younger than it is.

Big spender

Money provides this character with crucial autonomy. Here too, the sexual E2 relies on his own resources: showing his economic needs humiliates him, and his independence is more a gesture of pride than of inner freedom.

Economic resources are subordinated to emotional ones and to the need for intimate contact. The sexual E2 shows carelessness in saving or in the possession of goods. It may have to do with a basic arrogance and the need for immediate satisfaction in the intensity of the moment. He therefore tends to spend what he earns, but more on others than on himself.

Lack of care can lead to not managing money, not checking your accounts, not knowing how much you earn, or not repaying loans.

The power that the sexual E2 entrusts to money is, therefore, that of being at the service of significant relationships, to receive affection and admiration in return. The way to obtain them ranges from generously providing the children's decorations to giving wonderful gifts to the couple or friends, and in this way feel great and make the other feel that he is the center of her attention. He even puts his own survival at risk by following a romantic ideal of generosity, which prevails over any other consideration.

Due to the hunger for love, the sexual E2 experiences more pleasure in giving and spending than in retaining or possessing. For him, the pride of “giving” is an overcompensation for lack, for the painful feeling of worthlessness. This is what leads him to overreact. Under the mask of abundance, the counterpart of the miserable beggar is manifested through the ghost of the fail. It is precisely this opposite that leads to excessive self-sacrifice: if he does not feel he deserves love for himself, he makes sure that he at least deserves it for the services rendered.

Fear of failure

In his relationship dynamic, where he is the one who gives and not the one who receives, the sexual E2 has a hard time imagining that someone could take care of him, if necessary. From his pride he can demand but not ask, since a refusal would do him a lot of damage. This, together with the need for freedom and autonomy, favors the ghost of failure, because he imagines that if he is not capable of giving, he will not have a place in the world, he will be alone.

Claudio Naranjo's Sexual 2 Description[4]

E2 Sexual – Conquest

The sexual two is the E2 par excellence, because if we say that this character is a seducer, we can also add that the sexual two is the most visibly seductive of all.

In American enneagram culture it is more common to say that the two is a “helper”, in view of my characterization of the E2 in the 1970s as a “Jewish mother”, but this has the drawback of a lack of discrimination regarding the difference between a truly helpful character and one that rather seeks affection and recognition through kindness.

These are people who can say, “I'll do anything for you,” but when the opportunity comes to charge them for such an offer, it becomes clear that they are inconsistent with their offers of help. That is why it seems more accurate to me to say that the central theme is seduction (that is, an expression of affection through which interest, loyalty, affection, protection, etc., of others is intended), and only apparently help.

The term vampiress proves a lot, and so does the expression femme fatale. Both refer to a beautiful person, but dangerously beautiful, who needs to hold you and could end up devouring you.

The sexual E2's need to seduce implies a need for the other's desire; But to say that desire is only sexual would be to see only what is most apparent; researching the matter by asking such people what they want may yield more original responses, such as “I want everything.” Just as we think of Helen of Troy as an archetype of the woman for whom a war is waged and for whom men are willing to lose their lives, we can say that sexual E2s aspire to an irresistibility that can inspire greatest passions. It's just that most of these people can't be honest enough to say, “What I really want in a man is for him to be a pocket Samson,” or “I want a giant who will give me everything I want and when I want it.”

It is understandable that some people think that inspiring a great passion can be a way to solve everything in life, and that sexuality can involve money, castles and essentially blank checks: that is how the sexual two thinks.

Sandra Maitri's Sexual 2 Description[5]

2+Sexual – Aggression/Seduction

Ichazo gave only aggression as the descriptor of this subtype, and Naranjo distinguished between a female Two’s seductive style and a male Two’s aggressive one. Because of their insecurity about their desirability, Sexual Twos either seduce or force the other into relationship, depending on their gender. Once in a relationship, Sexual Twos also either entice or push their partner into doing what they desire, again depending on gender. Sexual Twos of both genders usually have a tenacious attraction to an elusive partner. Female Twos are obsessed with the desire to be wanted, and male Twos are obsessed with overcoming all obstacles to union. In both cases, they are attempting to find personal value through love. The passion of pride manifests here in an extreme sensitivity about being desired or not, and sometimes as a pride in the number of sexual conquests one has made.

Beatrice Chestnut's Sexual 2 Description

Sexual (One-to-One) 2 Subtype description (2021)[6]

This subtype focuses the most attention on one-to-one relationships. They present themselves as perfect partners and work to make romantic connections happen with a lot of intensity. They take pride in being attractive, appealing, and exciting partners. They are good at flirting and communicating openness to connection. They express generosity and devotion as a way of seducing others into relationship. They react most aggressively when rejected. They may use sexuality as a weapon and experience intense anguish when an important relationship ends.

If this is your subtype, you may display false generosity in order to seduce. Notice if you flirt to draw others in, but may not always follow through on your promises. You take pride in being the “special one”—the perfect partner or lover—and can use sex as a weapon of conquest. You may even exhibit vampiric tendencies, engineering relationships through an attractive presentation and then demanding that partners give you everything you want and need. You tend to react aggressively when seduction fails or your needs are not met. You may exhibit anxiety when you are without a partner to provide external affirmation. Breakups can feel like death to you because your sense of self gets lost in merging with the other.

Sexual 2 Subtype summary (2013)[10]

One-to-One Twos seduce specific individuals as a way of getting needs met and feeding their pride. Similar to the “femme fatale” archetype (and male equivalent) this Two employs the methods of classical seduction to attract a partner who will meet all their needs and give them whatever they want. The name “Aggressive-Seductive” suggests a character who is appealing, but who also wants to wield some power. Energetically like a force of nature, this is a person who becomes irresistible, who inspires great passions and positive feelings as a way to meet needs in life.

Sexual 2 Subtype description (2013)[10]

The Sexual Two: “Aggressive/Seductive”

The Sexual Two is a seducer of particular individuals. Classical seduction is the main approach of this Two, who expresses a driving need to seduce other people as a way of getting their needs met. This seduction—a way of gaining allegiance or inflaming the desire of the other—occurs through the cultivation of an attractive presentation and the expression of feeling.

While the Self-Preservation Two is the countertype of Two, with conflicting impulses toward and away from people, and the Social Two is a more adult Two oriented to power and control, the Sexual Two is a generous, flexible, somewhat wild, action-oriented Two who is not afraid to woo others by using sexuality as a weapon of conquest. The Social Two tries to be important to feed their pride; the Sexual Two, in contrast, feeds their pride through having somebody’s passionate attachment. Where intelligence or strategic skill helps the Social Two reach the goal of seducing the group, sexuality and charm is the stronghold of the Sexual Two in seducing specific people.

The Sexual Two displays the clearest tendencies toward seduction in the classic sense, using charm and sexuality as a way to lure in unsuspecting potential suppliers of love, favors, and other gifts. Sexual Twos transform their need for love into false needs, whims, and a sense of entitlement to do what they please when they please, not asking but taking. The purpose behind the Sexual Two’s seduction is that it is a way to solve any problem or meet any need in life: this Two solves the dilemma of having needs but not wanting to express them by having a strong bond with somebody who will give them anything they want.

Sexual Twos have a need to be desired that fuels the need to seduce. Pride activates their impulse to inspire attraction in others so that they will give the Two whatever they want, though this Two’s pride may not be so obvious if it is satisfied by “the loved one.” Similar to the Sexual Four, the Sexual Two’s strategy entails being very attractive and somewhat less ashamed of having needs. This pattern reflects a prideful sense that others will want to meet their needs because they are so appealing, charming, and generous.

This Two resembles the French expression of the femme fatale (or its male equivalent) archetype in that there is a kind of “dangerous irresistibility” to this personality. In a similar way, the “Aggressive/Seductive” title given to this subtype suggests an association with the archetype of a vampire. This Two is irresistible: somebody who is beautiful, but who possesses a dangerous kind of beauty. It’s a beauty that needs to wield power over you and could end up consuming you. The name Aggressive/Seductive also suggests the forward momentum this subtype displays in moving toward others—an active, purposeful attitude that can include an element of aggression.

The Sexual Two can be direct and even dramatic in the execution of a classical seduction: the capturing of another person’s affection and devotion involves an intense, targeted, and passionate effort on the part of the naturally sexy Sexual Two. And this Two aims to secure a relationship through this seduction in which they express devotion and generosity in exchange for whatever it is they want. Because the underlying motive of the aggressively seductive strategy is to get needs met—to basically get a blank check—it can be hard for these Twos to accept limits or to take “no” for an answer.

In this way, the Sexual Two’s deeper need for love and need to seduce manifests in a character who uses beauty, charm, and promises of affection to attract a partner who will make them feel desirable and meet all their needs. This Two may need attention or money or pampering, but whatever it is, the strategy to obtain it centers around classical seduction designed to create a special connection through which the Two can have their needs and desires satisfied.

Sexual Twos justify their actions, words, madness, wildness, invasiveness, and selfishness in the name of love, as if love were the only emotion, the center of life, the experience that justifies everything. For people with this subtype, love may be conflated with liking or with being desired. For them, “love” is about enchanting, seducing, and attracting—about maneuvering themselves into a position in which they occupy a special place. Inspiring passion in someone else is their way to fix everything in life. In line with this, they may have a self-image of the “ideal lover.”

Naranjo has suggested that in the “highly emotional and romantic [Two] character, ‘help’ translates as ‘emotional support,’ and on the whole, the personality is better evoked through ‘lover’ than ‘helper.’” We can see this especially in the Sexual Two: the personality might better be captured in the archetype of the “lover” than the names that are often ascribed to Twos: “helper” or “giver.”

While the other Two subtypes can be look-alikes to other types, the Sexual Two may be the most recognizable as a Two and is in some ways the “classic” Two described in many Enneagram books. That said, the Sexual Two may be confused with the Sexual Four or the Sexual Three. For instance, Scarlett O’Hara, the heroine of Gone With the Wind, has sometimes been characterized as a Three or a Four, but Naranjo describes her as a good example of the Sexual Two personality. He points out that in the pursuit of her love object, Ashley, “exploitiveness and selfishness are scarcely hidden under the mask of false love” and that she demonstrates this Two’s sense that “desires are more important than principles.”

The energy of this Two can be seen as “double Two” in that this person moves toward others with the combined force of both the Two “up and out” energy and the Sexual, fusion-oriented, instinctual energy, which amplifies their momentum. In relationships, this Two may communicate both a sense of excitement and the intent of a hunter closing in on its prey. Passionate, seductive, and generous, Sexual Twos typically put a great deal of energy into making relationships happen, and can have a very difficult time letting go if a relationship doesn’t work out.

Haiki Sexual 2 Description[7]

Sexual Two: Conquest

Here, we stand in front of the Queen. This subtype has an extremely developed instinctive side. The traditional Two pride is transmitted into the desire of conquering the other. We see here a clear feeling of superiority and a lot of narcissism. Others’ boundaries are vague to the Sexual Two and they feel like they have the authority to invade them.

As with the Social Two, Sexual Twos are very strong and appear more sure of themselves than normal. Both in women and men, behind a relatively soft facade, we find a warrior ready for battle. They can, in an instant, go from angelic beings to pure fury. Guys are often able to “Eight” a lot and get into their fair share of fights throughout their lives. Their intuition can help them be very attentive to what is going on with the other, as they are very good at reading non-verbal language. It is as if their instinctive energy comes out of them through their pores. They are Seduction in its pure state and they powerfully put themselves into play. They create extremely close relationships and to them, the partner is everything to them. Commitment is another thing…

In addition, manipulation, conscious or not, is an everyday activity for them. Evidently, they are not always especially physically attractive, but even so, they have an incredible capacity for attracting people. It is like taking seduction to the next level. The Sexual Two has a tendency to sexualize their relationships. They often always act loving and romantic, even if a lot of times the desired relationship never actually happens or if the other is in a completely different relationship themselves.

They take the Two tendency to put themselves ahead to another level, always trying to cover and fulfill the other’s needs, knowing well that this creates a debt in the relationship. They make other people feel really good about themselves, and then other people will have no other option than to like them and think of them highly. If after the Sexual Two has given something to someone, they don’t receive anything in exchange, positive feedback, etc., they will feel very angry toward the person, as they feel in some way they have been ignored. Because of this, the Sexual Two needs to come out of their neurotic need to always be on top - forcing people to love and admire them. They need to learn to truly love and admire the other, and through this, get out of their patterns of narcissism.

Carmen Durán and Antonio Catalán's Sexual 2 Description[8]

SX2: Conquest/Seduction -> Conquest

Pride manifests in the scope of love as a constant desire to conquer, for which, we maintain the term “Conquest.” Seduction, present in all subtypes, is applied here to the sphere of romantic conquest. Often, interest is exhausted with conquest. This conquering fantasy feeds the narcissistic image and the desire they create is at its service.

La Mirada Libre's Sexual 2 Description[9]

E2 Sexual: Conquest (King/Queen)

This subtype is called SEDUCTION and thus we make it clear from the beginning that it is the most seductive character of the entire Enneagram, as well as the most emotional of the emotional (anti-intellectual). The daydream and fantasy of this subtype is to be the sublime lover, mother, daughter and friend that is to be adored unconditionally. They seduce in the indulgence of carnal desire.

In addition to queen, she is the archetype of the vampire or femme fatale. With many narcissistic traits, she feeds on the desire of the other, becoming a specialist in wetting their appetite.

The nature of an eroticized child lies in the primary relationship with their mother or father, learning that love goes through sexuality and that provoking pleasure in the other is the perfect channel to receive attention and love. When he becomes an adult, he is fully directed by the sexual instinct until he cannot distinguish between sexual desire and the need for loving contact.

He has a fascinating aura, he falls madly and easily in love, linking briefly with one person and another, but beware! Do not think that this could be with just anyone, as only those who deserve his attention are worthy of interest. Also, with each of these people you can act differently and demand to feel independent and unattainable.

His way of seducing is like a spider; the prey is separated from the rest when it falls into his web and entangles itself in the thread, but he goes without eating or killing it until it he is interested, continuing to weave for new conquests. He manipulates the prey's way of acting, thinking, and feeling so that it meets his expectations, but when it goes limp, he instantly loses interest.

His targets of seduction are endless and based on ambivalence (he shows and hides, says yes and no at the same time, gives and takes away, sucks and bites, loves and destroys). By seducing, he flees from the humiliation of not being considered as a person and of feeling an enormous emptiness.

He has a grandiose, inflated self-image, and the energy he puts into keeping it from falling apart causes you to disconnect from the depths of your being. A theatrical image, staged with all the attributes of a lie, tone of voice, provocation in seductive gestures and clothing, with a suspiciously exaggerated ability to give.

Someone who seeks pleasure through love cannot afford to show that this is precisely what they lack. He secretly dismisses the other because feeling envy for him is a taboo, trying instead to be directed towards his person of interest, he fills his pride with the admiration he receives.

His struggle to feel unique and unforgettable becomes a fierce passion when an opponent appears. He will then focus his interest on beating the competitor to feel like “the best” in the eyes of whoever he is interested in. But, once he has won the prey, he may no longer give it any value. This happens because he is used to competing with someone that he has had an emotional bond with since childhood, usually earning him a paradisiacal relationship with one of the parents–the consequence being an inability to relate to the other. This fills him with pride but also with a suppressed sadness at the loss of the care and protection he should have received as a son.

It is the emotional subtype of E2 and its movement is "towards the other".

References

[1] "The Arica Training according to John C Lilly and Joseph E Tart"

[2] Naranjo, C. (2017). "Ensayos sobre psicología de los eneatipos"

[3] Naranjo, C. (2020). "Psicología de los eneatipos: Orgullo" (Translated by QUWROF)

[4] Naranjo, C. (2012). "27 personajes en busca del ser"

[5] Maitri, S. (2001). "The Spiritual Dimension of the Enneagram"

[6] Chestnut, B. (2021). "The Enneagram Guide to Waking Up"

[7] The Haiki Enneagram Website (Link To Subtype Translations)

[8] Durán, C. and Catalán, A. (2009). "Los engaños del carácter y sus antídotos"

[9] Psychology of Ennea-types Volumes by Claudio Naranjo Interpreted by La Mirada Libre

[10] Chestnut, B. (2021). "The Complete Enneagram"

#enneagram 2 #2 subtypes #2 sx #sx 2

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Social 3 In Detail

Vanity in the Social Sphere

Vanity in the sphere of adaptation makes the individual desire a good public image. They do whatever they need to do to keep up their prestigious image, as their biggest lie is the image of who they are. Social 3s are seduced by the images of the world and feel as if they have to replicate what society values themselves, their need for status and recognition fuels them as it lets them forget their lack of self worth. Their focus is on how they are seen, and they will change their image to fit the values of a particular social group in order to be seen in a good light. Their image cannot be stained, everything must stay admirable. They know how to climb the social ladder, know when to speak up, when to stay quiet, when to act, when to stay still. They are the 3 whose vanity is the most obvious to others, yet ironically, the least obvious to themselves. In short, while the SP3 wants recognition for their productivity, SX3 for their attractiveness, the SO3 wants it for their achievements and status.

Ichazo titled SO3 "Prestige", describing it as a need for a good public image[1], a passion for shining in the eyes of others that is supported by a falsification of one's own self-image.[2] Naranjo defined it similarly, as someone who wants to shine and be admired, accomplishing it through the cultivation of their image.[2]

Trait Structure[3]

Competitive

“Anything goes to stay on Olympus,” Juanjo Herrera will say when analyzing the film “Eva al desnudo,” In the machinery put to the service of its basic objective: success and social recognition, this subtype displays the most powerful and unprincipled competitiveness.

The forms that competition takes may be appropriate, but the substance is ruthless. The social E3, in its self-image as good, hides all the manipulative action aimed at destroying the opponent through tricks and lies. It is rarely going to be confronted directly; it will always be with more or less subtle denigrations. Power is exercised from the shadows with a smile and without disheveled hair, avoiding any space of intimacy. Their efforts are aimed at not losing their good image and social position, through their social attractiveness and friendliness, rather than good performance of tasks. All his efforts are focused on maintaining a leading role that allows him to control the situation.

Envy is one of the silent engines of his action. At work he will go after his ambitions with crude chameleon tricks and showing his “merchandise” at all times: what he has or with whom he is related. He will also use his sight to detect the one who has the power, which he will access through the right silence, the right word, the appropriate action that he imagines may please him. Once a place of recognition has been achieved, the struggle continues, now seeking constant adaptation so as not to lose the privileges achieved. He can have no limit here to trample on anyone, or to build lies that invalidate whoever interferes in his path to the podium. This is one of the character traits that best evidences his connection to E8, along with revenge.

Vengeful

If he fails to achieve his objective, or is discovered in his fraud or in his true intentions, he tries to maintain a good image; there will be an opportunity to exact a cold revenge where everything will be worth it. The manipulation of information, smear and slander are frequently used in this subtype. The strategic lies to discredit the other are so well concocted that he himself loses the notion of the limit between reality and fiction.

Histrionic

The social E3 remains unperturbed to not touch or show his anger and pain. His armor is therefore not to lose the forms or show signs of emotional weakness. So how does he express the histrionic trait? Well, through impatience, its disguised form of anger. That of not getting what he wants when he wants: that is what destabilizes his unflappable attitude and draws the veil of his anger. If he doesn't manage to be the center of attention because his seduction is no longer worth it, he touches his limit; he does not tolerate this because his fraud is exposed and he is fired with dramatic and exaggerated outings that show his intolerance.

Chameleonic and Simultaneously multifaceted

We could call the social E3 simultaneously multifaceted. In everyday life he is capable of watering the plants, talking on the mobile, and taking care of the roast in the oven while he eats an apple, and thinks about the next thing he has to do.

In his perfect adaptation to the environment, he learns how to be in any situation, how to dress, what to eat and what to drink, and whether to shut up or speak. From control, it synthesizes what is most convenient, and passes off as natural behavior studied in detail, away from the slightest spontaneity.

Inverted masculinity and femininity

The social E3 woman has a lot of masculine energy (logical, rational, and action-oriented). She has not known how to take from the mother; the tender, receptive energy; she didn't absorb the loving and protective part of her. She feels complicit among the men, like a colleague who helps them to be even more men. She admires strong guys and feels like a warrior with a hard shell to protect herself from everyone and everything.

The social E3 man does not learn to use the energy of the father, whom he looks at with fear, hiding his emotions. He has a more feminine appearance. And afraid of the strength of him; to make up for it he fantasizes himself as some kind of uptight guy. Among his friends he will seek out the strong and mighty.

Both men and women suffer from dystonia: they associate force with violence, as with an out-of-control explosion. It is healthy for both to experience the strength of the masculine and the feminine in a group; allowing themselves to enter a space that is neither seductive nor competitive.

Manipulative when giving and receiving

The social E3 hates to feel indebted, so they feel that they must give more than they receive. It cannot even give to the same extent; he has to give more and, if he can, better. To make sure he's going to receive, he hits a commodity exchange where he has to come out on top. It is not about altruism, compassion or generosity; it is a strictly commercial counterpart.

Appropriationist

The social E3 only moves on safe ground, based on what others have done. Analyze, filter, optimize, and generate a new product with no room for inspiration. He does not trust being able to create for himself, being too ambitious and a controller overly concerned with the judgment of others. Giusy puts it very well: “metaphorically, the creativity of a social E3 would be cut and paste.”

Avoidance of the experience of death and Frozen

Faced with death, the social E3 is emotionally blocked. He stops feeling, he freezes with a cold absence so as not to face the pain and sorrow. This is how Francesco remembers the news of the attack that father surfed: “We did not know how he was, they did not give details of how the wounded were. I had a tremendous slump and I was completely frozen.” After cooling down, he chose anger, manifested outward or inward, rather than grief. He does not allow himself a space to cry, to loosen up; he is afraid to connect with the body, to feel the heart and overflow with emotion.

Death means for a social E3 the degradation of the body and the total loss of control. He associates it with the body becoming unpleasant, with “losing face.” Giusy remembers: “In a directed fantasy, I always saw myself dead, and I contacted the disgusting part of my body. Mice, insects, worms ate me; I felt rotten liquids oozing from my body.” Faced with the evidence of his own fragility, this character panics.

He is afraid of dying alone and of physical pain. The anguish that he perceives with the experience of death is processed without emotional content, defending himself with the mechanism of denial. He remains “in the denial of the fact, the first phase of mourning,” says Eustaquio. He avoids thinking about death from the omnipotent feeling that he will never die; death is a thing that happens to others. In cases where he has had a constant presence in the family environment, the feeling of being the bearer of death is generated in the social E3.

Until he loses a loved one, he does not become aware of his own mortality. The proximity of death, moments of physical danger, tragic news or illnesses prefer to process them rationally and, rather than break down in pain, they will focus on action. “With cancer I didn't miss a single day of work,” says Ana. To which Haydée adds: “A few minutes after my father died, I went to the phone and started making arrangements. My father died at 3:30 in the afternoon, and at six he was already in a funeral home eighty kilometers from home.”

As an adult, he associates death with an internal non-being, with an interior desert, with a cold, dry depression. If he allows himself to accompany a loved one in this transit, he experiences a quality of love that opens his heart, and then he lives a purity in delivery, a transcendental experience. “At my father's farewell I felt a lot of love, of a quality that is difficult to explain,” recalls Haydée.

The approach to death can also become something frivolous. The social E3, instead of mourning, think about what clothes to wear to the funeral. In some cases, the Hoffmann process has served to mourn all the deaths that had not been mourned at the time.

Attached to money

The social E3 risks, even too much, but it is certain that in the face of economic risk it will know how to procure the means to maintain its status. He doesn't like to ask but he doesn't give up anything; try to get others to give you without having to openly ask for them.

He seeks from a young age to be financially independent. He doesn't keep an eye on his bank account, he doesn't save, and he spends more than he has. It is about spending, not about investing in things that later give revenue. He is generous with other people's money and more “greedy” when it comes to his own.

Another way of spending is indulging others with gifts, fine foods, etc., as a way of buying friendship. It is a question of generosity as a matter of image; “It is frowned upon not to be generous,” Yolanda clarifies. The social E3 tends to give the couple things that he actually likes but not necessarily the ortho. They are manipulative gifts: “look what I brought you… and then it ends up in my room, or is it so that I can wear the perfume that I like.”

If living with austerity is what he takes, he will do it, facing the gallery, but he will have a Mercedes Benz in a parking lot not far from there. He rubs shoulders with powerful people with a higher purchasing power than his, and behaves with them as if they were from the same clan, a prisoner of internal insecurity. Although he does not have it, it seems that he has, because of the attitude of a rich patrician that he knows how to adopt. A social E3 would have a hard time obeying the mandate of a new Messiah who came with a “leave everything and follow me.”

Attached to the image of his house

A social E3 can't live anywhere; he looks for wide spaces that he decorates with his own style. His is a charming house. It is not only the place where he lives but also a showcase to show what he is and what he has. He enjoys receiving friends or important people who will appreciate the style that permeates every corner. He takes care of all the details and perfumes a house with flowers, candles, and incense that oscillates between a certain chaos and immaculate cleanliness.

Scatologically modest

This is a topic that a social E3 would prefer not to talk about. He is neat in his personal cleanliness, in some cases to the point of generating a reaction formation that leads him to wash himself several times a day. He would eliminate fart, snot, poo and pee, as it seems to him something very unpleasant that educated people do not show in public. Equipped with a discriminating sense of smell, he hates bad body odors.

He is usually constipated by a masochistic fixation that leads him to contain. He is able to get on with the task at hand rather than satisfy physiological needs. He keeps farting to himself, which is allowed only in an isolated bathroom, away from other ears, but if the evidence betrays it, he justifies it as “uncontrolled gas,” and if the fart is not his he suffers thinking that someone may suspect that it comes from him. When he is away from home he finds it difficult to defecate.

Seductive

The social E3 is little passionate, little sexually active; sexuality puts him at the service of pleasing, until he is sure of being loved. It matters more to him to feel that the other likes him than the experience of sexuality itself. And he is more interested in seduction than deepening relationships. He has sex thinking about what the other likes, more than his own pleasure. Being a good lover becomes one more task, and sex another product for sale. In the love encounter, before the orgasm, he feels fear of losing control, an interference that makes it difficult for him to give himself deeply in love.

If he connects with the instinctive part, he likes aggressive sex, which he filters as something dirty that he has to hide: he prefers a lover with whom he can unleash his beast and maintains a less exciting relationship with his partner.

Among men, problems of impotence, premature ejaculation, lack of desire, and pain in the penis may arise; and among women there is a tendency to frigidity.

Studied

The social E3 dresses himself giving meaning and attributes to clothing, which he turns into an instrument for his social movements. He dresses to please, he is striking in his appearance, and daring in his shapes and colors. He has his own style, studied in detail so that he never goes unnoticed. Casual clothing and brands coexist in his wardrobe, and we can find everything from garments to go to the African jungle to the most elegant attire for a palatial dinner. He has the poise to show off his wardrobe and although the clothes are cheap they look expensive, because of the way he wears them.

Cheater and Liar

He turns his traps into a strategy; they do not eat away at his conscience. As Francesco explains: “I start studying a couple of days before the exam, and I tell myself that I am so good that I will pass without doing elbows. And I approve.” He builds traps to get what he wants from others, selling his merchandise as if he were really interested in the other's needs, or with strategic flattery.

He invents himself just as he invents stories, characters or events that can embellish his image or be useful in his social climb. And he uses lies to defend himself wherever he finds someone who can unmask him. The identification with his or her mask is so global that the lie itself can be part of a character that does not differ in any way from the person.

Professionally independent

He tries to avoid bosses and strict schedules. For the social E3 it is very important to have freedom and, in the event that there is a boss, he tries to maintain his independence by seducing the authority: he already “sneaks in,” he measures his actions to gain spaces of power that give him certain privileges and, if he can, the boss will end up becoming a friend.

Repressed fear, embarrassment, and violence

The social E3 denies fear, it skips it with action. “In my childhood and youth I was very afraid, and out of shame I masked it with counterphobic attitudes,” recalls Ana.

When he brings out his rage, he truly uses a precise and lethal scalpel. He lives with the feeling that there is in him a murderous instinct so great that, if he left it free, it would turn him into a criminal. “I feel so dark inside that I think he could kill; that's why I repress myself,” confesses Francesco. “When I feel an attack,” Haydée adds, “the first thing that comes out of me is total hatred and the desire to kill.” Giusy comments that at times she has felt diabolical and Yolanda says that, in her case, “rather than being aggressive as a first initiative, I am reactive, and I also tend to direct aggression towards myself. I am afraid of suicide.”

Internal laziness

A working social E3 forgets about its basic needs. He postpones eating, sleeping, or going to the bathroom, in order to finish what he is up to. Despite spending all day doing things, he feels lazy.

Eustaquio adds a nuance to this paradox: “We are trustworthy, hardworking, but outward, in outward tasks. But we do not take care of ourselves in the things that do us good for ourselves.” Ana agrees: “If you save it for your leisure, since leisure time never comes without homework, you don't do it.”

Laziness is mixed with a lack of discipline; It is difficult for him to maintain a commitment to himself, especially if it is something that belongs to the care of his spirit. The spirit is not something concrete, it is not seen, so he does not trust that it has a value. As forcefully as he is determined and striving in egoic actions, he neglects to remember the subtlest and deepest parts of himself.

This character becomes an expert in giving recommendations that he himself does not carry out, unless they are imposed as a task.

Interested friend

The social E3 knows a lot of people but has few friends. He tends to choose his friends from among the sexes he is attracted to, and his relationships are never disinterested. He has difficulty being with someone who is simply a friend, because deep down there is a mercantilist interest: if the other has money, power, prestige, wisdom, beauty... then he wants to have him as a friend. Look in friends for something that you can not only value but also use. He does not know how to go towards the other from the heart, he feels unarmed and vulnerable. “If you're going to introduce me to the President of the Republic,” admits Francesco, “it doesn't take me five minutes to show up. On the other hand, if you tell me: “go make friends,” then I am very afraid and in tremendous anguish.”

By masking emotions, he can be envious and manipulative without being noticed. He can convey superiority in a veiled way when he is apparently extolling others. He expects the other to recognize and value him, and rarely breaks this automatic mechanism, and simply lets himself be and enjoy the friendship. He validates his prestige in terms of the other.

In relationships, he feels faithful even after being unfaithful. It is justified because she spends most of her time unconsciously seducing you, infidelity. He breaks off a relationship from one day to the next because, up to that moment, he has maintained the impression that nothing was happening on the outside. He avoids confrontations and prefers to send his lawyer before putting on a show.

Envious

He envies the possession of objects but hardly something that he lacks inside, such is his internal disconnection that he only goes for the external. “Today,” says Francesco, “it is different for me: I see other good therapists and I would like to manage the therapeutic relationship as they do. But this is recent. Before, I wanted objects, things, and that didn't satisfy me: I bought them and felt just as empty. It was a fixation, it became something obsessive.”

Jealous

Jealousy is aroused especially if he senses a rival. Which might seem normal, but it is that the social E3 deeply neglects his partner, from the lack of intimacy, stops looking at them, until someone who can threaten their place does not appear. Live the third in discord as someone who is worth more, or who is more beautiful, or who has something of great value, so not only is his love relationship at risk, but he can lose his power, his status, his importance, his prestige. The presence of a rival brings with it the monster of social failure.

Ambitious

His effort in social climbing and making a career is different from the ambition of the social E2. Both plan strategies and seduce people who can take them to a recognized place, but the E2 sells itself as great and expresses its generosity with great warmth, while the E3 sells its work or its organizational efficiency and, above all, its efforts, with a feeling of insecurity within himself. Play more at being useful and carefully study what you need to make multiple profits, but you always have to be correct and adequate.

Cold

Emotional coldness obviously has to do with disconnection from your affective world. She doesn't know what she feels and for him, feelings are more like obstacles that get in his way, instead of guides to choose what she wants and what she has to do. Similarly, although he can be empathic, he does not take into account the other's emotions, which are not on his map. People are objectified, accounting notes that he keeps between what he receives and what he gives. It's no wonder that in intensely painful situations he can appear unperturbed; he never loses the mask.

Impatient

Time for social E3 is the time you have to do your things or wait to achieve what you want. More than a time to live is a useful time. And it had better be quick, for it cannot tolerate a vacuum or inactivity. It is about a character pushed into the future (of his successes), a fantasized future or that he has to realize at full speed. Experiencing the here and now would mean for the social E3 to flow with life, to enjoy himself, but he has neither the confidence nor the hope that this will be enough to live on.

Claudio Naranjo's Social 3 Description[4]

E3 Social – Prestige

For the distinctive passion of E3 social, Ichazo proposed the term prestige: we can say that the three social is someone who has the passion to shine — not only through work, but also in the way they present themselves to others. It is as if he had an intrapsychic propaganda department. By bringing the desire for prestige, understood as a passion for social recognition, to a need for applause from everyone and not just from a few, it consumes excessive energy that naturally interferes with spontaneous action.

None of the E3 subtypes are described in the DSM-IV, which surely reflects the fact that the corresponding traits, oriented towards good performance, practicality, and success, are idealized by modern culture, in which it can be say that the social three, in particular, has become the modal personality of the secular and technocratic world.

Social E3 is the most chameleonic of the subtypes of the three. He is also the most vain of the vain. Regarding the other E3, he is a strong and reactive character, lover of power, even if he manages it not directly, but through the people he supports.

Sandra Maitri's Social 3 Description[5]

3+Social – Prestige

The way Social Threes feel they can relate to others is through having a prestigious image. The description of this subtype given by Ichazo (via Lilly and Hart) is “the need for a good public image.” For Social Threes, then, the focus is on how they are seen, and they will change their image to fit the values of a particular social group in order to be seen in a good light. Like Social Twos, they want to be socially important; but unlike Twos, they want to be important in their own right rather than through those with whom they are associated. The passion of lying manifests here in doing whatever they need to do to create their prestigious image. Their deepest lie is that this image is who they are.

Beatrice Chestnut's Social 3 Description

Social 3 Subtype description (2021)[6]

This subtype likes to be on stage more than the other two and enjoys recognition and applause the most. They are the most skilled at crafting a flawless image and know how to package and market whatever they are selling (including themselves). This subtype finds comfort in leadership positions and shows great skill at climbing the corporate or social ladder. This is the most aggressive and competitive subtype. They want to win and know how to influence others through an effective presentation or performance.

If this is your subtype, you are likely good at creating a really great image, but tend to become attached to always having a flawless image. You may feel vulnerable if people see beyond the image you present to the world. You may not even allow yourself to be fully aware of the true self that lies behind your persona. Your strong need to compete and win can make you ruthless—you may do anything to come out on top. You may try to lie, cheat, or steal to win, all while hiding these behaviors behind a positive image. You likely have great difficulty with failure and may do whatever you can to avoid it, especially if you feel insecure. You need the applause of the crowd to feel worthy and may avoid developing real inner security to the extent that you hide behind a superficially successful image.

Social 3 Subtype summary (2013)[10]

Social Threes focus on achievement in the service of looking good and getting the job done. They act out vanity through their desire to be seen and have influence with people. They enjoy being on stage in the spotlight. Social Threes know how to climb the social ladder and achieve success. These are the most competitive and most aggressive of the Threes. They have a driving need to look good and possess a corporate or sales mentality.

Social 3 Subtype description (2013)[10]

The Social Three: “Prestige”

The Social Three has a desire to be seen and to have influence with people. This Three acts out vanity through the desire to shine before the whole world: Social Threes enjoy being on stage. This subtype is the most vain of the Threes, and the biggest chameleon.

The name given to this subtype is “Prestige,” which reflects the idea of needing everybody’s admiration and applause. This Three, more than the other two subtypes, likes and needs to be recognized, so they tend to be more out in front, basking in the spotlight. As children, it was typically important for Social Threes to “show” something, to look good and demonstrate competence in doing things, to get love. Support most likely came in the form of an approving “look” from parents.

Social Threes are socially brilliant. They know how to talk to people and how to climb the social ladder. These Threes feel a need to frame words carefully to get the maximum benefit, which is measured in terms of making the right impression, getting what they want, and reaching their goals. Their fuel is social success, though what exactly constitutes “success” can vary depending on the history and context of the individual Social Three. Some show intelligence, culture, or class; others have degrees and titles; and others have material symbols of social status—a nice house, an expensive car, designer clothes, or expensive watches.

The Social Three is very concerned with competition and winning. This is the most competitive Three. They are also focused on power, whether or not they are the one who has it. They tend to be demanding and authoritarian, though these characteristics may be hidden behind a presentation that is smooth, decorous, and humorous. Social Threes may view others in terms of how they potentially further or block the process of reaching their goals. They look at things in terms of how they can exert control over them, and they don’t allow themselves to be surprised by life.

The Social Three is also the most aggressive of the Threes, possessing a strong and assertive character. Because they are good at numbing out their feelings, they can—in the extreme—be cold.

Social Threes have a corporate mentality and a passion for doing the job in the best way it can be done—especially in terms of outward appearances. They think about what is best for the group, especially in terms of what will sell, what looks good, and what will reflect well on them. Doing what works for the group also works to further their image of success. For the Social Three, image and moneymaking may override good intentions or virtuous actions. In the current age, corporations are primarily oriented toward making money above all else, and this is reflected in the Social Three’s concern with finding an efficient way to meet corporate goals and enhance the bottom line, which may or may not take into account the destructive consequences for others in a wider sense.

This Three also has a lot of confidence in leading a group where they want to go. If a leader is not leading a group well enough, the Social Three can feel a strong desire to take over, as it can be frustrating for them to see the way forward and not be able to guide people in a more efficient or successful way. The Social Three enjoys being at the center of things.

These Threes have a highly developed talent for image-making and a strong ability to sell themselves (or whatever product they might want to promote). According to Naranjo, these Threes look so good, there’s almost a sense that they have no faults. It’s hard to see their flaws because they do such a good job at creating the right image. They look so good and seem to do things so well that any sense of there being a problem or of anything being left out is overshadowed

However, Social Threes do feel anxiety about being overexposed. They feel vulnerable to being seen as having no worth. Because they place so much importance on making a good impression, criticism can be devastating to them, though they aren’t likely to show it. Wanting to look good also means it can be hard for them to fully reveal themselves to others, so they may feel a need to keep people at bay. They want so much to be seen positively, and so they can fear that people might see through their image if they get too close. It can be hard for them to open up and let up on managing their image. This strong need to look good can also prevent Social Threes from knowing and being connected to their real selves and their real feelings.

Social Threes aren’t likely to be confused with other types, as this Three is in many ways the most obvious Three, especially in terms of how Threes have historically been characterized in Enneagram books.

Haiki Social 3 Description[7]

Social Three: Prestige

Social Threes are what are generally understood as the stereotypical Three. They are very focused on success: a success that oftentimes comes from old ideas of extreme recognition. In fact, the typical Three passion of vanity turns into prestige for this subtype: the constant and relentless search for the spotlight. This aspect was defined by Oscar Ichazo in the 70s and remains just as valid today. We also note that pursuing success is not the same as having it. Some Threes see themselves in other types because they do not see themselves in the notion of social success. But when they look at themselves more deeply and with time, they realize that there is something that pushes them to act as if they were more successful than they really are. If to achieve this success, they have to be somewhat social-climbing and opportunistic, they will be. The idea of ethics, often, is not something thought about too much. They can cheat or plagiarize to get what they want without looking back too much. As in some Sevens, this subtype (not the other two) has a quite high level of self-indulgence. Obviously, the way we are describing all of these traits are extreme. In reality, it is evidently not necessary for someone to have no morals to be a Social Three.

They are a type of “victorious” individual while in the background they feel completely empty. Unfortunately for their growth, much of what they do neurotically is socially recognized as success: someone that knows what they want and goes for it. All of this has a lot to do with the patriarchal society we live in. They often have an explicit (or not-so-explicit) addiction to work. When this subtype discovers reality, their own reality, the fall tends to be extreme. They need someone to help accompany them in their newfound contact with the void. It is important that they feel there are people on their side, without them having to do anything.

Carmen Durán and Antonio Catalán's Social 3 Description[8]

SO3: Prestige -> Status

In this subtype, vanity is manifested in the cultivation of a good image in the eyes of others. The confirmation of what they are worth is placed in what is obtained socially. Because of this, the search is for “Status,” a term we use and that Naranjo also used. It implies reaching a social position that others recognize as successful. There is a strong desire for social approval, applause, and being liked. To maintain status, they develop a very particular shine, a capacity to master the right ways of doing things, fashion trends, and social images of success.

La Mirada Libre's Social 3 Description[9]

E3 Social: Prestige

This subtype is called "prestige" because it needs to shine socially, relying on a falsification of self-image. Here we see a display of clothing and brand items, of grades and curriculum, and in general of everything that shines in today's society or its circle of reference.

Whenever I think of the social 3 I am reminded of the job card scene in the movie “American Psycho,” in which executives in a meeting room take out their business cards one by one and each “competes” for the superior font style, texture, innovative design… a real display of social threes cards.

It is very connected to his family’s expectation that he would become a successful person. He wants to be an important person, and if he gets social recognition, his fulfillment and existence are assured.

Unlike the conservation subtype, which, as we will see, is also oriented towards achieving work objectives, the social subtype is only interested in projects where he can shine, and does not place much emphasis on effort and work as opposed to what he achieves and is appreciated for; the more socially valued the better.

He is the most chameleon-like of the threes because he is interested in reaching as many people as possible. He is also more elegant when compared to the conservationist, but the latter always has a touch of practicality in his dress that the socialist (who makes an effort without seeming so) does not have.

Like all threes, he remains trapped in an image. In his case, he is trapped in the "I am what others see", constantly seeking achievement, money, and success aimed at obtaining and consolidating status. Sickness is allowed only on weekends and holidays.

Although he can fight for his tastes, he is always aware of those of the other and feels the impulse to give up on his own.

He is a true social butterfly, whose passion is at the service of not realizing the lack of value and impossibility of fulfilling himself personally according to his own desires alone.

His brightness fixes itself on his appearance, the objects of his prestige and beauty not felt inside. If he could, he would eliminate the existence of gas, mucus, and the need for defecation or urination from the face of the earth, since educated people could never experience such animalistic and humiliating things.

If he cannot repress his weakness, he exploits it for seductive purposes.

When someone doesn't admire him, because of his atrocious fear of rejection, he convinces himself that he doesn't care about that person because they have no value to him and he rejects her. The social 3 woman has a great masculine energy and the social 3 man is more feminine. Both are very competitive, attached to money and the image of their house, manipulative, vindictive and appropriating (the creativity of a social 3 is limited to the classic "cut and paste" of another's work).

His movement is "against" and he is the intellectual of the three subtypes. Use knowledge and information to gain power and prestige.

References

[1] "The Arica Training according to John C Lilly and Joseph E Tart"

[2] Naranjo, C. (2017). "Ensayos sobre psicología de los eneatipos"

[3] Naranjo C. (2014.) "Vanidad" (Trait structure translated by mel)

[4] Naranjo, C. (2012). "27 personajes en busca del ser"

[5] Maitri, S. (2001). "The Spiritual Dimension of the Enneagram"

[6] Chestnut, B. (2021). "The Enneagram Guide to Waking Up"

[7] The Haiki Enneagram Website (Link To Subtype Translations)

[8] Durán, C. and Catalán, A. (2009). "Los engaños del carácter y sus antídotos"

[9] Psychology of Ennea-types Volumes by Claudio Naranjo Interpreted by La Mirada Libre

[10] Chestnut, B. (2021). "The Complete Enneagram"

#enneagram 3 #3 subtypes #so 3 #3 so

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k-enneagram · 2 years ago

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Sexual 3 In Detail

Vanity in the Sexual Sphere

When Vanity meets the sexual instinct it manifests as a deceiving of oneself that love is the answer, that they must shape themselves into their beloved’s ideal to be loved, and ultimately that they are that image. People of this subtype find worth through the sexual instinct in being sexually attractive and desired by others, so they emphasize their physical characteristics. They are competitive with others about being seen as the most attractive, and being successful is measured by being desired, stressing the characteristics one would find attractive.

Ichazo called the SX3 "Virility/Femininity", the character which stresses the sexual characteristics of masculinity or femininity[1], a passion for pleasing that is fueled by a willingness to overindulge in the desires of others.[2] Naranjo described it as someone who wants to satisfy and please, achieving this desire through the cultivation of their image by appearing physically attractive and gentle.[2]

Trait Structure[3]

Dependent on the other's gaze

The sexual E3 lives daily with the idea of having a camera always watching him. He becomes an actor and practices the movements he captures while carefully observing the context or the one he wants to seduce or find interesting. He then deludes himself into believing that these gestures are natural.

This ability was developed above all in the primary relationship, when the mother's look at their emotional world was missing and they learned that what they valued was the surface, that is, the confirmation of their narcissistic expectations. The lack of real support, of having been truly looked at by their mother, becomes, as an adult, the pathological need to see oneself in the other's gaze. That other who values this perfect surface and thus gives it the illusion of recognition that allows it to exist. The look of the other momentarily helps to cover the emptiness, the sadness, the fear, the anguish, and the loneliness.

Since the sexual instinct is affected, that of the other must be a look in love, sexually enchanted; hence, the person of this character expects the other to confirm that he is valuable through desiring them.

Sweet and Maternal

Super attentive to what the other wants, the sexual E3 tends to take care of them, she likes to give and please, and create a mothering environment where she feels useful and safe. Her attitude is very tender and sweet. It is the most subordinate of the three subtypes.

She has a passion for family. If one of your dreams is the ideal love, the other is the perfect family. One of the situations that allows this role the most is being a mother and a housewife; there the sexual E3 feels like a fish in water and anything can subordinate it. Being a mother and a wife is a fundamental value in her life; even if she is not satisfied it is difficult for her to leave this role. In this place she feels safe, she knows how to function, she is practical and efficient as a housewife; cooking, caring, and solving.

It is about a person who apparently does not ask but seeks to give care and, however, has a great need for contact, tenderness, to feel loved, and protected. There is a great longing for intimacy and by giving it, she hopes to receive it in return, but she does not ask for it and, when she is saturated, she complains or gets angry. They are hypersensitive to rejection and can come off as a demanding boy or girl when they feel fragile or don't get what they want in return for their compliance. It is as if the mothering that has been lacking has been resolved by identifying with a maternal role that does take care of the specific needs of the other, and connected with sweet and loving seduction.

There is a healthy order and a sick order, and it is a natural part of life for the mother to meet the needs of the child. In this case, the order is affected and reversed. The mother, and sometimes the father, is the one who was cared for by the son or daughter. These adults were valued as children based on being attentive to their father or mother, or solving things in the family with their siblings or at home. Being sweet, accommodating and motherly seems to them to ensure a place of affection.

Accommodating

Complacency is a lie for the other. The sexual E3 seems to please and not ask, but his asking is subterranean, and repressed aggression will come out passively if he doesn't feel reciprocated. It is available to ensure dependence on the other and thus not enter into solitude. The thirst for love that feels calm with dependency and codependency in relationships. On the one hand, he believes that he will be loved through pleasing, but it is about servility, a false kindness and, as he also knows this, he never truly trusts that he is loved, he thinks that the love he receives is also false.

He has so much energy put into pleasing that he loses touch with what he really wants. What the couple wants is what he knows how to detect, to the point that he confuses it with his own need for it. And since he usually does what the other wants, he wishes for them. There is also an awareness of the effort that goes into pleasing, and here it differs from the sexual E9, which loses connection with itself to the point of physical desensitization to its efforts. The sexual E3 conforms and adapts, yes, but in the expectation that the other validates his “great work”.

Ambiguous in sexuality

Especially the sexual E3 woman seeks to attract and please, and when the gold comes she gets scared and doesn't know what to do. She fits the phrase “Look at me but don't touch me” very well. By feeling seen and desired, she already feels valued, and sometimes that is enough. She can activate the taunt mechanism for you to chase after her. She sells sex looking for protection and a tenderness that she sexualizes, that she substitutes for sex. Sexuality is based on the pleasure of the other and is used as a performance. It is a combination of erotic excitement and shy girl.

He tends to frigidity since, by using sexuality as an attention to the other, he does not have room to enjoy himself, it costs him spontaneity. There is repression of eroticism, rigidity, and lack of play and expression of their needs. It seduces from the erotic, while disconnected from the erotic. Sexual desire is transformed into a “you love me.”

The great attention he pays to the body is not to feel better but to look better, as a fundamental part of his image. However, it is not identified with his body but is dissociated from it. The sexual E3’s body is something he exercises control over and uses for the benefit of his image; it is not strange that it is difficult for him to let go until orgasm. There is a disconnect between the genital and the emotional.

The sexual E3 woman can really like very macho men even if they treat her badly. It is easy to find sexual E3 women partners with E8 men. She provokes, resists, submits... Being treated with force or violence makes her feel alive, and sometimes she provokes aggression. She can go from a violent man who scares her to a tender and sensitive one, whom she later dismisses as weak and finds boring.

He uses sexuality to get closer, fix problems, and please... He can get abused in order to avoid conflict or rejection. He splits his emotions and can panic so much that he gives in and endures a lot, but when he feels overwhelmed he can react with destructive fury. He can get into a circuit of pleasing-feeling abused-getting angry-exploiting-feeling guilty and back again to submit and please. He can only break it by becoming aware of what it causes and taking responsibility for it, by allowing himself to enter the void and desolation, by letting go of the objects he holds on to so as not to see himself.

In the absence of feelings and in order not to touch the void, the sexual E3 spends his life in search of sensations. He gets into conflictive relationships and he likes the danger, which is to feel alive in some way. Look for the intensity to feel and to avoid sadness, boredom, and dissatisfaction.

The sexual E3 man can present himself as someone very confident and aggressive, although deep down he feels insecure.

Undervalued

The sexual E3 has depressive tendencies. He is sadder and feels less valuable than the other two subtypes, and he tries to compensate with image and charm, with a smile and loving expression, being nice or pleasant. It is as if he had to pay to exist, as if he did not deserve it; he feels guilty for existing, and many times, like a burden to the family. So try not to give trouble, help, and not bother the other.

When the sexual E3 collapses, it looks at itself and does not have the necessary ego structure to sustain itself; it can then go into despair and self-destruction. He cannot deal with the truth that his life is a failure and that everything is an illusion. He needs personal work to be able to connect with something bigger and trust. To value himself just for being, since he lives as unworthy. When he regains more freedom to go after what he wants, he is no longer so eager to be loved; the instinct returns, as if to say: “you take an interest in me, because now I can't take an interest in you.”

There is a background of sadness and the person is perceived as fragile. He feels a constant internal loneliness, from which he tries to escape by seeking links, especially with the opposite sex, that give him narcissistic food but not real nutrition in the face of his loneliness. Very low self-esteem, as it comes from childhood, will hardly be cured with a partner.

As a child he learned to keep his emotions, to cry alone, and to solve himself; to endure. Not feeling entitled to express what feel makes him feel that he is worthless and hopeless. As if he didn't deserve or as if he owed something to the world. The feeling is having to give without receiving.

He learned to constantly devalue and compare himself.

He idealizes the other: the friend, the teacher and, above all, the partner; he cannot live without putting them on a pedestal. It is difficult for him to realize this enormous idealization, because it is the most common thing in the world to blind himself to the other's defects and see only his bright part: all his virtues look wonderful, worthy of praise and imitation, a desirable north and a corroboration that perfection exists and can be achieved (surely based on work and effort).

This embellishment of the other camouflages the deep need to be the one who is treated like this. The sexual E3 idealizes in the hope that they idolize him, of being treated with that aura of special and uniqueness, that the other also sees only his virtues and praises, and recognizes them. Such an attitude hides a double deception. First, not recognizing the hunger for love and unconditional admiration for him. And second, by giving the other a treatment that has nothing to do with him, he is left confused and on slippery and incomprehensible ground.

The irruption, which the sexual E3 experiences as sudden and treacherous, of the true nature of the other, can provoke a crisis of great dimensions, a radical denial of all those virtues that he previously he admired so much, which leads him to run out of the relationship, accusing the other person of having cheated on him.

He will then turn his head and look for another (friend, teacher, partner...) who will finally meet his expectations. In this way he avoids the possibility of facing the harsh reality that the deception had been caused by himself.

Shy and Insecure

It would seem that the sexual E3s are shy people, especially the women, who were, in general, good and quiet girls, and they remain with that internal feeling of eternal girls. Shyness appears more before groups or before someone they take for an authority figure.

It is the most insecure of the three subtypes, since the devaluation is more bare. Having valued the physical image so much, he has fewer internal resources; seems to live in a daze where the feeling that there is nothing inside is revealed and translates into having nothing to say and going blank. On contact he gets scared when he begins to feel and withdraws.

In situations with “public” he feels very vulnerable. As he was not seen as a child, when he feels exposed as an adult he does not know what to do or say. He wishes to remain invisible and at the same time longs to be the most watched.

Being cold, paralyzed, and not knowing how to act is typical of this subtype. Since he does not know the proper behavior, he stands still, observing what is the best behavior among those who are on his record. These are moments that he lives with great suffering and defenselessness, where he defends himself by not compromising with anything or anyone, and even less with himself, with what he feels. In this tense wait, he adopts a distant statuesque pose that, due to his inclination towards beauty, he may adorn with a beautiful smile or kind words, while buying time to try to find out, prisoner of internal desperation, what is expected of him.

Naïve

The sexual E3 denies both her intuition and sensitivity, which she has experienced as causing emotional and relationship chaos. He learned to ignore himself and has turned those qualities into false confidence and sweetness. He is perceptive, but represses his sensations, or disconnects and seems not to perceive what is there. He denies the internal and external world to maintain a smile and obtain love, since if he expresses what he perceives, he runs the risk of confronting his aggression, with the fact that there are some things he does not like, and with the fear of being rejected for expressing it.

When the sexual E3 is discovering and working on itself, it begins to reconnect with its desire and pays attention to its intuition; the barrier that prevents him from perceiving the sensations is diluted and he faces things; until he ended up becoming someone very intuitive and perceptive, with a great acuity to see what is happening in the other. His hypersensitivity then puts him at the service of seeing not only what the other needs but also what he feels, and he can be very close, empathetic, and compassionate.

Chameleon

Being in function of the other: kind, helpful, accommodating, and understanding, apparently ensures affection and avoids possible rejection. It also maintains the image of that ideal person that everyone wants. Or it even allows him to go unnoticed, thus avoiding feeling, being confronted, attacked, questioned, etc. He can rest.

The sexual E3 was educated to be like a dog, which is rewarded for how well it does things, for how much it obeys. Unconditional like dogs with their masters, he never pouts, never gets angry, always has a smile, and a waddle that wags his tail as a demonstration of being eternally happy. One of his worst fears is confrontation.

The sexual subtype was looked at and valued only when he was what the other expected. He was never rewarded for having his own initiative, much less for being an individual who fights for his ideals. Expert from very early on in guessing the other, he was running out of internal referents and with a hollow feeling, against which he has fought fattening more and more the idea that without models one cannot live.

He was applauded for being pretty and seductive, and comes to feel that he only exists because he has a body; hence that great fear of deterioration and old age, and that feeling, when he begins to become aware, of having been a piece of meat that has been used.

Frivolous and Superficial

The sexual E3 trivializes the painful emotions and situations of his life. The surface he stays on is a permanent childlike state that he uses as a defense against taking responsibility for his life.

Sometimes it is difficult for him to get involved in situations that require his intellect and he prefers to remain on the surface, which is what is known, his comfort zone, where he feels accepted, accepted because of his beauty as if it were a beautiful vase. Assuming this role of man, woman, object, he feels safe; he no longer needs to question himself or turn around to see who he is, a prospect that terrifies him because he doesn't have much idea of himself either.

Controlled

One of the biggest fears of sexual E3 is losing control and freaking out. It is so much control that he exerts to maintain his ego ideal that it stiffens his body as well as his mind. Anything out of his control that could threaten his image terrifies him. As a body defense mechanism, it maintains a rigid structure that lives like a steel tube that supports the structure of the self. Faced with situations of chaos in childhood, this structure served the child to feel safe, to feel sustained.

This control extends to many areas, in the illusion of being able to manage everything without making oneself vulnerable. This is how the sexual E3 prevents itself from truly giving itself in its relationships. Getting to satisfy the needs of the other is a strategy to not be in oneself, where nothing worthy of being valued or loved appears.

Self-control blocks the ability to recognize the basic needs and desires, being more important than those of the parents, and more important to maintain the false image constructed. This learned way of controlling the body's threatening impulses gives it back a power over itself.

In this sense, we can interpret the multiple eating disorders in this subtype as an attempt to mold not only a perfect body, according to an idealized image of fashion, but also to control their emotions and sexual impulses, preventing them from giving themselves over to pleasure.

We could interpret anorexia in sexual E3 women as a way of saying “No” with her body, since she lacks the voice that says “No” to (emotional and sexual) abuse, dependence, and the plasticization and castration of their feminine energy, in our culture. Thus, through control over his body, he expresses “I don't want, I don't receive you,” depriving himself of nutrition or vomiting what is nutritious, and at the same time he sends the message: “give me, I need,” because he cannot be nourished by his own energy. In this way the daughter can maintain control over her physical and psychic space, and at the same time a power over the mother, which requires her to respond to her expectations with a silent “No” capable of reaching death.

It is also about controlling the other. Just as the mother controlled him so that he would be the son who could correspond exactly to her ideal image, the son learns to control the mother: he not only perceives her desires and needs, but also controls her movements and actions to be prepared for any threat or act preventively. This control also fulfills the purpose of not feeling the fear behind it, and from which many misinterpretations of the motivations of the other, jealousy, envy, and competition derive.

Cold, Hard, and Numb

The person of this character can be perceived as cold due to their emotional repression. Although one of the most repressed feelings at E3 is fear, the sexual subtype is the one most in contact with it, as well as the most sensitive and vulnerable. One of his biggest fears is conflict.

Many times he avoids being in life, since in life there is conflict. He may look like a plastic doll. He fears that if he assumes that there is a conflict with someone or in some area of his life, everything he has built will come crashing down. As if the scaffolding supporting the fantasy that “everything is fine” was so fragile that if something moves, the castle collapses.

Aggression is seen by the sexual E3 as something catastrophic, which represses even at the cost of enduring being attacked. Many times they do not perceive the aggression of the other as such, or they deceive themselves by saying that it is not a violent situation at all. Sometimes it is difficult for him to differentiate between what is real and what is not. As if he doesn't believe what he's seeing.

It has a great capacity for both alertness and calm in extreme situations, such as accidents or strong aggression, due to its excess of control and coldness. Many times, having lived through unsustainable situations in childhood led him to this cooling down in order to survive and distance himself from pain. He splits from his emotions by looking at his life as a moviegoer.

Perfectionist

The sexual E3 puts perfectionism mainly in the physical aspect. Motivation is to attract, be admired, and desired; that's how it feels. With perfection put into the image, she is afraid of getting old, losing her beauty. Make up your external image and also the internal one; she presents herself as the ideal mother, the unconditional friend, the perfect partner. If she feels bad inside, she makes some physical arrangements to hide her emotions. She spends time and money on clothes, makeup, and whatever makes her look good. A certain exhibitionism masks shame, insecurity, and fear.

Much of his perfectionism has to do with fear of failure. Failing is one of the most feared ghosts. Doing it wrong is threatening. Sometimes it is easier for him to give up doing something than to risk making a mistake. It is difficult for him to recognize mistakes or admit that someone points them out to him, as if such a blemish would not fit in his image of perfection. And it is painful for him to connect with failure from the fear of recognizing falsehood, that this created world is not perfect.

The sexual E3 defends its image. To maintain it, he can protect others by justifying what is necessary: make up his childhood with supposedly wonderful parents. Or make up the couple's relationship, justifying even aggression. If he exposes the other, he brings to light the evil and, with this, his own ugliness. It does not support chaos or the rupture of the image that has been built because it collapses.

Critical and Demanding

Achieving such an image requires a lot of self-demand. There is also a demand for others, as if he couldn't stand it if things weren't perfect. It is something that does not show with the naked eye: it is what lies behind the mask. He strives to maintain a world in harmony because anything that is not right causes him anguish.

Outside the intimate relationship, it is difficult for him to formulate an open and direct criticism, which is expressed more with gossip or remains unexpressed. Behind the criticism there is often an envy that is not allowed to feel and that is connected to their low self-esteem. Recognizing the value of the other is difficult for him because it threatens his own image and value.

Efficient

Part of their strategy is efficiency. Although the sexual E3 is not as efficient as the conservation subtype, it can achieve what it sets out to do if its relationship with the other depends on it. Efficiency is based on the image that it will give to that person who is important in your life.

Being, like perfectionism, at the service of the dual and sentimental relationship, it is not an efficiency that is worth it to fulfill tasks that help him feel the value of himself, nor is it useful to achieve professional success, as in the cases of the social or conservation E3. The efficiency of the sexual E3 is aimed at maintaining the superficial idealized image of the perfect woman or man to love.

Competitive and Envious

The sexual E3 is competitive if he sees that he has rivals who can take away a place of affection. Especially in love relationships, he can be very jealous and envious, although he does not openly show it: it is a veiled competition, with strategies. Try to be the prettiest, the kindest and most helpful, and act as if it comes naturally to you, without looking that many times it is to win a competition for the affection of a loved one.

Feeling of little value, he compares himself and does not feel capable, although he longs to be like that other he admires and envies. He looks outside, as if there weren't something inside him that supports him, that anchors him, that centers him. And there is a lot of competition with people of the same sex.

Repressed aggression and rage

As in all people of the E3 character, rage is denied and repressed. He has not been able to feel it in his childhood out of respect for the demands of controlling parents who expected from him the adorable, educated, and perfect child. Expressing it would have meant manifesting an inner world of its own, a whole taboo, either due to lack of listening or to respond to the ideal of the perfect family that cannot be questioned.

That is why the sexual E3 projects aggression onto others, provoking being attacked in order to accuse the aggressor, without taking responsibility for his own. He can repress his rage to the point where he does not feel it, although when it finally comes out, he can do it in a hysterical and overwhelming way. The hysterical outbreak of rage is the only form that is allowed, since he experiences it as if it were out of his control and, therefore, he does not have to assume his responsibility.

Another form in which anger is displaced are panic attacks, very common among sexual E3s, and which are often ways of expressing their suffering and fear, and a paradoxical way of expressing discomfort within the relationship. Paradoxical because while trying to express “something” that happens to be taken into account, these attacks produce a worsening of their invalidity and insecurity, and increase the level of their dependence on the other.

Psychosomatic

The function of a bodily symptom is to manifest what is not conscious. The disconnection of the sexual E3 with his body, and his denial of emotions, makes them appear as symptoms. It is as if the body shouted what the person does not want to see or assume.

There are serious problems in the area of expression, such as in the throat, or tension in the jaw due to the difficulty of expressing anger. Also skin rashes, which usually show the discontent of being in contact with something or someone; colitis or intestinal problems. The problem of managing emotions manifests itself as not being able to digest well. No matter how much the body talks, things continue to seem fine to the sexual E3 until they don't have more serious crises or breakouts; especially couple conflicts.

Disconnected

This character uses dissociation and denial to prevent dangerous emotions from erupting, so he learns to disconnect easily. He disconnects from reality and lives in an ideal world. This makes him, in his relationships, insensitive to his own and others' feelings.

Anxious

Anxiety appears before the fear that emotions will overflow. He is more of a hysterical threat than a narcissistic one. The sexual subtype may also feel guilt; they fear mistakes, they accuse themselves as long as there is no conflict: a lot of anxiety is triggered by the possibility that someone, especially the couple, gets angry.

Proud and Arrogant

The sexual E3 got used to doing it alone and not asking. Many times the woman competes with her mother, as a consequence of the “privileged” link established with her father; and she, at the same time, can assume the function of her mother's mother, responding to her need for care and thus taking on a role that she does not correspond to. Although she feels the need for her, the arrogant man allows her to put herself in the daughter's place and ask.

Asking also stains the image of perfection that you want to give to the world. Asking means that there is something missing or bothersome; this is how he lived it in his family. A threat not only to his self-delusion of being perfect, but also to the relationship with the other, who has built himself on the deception of being the ideal person who has promised love and eternal happiness.

Claudio Naranjo's Sexual 3 Description[4]

E3 Sexual – Attractiveness

For the passion of the sexual three, Ichazo used the words masculinity or femininity, depending on the case. Rather, I used to explain it as an excessive attempt to conform to cultural (perhaps Hollywood) images of masculine and feminine. Today it seems to me that the fundamental pathology of these people lies in the fact that, instead of acting from an instinctive freedom, they put all their passion in the thirst for love and in the corresponding seduction through complacency or the image that is supposed attractive and exciting. The result of this is that the woman, being too aware of pleasing the man, loses the ability to enjoy her. Also added to this character is a certain passion for the family that, despite not appearing as a defect, embodies an exaggerated need to please that perpetuates self-alienation.

Of the three subtypes, sexual is the most dependent. He does not usually show aggressiveness and does not tolerate being rejected. His seduction is intended to be welcomed and confirmed, confusing the value of himself with the attractiveness of his body.

Sandra Maitri's Sexual 3 Description[6]

3+Sexual – Masculinity/Femininity

To Sexual Threes, physical and sexual appeal seems like the key to being desired, so they emphasize their gender characteristics. As a general style, the males exaggerate their virility and masculinity, and the women intensify their femininity. When attracted to someone, they take on the attributes of that person’s inner masculine or feminine ideal—in Jungian terms, shaping themselves into the other’s animus or anima. They are competitive with others about being seen as the most attractive, and being successful is measured by being desired. The passion of lying manifests here in deceiving themselves that love is the answer, that they must shape themselves into their beloved’s ideal to be loved, and ultimately that they are that image. It also appears in their use of duplicity to outmaneuver their rivals and win over the object of their desire.

Beatrice Chestnut's Sexual 3 Description

Sexual (One-to-One) 3 Subtype description (2021)[6]

This subtype focuses the most on one-to-one relationships—and on being attractive as defined by conventional standards. They may see attracting a partner in highly romanticized, fairy-tale terms. They know how to be charismatic and appealing, but focus on their outer presentation and may be disconnected from their inner experience of who they really are. They are more emotional than the other subtypes and often feel a sense of sadness deep inside. They put a lot of attention on supporting others and helping them succeed. They are more shy than the other subtypes and not as competitive, because they succeed when the people they support succeed.

If this is your subtype, you focus much of your attention on others. Your need to be attractive on the outside means you often lose contact with who you really are on the inside. You likely feel a deep sense of sadness about not being in touch with yourself and you may tend to have low self-esteem. You probably have a difficult time accessing this sadness, however, even though it can help connect you with your authentic self. You support others and achieve success through working to help them achieve their accomplishments as a way to avoid being seen.

Sexual 3 Subtype description (2013)[10]

Sexual Threes focus on achievement in terms of personal attractiveness and supporting others. In this Three, vanity is not denied (as in the SP Three) nor embraced (as in the Social Three), but is somewhere in between: it’s employed in the service of creating an attractive image and promoting important others. These Threes have a harder time talking about themselves and often put the focus on others they want to promote. They put a lot of energy into pleasing others and they have a family/team mentality.

Sexual 3 Subtype description (2013)[10]

The Sexual Three: “Charisma“

The victory or goal that the Sexual Three subtype is interested in (that expresses this Three’s vanity) is one of sex appeal and beauty rather than money or prestige—but they are just as competitive in pursuing these goals as a business executive is in work matters. In this Three, vanity is not denied (as with the Self-Preservation Three) or embraced (like the Social Three); rather, it’s somewhere in between, being employed in the service of creating an attractive image and promoting important others.

The Sexual Three is sweet and shy and not as extroverted as the Social Three— especially when it comes to speaking about himself. It’s hard for these Threes to promote themselves, so they often put the focus on others they want to support.

Although they are just as capable as the other Threes of achieving worldly success through competence and hard work, these Threes don’t feel the need to achieve goals in the external world because their focus is much more on pleasing and making themselves attractive as a way of earning love. They see their accomplishments in the successes and happiness of the people around them.

Although Ichazo called this type “Masculinity/Femininity,” Naranjo explains that this is not Hollywood-style masculinity or femininity, or even necessarily a very sexualized masculinity or femininity. This type is more concerned with having an attractive presentation as a man or a woman—and, subtly at times, with pleasing others by being attractive in a classically masculine or feminine way. And while Threes are heart types, in this subtype the pleasing may occur less through emotional connection or sexual seductiveness and more through a mental connection or enthusiastic support. Naranjo changed the name to “Charisma” to reflect the special way Sexual Threes motivate and excite the admiration of others through a quality of “personal magnetism.”

Sexual Threes achieve within relationships. These Threes are pleasers and helpers; they tend to work hard in support of someone else, expending a lot of energy in promoting others. Sexual Threes can be very ambitious and hardworking, but it’s always to make someone else look good. Often this Three doesn’t seem like a Three because they are not so focused on their own status and achievement, but for them it’s more about being attractive and supporting others—it’s enough for them to be beautiful; they don’t have to achieve to get love. It’s the pleasing that brings approval or love, so they don’t have to be conventional achievers.

Sexual Threes put a lot of energy into seducing and pleasing others. They may have a fear of disappointing others, and so they justify themselves with excuses to avoid confrontation. People with this subtype may have fantasies about the “ideal partner,” and they may want to change their partner to be like they would like him or her to be. They may have fantasies of waiting for “Prince Charming” (or “Princess Charming”) and living “happily ever after.”

These Threes tend to be oriented toward pleasing others in the sense of having a family or team mentality. They may focus narrowly on what is good for the family (at home or at work) and project the image of someone who is good in this way. Because so much depends on their being attractive to others, Sexual Threes think they need to be good and perfect to be loved. They tend to be very helpful to prove their lovability—they aspire to have the image of the “best lover” or the “perfect wife.”

Attaining love or desire from others becomes a goal, an achievement, a conquest for Sexual Threes. To support this, they have a passion for projecting a handsome, pretty, or sexy image. They feel an urgent need to be looked at and recognized as attractive by people they want to attract (romantically)—perhaps reflecting a lack of attention and admiration from their mother or father.

In this Three there is a sense of disconnection from feelings and from the real self. They often have no real contact with themselves or others. This disconnection is emotional, sexual, and physical. One Three with this subtype commented, “it’s like we put out an ‘Out to Lunch’ sign.” This is the main issue for Sexual Threes. They typically experience a feeling of emptiness, like a void. This Three experiences an empty feeling in terms of having a lack of a clear sense of self or identity. This is related to the fact that the Sexual Three experiences difficulty in being, feeling, and expressing authentically. While they may be very attractive, they may also have low self-esteem and be unable to love themselves. In the face of this, they may “put on a good face” and look sweet and complacent while hiding their strength as a way to look good for others.

The Sexual Three is the most emotional of the Threes, so you are more likely to see them expressing their feelings. This Three doesn’t wear the kind of social mask that a Social Three wears. There is a deep sadness within the Sexual Three. They often had a difficult early life, and they use “disconnection” from themselves as a way to forget, or to make up for and minimize, past abuses. There is a lot of fear of feeling emotional pain and sorrow, and so they learn to disconnect from their deeper emotional experience. They also experience criticism as very threatening, as it destroys their mask of being a “perfectly good person.”

Sexual Threes can look like Twos or Sevens. They can look like Twos because they seek to connect with others through being pleasing and attractive. They differ from Twos, however, in that they focus more on a specific image of physical attractiveness and less on shape-shifting, prideful self-elevation, and meeting emotional needs. They may be mistaken for Sevens in that they tend to be positive and enthusiastic in their support of others. They can be excellent cheerleaders. However, while Sevens are fundamentally self-referencing, Threes reference others as a way of determining how to be. Threes are more disconnected from themselves, while Sevens typically know what they need and want.

Haiki Sexual 3 Description[7]

Sexual Three: Self-Image

These are people who are not as externally-oriented as Social Threes and their vanity has more to do with the look of the other (singular other). They tend to seem very nice and trustworthy. Unlike the Social Three, they tend to be more timid people and have difficulty showing their aggressive side. They also may feel they are not smart or fun enough and this creates a lot of insecurity for them when relating to others. It is like exposing themselves to another would make them realize they are not all golden and the fear of that happening paralyzes them.

They often were not paid attention to as children and they now project their partner as a mother or father figure. They still want to get the love, affection, and attention that they had in early childhood. As children, they specialized in staying silent and not making noise. As adults, when their partner questions them about anything, they will take it like a dagger stabbing them - but it remains hard for them to show what they are really feeling. Normally, they focus most on a romantic relationship and every possible way of relating with the other. They must feel they are valued, and to do this, they will use a form of seduction so subtle that it can barely be noticed. In this sense, they could be compared to Twos but Threes put a lot of effort into this seduction while it comes quite naturally for Twos. Additionally, Twos are connected with their gut instinct while Threes are very much in their head. They are not rebellious, but good little boys or girls (or at least make themselves pass as such).

Infidelity of sorts is very common for both men and women of this type. In addition, they often form relationships with a sexual charge, even though the sexual aspect is often the farthest the relationship goes. Threes in general, but Sexual Threes in particular, are often victim to what we call “relationships” where they tend to seek out the most handsome/beautiful and successful person. They tend to value the other person’s appearance and status more than who the other person really is.

Carmen Durán and Antonio Catalán's Sexual 3 Description[8]

SX3: Masculinity/Femininity -> Object of Desire

In this subtype, the passion of vanity dyed by a concern for appearance. Their attitude is flirty and they try to give an image that responds to the model of which society values as “sexy.” The desire to be an “object of desire” (our own terminology) and the way of getting it is an emphatic identification with prevailing masculine/feminine traits. The consequence is a forgetfulness of their own desire since they obtain a lot more importance through being desired. On the other hand, the disconnection that this entails provokes desire to be much more intense and interesting in imagination than in real life.

La Mirada Libre's Sexual 3 Description[9]

E3 Sexual: Attractiveness

They say that Marilyn Monroe lived terrified of losing her "sex appeal" (this is what this subtype is called), at the expense of public opinion... and it is is for that reason the sexual 3 builds the mask of a physically attractive, sweet and loving person to whom he will become a slave all his life (if he does not work on himself).

He puts all his efforts into pleasing and becoming an object of desire for another (whom he has idealized) and then compulsively tries to maintain that desire, directing all his actions towards that goal. Underlying this behavior is the illusion that the anguish, feelings of insecurity, and the fear of not having the courage and resources to be that ideal partner can be calmed and overcome.

He represses his own needs, controls his emotions and thoughts and puts all his attention on his partner. Consequently, he is not very interested in self-realization, neither professionally nor socially, since it is not in his plans to be an independent person.

This may resemble the fusion of the sexual 9, but the difference is that the sexual 3s are aware of the effort they make to achieve the goal they pursue, while the sexual 9 are not. The confluence with the other is such that there is no notion of repressing our part of being.

When sexual 3 thinks of love, he conceives only the love of a couple. He is a specialist in falsifying love; he exhibits a warm smile so you buy the idea of unconditional love and foreverness.

The fundamental problem with which he finds himself is that he confuses being desired with being loved. Since he identifies with his superficial mask (his physical image and warmth), accompanied by the belief of all 3 of “one has to be useful to be loved,” means that oftentimes he can be used as an object. It is like a poodle that pleases its owner with its nice haircut.

When he really desires, he is scared to death and is not able to initiate the approach, being able to ignore his object of desire out of pure fear (like 9 sex). The lack of resources to establish real contact generates a physical, emotional and mental block (they remain frozen). In this passivity he is convinced that it is the other who chooses him and thus he deceives himself, feeling the false security of being a kind and interesting person.

Finally, with his sale of sexual skills he pursues recognition: the goal is not pleasure but acceptance. His erotic and spontaneous desire is very emasculated in reality. You see a lot in the sexual 3 that, "look at me, desire me, but don't touch me!"

He is the shyest of the three, his move is "walk away" and he is the emotional of the three subtypes.

References

[1] "The Arica Training according to John C Lilly and Joseph E Tart"

[2] Naranjo, C. (2017). "Ensayos sobre psicología de los eneatipos"

[3] Naranjo, C. (2014). "Psicología de los eneatipos: Vanidad" (Trait structure translated by mel)

[4] Naranjo, C. (2012). "27 personajes en busca del ser"

[5] Maitri, S. (2001). "The Spiritual Dimension of the Enneagram"

[6] Chestnut, B. (2021). "The Enneagram Guide to Waking Up"

[7] The Haiki Enneagram Website (Link To Subtype Translations)

[8] Durán, C. and Catalán, A. (2009). "Los engaños del carácter y sus antídotos"

[9] Psychology of Ennea-types Volumes by Claudio Naranjo Interpreted by La Mirada Libre

[10] Chestnut, B. (2021). "The Complete Enneagram"

#enneagram 3 #3 subtypes #3 sx #sx 3

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Self-Preservation 3 In Detail

Vanity in the Preservation Sphere

When Vanity gets distorted by the self-preservation instinct, E3 becomes worried with his safety and conservation, manifesting vanity into believing he's productive, responsible, and "good" – it is deceitful not for the sake of prestige and status like SOC3, or for its ability to be attractive and desirable like SX3, but "to get what they think will give them the security they hunger for."[1]

Every E3 sells an image, but this subtype sells the idea of someone who apparently doesn't care about their image; they avoid being self-assuming and often portray themselves as reliable, helpful and hard-working individuals. In this aspect, their motto is:

"There is no problem without a solution". The doing is constant, the agenda never ends. The underlying thought is that if the agenda ends "I do not exist”. He is a person who is constantly busy with something, is not able to stop being alone without something to tie his mind and hands. There is no contact with himself: "My being is the doing". This is a source of suffering because it wants to be recognized by itself... but in reality, there is no self. There is what he does.[2]

Ichazo called SP3 "Security", a need for security, power, money and position[3], which then results in a preference for being efficient that leads to them identifying themselves through what they produce.[4] Naranjo described it as an individual who ends up confusing being as appearing reliable, becoming unaware of his motivations and identifying himself with his roles, behaviours and performances.[4]

Trait Structure[2]

To be the best and To be useful

A childhood environment between deception and seduction can be the origin of the base of mistrust and the feeling of being in danger of this subtype. The record of childhood would be a “they tell him: I’ll give you, but they don't give him anything”; a mere flattery with a promise was included, with which the child cannot trust who cares for him.

Hence the great capacity of the conservation E3 to: guess the “needs” of the other, to be at his service, to do what is thick for him.

Children who live in a dangerous environment try to protect themselves, and the conservation E3 usually does is avoid drawing attention to himself, remaining frozen and expressionless. As Herman notes, “avoiding any physical expression of his inner turmoil.” And sometimes, when all this fails, “children try to appease their abusers with displays of automatic obedience.” Similarly, the future conservation E3 kids redouble their efforts to control the situation in the only way they think possible: by trying to be good.

In the conservation E3, a history of implicit psychological abandonment by the parents is characteristic. As a child he learns to get by in life with different ingredients; do not disturb, do not cause problems, go unnoticed, take care of the parental figure, and solve problems of any kind. And so, over time, the attitude becomes more and more “tough,” and gives way throughout life to a constant putting oneself above others, to a lack of confidence in organismic self-regulation, and to ideas of: “I'm only worth it if I'm the best” and “I only exist if I'm useful.” His constant struggle to be the best or useful is born of a silent demand not to be abandoned.

Self-sufficiency

One of the central features in the conservation E3 is power alone. This power of action and resolution of situations with the use of their own resources reinforces their capacity and the image they have of themselves: that of a self-sufficient person, with great resolving and efficient capacity. A self-image that in turn compensates for the deep sense of awkwardness and shame that lies behind the mask of a conservation E3. Shame and awkwardness were early repressed feelings; on the other hand, the capacity and improvement were valued positively by the environment. They are usually precocious children in speech, walking, and the development of adult responsibilities.

Control

Control is the reverse of anguish, and anguish or fear is for an E3 an overwhelming and not allowed experience. The avoidance of internal anguish is controlled by turning outwards, without paying attention to the internal world. Hence, the conservation E3 is available for everything that comes from outside.

This feature assumes the crazy idea that life can and should be controlled. This means that the inner life is automatically under control and there are no internal movements, with a continuous self-cleaning based on not containing or resting anything internal, and resolving conflicts in such a way that the other stays well with one. That is why it does not support the anger of the other or the conflict in any way. Paradoxically, and due to his need for things to be done and to be as he believes, there is great difficulty in giving space and validity to the other, and to his way of being and proceeding.

One of the singularities of the chameleon is graphic, with each eye looking in a different direction. This is how the conservation E3 could be seen: with one eye controlling the one next to him and the other focused on what he is doing.

This movement of control, which responds to his need for security, leads him to control absolutely everything around him, from everyday life (order inside the house, in objects) to the family (giving advice, resolving issues), through the job. It is a control with which he manipulates the people he lives with so that they do what he needs for the sake of his safety: “if you do what I think is good, I will be calm.” He does not realize how he truly is to others, and there he also masks reality. Well, on the other hand, his great arrogance, putting himself on top of others with the attitude of: “I know and you have no idea how things are,” comes from a hidden fear of the other, of life, of movement and lack of control.

Hyperactivity

Another facet of conservation E3 is multitasking, feeling all the better the more you do. In this sense, action energizes this personality, which finds satisfaction in multifunction. Being busy is therefore a way of feeling safe, and moving quickly from one thing to another, a way of controlling.

Multitasking does double duty. On the one hand, it reinforces the idea of power and capacity. That idea of “how good and how smart I am” must continually strengthen it because that is how the internal clumsiness is hidden. On the other hand, it prevents him from contacting the inner world; that is, it makes it difficult for him to stop with himself.

Helpful compulsion

Another inseparable feature of emptiness is an automatic tendency to take care of the need of the other, which dynamically depends on not being able to hold the emptiness of “not satisfying” since there is a deep fear of real contact. The conservation E3 does not know how to deal with reality and this clumsiness is not supported or shown, but translates into “not knowing how to say no”: he does not know how to defend himself, nor ask nor enter into conflict; making it easier for him, apparently, to be there for the other and thus avoid confrontation.

Covering the needs of others has a double function. On the one hand, conflict with the other is avoided, who does not get in touch with the dissatisfaction of his need and therefore not with frustration, so he does not direct his destructiveness towards the helper. On the other hand, the conservation E3 is so busy with others that they don’t take charge of themselves. The feeling of not needing induces an apparent strength and perfection, which gives him power over himself; a feeling that is reinforced by the fact of beginning to be a reference figure for the other and thus earn a place.

It is also true that the helping compulsion is sometimes a projection of one's need. In this sense, the conservation E3 must learn to ask, to allow himself to be nurtured by others, to abandon the role of strength, to show fragility, to ask for forgiveness, to say no, and to live and let live.

Be a reference person

As we have just seen, another trait to consider is that of the person of reference, which is dynamically dependent on the helping compulsion. It comes from the tendency to do what is expected of one, for not sustaining the conflict of being inadequate. This attitude becomes not knowing how to be silent or still, which leads to a tendency to be the leader of any meeting, although not in an “obvious” way, but rather by weaving a network to become essential. By always having something to say and something to offer, the conservation E3 creates dependencies.

Through his well-intentioned way of being, he can take the conversation where it is expected, always seeking recognition from others and adapting his feelings to what he believes is expected of him. It is characteristic that this conceited person drives his “wedges” constantly, without having finished listening many times to what the other person has to say, already having the speech prepared and, contrary to what he neurotically believes, saying almost the same thing that was just said, only with his finishing touch.

Confluence

If we consider the confluence of the conservation E3 as a form of survival, we can understand the demand to be for the other as a lifestyle. This aspect leads to the development of highly intuitive individuals, who in this facet resemble the E9, although with very different motivations.

The pain of individuation, the risk of being, and fear are hidden under doing what is expected of one, which is a way of not being aware of the automatism that covers the existential void of not knowing what to do for oneself, of having no idea where to direct their steps without someone else to mobilize them towards constant action.

It should be added that the fission or confluence with the other is a way of feeling power. By creating dependency from goodness, the idea that one is necessary is fed. However, this entails enormous difficulty in being alone, in recognizing one's own feelings, needs and limits. In addition, this confluence or being for the other makes it possible to blame them if something does not work, in an evasion of the responsibility of being, feeling, and needing.

This not knowing how to be oneself without the look and approval of another person is similar to the fusion that E9 experiences, but instead of being an automatic and indolent servility, in E3 it has a background of helping, advising and listening so as not to feel alone, and to be loved. It is a long-term investment, where the ingredients of patience, restraint, hindsight, and endurance are common.

The banishment of error

Related to the image of goodness and efficiency is not allowing the error. A conservation E3 does not distinguish the thought from the action: it acts without digesting the thought. In this way, the first “mistake” for an E3 would be to stop with oneself, “be selfish,” focus on what he wants for himself.

The mistake that there is in not wanting to make mistakes comes from the fear of disqualification, of rejection. We are facing a vital need: rejection is like death for this subtype, who understands that if someone censors his way, he is censoring him. In short: if doing is censored, being is annulled.

Self-perfecting

Another characteristic feature of conservation E3 is to feel that overcoming is a lifestyle. It's not just about doing better, but about being a better person. Adapting to the values expected of him reinforces the idea of being someone adequate and perfect.

It is a way of keeping vanity at “the right level,” not lowering the bar and doing a little more each time to surpass the previous mark, in front of others and in front of oneself. The conservation E3 is a character that strives to do well and bears similarity to the E1, which is a perfecter from morality, while the E3 is a self-perfecter from doing. From this position, he teaches others how things have to be at peace so that they go well, without error and if possible the first time.

Something very typical of this subtype is the “don’t do what I already did,” because it underlies the belief that he does it better and in less time than the others. Buying time is important, so it turns quickly to have more time to do more things, thus gaining a greater sense of efficiency and capacity. Forgetting oneself with vanity here takes the form of fattening the ego through wear and tear.

Order

When he loses control and an overflowing emotionality appears, the conservation E3 usually gets angry with himself or with the person or situation involved. Because “what are emotions for?” He considers that feeling is a waste of time and that it does not solve anything. Emotions break the feeling of order and having everything under control.

Linked to perfectionism, order is a value that makes a lot of sense in the life of the conservation E3, who is ordered in the different aspects of his existence, from the material order in the house, to the family, or work.

Self-demand

Self-demand is like a runaway force that leads the conservation E3, by yet another way, to disconnect. It prevents you from accepting things as they are and containing what you don't like (such as anger with someone), demanding even more to be better.

Self-demanding has to do with not allowing mistakes and with things not going as planned, something that generates a lot of contained anger, since the great effort that he undertakes many times does not help him at all.

The persistent dynamic is not giving in to anything or anyone, controlling each step, reviewing each other's gesture, and blaming oneself when what was intended has not come out. That is why surrender means defeat, being characteristic of trying to solve or overcome a setback in “all” imaginable ways to reach the intended goal.

Knowing how to sell

The image that an conservation E3 sells is that of a safe, reliable, kind, available, strong person, who does not need help, who does it alone, who is not going to bother, who knows how to have a good time, who does not get angry, who makes it easy, who is not going to create conflicts. But unlike the persuasiveness of E7, where being admirable is in the service of complacency, at E3 the ability to sell an image is in the service of being accepted. For this reason, it is easy to love but also not to be taken into account, because its availability and its good work ends up being boring.

Claudio Naranjo's Self-Preservation 3 Description[5]

E3 Conservation – Security

When considering enneatype three in a panoramic way, we are struck by its social and sexual manifestations. But when we meet people of the conservative E3 type, we cannot exactly say that we are dealing with a third type of vanity, because just as the proud of the conservative subtype do not seem proud, the vain of conservation do not seem visibly vain to us either -and I have come to characterize them as countervailing, using a language analogous to that of psychoanalysis when it introduced the notion of the “counterphobic” character, which hides its fear through visibly audacious attitudes.

Over the years I have found that the same is true in the case of conservation of each of the passions. In E1, for example, the fact that he does not seem angry and that he masks his anger while defending himself behind benevolent attitudes is striking.

The case of the conservative E3, which seems not very vain, resembles that of someone who is so determined to be a good person (that is, to follow the perfect or ideal model of the good mother, the good housewife, etc.) such a way translates into an implicit taboo on vanity. Therefore, it can be difficult for an inexperienced person to recognize a conservation E3, who could be confused with an E1 or other traits.

If we ask ourselves what is his neurotic need, what does a conservational three need above all else, it might seem that he would try first and foremost to be good; but that is a universal commandment, present in almost everyone's life (although some people rebel against it). More specific to E3 conservation is the concept, underlined by Ichazo, of security, and it seems to me that a threatened security makes these people also develop a special autonomy. Since they were not taken care of enough, they learned to take care of themselves, and later they also take care of others. There is an atmosphere of security around E3, and they are often people you turn to for advice, as they seem to specialize in problem solving. This passion for security can oversimplify their lives, however, by narrowing their interests to what is most practical and useful. Furthermore, when you want to give efficiency too much priority, you end up making efficiency itself efficient.

Sandra Maitri's Self-Preservation 3 Description[1]

3+Self-Preservation – “Security”

Self-preservation Threes equate inner security with having enough money and a reliable position in the world. To this end, they strive relentlessly to assure their survival, which feels perpetually in jeopardy to them. This is the subtype of the workaholic who cannot take a break, and the self-made man who accumulates a fortune and yet feels that his survival is still precarious. The passion of lying arises here as deceiving oneself that amassing huge amounts of wealth will give the soul the security it lacks. Lying is also used by Self-preservation Threes to get what they think will give them the security they hunger for.

Beatrice Chestnut's Self-Preservation 3 Description

Self-Preservation 3 Subtype description (2021)[6]

This subtype wants to be good, not just look good. They focus on providing good models for whatever role they play, as determined by social consensus. They can be the most extreme workaholics of all twenty-seven personalities. Their survival strategies, along with a self-preservation instinct that fuels anxiety about material security, make them work really hard. They want to present a good image, but their need to be good means they don’t want to be seen as excessively self-promoting or to brag about their achievements. They are more modest, less vain, and not as competitive as the Social 3 subtype.

If this is your subtype, you may have a difficult (or impossible) time slowing down. Your anxiety about survival and being good means that your ego tells you that you can’t stop working. You are likely overly autonomous and self-sufficient and may find it hard to depend on or connect with others. You not only strive endlessly to look good, you also want to do things right. Unlike Type 1s, however, you determine what’s “right” by looking outside yourself. You probably have great difficulty feeling deeper emotions and expressing vulnerability. You can be excessively modest and get trapped in a vicious cycle of wanting to look good, wanting to be good, and wanting to do good. But you may not be able to relax and feel successful in any of this.

Self-Preservation 3 Subtype summary (2013)[10]

The Self-Preservation Three has a sense of vanity for having no vanity. This Three also wants to be admired by others, but avoids openly seeking recognition. Not just satisfied with looking good, the SP Three strives to be good. They are determined to be a good person—to match the perfect model of how a person should be. Being the perfect model of quality implies virtue, and virtue implies a lack of vanity. SP Threes seek a sense of security through being good, working hard, and being effective and productive.

Self-Preservation 3 Subtype description (2013)[10]

The Self-Preservation Three: “Security” (Countertype)

Following Ichazo, Naranjo calls this subtype “Security” because these Threes work hard to achieve a sense of security, both in terms of material and financial resources and knowing how to do things effectively. Self-Preservation Threes express a concern with security in that they have a need to feel autonomous and self-sufficient—to know how to take care of themselves and others.

People with this subtype often had a childhood in which they didn’t have enough protection and resources. In response to those conditions, these Threes learned to be active and efficient doers, oriented to taking care of themselves without help from others. They have developed a special focus on autonomy in the face of a jeopardized sense of security.

This preoccupation with security can also extend out to others. This person emanates a sense of security; they are solid people who you might go to for advice. They seem outwardly calm and organized, like they have it all together, but they are anxious underneath. These are assertive people who specialize in solving problems and getting things done in a high-quality way—and while they work very hard, they don’t show their stress. They are usually financially secure, highly productive, and “in control,” but they also report feeling an underlying sense of anxiety related to the effort it takes to achieve the sense of security they crave.

Self-Preservation Threes strive to be the ideal model of quality in whatever they do. They want to be the best example of how to be in whatever role they play: the best parent, the best partner, the best worker, the best at whatever they do. They feel a need not only to be seen as good, but also to actually be good. They do this both to achieve a sense of security and to inspire admiration in others without being obvious about their vanity. They want to be admired because they do things well, and they want to do the things they do in the best way possible—not just to have a good image that people will find attractive, but also to live up to that image. Their tendency to adapt to a “model” also motivates them to forget their own feelings.

Following the perfect model of how things should be done means being virtuous, and being virtuous implies a lack of vanity. In this sense, the Self-Preservation Three “has vanity for having no vanity.” This means that while this Three wants to look attractive and successful in the eyes of others, they don’t want other people to know they want this —they don’t want others to see that they have actively created an image to look good to others. They don’t want others to catch them in the act of wanting or working to look good because they have an ethic that says that “good,” or virtuous, people are not vain. Some Self-Preservation Threes are aware (and will admit) that they want people to admire them for their good image—though, generally, they want to keep this a secret—but some Self-Preservation Threes believe so firmly that it is wrong or superficial to want the approval of others that they won’t admit this desire even to themselves. These are people who want to be so perfect that it’s not in their code of honor to allow for vanity.

In denying the presence of vanity, the Self-Preservation Three represents the countertype of the three Three subtypes—that is, this Three is the “counter-passional” type, the Three that doesn’t necessarily look like a Three. Though these Threes are motivated out of vanity, just like the other Threes, they deny their vanity to some extent, and so their character is shaped more around going against the energetic pull of vanity. And there is a natural opposition between the vain desire to attract attention and a primary instinctual drive toward security and self-preservation. Unlike Social Threes, who will more openly brag about their accomplishments, Self-Preservation Threes avoid talking about their positive characteristics and high-status credentials because they believe it’s bad form to advertise their strong points, even if they also want others to see them as successful. They may be either modest or falsely modest.

In terms of the mental habit of deception, this subtype is also anti-deception in that they try to tell the truth. The deception in this Three comes at a more unconscious level; when it comes to knowing their true motivations, Threes often confuse their image-based reasons for doing things with their real feelings and convictions.

Self-Preservation Threes display a strong workaholic tendency and are motivated to work very hard to achieve security. They have a compulsion to be self-reliant and to feel in control of their lives. They also feel responsible for making everything happen, and can even have a sense of omnipotence. Along with their need for control and their underlying anxiety, they may experience a sense of panic when they need help or lose autonomy.

The passion for security in this subtype leads them to oversimplification in life, reducing their focus and interest to what is “practical and useful.” These individuals have an imperative need to know they can handle it all and that all will be good for everyone surrounding them. They don’t show weakness. They may think things like, “I have to do everything, because I do it better.” Situations that feel beyond their control can leave them confused and lost internally, causing them to freeze up, and in an effort to reestablish control, they can become invasive. These are the most rigid of the Threes.

With so much energy focused on work and efficiency and security, there can be little mental and emotional space left for these Threes to be able to engage deeply with others. Though they may work hard to maintain relationships, they may have trouble making deep connections. When Self-Preservation Threes—especially less self-aware SelfPreservation Threes—do make connections, they can be superficial. They can view feeling their emotions as a waste of time, and this inhibits their ability to connect in intimate relationships, since a true relationship comes through each person being in touch with their feelings and their “real self.”

It can be hard for a Self-Preservation Three to be recognized as a Three. They may be easily confused with Ones or Sixes. This Three looks like a One in that the type is rigid, responsible, and self-sufficient. These Threes, like Ones, try to be a model of virtue in the things they do. They can be distinguished from Ones in that they move at a faster pace, pay attention to creating an image (even when they don’t acknowledge it), and conform to a perfect model of how to be as judged by social consensus, not according to internal standards of right and wrong (as Ones do). They differ from Sixes in that they are fundamentally image-oriented and work harder in response to insecurity, while Sixes find protection in other ways. And while Threes may question their sense of identity, they generally don’t allow their productivity to get slowed down by too much doubt or questioning.

Haiki Self-Preservation 3 Description[7]

Self-Preservation Three: Security/Doer

This is what we truly see as a counter-type. Not all of the types have an example as clear as this one. These Threes conserve in such a way that they do not seem much at all like normal Threes. Because of this, oftentimes they seem like other types at first, like Sixes. In this case, they transmit their passion for vanity into a passion for security, which makes them seem like Sixes. Like the Self-Preservation Two does not seem very prideful, this Three does not appear to be very vain. At least, not in the way we commonly understand the concept of vanity. Therefore, as Claudio Naranjo said best, here we see a counter-vain person. In fact, many people that end up being this type did not see them as Threes initially because vain people often annoy them more than most.

Their natural tendency, differently from the Social Three, is to be good - not necessarily only good at what they do, but also to seem like good people. In this way, they can even seem like good-natured Nines, but without the masochistic air so implicit in the Type Nine. Love in the form of admiration never completely encompasses or fills everything that the heart needs. This being said, Self-Preservation Threes feel a strong and obvious admiration toward certain people, whether they be spiritual teachers, scientists, or relevant people in whatever environment is important for them.

In some ways, this subtype’s compulsion to do, always being through doing, prevents them from being open to pleasure. Because of this, it is not strange that they tend to make work (or any other environment they are passionate about, especially one with people they admire) their lives, not paying attention to pleasure and other aspects of daily life. As Mateu says well, the passion for doing in this subtype also lends them the name the Doer Three and they can be confused with the tenacious Self-Preservation Four, especially in women.

They are hyper responsible and never stop doing things. This being through doing disconnects them from their emotions and even though they are not as cold as Social Threes, they are often unable to get into authentic relationships with others. They do not show this to others because they do not want to be the center of attention, but from their hiding spot, they desire the look of others, recognition, and above all, acceptance. They focus so much on getting results and making plans to get them that it seems they feel their worth depends on what they have gotten and not how they really are. This subtype, like Sixes, avoids situations that are risky and uncertain, even if they do not want money to brag about it (it’s quite the opposite), they feel they need it to feel secure and out of danger.

Carmen Durán and Antonio Catalán's Self-Preservation 3 Description[8]

SP3: Security -> Achievements

In this subtype, the need to feel secure through money, possessions, etc., appears in the foreground. Having becomes a symbol of who they are: someone who can take care of themselves and can get what they and others want. Having whatever could be wanted and having achieved it through the capacity to conduct oneself in the world generates a sensation of autonomy and efficacy that allows them to feel secure and not helpless. We propose the term “Achievements” to designate this neurotic need.

La Mirada Libre's Self-Preservation 3 Description[9]

E3 Conservation: Security

The 3 conservation was accepted later in his family function, only after adopting a behavior that provided him security. They did not see him in their needs, and that is why 3C has the need to show themselves but discreetly, without being noticed (the vanity of not having vanity).

He does what is expected of him, not what he feels, wants, or needs. He has a compulsion to be good and not see the other's destructive attitude towards him. It can be easily confused with an enneatype 1. But, it is a perfection that does not manifest as a sense of superiority, and can even appear to have errors if that is what has to be done.

They do sell and offer security (things will be done as planned by conservationist) with the perfectionism of wanting to do things well. The basis to continue would be by becoming accepted by the other.

He has great difficulty confronting the people he loves, because he believes that they will not love him or that they will leave him (fear of abandonment like other 3s). This also entails a great fear of being seen as ridiculous or making mistakes.

For a 3 conservation, unlike the social, the car of his choice would be the safest and the house would be one closest to his work. He is completely involved in his work because it is a place where he stops feeling insecure that they will not accept him and abandon him. Failure generates great anxiety in him, so he does not accept challenges as high as the social does so as not to take risks.

He has a hard time delegating tasks to others, and his favorite phrase is "It's okay, I'll do it,” which shows his need to have everything under control and to be recognized for his effort. All of this while also being seen as the one who knows how to do things best. (We see here again the emphasis on doing and not on shining as is in the case of the social worker, who usually delegates the field work to others and takes the merits of the final work or exhibition).

In a critical situation, emotion is suspended, giving rise to action. He does not support devaluation or criticism, which if given in public are absolutely unbearable for him.

If at any time he is vulnerable and the other is not up to the task, he does not forgive them and also tends to ignore the other in advance in case they fail him. He looks for an unbreakableness in the other that he has himself (albeit false).

Self demand, control, order, knowing how to sell, helping compulsion, self-sufficiency, being useful, and being the best are character traits of this subtype.

Its movement is "towards the other'' and it is the active-instinctive of the three subtypes, enneatype 3 being a basic emotional character.

References

[1] Maitri, S. (2001). "The Spiritual Dimension of the Enneagram"

[2] Naranjo, C. (2014). "Psicología de los eneatipos: Vanidad" (Translated by members of the community, trait structure translated by mel)

[3] "The Arica Training according to John C Lilly and Joseph E Tart"

[4] Naranjo, C. (2017). "Ensayos sobre psicología de los eneatipos"

[5] Naranjo, C. (2012). "27 personajes en busca del ser"

[6] Chestnut, B. (2021). "The Enneagram Guide to Waking Up"

[7] The Haiki Enneagram Website (Link To Subtype Translations)

[8] Durán, C. and Catalán, A. (2009). "Los engaños del carácter y sus antídotos"

[9] Psychology of Ennea-types Volumes by Claudio Naranjo Interpreted by La Mirada Libre

[8] Chestnut, B. (2021). "The Complete Enneagram"

#enneagram 3 #3 subtypes #3 sp #sp 3

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k-enneagram · 2 years ago

Text

Social 4 In Detail

Envy in the Social Sphere

The social instinct combined with the type 4 gives us a character which is mainly characterized by shame. This subtype feels distress for not living up to social ideals, they compare themselves to others around them and find themselves lacking. This constant feeling of shame weirdly manifests as in an attachment to suffering, often these people are shy and end up lamenting and blaming themselves. They don't feel like they're enough and they feel like they've done something wrong, often taking the role of the victim and focusing on their own inferiority. However, it is important to note that people of this type often prefer to "swallow their poison" instead of lashing out on others, contrasting them with the SX4. They are constantly searching for love in the world they feel like they'll never find which leads them into a constant state of suffering and often being at the mercy of the other.

Ichazo titled SO4 "Shame", a distress at not living up to ideals[1], a character full of self-deprecation and a need for accompanying the frustration of love lost in childhood.[2] Naranjo describes this subtype as someone who wants to elevate what they envy above themselves and beautify it, as if they were allowing themselves to be swallowed up by the painful beauty they conceive or perceive.[2]

Trait Structure[3]

Imaginative and Creative

The emotional, sensitive, and introspective aspect allows you to more easily access your creative and imaginative side. From an early age, he likes to console himself and entertain himself in fantastic and dreamlike worlds in which his imagination allows him to compensate for the great inhibition he feels in real life. This imaginary world that he has created and in which he somehow believes will be able to materialize in the future, serves him to metabolize everyday reality. Poetry, art, and music become channels of expression to the outside.

Sensible

Low self-esteem and the need to defend yourself from others lead you to reject criticism or behaviors that challenge you. Their gaze perpetually directed to the outside world and the continuous comparison he makes with himself lead him to give a subjective reading and interpretation of what happens; the slightest criticism annihilates him, he feels that he has given a lot, more than the others, he finds himself again without recognition. In addition, since it is difficult for him to express his opinion directly for fear of being hurt or conflicted, he expects the same from others (understanding, empathy).

Romantic

For this character, life is hard, difficult and sad, but it is characterized by a romantic feeling inside. Thanks to his romanticism, the world becomes lighter and more bearable, it is as if he added a note or a touch of color to so much pain. The romantic vision that he harbors within him is expressed in the world through poetry, music, and the search for positive living situations and opportunities. It is as if he did not resign himself to the harsh reality through his romantic aspect. It is as if through romance he sweetened a bitter pill.

Passive-aggressive and Self-destructive

He is not allowed to express anger, he always represses hatred. Showing hatred for his mother (or father) would be tantamount to losing her, something no child could afford. So he learned to repress his hatred and swallow it, he began to hate himself believing himself defective, unworthy of love, guilty of not being loved, in order to save his mother. The parental anger you experienced in childhood is too destructive and distressing.

Introspective

The closure, the isolation in which he takes refuge as a child, and in which he grows up, somehow leads him to spend a lot of time in contact with himself, listening to and analyzing himself, doing with himself what no one did when he was a child. Pain and contact with suffering continually stimulate him to study himself and to investigate his inner dynamics. He longs to get out of his suffering and has to continually face it, but he does not believe that this can be done by acting or making decisions in his own life. Instead, he prefers an interior movement of study and analysis of how he is, what he feels and why.

Reserved

He is extremely private, and only talks about himself and his intimate experience with very few people, as he does not trust others to understand him. Since childhood he has experienced not being understood, not being seen, having the feeling that no one is aware of his needs, and therefore, as an adult, he has no faith that there is someone who can understand him deeply.

Feminine

Delicate, sweet, and languid. It poses in a delicate and tender way, and therefore also in the masculine social E4, the characteristics of listening, welcoming, understanding, caring, as well as a friendly physiognomy in which the smile, a manifestation of benevolence towards the world, is always insisted as a background note. There is no trace of aggressiveness or attack in him, but of sweetness and tenderness.

Gentle

He is always kind, expresses himself in soft ways and approaches, as he wants to avoid conflicts and losses. Use kindness to please the other, try to avoid behaviors that can provoke or irritate. She has learned to stand on her toes in the world, to try to prevent or avoid the parent's mood swings or attacks, and thus has learned since childhood that this soft way is what works best for her in the relationship.

Comprehensive

Willing to understand the motives of others, strong empathy combined with fear of abandonment and conflict makes you lenient and benevolent towards the motives and reasons of others. He tends to put himself in the place of the other, he justifies his actions even in situations in which he is humiliated or is not seen, he has difficulties with separation, as well as in primary relationships. From a young age he learns that it is better not to express his opinion or clearly what he wants because this creates a distance with his parents. Thus he learns to understand them, to justify them.

Lazy and Procrastinator

You are recalcitrant about committing and lazy about getting a task done. He tends to postpone his execution because he always feels that he is not up to the task and very often he believes that he is incapable or that he does not do it to the best of his ability. Fear of failure paralyzes you. Obviously, this is closely related to low self-esteem and lack of confidence in their own abilities. No one ever believed in him; as a child he was not only not encouraged, but which, on the contrary, was devalued. His procrastination is linked to the need to do things as perfectly as possible, even beyond. He does not admit mistakes to himself and this requires him in the actions that he then undertakes enormous energy to complete the task.

Criticism and Self-disqualification

He is critical and disqualifying both with himself and with others. He tends to be critical of himself because it is the experience he has had. It has been heavily criticized, disqualified. To the extent that he compares himself with others and in order not to be completely annihilated by the superiority of others, he tends to have a critical look and to express, not directly, disapproval, negative judgments about the other, his way of being, or to work. So the criticism of the other is born of an attempt to survive, not to be completely crushed by the comparison with the outside world.

Sadness and Suffering

He is sad and suffers from a young age, even before he is aware of it; when he becomes an adult he continues to drag this suffering, since he remains attached to that need to receive that has never been satisfied. His attention does not shift, he does not find compensation in life because it is as if he is still waiting for that love. There is a part of him that is obstinate in not wanting to give her up and that is why he does not learn to give himself the love that he did not receive in childhood. Thus, love becomes something sublime, inaccessible, almost impossible to find and experience.

Proud

He reacts superbly to an offense and a wound, in the sense that in order to defend himself he creates a distance with the other, or he even leaves, separates, becomes cold and distant. He does not back down, he resists his suffering without showing it and confuses pride with strength, he has the illusion that through pride he can protect himself. It retriggers the wound in the same way that it hurts the most.

Shy

You like to be social and need others, but you tend to hide and find it difficult to expose yourself, especially in a new and wide social context. Shyness is due to an excessive concern for the judgment of others, the perception of being inferior to others and a feeling of inadequacy. From a very young age he experiences the weight of being judged, often being asked to be different than he was or to better fit the context. You develop an excessive tendency to focus on your inner world of thoughts, emotions, and behavior.

Pessimistic and Distrustful

You perceive the world as dangerous and unpredictable, so you tend to always see the negative side of things and situations. Through his pessimism he believes he can anticipate and control the pain he will feel when something bad happens, because he is sure it will! He has no confidence in the course of events or even in himself, this becomes functional to remain passive and withdrawn, and at the same time to be able to complain and suffer.

Insecure

He has the constant doubt that his actions or words can lead to difficult or irremediable situations, and that they can lead him to disappoint the other and be abandoned by him; this, of course, makes him very insecure. As a child, the father corrected his actions a lot or even criticized him often, which made him insecure and hesitant, especially when it came to taking the initiative or acting instinctively.

Complain and Claim

He complains about small things, he is impatient. Need to continually express and externalize dissatisfaction (I'm hungry, I'm thirsty, I'm bored). Through the complaint he seeks attention and confirmation that another is available and sees him. Complaining is also their way of feeling the other person is present in the relationship, it is a bit like a thermometer to check that they are always there, that they have not gone away. However, in situations where he is really hurt or has a real deep need, he tends to withdraw and not share, because he thinks that no one will be able to help him. The emptiness and anguish he feels are indescribable; he doesn't feel like he can trust anyone, he distrusts others and life so much that he thinks that no one can really help him in the face of so much pain (and, above all, that there is nothing he can do to stop it). It is as if he were desperate, exhausted. He also feels shame wash over him; showing yourself in such pain in front of the other person makes you feel enormous shame and E4 feels even more miserable.

Silence

It is silent, it tends not to make noise, not to be noticed, not to bother. To be accepted, one must not disturb the other, not disturb one's own mother, and for this reason, as an adult, one tends to be silent, not to interfere with the atmosphere of the environment, not to be seen by the other.

Altruistic and Helpful

Being helpful and helping arises in the subject from the idea that love must be deserved, that it is not free. He has learned that in order to be loved, he must earn that love in some way and that is why, when something is asked of him, he spontaneously puts himself at the service of the other person. In addition, he has experienced the feeling of need and, therefore, it is as if he somehow knows from within the feeling of the one who needs help, and being clearly empathetic, it is automatic for him to go to the other. Finally, we must add to tell him that he finds it difficult not to do someone's request. Backing away makes him uncomfortable; when he does, he feels that he is in danger of losing something, perhaps of losing the other person or of being abandoned.

Hypersensitive

It is extremely sensitive to loud noises, raised tones of voice, and sudden gestures. It is as if he had developed in his existence a sense of constant danger, as if he was constantly on the alert when exposed to the danger of being attacked and therefore reacts with jerks. Sometimes even with excessive vocal emissions in reaction to environmental stimuli that may arise suddenly.

Jealous

He is jealous of his partner, but he can also be jealous of other beings he loves, even friends. His jealousy comes from the fear that someone else will be preferred over him, since that is the experience he had as a child, when he felt ignored compared to his brothers. Furthermore, this fear is made even more vivid by the fact that he has developed a lack of self-confidence and is therefore convinced that another person can be much more interesting than he is in the eyes of his beloved.

Empathic

He has a great ability to put himself in another's place, to live his emotional experience. This attitude is supported by his sensitivity and emotionality. In addition, empathizing with others allows you to feel useful in the relationship. Empathy unites the other and removes the feeling of guilt for not intervening or helping.

Claudio Naranjo's Social 4 Description4

E4 Social – Shame

The contrasts between the E4 character types are the most striking, since its different subtypes seem more differentiated than in the other passions. When I explain this topic in Spanish, I usually say that there are “sufferers, long-suffering and insufferable”. The sufferers are the social fours.

The social E4 is a person who complains too much, is very tearful and often puts himself in the role of a victim. In the DSM-IV, a category of person given to self-sabotage is suggested. The characteristic pointed out by Ichazo for this character is shame, which descriptively seems to me to be a success but it is not enough to describe a neurotic need. Certainly, these are people who underestimate themselves, and therefore feel less than others. But how do you explain why these people are so given to self-blame and to comparing themselves unfavorably with others?

The answer, it seems to me, is found in what Melanie Klein called the depressive position, through which the boy or girl prefers to blame himself instead of unloading his rage against the mother, whom he needs exaggeratedly. In a similar way, we can consider that the social E4 is one who prefers to swallow his own poison instead of externalizing it towards the loved ones; he has learned to introject his aggression in view of an exaggerated affective dependence.

Sandra Maitri's Social 4 Description[5]

4+Social – Shame

Social Fours have the notion that there is a right way to be, and they are perpetually ashamed because they are not that way. They have a fundamental sense of not fitting in and of not being able to do things properly in order to fit in. Social Fours tend to be formal and a bit stiff, paying a lot of attention to their manners. Behaving properly is very important to them, since it is an attempt to cover their deeper sense of social inadequacy. Others appear to Social Fours to match the standard they have for themselves, and so they experience the passion of envy toward them and turn their hatred toward themselves in the form of shame.

Beatrice Chestnut's Social 4 Description[6]

Social 4 Subtype description (2021)[6]

This subtype dwells more in suffering and communicates more about their painful emotions. They may tend to be overly sensitive and often appear sad. They express sensitivity, melancholy, and unhappiness more readily than the other Type 4 subtypes. They frequently compare themselves to others and then focus a great deal of attention on the emotional suffering they feel at seeing themselves as inferior to or less worthy than others. They remain convinced there’s something wrong with them, even in the face of evidence to the contrary.

If this is your subtype, you become overly attached to feeling and expressing suffering as a way to earn love. You take refuge in a victim mentality and must learn to work against this. You tend to focus too much on painful emotions, and this prevents you from taking action and being practical. You tend to be overly sensitive and attached to feelings of sadness or disappointment. You can feel guilty for feeling angry and will benefit from learning to express your anger. You need to allow for happiness in your life. Your belief in your own inferiority may actually hide a superiority complex—or a resistance to being satisfied with what’s good in your life. Try to own your strengths and positive attributes.

Social 4 Subtype summary (2013)[9]

The Social Four suffers more, feels more shame, and is more sensitive than the other two Fours. Envy fuels a focus on shame and suffering as they employ a strategy of seducing others into meeting their needs through an intensification of pain and suffering. They experience a sense of comfort in feeling melancholy. Envy also manifests in lamenting too much, taking on the victim role, and focusing on a sense of their own inferiority. Social Fours don’t compete with others as much as they compare themselves to others and find themselves lacking.

Social 4 Subtype description (2013)[9]

The Social Four: “Shame”

The Social Four appears emotionally sensitive (or oversensitive), feels things deeply, and suffers more than most people. For this Four, there is a desire to be witnessed and seen in their suffering. They hope that if their suffering is sufficiently recognized and understood, they might be forgiven for their failures and deficiencies and loved unconditionally.

Naranjo explains that Social Fours are people who lament too much and who often put themselves in the victim role. They can appear self-sabotaging when they broadcast their suffering and their victimhood as a way of engendering sympathy in others, but they also undermine themselves by being too attached to the causes of their suffering.

In this Four, envy fuels a focus on shame and suffering by providing a constant source of pain: a feeling that others have what the Four wants. However, they believe that their suffering is also what makes them unique and special—there is a kind of seduction of others through suffering.

Fours’ motivation for dwelling too much in suffering and sensitivity seems to be connected to an idea that suffering will be the shortest path to heaven. Like the child that cries to attract the mother’s care, they have the idea that the way to happiness is through tears. While there is some truth to the idea that the path of transformation requires difficulty, this higher ideal gets put to use in justifying the expression of dissatisfaction as a way of attracting the help of others. Social Fours rationalize their attachment to suffering instead of doing something about it, and they depend too much on their needs being fulfilled by others. They express the idea that if you convey the intensity of your need in painful enough terms, someone will finally come to your aid and fulfill that need.

Whereas envy motivates Self-Preservation Fours to work to get what they want, it motivates Social Fours to focus on their emotional dissatisfaction and internal lack. For the Social Four there is a sense of comfort and familiarity in suffering—the sweet sadness of poetry, the rich meaning and painful beauty in melancholic music—and an unconscious hope that their suffering will somehow redeem them.

The central issue of the Social Four, however, is not just suffering—it’s inferiority. For this subtype, there is a need for self-abasement and self-recrimination, for turning against oneself, for self-weakening. The Social Four’s envy is expressed through a passion for comparing oneself with others and winding up in the lowest position. To others, the extremity of their mindset and insistence that “there’s something wrong with me” can be surprising. They have a poor self-image that they themselves perpetuate. They also engage in self-sabotage a lot: they regularly underestimate themselves and always feel “less than” in comparison to others.

As Naranjo indicates, the Social Four may evoke a response in others that makes them want to ask, “What’s wrong with you that you think there’s something wrong with you?” A person with this subtype may be competent, attractive, and intelligent, and yet still tend to focus on and identify strongly with suffering and a sense of deficiency.

Social Fours tend to feel a sense of shame about their wants and needs, and their experience of desire is associated with more guilt than other people’s. The Social Four feels guilty for any wish. Shame puts their internal focus on intense and dark emotions such as envy, jealousy, hatred, and competition. They are too shy to express desires, except through a display of suffering. They don’t feel entitled to have their needs met but at the same time may believe that the world is “against” them or that “no one gives me what I want or what I need.”

Social Fours don’t compete with others (like Sexual Fours do) as much as they compare themselves to others and find themselves lacking—almost as if by showing themselves to be lacking they can call forth what they need from others. Underneath, however, they experience a fierce competitiveness that may be largely unconscious: a competitiveness for recognition, being unique and special, and wanting to be in first place. This is more hidden and subtle in the Social Four, however, than it is in the Sexual Four.

Social Fours explore the pain of the past repeatedly as a way of attracting someone who will take care of them and satisfy their wants. They criminalize their wants, as many of us do, but they suffer more keenly for turning against themselves.

Fours with this subtype tend to think with their emotions—they get entangled in “emotional” thoughts, caught up in and identified with intense emotions to the extent that they can’t take action even when it would be good for them to do so. They tend to be generous and to do for others, but they do not take responsibility for their own lives and may dramatize problems to distract themselves from doing something to find a solution.

In public, Social Fours repress “frowned upon” emotions like anger or hatred and may appear sweet, friendly, and soft—but in private, they may express the emotions they store up in social situations and become aggressive. Generally, they prefer to swallow their own poison rather than externalize it to the people around them, and they typically have difficulty finding their place in a group and in society. These Fours may experience themselves as misfits, and yet they also tend to generate social situations of rejection to confirm their shame. They see themselves as victims and may view others as “perpetrators,” and they don’t always take responsibility for their own actions or aggressiveness.

Social Fours are less likely to be mistaken for other Enneagram types than the other two Four subtypes, but they can look like Sixes in their focus on what’s missing or wrong in their lives. However, unlike Sixes, they have a desire to be special (as opposed to Type Six’s identification with the “everyman”), and they spend less time in fear and more time feeling emotions related to sadness, pain, and shame.

Haiki Social 4 Description[7]

Social Four: Shame

Interestingly, the Social Four is not very social; in fact, the key word for this subtype is shame. You might be wondering why this subtype is called social when they are not social. Good question, but this occurs in other subtypes too, and the social instinct is different from being social. In addition to this little nuance, we will easily recognize the Social Four because they are very much similar to how Fours are in general, but with an extra bit of insecurity in themselves. They tend to feel shame and get attention through it. With respect to shame, we must also note that this subtype lives through a kind of anticipatory fear. For example, if they imagine that they will have to talk in public, fear and anxiety will take them over.

Shame seems to go hand-in-hand with its cousins: blame and shyness. The blame they put on themselves comes from a feeling that they have done something wrong and the shyness comes from not feeling like they are enough. While Twos feel full, Social Fours always feel like they are lacking. Oftentimes, this shyness leads them to hide part of their being and even their body. There can be a strong discontentment with their bodies that in extreme cases can lead to struggles with eating disorders.

Being the Fours they are, the Social Four pities themselves to no end and loves putting themselves into the role of the victim. They are the kings and queens of self-blame and negative comparison. The other always has something better than them. They prefer to swallow their own venom instead of spitting it out onto others. They learned as very young children to introspect their aggression, which may lead to a variety of mental and physical health problems throughout life.

As we can see, this constant search for love from any other leads them to live in a constant state of suffering and being at the mercy of another.

Carmen Durán and Antonio Catalán's Social 4 Description[8]

SO4: Shame -> Originality

In this subtype, here is a search for “Originality,” which is our term, implying wanting to be seen as someone special, distinct, exquisite, sensitive, refined, and delicate. This search for originality produces shame. If they are able to appear original and special, they start to feel an ambivalent feeling, a mix of dread and pride. It is not attained, they have to confront the the shame of not meeting their own ideals and self-demands, and therefore, not be able to show themselves to others. There’s a vanity that remains frustrated, a feeling of being vulgar, that generates resentment and hatred toward others for not recognizing them, and toward themselves for not attaining it.

References

[1] Lilly J. C. & Hart J. E. (1975), The Arica Training

[2] Naranjo, C. (2017). "Ensayos sobre psicología de los eneatipos"

[3] Naranjo C. (2022). "Psicologia de los enatipos: Envidia - Abnegados, odiadores y melancolicos"

[4] Naranjo, C. (2012). "27 personajes en busca del ser"

[5] Maitri, S. (2001). "The Spiritual Dimension of the Enneagram"

[6] Chestnut, B. (2021). "The Enneagram Guide to Waking Up"

[7] The Haiki Enneagram Website (Link To Subtype Translations)

[8] Durán, C. and Catalán, A. (2009). "Los engaños del carácter y sus antídotos"

[9] Chestnut, B. (2021). "The Complete Enneagram"

#enneagram 4 #4 subtypes #so 4 #4 so

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