kaijuurabbit-blog

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Lucy is not an Idiot

I’ve been watching I Love Lucy. 

I’d heard that the show involved Lucy being dumb and always being put in her place by her husband so she could remain shackled in the domestic sphere.

What a load of bunk. 

I’m only in the first season so this might change but Lucy has outsmarted her husband three times already. In season one episodes 10, 24 and 27 Lucy is the clear winner. She even uses tommy gun and a baby elephant at one point. In many of the other episodes Lucy and Ricky and Fred and Ethel have mutual misunderstandings which they work out. 

Yes,Lucy is childish but she’s definitely clever and often gets one over on her husband. She also wears pants way more than I thought she would, like more than half the time. 

I’d enjoy it if the offerings of this comedienne were viewed not as a representation of women as a whole but just the behavior of these characters in a society that valued some things. I’ve seen worse on the Dick Van Dyke Show and that was aired a decade later.

Ricky does talk down to Lucy and I dislike him feeling like he can forbid her things. This is more a representation of how oblivious Ricky is rather than condoning the behavior. To be fair, I’d try to forbid Lucy some things, too. Not because she’s a woman but because she’s got a knack for very unfortunate situations. Episode 21, New neighbors is the only episode I’ve watched where Lucy is unfairly blamed and her actions have extreme consequences. 

Again, I’ve not watched everything but I feel this show is pretty cool and quite progressive.

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Ghosting

Cool name, dumb concept. 

Could be cool concept. If someone wants to be dead to someone else it means not having to care if they’re sick, have a broken down car or need money. 

Guess it’s cool as long as you can also put a sheet over them and pretend you’re in the movie Beetlejuice. I mean really, it’s what they want right?

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Poetry Fail

It has occurred to me

That my poetry

Might exhibit 

less then perfect

prosody. 

 I wonder if I care

Whether my bad words

pain tender minds

Gloriously

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Final Book

I’m sad about Terry Pratchett. I still haven’t read The Shepherd’s Crown which I believe is his last Discworld work. I had mixed feelings about Raising Steam (hated) and Snuff (kinda liked). What really gets to me is that a character I liked, Agnes Nitt, didn’t get much page time.It seems she makes an appearance in The Shepherd’s Crown, albeit somewhat implausibly. 

Poor Sir Terry. He was probably the most distraught about losing the Discworld of anybody, or, unfortunately, it may have been the least of his worries. 

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Pheromones

Ya know, I feel like I piss off the majority of people and I’m not really sure why. I do change how I act every once in a while but the result is the same. As a result I’ve gotten really particular about how people act in my own space. There at least, they’d better play by my rules. People don’t like that much but that’s too bad. I’ve got to be right somewhere. My theory, it’s pheromones. 

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Patchouli

She is misery and sorrow

She is potpourri and a green dress. 

All that mystery that was repressed

Manifests in potpourri and a green dress

Thoughts and feelings wants and needs

They’re now expressed and then they breed

Desires once denied are multiplied

Tainted by shame but expressed just the same

buried deep but they never died

She’s got a new skin and she’s going to move on now

because everything changes with silk and with scent

The old girl is gone now. Her thoughts are destroyed

Her fears are buried. She was only a toy

The new girl is different. 

The mascara says so. 

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This is my would be breakfast. Most mornings I get two bananas. two eggs and some baking powder to make a simple, flour-less pancake batter (baking powder may not be necessary) Today I decided to add chocolate chips (I’ve done it before) and blend the banana because I vaguely remembered a recipe where you blend the banana for pancakes. The pancakes cooked but tore when flipped and stayed very very mushy. They were way too flat. The chocolate chips didn’t have anything to be suspended in so they just sunk and burned. It was a traumatic experience for all involved. There was lots of yelling. I checked it later and there was moisture seeping out of every piece too. I really damaged some cells. 

Banana pancakes stick together because of the egg and the pectin in the bananas (I think)(edit. Pretty sure it’s the starch)  and I ripped the pectin (starch) (Apparently they have pectin and starch) all to hell. Also, I remembered that the recipe where you blend the bananas is for oat banana pancakes. The mess in the pan is after I added a mashed banana (failed) and then another egg (also failed). Then I just put a lot of oil in the pan and dumped the remaining batter in. I had the idea that I might be able to cover it and the bottom would crisp and the top would steam with its own moisture. Didn’t work. Then I tried to cook it like an omelette. Did not work. Life lessons. Yay. 

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I don’t like it when my breakfast to be stares back at me. 

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Leftover soup. Easy zucchini noodle green curry with chicken mixed with roast beet noodles and finished off with a tablespoon of white miso. Was good. Pink but good. 

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Cadence and Tone

I don’t understand songs. There’s so much out there and sometimes the lyrics are terrible until you hear them. Spoken word vs written word vs sung word. 

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Bansai

A pinch here

A clip there

Twisting, wrenching

Stretching branches

The strain is great

The stress extreme

The scent of pine

A pained theme

It may feel it

It doesn’t scream

 Nothing is heard

There’s nothing wrong

Pain is beauty

 Those with eyes

Judge the beauty

Those with mouths

Praise its worth

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Tools

Blunt

Sharp

Blunt and sharp

The tools that cut 

The tools that punch

The tools that grind

The tools that crunch

These things are made

And then they’re used

And then they’re broken

And left for something new

They make the world

The world breaks them

But they were made

The world makes them

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Programing

A few months ago I mentioned to someone that the human mind gets bogged down in a feedback loop like a computer and so a bad behavior or a negative thought can get stuck with you. It will probably be triggered and reinforced from something that doesn’t immediately connect and assigning deep meaning to every single thing just makes these behaviors and thoughts harder to break. 

I told her that you just needed to distract yourself with something random. That can work but it is kinda tedious and doesn’t necessarily connect. You do it with dogs. If you catch a puppy about to get into a barking frenzy, poke them. It can change the frenzy to annoyance and stop the barking. 

You can also have a worry stone, beads or just something to fiddle with. These objects can both be something associated with a positive emotion and the act of playing with them can be soothing even if you don’t associate them. It’s its own loop. 

What is more effective is focusing on a negative feeling and changing it to a positive feeling. This is called swishing and there is more than one way to go about it. They deal with visualizing yourself in a negative situation based on a negative thought and then morphing it into a positive situation with it’s own accompanying positive thought. It doesn’t have to be realistic, more like a fancy painting. There’s a lot of stuff to read on it online. The more complex you make the visualization and the more you try and feel the positive thoughts and possibly the negative ones the more you’ll get out of it. Once you have the swishing down do it consciously when you have the negative thought. Eventually it’ll become second nature.

Yay, suggestibility!

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History 2; Isolation

Again, this post is a history of me. If you don’t care that’s fine. I’m mostly just writing. 

After high school and a very brief stint working for a donut shop, I went to live in the country with my mother. I had no friends and went no where and was pretty much daily in a panic. I eventually got out and went to live with some friends. I learned some social skills. Unfortunately, I was still terrified of a lot of things and after some half hearted attempts at surviving I had to go live in someone’s house again and lose my social skills and gain weight and take care of a sick dog. I cooked but it didn’t feel like enough. I then had to live with my mother again. It was worse. I think I might have started hallucinating. I drank myself silly and I sang to myself and I just generally had a very, very bad time of it. I wrote some very disturbing poetry and gained more weight. Then I got to go back to Austin. Now things are better but I have a lot of resentment. No hallucinations, though. That last time in isolation was enough for me to get a hold of my emotions. I really don’t want that to ever happen again. 

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History 1; Background

I did have a long post about high school and upbringing and pain and stuff. There was too much stuff and it can be summed up in a couple paragraphs. This post, like the last one, is really only for people who want to know why I act the way I do. I have no illusions about my life being of more than passing interest. 

I have social anxiety. It used to be so bad that I was terrified at school constantly. This led to me having a lot of trouble performing well. I had trouble with tests and retaining information and if I ever showed up late for anything I was often too frightened to enter the room. Things got a bit better my final year and I stopped worrying about stuff as much. Unfortunately, I didn’t have a lot of necessary skills and the tendency to panic makes it very hard to even try and apply for a job let alone do well in an interview. Also, I couldn’t drive. Still can’t. This becomes important in part two. 

Because of my anxiety, I developed a secondary set of behaviors. I have a tendency to be aggressive during times of high stress and somewhat provocative. It’s the closest I can seem to get to confidence. This behavior used to be permissible when I was slim. Now I scare people.  Greeeeat. 

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“Really? You seem like a nice fella.” 

He just shook his head. “But when the moon is full and the air is cool I change. I can’t help it, it’s in my blood and no one likes a wereclown at their party.” 

I shook my head and turned away from him. But wait. I turned back around and saw his sad eyes look up at me hopefully. “What kind of clown? Are you a rodeo or a hobo or...”

He smiled brightly, tears glistening in the corners of his eyes as I could see hope begin to well. “I become a white face.” 

“Do you mean traditional?” 

“Big buttoned costume and everything.” 

I cringed but forced a smile. “Well, maybe we could get you a wig and an overcoat for those times.” And beer, lots and lots of beer for me. 

Writing Prompt #162

“I’m just scared you’re going to get tired of me.”

“Why?”

“Because everyone gets tired of me.”

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Book vs Movie

I’m reading Practical Magic. It’s really, really weird. I’ve also seen and really like the movie adaptation. There are many more changes in the movie than I was expecting. This isn’t cross dressing pirate weird like Stardust, this is dark and squirmy and unpleasant weird. Gillian is like narcotic laced catnip for men. People end up royally f***ed up. On the other hand, the movie is warm and fuzzy with a scary zombie guy thrown in and only a little bit of squick. Even though it’s a bit disturbing the book is hard to put down. I do dearly hope that the selfishness and lack of foresight of nearly all of the characters is not an accurate depiction of the average person. Also, man are the repercussions harsh.