kalexandriaaa-blog1

[kalexandriaaa-blog1]

“I remember crying on the bedroom floor because the pillow was too wet from all the other tears I shed. I remember crying so much that I couldn’t catch my breath and probably would’ve choked on my tears if my gag reflex hadn’t kicked in causing me to spill my guts, quite literally. Maybe that is why, to this day, intense stress makes me gag and spew out an invisible stream of God-knows-what…the negative things I had been keeping inside? Do I poison myself with the ‘everything’s fine?’ It’s like it’s a rehearsed line I picked up somewhere long ago and forgot to forget it. The show must go on, right? They say ‘break a leg’ and instead my heart breaks a little more as I pick myself up off the floor and pancake-powder over the tear tracks so no one can follow them to see where I’m coming from.”

— Or do I just have a flair for the dramatic?

[kalexandriaaa-blog1]

November 6th

Lately my life has been CRAZY. And by "lately" I mean the past 23 years I've been here on earth. In all seriousness.

But these past 2 & 1/2- 3 years have been even more crazy then usual..

Well, 1st off I wanna say tumblr is something new to me, I wanted to try bcus just recently I have fallen off of social media; facebook, snapchat, Instagram due to internal conflict. And one of my dearest friends and I hung out this past weekend after soo long and she was telling me about this and I thought it was dope so I said fuck it and made one tonight.

Since this is my first post I just wanna dive in and say what I couldn't say on any other app.

In just these past, let's just say 3 years, I've been through things that have broke me, made me, built me, broke me down all over again, given me strength, has made me feel like the weakest person ever, like giving up... and I almost did, but I'll save that for another time. December of 2016, my now 3 & 1/2 year old daughters dad split for the 10th time, but for good. We were together for almost 8 years, since we were only wee little 14 year olds.. then I met another man, well i don't want to say met bcus we had seen eachother around at his job and have had small talk here and there, but in March of 2017 I added him on ig and he slid in my dm's. Lmao, anyways. We talked very blandly.. then came April, we hung out outside of his job for the first time (he works in a dispensary)... I went over to his house and I seriously felt like a little girl, butterflies, blushing, the giggles. It was the happiest I had felt since the birth of my daughter tbh. I fell in love w his smile from the get go, I remember going in to the shop he works at for the first time and seeing him and thinking "well God damn, if that ain't the finest mf I done ever seen"😅// yes when I first seen him I was still w my daughters dad, barely tho. We had stayed together for months on months thinking things would magically get better or something, and well they didn't so we decided mutually it'd be best for us to just go separate ways, so we did. Back to "finest mf I done ever seen", he budtended me and that was that, it was almost a year after that when we actually started talking talking, I guess you can say. And well things started rolling, fast. Within 2 weeks after hanging out for the first time, he rented a house on a hill for himself, me and my daughter. He fell in love w her before he even fell in love w me and that made me fall in love w him. Going thru a breakup w her dad had me so anxious, thinking to myself "who's gonna ever love me, I have a daughter".... but he did. J, let's call him J. J did. Things were AMAZING the first 2 months, then a tragedy hit. The biggest one ever, he had a baby girl from a previous hook up, she was only 4 months old. 3 days after I found out I was pregnant, June 29th of 2017, God took her home... damn, i think I'm gonna have to stop here and say "to be continued." I'll go on more about that another time as well.

My main topic for this post was originally gonna be about tattoos, bcus my sons dad and I went and got tattoos together tonight... and he got my name tatted above his heart 😭 & I was gonna talk about that.. damn. This post is just all over the fucking place. But that's me, my life be like..

✌🏽❤ • till the next post.