kalg-blog

[kalg-blog]

I gave birth and it didn’t have a happy ending

Today is my first day back at work after having some time off. A month ago today I delivered my baby boy and as hard as it is, I want to share the news.

There are many women who experience pregnancy loss, but I only started to hear other women’s stories once I had experienced it myself. The reason I am sharing this story is because I think it’s time we start sharing these experiences, as we would with a living baby.

My pregnancy story We were overjoyed the first time I fell pregnant. We were equal parts excited and anxious for our transition from a couple to a family. The 40 week countdown seemed to fly by and go slow at the same time. My belly became bigger and bigger and we prepared our home and our lives for the human being I was growing.

On the 26th of March 2021, At 21 weeks pregnant, my waters broke and labour followed. It was made clear to us that there was no prospect of delivering a living baby. After the birth we spent some time with our baby boy, Oscar. Days later we were discharged and it went against every instinct to leave hospital without him.

It took months to recover physically, emotionally and to feel like myself again. We had lost the naivety and innocence that we’d approached the pregnancy with. Determined to have a family, I fell pregnant again. This time, painfully wiser, I held equal parts optimism and pessimism during the pregnancy.

On the 23rd of January 2022, at 17 weeks pregnant, my waters broke and we were back in the same hospital, in the same birthing suite, delivering another baby boy. I delivered Arden and again we left the hospital with empty arms.

If Oscar and Arden had of lived - it would have been celebrated with family, friends, colleagues, right down to the checkout person at the supermarket. Everyone loves babies. But what do you do when you can’t share good news? How do you share the death of a baby that never got the chance to live? How do you tell people that this life changing event has happened?

Since having these experiences, I have learnt that most of us don’t know how to support people who are grieving. It’s common for people to avoid the topic, fearing that they’ll upset you. But it shatters you inside to not have it acknowledged, to not have the opportunity to talk about it. This is my way of saying it’s okay for you to acknowledge my loss or ask me how I am and that doing so makes me feel supported.

I am also here to listen to anyone who wants to share their experience with someone.