kalswrites

[kalswrites]

Kita seakan asing.

seakan tidak pernah ada ‘kita’ antara kamu dan aku. seakan tidak pernah ada pilu dan kasih yang kita santap berdua.

Entah mulai darimana,aku kehilangan teduh ku.

kau (nyaris) kehilangan rumah mu. atau—aku bahkan tak pernah jadi rumahmu? lucu bagaimana september tak lagi sama. yang tersuguhkan kini pilu membiru. dorongan yang menuntutku ku untuk perlahan melepaskanmu.masih kuingat debaran september lalu yang membuatku sungguh semangat menyapamu. meski hanya melalui sebaris pesan ‘selamat pagi’ dari layar ponsel. sederhana.aku membuka buku lama yang ku tulis dengan penuh cita. disana aku bercerita tentang kamu, bahagiaku, perasaanku. sudah lama.aku tidak tahu titiknya dimana. bisa kita ulang sebentar? agar aku tau mengapa bunga-ku layu.

[kalswrites]

we both sat crossed leg on our balcony with sprinkled stars above when i throw a glance at his beautiful—crescent shape smile, “you know i actually can live without you. but here i am. i choose to live with you because that way i’d be happier”

-k

[kalswrites]

Ku harap di malam-malam pelikmu, ada namaku yang terlintas sebagai opsi untukmu pulang. Ku harap di malam-malam dimana kau merasa sepi, ada tawa dan canda yang sempat kita cicipi berdua.

Tidak, aku sedang tidak berdoa agar harimu buruk, atau malam terasa lebih gelap dari bisanya. Ketahuilah, bahwa bahagia dan damaimu selalu menjadi bagian dari doa ku. Namun terkadang, aku ingin menjadi sedikit lebih egois, agar sesekali, tak hanya aku yang merindu.

[kalswrites]

To found and to be found again, that’s how i want us to be.

[kalswrites]

[kalswrites]

Kupikir kau perlu tau satu hal, bahwa dalam setiap malamku, kau masih menjadi sosok yang ku tunggu hadirnya.

[kalswrites]

i know you untied her dress,

i can feel the love you feel for her.

is it bigger than what i serve for you?

the sunset that we watched together.

the colors fade away just like you did.

i hate that you break our promises,

two simple word you said.

i thought i had you when your arms wrapped around my waist saying you don’t want me to go.

i hate that i’m saying this,

i hate that i have to be strong.

i know you untied her dress.

does her skin warmed you up?

does her lips tastes better than mine?

does her touch make you loved more than i did?

does the smell of her parfume make you fantasized more than every dream that we made?

baby i want some time,

i want some time, to make you realize i can do better.

give me time,

give me time,

give me time,

we’ll ride our car and fall in love once again.

[kalswrites]

You are the perfect mixture of Valentine by Jim Brickman, Stick Around by Ron Pope and also Tell Me Where It Hurts by MYMP

[kalswrites]

She started losing her appetite. Her heart was made of stone, that's why it didn't break when she fell apart. She listens to everyone so that she'll forget about the pain that she's been carrying for so long. Her ears are filled with sad songs that suddenly describe her. The tears were the blood in her veins. Sometimes she looks at the mirror and realizes how bad she is, how much she hates herself. She cuts the confidence away like it was the trouble. And start thinking that being herself was such a painful thing. The pain wasnt her friends anymore, it becomes a part of her. She doesn't scared of the darkness anymore. It became the places where she belong. Sunny day isn't as beautiful as it used to be. The anger and the sadness, drownin' inside her. So deep. That no one can reach it. United with her soul. Those blank-tired eyes are the proof how tiring the world she lives in. Sometimes she wants to die, but on the other side, it's her anxiety. Sometimes she wondered, what if she leaves? Would it be the same? How if she was born as a different person? Would it be the same? She needs a hero. The healer, the shoulder to cry on and someone to talk. And that's why she become.

-K

[kalswrites]

"I thought you were fine," they said.

But darling, do you ever see me laughing without a bunch of emptiness on my eyes?

Do you ever ask me what am i doing? Do you ever notice the heavy breath that filled my lungs? The silence that screams for a help?

Darling, how do you describe something with your eyes closed?

[kalswrites]

Sun is fading,

Night’s cold gripping my skin.

Where did they go?

The moon that used to accompany me through those broken windows are gone.

I’ve been waiting and waiting,

Wishing she’ll come back and talk to me.

The ground and the flowers that i used to laid my body on, are burning.

Where did they go?

Sun and the hopes that i thought were there.

Now im sitting here,

In the middle of nowhere,

Thinking which way to go.

Stuck in between a soul that needs its home but hurtful at the same time.

The moon might told me that i should go back. That’s why it didn’t show anymore. But why would i? Why would i go back when everything seems so blurry yet so exhausting.

Why would i go back if it feels like trapped and lost?.

[kalswrites]

Read this ;

"I believe i belong to somebody out there. Someone who is kind, warm and gentle. Who can make my bad day a little bit better cause i have someone to talk to. Someone who i can tell everything without afraid of being judged. Someone who have a beautiful smile even not like Adam Levine's. I believe that someday i'll meet that warm and kind guy/girl at the right time. I just need to be a better person, to love my self better, to accept my flaws. I believe that someday, when i meet him/her, everything will be worth fighting. I just need to do something for myself first, my friends and everyone around me. Learn new things, meet a lot of people and s/he'll come. Someone i want to live my life with without any doubt. Someone who's just by seeing his/her face can give me the strenght. Someone who's just by grabbing her/his hand, it'll make me fearless for whatever will happen. I don't care if it sounds cheesy, i don't care if s/he's far away from here, i don't care how long it takes and how exhausted it takes to feel that beautiful feeling. And i don't care if s/he's is in another side of the world right now, holding another person, being in love, or even imagining future with the one s/he loves right now. All i care about is, no matter how far the distance, a heart will find it's home.

Someday,

Someday,

I will be happy again.".

[kalswrites]

I thought you’re afraid of losing me.

I thought your biggest fear except when the time stop is when i get hurt.

I thought you love me to death.

I thought those good old days mean so much to you as it mean the world to me.

Those silent night where all we do is nothing but so connected to each other. Like the stars and the moon, who did nothing but know they're there for one and another.

I thought we were having a good time,

Chasing the lights,

Counting days,

Walking down the street,

Watch your favorite movie.

I thought you'll hug me until im cold and die in your arms.

Thought everything we've been through mean something to you.

I thought i should've know it from the start,

That you'll never,

Ever,

Gonna love me.

You never mean it. h

[kalswrites]

"She wanted to tell him that she started to listen to his favorite song even if its so different that the kind of song she used to listen everyday of her life. She wanted to tell him that everyday before she go to sleep, he's the one she thinks of. She wanted to tell him that since the day he left, nothing that feels more reasonable than looking at his profile, wondering, thinking about what is he doing when he wrote that tweet. She wanted to tell him that she discovered his favorite band and started to like every single song of them. Not because it's his favorite but because she finally realized that the music is pretty calming. She wanted to tell him all the cancelled plans she used to told him that she'll be busy of. She wanted to tell him that missing him is like watching the black-dark night sky. Breathtaking. But that kind of breathtaking that holds your breath so fucking tight that you have no place to run. It forces her to realized that no matter how much she misses him, there's no way she can meet him anymore."

-k

[kalswrites]

why is everyone running so fast?——

what are they looking for?

time flies, and i looked around. they’re gone.. leave some dusts as a mark. like a flash of light passing through a dark alley, their gone. within a minute, i was all alone. — where did they go? or i was just unconsciously closed my eyes? now i’m just gonna tied my shoelace, walk on my own.

-k.

[kalswrites]

i know somewhere out there you were dancing to slow 60’s with her, while i’m dancing in the dark.

[kalswrites]

itu lucu bagaimana aku menorehkan tentang mu di dalam sebuah buku. 

untuk kamu, di suatu tempat di bumi.