kattt-c

[kattt-c]

Gusto ko na pakawalan yung ganitong klase ng bigat. Jeric, you never fail to disappoint me. Oo, you always pull thru, too- pero u never fail to disappoint me either. Ang bigat bigat. Sobrang defeated ng pakiramdam ko sa ganon. Sa ganong klase ng situation kung ano ano na yung na-bring up at nainvalidate na pakiramdam ko for simply communicating what I feel is wrong by the way you say things.

Kung ano ano na naman yung nainvalidate sa akin at na-mock kahit hindi naman dapat. Parang ang baba baba ng paningin sa akin. Even after all the things I endured, gaganon lang. Hindi tama yung ganon. Tatakutin mo pa pati ako? Oo, takot ako mawala ka pero you dont get to use that just to scare me kasi hindi kita kinakausap. Sobrang sama ng loob ko ayoko na makipag usap kasi hindi ka naman nakikinig tapos babanatan mo ko ng ganon? Hindi tama 'yon.

[kattt-c]

Kahit saglit, kahit sa sandali lang na to- kahit sa oras lang na to, habang mag isa ako, at nanonood ng grey's anatomy, hehe, gusto ko sabihin at damdamin na mahal na mahal kita, jeric wilfred ko.

Kahit gaano kasakit, kahit gaano kahirap.

Mahal na mahal kita.

[kattt-c]

Hello,

Saktong tatlong buwan na tayong hiwalay noong nag desisyon ka na bumalik sa akin, noong nag desisyon ka na gusto mo bumalik sa akin at itama lahat, na na-realize mo kung gaano kahalaga yung "ako" at "tayo" sa buhay mo. Hanggang ngayon alam kong ramdam mo na nahihirapan pa rin akong bumalik sayo, sa atin, at alam kong naiintindihan mo yon- salamat. At ginagawa mo lahat para bumalik ako sa atin, pinapatunayan mo lahat nang kailangan mo patunayan, sinusuyo mo ako araw-araw at pinapaalala kung gaano mo ako kamahal.

Gusto kong sabihin sayo na mahal kita, gusto kong aminin at damdamin sa sarili ko na mahal kita kasi alam ko naman na ayon yung totoong nararamdaman ko- pero ngayon kasi mas malaki yung takot ko na masaktan mo uli, kasi noong huling beses na naramdaman ko yon halos ikamatay ko na- na pakiramdam ko sa susunod na maranasan ko yon lahat ay hindi ko na kakayanin.

Pero gusto ko sabihin dito- aminin, kahit sandali, mahal na mahal kita, bubba ko.

Salamat at bumalik ka.

[kattt-c]

Madalas nilang sinasabi na maiisip lang ng tao ang halaga mo kapag wala ka na sa kanya— pero nakakalungkot isipin, ano? Kailangan munang maubos ka at masaktan nang sobra sobra bago niya maisip na mahalaga ka.

[kattt-c]

Nakakagalit na mahal pa rin kitang putangina ka. :)

[kattt-c]

Kapagod, noh? When u keep fighting for yourself- for people to see that you dont deserved to be treated the way they treat you, to still be a good person despite of everything that they did and what happened to you in the process, to still see the good in them and still love them despite of everything tapos deeply traumatized and depressed pa din ang end up mo because of them. to still feel like everything you did is not enough, even if you know that the things you endured is a lot but u didnt mind- costing you your emotions and mental health for the next few years of your life.

anyway, happy anniversary to that traumatic incident. its been a year and I still dont know what I did to deserve it.

cheers.

[kattt-c]

cut ur hair to appease the breakdown gods

[kattt-c]

Hello. Napadaan lang ako sa blog mo. Sana ok ka lang ate ♥️♥️♥️

*hugs*

hi. thank you.

[kattt-c]

Thats the thing.

For 6 years, everytime that you have this crisis, everytime that you get confused, I am the person that you always end up hurting. Always.

And I've gone thru a lot of this shit for 6 years so I know that I can live without you. I just dont want to.

[kattt-c]

Sa mga ganitong panahon kita palaging hinahanap. Hinahanap ang iyong mainit na yakap, mga halik sa aking noo, mga halik mong makakapag pawi ng pagod ko, at sa mga ganitong panahon ko rin kailangan lalong tanggapin na wala ka na.

[kattt-c]

[kattt-c]

You. You will always be the first person that I think about whenever something great or something sad happens to me. But I can't do this anymore.

I can't let you matter to me anymore.

[kattt-c]

After 3 years, hindi na natin kinaya. Wala na. Pero tuloy pa rin yung pangako ko sayo- kahit gaano kasakit, kahit gaano kahirap, palagi ko pa rin pinipiling mahalin ka.

Kahit ngayon ako na lang nakakaalam.

1:07AM.

Alam ko na madami dami pa tayong pagdadaanan na problema, alam kong dadating yung panahon na masusubok tayo pareho pero lagi mo alalahanin yung pangako ko sa'yo na kahit gaano kahirap, kahit gaano kasakit palagi kong pipiliin na mahalin ka.

[kattt-c]

[kattt-c]

I stayed here last night for 5 minutes. Trying to decide what route should I hop on. If I should go home or if I should go to you.

I decided to go to you.

Because I wanted to see you one last time, even if that means I'm gonna have to get my things from your room, I don't care. And maybe because I am still hoping that when you see me- you'd realize that you can't go on with your life without me.

But for the last time you decided to disappoint me.

For the last time, you pushed me away.

On my way home, I tried so hard not to breakdown. I have all this questions in my head- on why I am not enough for you, on why you can't fight for me, for us. Why is that no matter what I do- you still don't see me as someone worth fighting for.

When I got home thats when I realized– the reason why you can't fight for me is because you don't love me.

[kattt-c]

I miss you.

[kattt-c]

Miss kita palagi. Sana okay ka lang.