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[kayesdee]

Reflection-COM2206

          Managing conflict has always been one of the biggest struggles for me. As I was reading through this chapter, I found even bigger flaws in how I handle conflict. I do not like to argue, nor do I like confrontation, so oftentimes I resort to avoidance where I “choose not to confront an issue directly” (Adler et al., 328). Although this can be the correct solution when the problem at hand is frivolous, I sometimes avoid the problem because it is serious, and I do not want to deal with it. However, I will say that I eventually come back to the conflict and work on resolving it, but the initial action of avoiding it is not the best. As previously stated, I am not a confrontational person, so I also accommodate to others frequently. I “entirely give into others rather than asserting my own point of view” (Adler et al., 329). I will briefly try to sway the other person into what I want, but if they disagree, I immediately go along with what they want to avoid conflict. Both routes in managing conflict are dangerous in circumstances that require a better solution. For example, avoiding a serious problem can lead to more problems in the future and/or stall relationships for no reason. Accommodating too often may allow others to take advantage of me and know that they will always have what they want, never seeing my side of things or how it makes me feel to always be on the “losing” end. It is important to take notice of when I am doing this so I can choose a better method of managing conflict and ultimately lead to better results for both parties involved.

           The second lesson I learned was the importance of nonverbal communication, which is defined as “messages expressed by nonlinguistic means” (Adler et al., 166). This lesson from the book opened my eyes about how I come across to others, as I feel that sometimes my verbal words do not match up with my nonverbal actions. It is especially imperative nowadays to watch how I express myself through body language, particularly my face and eyes. With having to wear a mask all the time, it is hard to distinguish what another person is feeling solely based on the upper half of their face. It does not help that the face is already a “complicated channel of expression to interpret” (Adler et al., 178). I work in patient care, so I have tried to correct myself whenever I notice that I am not showing enthusiasm via my eyes even though my verbal communication is enthusiastic. Along with this, I have been working on improving my nonverbal communication skill of voice. Since I work in a clinic, a lot of the time I have to repeat the same things over and over to patients and I find myself talking very fast because it is routine information for me. However, I realize that this can cause the patient to not fully understand what is going on. I have also been told by peers that my tone of voice can sound like I have an attitude. In that regard, I need to specifically work on my paralanguage, or “the way a message is spoken” (Adler et al., 182). I do not mean to come across as rude or having an attitude, so focusing on what I am going to say and how to say it beforehand could significantly improve my nonverbal communication.

           Reappraisal plays a paramount role in managing emotions. Being quite the emotional person myself, I need to learn to “rethink the meaning of emotionally charged events in ways that alter their emotional impact” (Adler et al., 231). It is immensely difficult for me to not act out on my emotions on the spot. If I am frustrated with someone, I make it known, whether verbally or nonverbally, leading to some type of argument or clash. After learning about reappraisal, I have started to take a step back when I am faced with something that upsets me. Instead of lashing out in the moment, I walk away from the situation for a minute or two, take a deep breath, and tell myself that it is okay, that the emotion will pass. When I am ready, I go back to the person and have a calm, civil discussion. I let them know how I feel, but in a respectful way, bringing about a better outcome to the situation. However, it is still a process in the making and I am still working on training my brain to manage emotions effectively. As stated in chapter eight, “The mind plays important role in determining how we feel” (Adler et al., 230).  

Works Cited

Adler, Ronald B., et al. Interplay: the Process of Interpersonal Communication. Oxford University Press, 2018.