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being the older sibling you watch the evolution of how your parents strictness just fades away when it comes to your younger siblings
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This makes me feel many things
i almost cried when i saw this for the first time
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Britney Spears will bring her award-winning Piece of Me show to select cities across the US, Europe and the UK this summer! See below for dates and details!
JUL 12 - Washington DC @ MGM National Harbor (Details) JUL 13 - Washington DC @ MGM National Harbor (Details) JUL 15 - Uncasville, CT @ Mohegan Sun (Details) JUL 17 - Bethlehem, PA @ Sands Bethlehem Events Center (Details) JUL 19 - Atlantic City, NJ @ Borgata (Details) JUL 20 - Atlantic City, NJ @ Borgata (Details) JUL 23 - New York, NY @ Radio City Music Hall (Details) JUL 24 - New York, NY @ Radio City Music Hall (Details) JUL 27 - Hollywood, FL @ Hard Rock Live (Details) JUL 28 - Hollywood, FL @ Hard Rock Live (Details) JUL 29 - Hollywood, FL @ Hard Rock Live (Details)
AUG 04 - Brighton, UK @ Brighton Pride (Details) AUG 06 - Berlin, Germany @ Mercedes Benz Arena (Details) AUG 08 - Skanderborg, Denmark @ Smukfest (Details) AUG 10 - Oslo, Norway @ Telenor Arena (Details) AUG 11 - Sandviken, Sweden @ Göransson Arena (Details) AUG 13 - Mönchengladbach, Germany @ Sparkassenpark (Details) AUG 15 - Antwerp, Belgium @ Sportspaleis (Details) AUG 17 - Scarborough, UK @ Scarborough Open Air Theatre (Details) AUG 18 - Manchester, UK @ Manchester Arena (Details) AUG 20 - Dublin, Arena @ 3Arena (Details) AUG 22 - Glasgow, UK @ SSE Hydro (Details) AUG 24 - London, UK @ O2 Arena (Details)
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So, we have come near the finale. Let's catch up, shall we?
Homey comey has successfully completed the transition into a tree. It's true, look on Twitter. Comey is a tree af.
Environmental check up:
California has been burning or mudsliding away, and Puerto Rico, well, we threw paper towels at them, what else could they want? Shit was wet down there. Sure, some states have been in states of emergency with massive homelessness and a flu epidemic, along with a biting cold winter, but hey, the planet can't be getting hotter, it's cold! Ha! Gotcha.
Totally fake media:
The journalists are now walking trump folks off their set, and Jake Tap dat Union is giving the country his saddest "r u for real' face. Trump did not try to "mess with the press" even though Colbert took out a glorious billboard for the occasion. The fatty continues on with shameless temerity, up lying early in the mornin.
Sex/x/x
So, let's talk about sex. Our prez is going through some stormy weather, as the hooker from the make America horny again tour tries to milk those tabloids. Then there is the scandals. Since I don't want to picture a withered pumpkin with a tiny penis getting spanked by a Forbes magazine, I'll talk about the sex plague here, every popular man, politician you could imagine had a sex scandal. Even giant of the Senate himself was taken and swallowed. Boys: when in doubt, do NOT whip it out.
The book
Not since the Pottah days have we seen book fever. The one Barnes and Noble left in town trying to figure out how to discreetly order from Amazon. Cliff notes: trump, um, dumb. Cliffhanger: as in..impeach? Proud of you Mikey Wolff, your sleazy journalism was icing on a bare cake.
It's the economy, stupid.
Bitcoin boomed and so did wall st. Maybe when I read "all bull runs come to an end" I was just dreaming. Nothing goes awry on wall st, because there is a wall.
Uh oh- I said wall.
So here it is, Trump's moment to show his base he does not care (and it's all on Dem dems). So on a Monday he said he would sign anything. Anything? Cool. Budget was due back in September, it's January. Ah, well, it's trump. Busy dude. Lots of executive duties to not do. On Tuesday he said "gotta have da wall" -so, wait, did he get a bunch of pesos and didn't tell us? Why has San Diego paid 2.6 million dollars for those prototypes? No dreamers, no wall, no money.
So that's one year of Donny. Media frenzies, firings, scandals, Russia, and now we wait, will he cave? Will he be the dictator he pictures in his dreams?









Unanticipated Release (not taxes!): Extended Crisis Episode Recap: Comey was hired four years ago and still had 6 left, or so he thought. We remember ol Jim from the summer of 2016 when he freed crooked Hillary from her inevitable prison sentence. Jim mostly kept his trap shut, until October of 2016, that is, ultimately killing tribute HRC’s presidency dreams. Oh 30 years of government experience is just no match for a grandma mishandling her emails. Dem dems were mad! Later Jim remarked that it made him “mildly nauseous” but not fully, I suppose, so like, not?
Comey On, man: Slim Jim lasted longer than most, especially after announcing in an open hearing that he was, indeed, in the process of investigating the “don’t get mad, get Vlad” thing having just wrapped up the last bits of Weiner-related incidents, taking his sweet time to write down what he had seen. “I don’t even know how he shot it from this angle” remarked Comey in a leaked memo; which makes sense, that dude is like 6 foot 8. Not flexible!
Unpresidented: Oh, it’s amazing he has not “disappeared under mysterious circumstances” so far. Still, ol’ Jim held on, until Trump happened upon the chapter of “things presidents can technically do but probably shouldn’t” chapter of “precedenting for dummies”. Shh, he hasn’t gotten to the “Saturday Night massacre” chapter yet; so no spoilers! (Turned out Nixon had been dead the whole time. Even Bruce was thinking “what are you talking about, Willis? I did not see that coming.”) No, emperor Trump had so far NOT had a problem with the foam Come until he turned on a re-run of the hearing on CBS 60 minutes. “I’ll show him, my hands are too big, way too big for handcuffs, believe me” and he was allegedly overheard asking daddy Vladdy what he should do. Favor por favor: The very next day, we see the ambassador to whom we can connect every dead Russian or fired American enter the oval office, at the request of Putin, which now features several bouquets with webcams and microphones. King Don wasn’t going to have the lying, fake media in on this white Russian/cigar club “excuse me? Because it’s the only fun thing I’ve even gotten to do. Unbelievable!” but the Russians said “hey, Donald, come on, one picture for our totally real media in Moscow? No one vill know.” He said “sure, what could possibly happen? And guess what guys? I get Intel, I have the best Intel, like an i7 that’s how good it is, it’s inside this brief case that says top secret, with love, Isreal”.
Suspense, suspended: Literally within the hour the state sponsored Russian outlets had leaked it to our press, and off to the races the snowflake liberal media here goes. Speculation started circling, “what did they say?” “Will we have to wait until next week?” “No one knows” or “why is spice spice baby hiding in those bushes?” Turns out, unlike a complex riddle or a mystery novel or even a housewives reality show, our ruler confessed to the crime in the first few hours basically telling all the minions in these United States, “I completely did whatever my staffers are denying, but it’s fine but I fired the cop, my taxes pay his salary, after all. I do what I want and this whole thing is the media’s fault, in summary, facts pertaining: there is notta lotta you can do, I’m bored, where’s the coke guy I hired? No not that one, the drink one. Listen navy dudes about to put your lives on the line, Basically I’m the biglyest unfairly treated person in history or the universe.”
Interlude/nap time: The citizenry were left wondering if Donny possibly forgot about Pence when coming up with that mathematically correct statement. Pence was allegedly overheard saying “just a few more months Mikey, just hang on,” but other than that he wasn’t seen much…that, or we fell asleep watching him. Speaking of boring, Ivanka released a book called “Offensively frivolous”. No, really? We hadn’t caught onto that part. Yawn.
Surprise! Priming the pump: What were we saying? Oh yes. Back to our homey Comey, our episode concludes that Trump fired him for investigating him and we know this because the king himself tweeted it and interviewed with some guy named Lester saying “yes, absolutely. I did that. Idk why the media or the cops are so mad. I did this for Hillary and this dumb investigation. He better hope there are no tapes!” The camera pans out, as we see LA helicopters chasing the ousted Comey(who got the classic “YOU’RE FIRED” line from a tv in the background as he was christening fresh FBI meat, telling them about all the things he loves about the FBI that for him would not be, and much to his dismay, the press was not actually playing a practical joke and they were in full on OJ/keep eyes on the juice mode by the time he hit the 405. Southern Californians grew rapidly concerned about whether this would cause a traffic situation, which to them would be worst case scenario. Thankfully they let him take his plane back to DC. Wow, wasting tax dollars much? I don’t see other just-fired people/immigrants getting free plane rides back to where to they came from.)
Before memes, came memos. He (or one of his cop buddies) leaked a memo of his, detailing what one might call “a golden request” to “just take it easy on Gen Flynn” just like 45 did with Hillary in the campaign when he had amphitheatres shouting “don’t lock her up, she’s nice, she went to one of my weddings”. It was something like that.
Oh bloody hell here we go again: Later Anderson Cooper finds the dark dank hole where KellyAnne Conway was lying in wait, allegedly upside down like a bat. He subsequently rolled his eyes at her. Hey AC, you invite the cray cray, you can’t be surprised when she starts stumbling around like a toddler bereft of parental attention. “I know you are but what am I!” she shouted into any microphone or poor creature in the vicinity.
“Who’s the fatty?” A benefactor of nepotism: Trump tried out Spicer’s probable replacement in the press room, something Huckabee, who lied a little better than Old Spice, but remained just as unpalatable or as our FBI bro would put “it makes me mildly nauseus”..frumpy trumpy also fantasized on twitter of maybe just getting rid of the free press altogether. Sadly he has not killed all the journalists yet, with Putin saying “neyt. I would not be Putin up with that. Zat is my job. I have special jail for journalist, special death for journalist, but I will use journalist to leak to stupid American journalist. Besides, who else can I use for Mother Russia’s message? We don’t have journalists or hookers here, but if we did, they are the best.”
Ghost of impeachment past tweets: In the end though, it seems as though we may be witnessing the beginning of the avalanche, because we even glimpsed the poor soul who runs the Nixon library twitter account tweeting, “even our guy didn’t do THAT. #keepit100 #notnixonian”. This week’s episode was a nonstop thrill ride in that most Americans now have whiplash from shaking their heads in disbelief. That’s not covered under DonTcare though, SAD!
*law and order gavel sound*
Terms we had to learn this week: emoluments, Nixonian, “hostile nation”, foreign Intel, impeachment, technically legal, obstruction of Justice
We pay tribute to the fallen: James (We Already Forgot) Comey. DISTRICT: MIXED FEELINGS.
#jake tapper#donald trump#president#oneyear#government#shutdown#dreamers#colbertnation#stephen colbert#lssc#media#politics
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What if we are living in a video game with the sun being the camera and we are programmed to be damaged by looking at it because it would weird the player out.
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@britneyspears Rebel just for kicks!!!!! 🤓🎀😎😉
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Dunno who this is but I want him to take my nonexistent virginity

Ben at The Film Indipendent Spirit Awards - February 2016.
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*rohan theme song plays in my head*
The Two Towers + Scenery
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Minor difference: American press vs Russian press on Comey firing
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