kjommm

[kjommm]

Bob Radlinski

[kjommm]

i am so determined to fall more in love with life. intentionally romanticising the walks i am on, the birds chirping, the blooming nature around me, the water in my cup of tea turning from a light peach tone to a dark pink, the poetry i write, the things i am learning, my handwriting, dozing off while sitting in front of my window, all of it and more. I have to take a closer look at the little things that make my heart beat faster.

[kjommm]

I have to do something drastic. Well maybe I don't but that's how I feel

[kjommm]

college is like. i am the stupidest person in the world. i am a god. i am universally loved. these people only tolerate me because they live with me. everyone in this library desires me carnally. i am repulsive. i am myself. i am as far from myself as i have ever been. i am an adult and i have never left the womb. 

[kjommm]

i be like “i don’t really use social media” and then still have tumblr….it’s not even a social media it’s just screaming into the void with a bunch of pretty strangers

[kjommm]

[kjommm]

These 🌹💐🌹💐💐🌸🌺🌹🌺🌷🌸💐🌺🌹🍫🌹💐🍫🍫🌹🌺🌸🌷🍫💐🌸💐🌺🌹🍫🌷🌷🌺🌸🌷🌺🌸🌺🌹🌹🌹🌷🌺🌺🌸🌺🌹🌹🌷💐🌸💐💐🌺🌹🌸💐🌸🌹🍫🍫🌺🌷🌹🍫🍫🍫 💐🌷r for my mutuals on this valentines day <3

[kjommm]

being in my 20s is like I understand more of my mother and less than i ever have. My childhood friends are strangers to me and there’s no one i know better. i want to drink wine. i never stopped wanting to climb trees. i know more than I’ve ever known before. I don’t know anything at all. i’m seven years old and sixteen and twenty nine and seventy. I can’t tell when i'm happy. I think the only thing that will make me happy is to be little again. i want to be really old. i go to the ocean and feel like nothing matters more than that. in my bedroom everything matters so much. I go to the grocery store every day. i know how to cook a lot of things but the only thing i know how to eat is fried eggs. I can take care of myself but i want to be taken care of. i want to go home and I don't know where that is. i think it may be somewhere inside of me but i’m not sure

[kjommm]

love & isolation are so strange because in solitude, u create all these perfect scenarios for your imaginary darling—you would cut them fruit & dance in the kitchen & always kiss them twice in case the first one doesn't take properly—but as soon as you're given the chance, you fumble. it's so mortifying, having not practiced but taken so much time to plan it out, & you finally get your shot & you can hardly hold their hand or meet their eyes. you want love so badly & you've been deprived of others for so long, your actual capability is distorted. you wince at their touch or can only leave them small gifts when you're out of the room. the intensity increases, the thought that you don't deserve softness heightens. it's a terrible cycle: wanting & wanting & letting that want turn to a festering that ruins it before you can reel yourself back

[kjommm]

[kjommm]

from last week’s photo roll: wrote out my delayed 2021 reflection and read some more of my chunky book. t’was a beautiful morning filled with book shopping, a cup of dark hot chocolate, and an even darker read 📖☕️✨ (at Perth, Western Australia) https://www.instagram.com/cupsandthoughts/p/CZHWUKzvVF2/?utm_medium=tumblr

[kjommm]

I really need a reading holiday. A reading holiday is a concept which (I think) I’ve come up with but never done. It involves me renting out a little country cottage in some remote part of the English countryside for a couple weeks and bringing a suitcase full of books I’ve been wanting to read and spending all my time just sitting and reading not contacting the outside world just going to the village grocers and cooking soups and going on long walks and drinking tea and having hot baths and finally catching up on all the reading I’ve been wanting to do and getting really early nights and just having so much rest

[kjommm]

[kjommm]

for those who are struggling with having and finding purpose: maybe, for now, your purpose is waking up in the morning and taking on the day ahead. maybe your purpose is continuing to live despite it all.

[kjommm]

2022 is all about softness, femininity, ease, wellness, healing, thriving, moving forward, luxuries, and passions.

[kjommm]

i just dont think we were made to look at ourselves

[kjommm]

hmm I think I will simply devote this year to loving myself more