knommada-blog

[knommada-blog]

I have just passed my quarter century milestone. You've got it, the big two-five. My quarter life crisis, if you will, has been lingering about in the back of my mind for a few months now. I spend hours on end wondering what my next steps will be, and what this next chapter of life holds for me. I look at my friends who are finished two degrees and working in their desired fields, those who are getting married, buying their first home, or having children, and I think, what a failure I am. What a failure I must look like to my friend's parents and my extended family, and my new acquaintances and potential romances. I live in a fairly large home, with newer cars parked in the driveway, and a mother who will drive me to the ferry or bring me dinner to work when I forget. This isn't the life I've always lived. I might not have been dealt the worst hand, but it surely wasn't a walk in the park either. As 2016 came to an end, and I came to realize that I had been dreading each day, week, and month, with a distant belief that something awesome was around the corner, I eventually worked up the nerve to put in a months notice at my job. I'm a residential painter, and I've been painting for a few years, but just under a year with my most recent company. This company was the best I've ever worked for. The owner was relaxed, and didn't mind working around my schedule when I had something going on. She trusted me to do my job the way I wanted to, and treated me like a partner rather than an employee. However, with such equality lacked growth for me. I was never pushed to do tasks better, and there wasn't a 'next step' for me to work toward. I don't know if it's just me, but as soon as I can't improve or when there's nothing new to explore, I get bored. My next task is then finding something better; a new persuit. A change of pace, as they say. Within my adult life of roughly nine years, I've changed my "career" three times with gap fillers in-between. I've been a retail store manager, I've been a graphic designer, I've dabbled my bit in construction, which ended with painting. Thus far, my longest career. It's not that I don't like painting, because actually I might almost love it. As an artist, it's an outlet of creativity, and having paint all over me makes me feel a certain kind of contentment. It's a physical job, and there's a lot of problem-solving involved. You're on your feet for 8-10 hours a day, up and down ladders, and standing and kneeling and laying on your back with your hand behind your head. My career as a painter has been a great facet of growth for me: as a tradesman, as an adult in our society, and ultimately as a person. Painting has given me a *real* taste of being an adult. But one day sometime last fall, I woke up dreading my work day ahead. I knew it was the same kind of numbness that I've felt before. I don't want to be a painter for the rest of my life. I need to feel passionate and stimulated everyday. I want to make a difference in this world. I can't just paint walls for the next forty years. So here I am. I was six months shy of celebrating my quarter century milestone. At twenty-four and a half I began my first year of my bachelor's degree. It's challenging. Mentally and financially, it's a very strange and difficult adventure to embark on. While my friends have begun their careers and talk about getting married, I often feel nervous about what the rest of my life will look like. Do I wish I went to university when my friends did? Of course. Do I feel like a failure because I'm so far behind? Sometimes. Every decision I've made within my adult years, and my adolescence leading up to it, has shaped me into the person I am today. I honestly wouldn't trade any of it to be in a more stable position than I am today. After twenty-five years in this body, I finally know who I am. I know where I'm going. I can only imagine what my future holds, but I know that it's going to be nothing short of amazing. Years ago, I chose to live. I know this life is worth living. No matter how many setbacks I have to take, I will become the best that I can be. Finally, I'm doing it for myself.