krisyyydvd

[krisyyydvd]

A rollercoaster 2024.

I don't know how to write this. In previous years, I have already done this yearly blog days ago. But now, I'm writing this on December 31, the last day of the year itself. It took me a lot of days thinking about what to write and what to be thankful about when all I feel right now is sadness and hurt. However, there are still good things that happened this year and no matter how bad things turned out, I need to document this because this is the main purpose of this blog, to write, remember and travel back in time.

January 2024, my year started with me travelling to my favorite country again, Tokyo, Japan and this time, it is SUPER COLD. Like -1, my face felt numb without a facemask and my hands got numb a minute I let go of my gloves. It's my first time seeing snow and experiencing this kind of weather, so yes, I am overreacting. I love coming to Japan, I love how I understand the people speaking Japanese when I can barely group Japanese words myself. Thanks, Anime. We went to see the moving Gundam, thankfully I saw it before they took it down. Mount Fuji, which is sometimes hidden from tourists but it was visible to us the whole day! The busy crossroads of Shibuya and Tokyo Disneyland! Sadly, due to weather, the fireworks got cancelled. This is my 2nd time going to Disneyland and I still haven't experienced this firework show!!! I guess that is another inspiration for me to go to Disneyland again. Btw, I blew off all my savings on this trip hehe. 

Then came February, my mother got her eye cataract operated before valentines, we gave her a DIY money flower bouquet which she loved. Of course, my Mr. Romantico never failed to give me Sunflower. Am I just..too pretty??? Then Tinter Bean had its first event in Nueva Ecija, also visited Little Vigan on the way home. March came, we launched our Sweets/Grazing Corner! Another baby business for us! This month, my mom got confined in the hospital but was thankfully discharged before our trip to Bicol! We missed our Family trips like this, but we didn't expect the long drive! We are on the road for 21hrs! Yes, 21 hours. All of our jokes and dreams are exhausted but we are still on the road. jsq. But the beauty of Bicol paid for all our exhausted feelings, Mt. Mayon was hidden most of the time, but when we catched a glimpse of it, it was MAJESTIC. Like it was so big and perfectly shaped! Their food was mostly spicy and this is the only place I liked Laing. We also did a titkok on the entire trip haha. The family also went to Misibis Bay, a luxurious resort in Albay but for me, it was just hmm 7/10. Haha. I flaunted all my belly fats here with my emerald swimsuit. Who cares, they don't know me. 

Summer came in April, to have a quick break on our busy schedules, my bb and I went on a day tour trip in Limliwa, Zambales. This was so much fun since there a only a few people around us because it's a weekday, We tried the ATV, snacks by the beach while admiring how beautiful the sunset was. May came, and this is the month dedicated for my mother because it was her birth month and it's mother's day. For her birthday, we went to San Antonio, Zambales. The resort was 10mins away from the beach itself so my senior parents just stayed at the resort. She was so happy here, we got her a huge cake, flowers, crown and sash as if she was a princess.We were happily singing Happy Birthday to her not knowing that this is gonna be her last birthday...she also had an accident here, she slipped in the bathroom on her own, there are many reasons why she will pass away on that incident, but she survived without any injury but her back was seriously hurt to the point that she needed assistance standing up and going to the bathroom. May is still a good month for our business, because this time, we went to Makati to serve coffee at VIU's mother's day event. I actually don't know if we gained profit here haha I just want it to pass that day. 

My birth month, June, started with a bang! We were invited to serve coffee for IU's concert in Philippine Arena! I still remember hearing her live voice during practice! However, we had a car mishap that night, we almost didn't come home because my car's battery got drained. Thankfully, there are car drivers nearby that helped us! whooh! Then I celebrated my birthday just how I dreamed it would be, a Jollibee birthday party. All my friends and family were there playing like a little kid, I guess we all healed our inner child. August came and so Adam's wedding. I was a grooms-maid? HAHA, I was part of the entourage on the groom's side. I almost launched a cocktail bar here. 

BER months were so busy so it felt like a flash. In October, I watched Olivia Rodrigo's concert even though I only knew 6 songs from her setlist. She was so good and I became a fan after. My sister and niece came home from New Zealand! We are so excited to bond together with the family as a whole, this time, with her husband as well. We went to the mall, had late night movies with espresso made by my bb barista. We also launched our coffee machine here! But this month, my mom was hospitalized again. She was there for 8 days due to respiratory failure, heart enlargement and pneumonia. They had her on full face oxygen mask just to blow out the carbon dioxide from her body which was toxic to her. Basically, her oxygen level falls down when she falls asleep if she doesn't have oxygen, her heart gets affected. This is her longest time in the hospital and the biggest bill we had. She was thankfully discharged, we asked for help from our relatives and paid through credit card. This time, my mother's health card was all maxed out. Right after she was discharged, we tried to make the most out of my sister's time here. We went to Dasol Pangasinan in November, went to church with the whole family for the first time and took a family portrait. My mom even cried before the mass started. I guess because she was thankful that we are all together? or did she get a message from God that she will be coming home to heaven after a month? God, we were so happy. We did everything a family would do once they are together as if we were running out of time.  Then, Yuki was sold and I bought my dream car, white montero named Yukito. 

Then December came, God am I ready for this... This is the busiest month for Tinter Bean with 26 booked events in a month. Dec 12, my mom was rushed to an emergency, almost got confined but came home because all the results are good. We are going out almost everyday for our business but on December 17, on our anniversary, Chester got on his knees and asked me to marry him. He worked with my closest friends and family for this surprise and I literally had NO IDEA it would happen like that! That was my dream! To be engaged! I was at my happiest that night, I went home and showed my mom the video of the proposal, my friends who saw my mothers's reaction even said that she almost cried but brushed it off with a joke. We celebrated until 3am with my HS buds and my mom who was enjoying it with my friend's baby. Dec 18, I spent the entire afternoon with my mom. I helped her get bathed, restroom breaks, did exercise, I made a spanish latte and we watched Legally blonde 2. God this day was so perfect for me and I realized that I want to be home more and spend quality afternoons together with my mom. However, that wish didn't come true. 

On Dec 19, a day which I thought was a normal day would be etched in my memory forever. I woke up in the morning rushing to get my car fixed, my mom was at the dining table as usual, I stayed out while waiting for my car and at 1:30PM she even called me if I was already coming home, or if I already ate. God this was our last conversation. If I knew, I would've explained to her how much she meant to me. That she was my world. At 5PM, I checked on her in her room, I thought she was just sleeping soundly but at 5:20PM when my father asked me to wake her up, my mother...was not responding anymore. I shouted MA, MA, with my lungs and hearts out. I was waiting for her to get back to me, I was hoping she would wake up. But she never did. We took her to the emergency, but it was already too late. My mom....passed away. How did I go from being on my "happiest" to my "saddest" within just 48 hours?

Days passed, we needed to be present at her funeral. We greeted families and friends, but deep inside we are all broken. We can only sleep due to exhaustion and lack of sleep but our minds are awake and our hearts are crying. I mean, what happened? Suddenly, I don't have someone to call "Ma" anymore. Suddenly, our house was lonely. Suddenly, my ultimate dream of getting married with both of my parents beside me can't come true anymore. I cried like I never knew hurt before, my heart is still crumpled as I am writing. We spent our last Christmas together with you, but this time, you were sleeping the entire time. The world is celebrating but our hearts are aching. I can't even greet "Merry Christmas" because it feels too heavy for me. But Ma, when I heard that you were smiling that you were happy, my heart felt lighter. That's all we want, your happiness. I hope you will bring all the good memories you had here because our sisters and I did our best to give you the best senior life. We promise to take care of our father and be with him everyday. We love you Ma, you were my world and heart of our home. I will try my best to recover and cope up from this, you raised 4 strong independent women and we got all those strengths from you. Just like our favorite song said, You are one of the few things worth remembering, how can anyone mean more to me, than you. 

Few hours ago, I didn't know how to end this. Not until I attended the New Year's Eve mass, the priest said that we cannot control life and there will really come a time when you will have to celebrate occasions without your loved ones because they passed away. But there is still a reason to celebrate New Year, that is to give FULL TRUST to the Lord. 2024 brought me to my highest happy moments and brought me on my most down saddest self. 

That's why, 2025, I will surrender you to the Lord, I know his plans are better than mine. I will now let go of the control, bring me your best shot. 

[krisyyydvd]

You are a dream, 2023

Well, I just read online that it’s just 4 days until 2024 and I immediately grabbed a laptop to write this down at 12:39AM. 2023….is a different kind of ride. It’s like something out from a book, something beyond my imagination, it’s like a dream. 

All throughout the year, I thought that I manifested too hard in front of the window in our office looking at the sky and SCTEX road. I just claimed everything that I do this year will be successful because I was born in the year of the Rabbit and it did. This was my winning year. 

My year started with me still selling perfumes, got a Valentines surprise from my boyfriend who always tries his best to give me the best. Then, my friend from Toronto came home and we had a hard catch up of everything we missed even though we almost VC each other. As they said, relationships had it’s ups and downs, I went to La Union with my workmates in March but this is when I related to “I’ve been looking sad in all nicest places.” The sunset is too sad for me because my heart is sad and my inner self is sad cause I can’t swim due to monthly red tide. Good news, we chose to fix it, we chose “US” again. 

Summer came in, my family and I had a roadtrip to Ilocos Norte! It’s a 16hrs long drive. If I will reminisce, this is when everything started to become like a dream. We visited Vigan, I saw the magnificent windmills the first time, swam in a beach with strong tides that it can flip move my mom sitting in the coast. Haha! My sisters and I rode an ATV and all of us, including why niece rode a 4x4 truck in Sand dunes! We are all worried about our lives, but I think “You only live once” kept us screaming and enjoying the ride. Oh, I also glided through a desert. How fearless is that!? Then, one of my bucket list was crossed. We stayed in Vitalis Villas. Back in 2019, I wished to bring our family here and there we are. God is so good! We had an amazing 4 days trip that felt forever and a lot of times made me wanna stop time right there. 

Music festival of course, I was there. Almost went home when I felt suffocated but I glad we stayed. It was magical hearing “Kay Tagal Kitang Hinintay” in live. We also surprised our mom on her 63rd birthday where my dad saved all his money just to give her 63,000 pesos and a gold necklace. Ever since I was young, this was my mom’s dream and now she got it at 63. A love like theirs is really my dream kind of love. My dad was always my ideal man. I will never forget how everyone cried when “Until I found you” played as my dad took my mom’s hands to dance. 

My May was like a great episode in a drama. My friend from Regina went home and we have trips planned ahead, sponsored by him. I probably saved the country in my past life to deserve this. We went to my dream county, Japan together with my eldest sister who helped us navigate everything. We will be completely lost without her. I saw the Harry Potter world, Dotonburi and went to Kyoto where everything felt nostalgic. The OST of Kimi no Nawa kept playing on my head the entire time. Finally, the girl who always talked about anime is in her element. After that, we went to Coron. This place is beautiful from up and down. My bf and I strolled the town using a motor and climbed the mountain. The sunset and the view up there will be forever in my core memory. 

Then June came, my birth month and I bought a car named whom I named “Yuki”. It’s from Snow on the Beach of TS because it’s seems impossible but it’s happening. I never thought I would have a car this year but here it is! Another answered prayer with the help of my family. Back here I thought to myself that it may seem impossible to have everything but for this moment, I sure had everything. A complete family, a new job alignment, loving bf, loyal bff’s, car and a healthy work environment. When my bf’s birthday came, I tried to make one of his dream come true, to have a family picture. This was successful thanks to his family’s effort and love for him. I was so happy to see him emotionally happy. 

Another unimaginable happened again this September, my sister and my niece went to New Zealand. Taking them to the airport was one of the saddest good bye of my life. I still remember crying myself to sleep just imagining that they won’t be around everyday in our house. They are my late night movie bud, cravings bud and the family is just not complete without them. God how I miss them even while typing this. Seeing me and MC’s pics on my gallery feels like a good dream. I tried to make myself busy and not think about them too much, but there are just night like this where I want to fly myself to them and time to go faster so they I will see them again. 

When I said, keeping myself busy, I went out a lot with my friends, learned how to bake, took part time jobs and watched the Era’s tour in the cinema. Then, with the support of my work mate turned mentor, TINTER Bean was born. It came from the idea that my bf is a barista and we are thinking of a small business. From here was like in Timelapse and, we had our soft launch at Nov 1 which is a success! On this day, we already had our events and booked events next year, this is another dream Lord! I realized that we have so many people around us who are genuinely happy for us and gave their support in many ways. I am thankful to have them in my life! My December was so busy that I have to find myself a time to breathe. We had a year end party at work, had a sweet anniversary with bf while juggling events and work in between. 

As we head on to 2024, honestly, I am not that much confident that I will do well next year. Probably because many good things happened this year? I don’t wanna be jinxed. Or maybe there is a big worry for my future because I wasn’t able to go to church often this year. That’s it. So Lord, babawi aka sayo this 2024! You never got tired listening and answering my prayers. You will be my center this year and I will give importance to my health. So Joy, have faith okay. There are still many good things planned out for you and no matter what are the challenges, you have people around you that can help you. You are a hustler and goal digger! You are cool and a very blessed girl. 

2024, I AM READY FOR YOU!

[krisyyydvd]

Isn’t fun, 2022?

This is my yearly summarization of how my entire year went and felt like. I am writing this right now in a Foodcourt, saving my hotspot to finish my shift, a day after our Year end party. I still feel on cloud 9, realizing how lucky- blessed I am. A friend asked, how will I remember what happened from all previous months and give you a summary? Well, let’s say thank you to IG Archives and phone gallery. So, let’s start! I think this is gonna be long… My 2022 started with fireworks and Family reunions. My relationship got tested, we fought quite a lot this year but thankfully, with the help of proper communication, effort and the same feeling of choosing each other, we survived. As a song said “It’s not always rainbows and butterflies, It’s compromise that moves us along”. This year, I have realized that making major scary decisions can lead you to good plot twist and happy memory along the way. I got an iPhone, which I never imagined myself getting previously. I said it was unreasonably expensive, but it turned out as one of my good decisions. I had a lot of amazing photos and videos, it’s pink (main reason why I took it) and I now don’t rely on ShareIt cause I have “Airdrop”. 

I have been to a lot of places as well, I got to experience a motor ride with my bb to Pangasinan with my sister and her husband. I was so excited because I always felt sad when I wasn’t allowed to come with my bb when they go out on rides and even feel jealous if someone is riding with him, even though I know they are just maximizing resources. This was a day tour trip, we had barely sleep and I almost felt like slipping away from the back of the motor because I was hallucinating because I am sleepless and tired. We both had fun in the beach, its open to everyone and we just stayed in a hut. We took videos and photos in the middle of sunny afternoon but who cares. I hope it won’t be a day tour next time because it was very fun! Then we decided to venture into business! My bb and I opened LOWKEE where we sold preloved Jackets. It was very tiring at first, sorting the clothes, laundry and posting. It made me realize the hard-work of online sellers and how every order you have with them no matter how small are greatly appreciated. We are very much happy that we are supported by Family, Friends and even strangers! It was definitely worth a try and very worthwhile experience. I was very enthusiastic to have do LOWKEE things, because I was inspired by a motto I read “work on weekdays and work on the life you want on weekends”. It is something I will have on my heart forever. 

On April, because it’s my sister’s birth month, we went to Baguio again. This time, we took our time slowly and enjoyed the summer capital. We also went to Atok, Benguet which is a first time. The road on the way to the top is crazy. On the other side of the van it was mountain and the other side is thousand feet deep cliff. We saw the colorful flowers of Atok, houses, and the how easy for it to rain because of the thick mist is definitely amazing. I would love to go back but my Family don’t want to anymore because of the road. But someday I will be back on that road again but to Mt. Pulag. To maximize my summer, my workmates and I went to Zambales, a part of Zambales I knew existed because it’s like a secluded Island. It’s very quiet, the water is very blue and I’m with the best people, it was perfect. I still remember lying on that beach side, it was lowtide and the night was full of stars that they won’t fit in my sight. I was with my Swiftie friends, we talked for hours about her and our life. It’s like you are on open book but it’s fine that you are read because you were understood. From that point, there is no going back. I devoted my 2 hrs every morning to “This is Taylor Swift” on Spotify. Back in 2019, when I was sitting on the fine sands of Boracay, I told myself that I want to bring my Family there. And 3 years later, my Family and I rode a plane and went to Boracay to celebrate mine and my sister’s birth month. This trip was made special because my bb is with us. I was so happy to see my parents happy.  I think one of my goals have been checked from my bucket-list and I would love to come back with them again. When we went home, I celebrated my exact birthday at home very intimately. Despite my bb’s schedule, he still managed to make time to decorate my party. That’s why when his birthday came, I went all out and decided to surprise him using Harry! I think this is the only successful surprise I pulled off because I did everything by my own. BER months came like a flash. As usual, as early as September, our house is already fully decorated with Christmas things and a moving toy train. I colored my hair again and it accidentally turned out awesome like a rose gold pinki-sh, sadly, after one swim at the A house Tarlac, it went to dry gold again. I also vividly remember how I conquered my fears in Aquaplanet together with the best workmates and clients. When I climb the stairs towards the top of the slide, I can feel my knees weakening and I can see my life flash infront of me, but when it’s my turn, I just shouted my fear and had the best time! One of the highlight of this year also Is when my college girlfriends and I finally went to the beach! I thought this will never come true, but with persistence nothing indeed is impossible. My December is full of schedule, I became a bridesmaid, sold perfumes, had a memorable year end party and had a wonderful 2nd Anniversary with my love. This year is not all fun, I realized a lot of things. I felt stuck, insecure and broke. I got my my heart broken in Presidential elections and I’m living the consequence of those 31M unknown people’s decision. I discovered I have PCOS and I am now under medication. I had a huge debt and all those early months, I kept thinking of getting a loan just to pay. But my friends kept on saying that “it will all work out”. God gave me a part time job and I did so many things to earn money and finally paid off my debt. Thinking back, I have nothing but appreciation and gratitude this year, I won a raffle in cash and I will close this year where I have financial freedom, which is something I always prayed for. My Family is complete, I have lovely boyfriend, I have my friends and I have cool workmates! I think there is a reason behind all my answered prayers , and that is to be blessing to others. I would like to thank everyone who has been with me this whole year! I met new people and still had my consistent friends. It is definitely a year to remember. I will be closing this year with a happy and fulfilled me. Tho, I forgot the diet part along the way. Better luck next year! Somehow I think 2023 is going to my year because I am Year of the Rabbit. I think I will be successful in everything I do. So I would like to welcome next year with positivity, plans and dreams. I am excited to get to know the next year version of me. I AM EXCITED FOR YOU 2023! 

My only advise for myself next year is “Keep your faith strong, be consistent in praying and never doubt.” 🙏

[krisyyydvd]

It’s been a ride 2021!

The year is about to end and as I have done in the past three years, I will now tell you about how my whole year has been! Is it me or just my memory has been forgetful lately, when I think about it, I seem to forget how it entirely went each month. So I had to honestly check my gallery to keep up. So here we go! It's obvious that I welcomed the year with a happy heart. Despite the pandemic, I was able to find love and experience all the good things that came with it. Though, it's not all pros. I learned how hard it is to fall from a cloud 9 and to build something intangible but it's the basis of all things. I almost thought that maybe this wasn't for me, it's all about choice and I decided to try again and "glow so bright until the darkness softly clears". The month of love came, unlike any other Valentine before, I can now say that I got the best of it! CDC became my fave place of the year, it's a space to gather, sit down with someone, enjoy my cup of french vanilla while embracing the cool breeze at night. Since I was really looking for a cold windy place, My Family and I went to Tagaytay in March! Indeed, it's like you are in a Signal number 3 storm but without any rain, just cold winds. It was exactly what we're looking for! This is the month my bbq and I started going to places that we've never been to, we went to Lubao bamboo hub! April came,  where we experienced what we are just seeing on the TV. A family member tested positive on Covid. We were on lockdown, we can't set a foot outside of our doorstep. Thankfully, all of us are safe. Realizing that there's a lot of people who care about us too. So when we finally reached May, we celebrated my mom's 61st birthday and invited many people who helped us along the way. This is the month that bbq and I went to Sunflower farm, we have no one to take a pic of us, so we must find a DIY photographer haha. My Fam decided to go to iCove Subic, my first beach this year! Time to flaunt my excess fats again! I went there with pink hair and went home with corn-like hair. While I'm typing this right now, I realized that I've been everywhere! Good Lord, thank you for keeping me safe. June came, this is the month that I have exhausted all the Brilliant available in our house. Since it's still summer, my co-works decided to go to Baloy, Subic. It's the first time that I went to the beach with my workmates and my bb. Then after a week, my fam suddenly decided to Pangasinan! It was lovely that I had an afterthought if what is my life if I decided to settle there haha, effects of watching too many Isla life vlogs. Then my birthday came, after all those exposed to the sun, I'm not so sure about how I look haha, I celebrated with loved ones and had a blast! Time passed by, I got so excited for my bb's bday so August came like a flash. The surprise became successful thanks to his Family! Though he kept on knowing about it, ugh not a good planner I guess. Cold winds started to some again as Ber months is approaching! We decorated our house the moment September came. Just so you know, this is the month when my Dad trusted me to bring the car on my own! It's more like I snuck it once, then I went home safe. So since that day, I am so proud of myself for my driving skills! I went to a lot of cafes with friends. But I don't credit myself for parking. I also joined a Real Estate group, at first it was just for the experience but then I got along with the people there and somewhat loving what I'm doing now It's not always rainbows and butterflies, my dear friend left for Canada. I felt alone for a while, all of my one-call-away friends are not here anymore. I was the one who's always left behind. Unchanging. Then I lost my job in November. This challenged me mentally and financially. I remember asking my friend to take me out because I can't face my family. But my family said that it was okay and I need to take a break. My whole month has been very spontaneous, I'm always outside having fun, I'm barely at home. So I think that whole month went like a flash! All of the blessings showered in December, I reunited with my friends and I got a new job with very kind workmates, I had a very memorable 1st Anniversary with my love, had a splendid Christmas, went to Tagaytay and Enchanted Kingdom with friends and I sold a house in RealTour!  All of these are possible because of the people who helped me along the way and God never left my side even when I lost my way. Here I am writing, 3 days before we welcome 2022, my heart is full of gratitude. I'm realizing how blessed I am and that everything really happens for a reason. 2021 has been a year of challenge, travel, and full of discoveries about what I can do more. I'm so proud of this version of me, I don't know what will happen in the following years but I just wanna pat myself and say that I did great. It's been a ride 2021, I learned a lot from you and I will face 2022 with a brave heart.

[krisyyydvd]

Everyone wants to escape their daily routine since this lockdown has started. Now that tourism is getting back on track, people are always excited when their favorite destination open its gate. So here comes, Baguio! It's known as the Summer Capital of the Philippines for its cold climate, here you get to experience 16° at a normal day.

Since many people are asking what are the the requirements and how to get there, here is a quick guide or basically what we did:

Make sure that you are FULLY VACCINATED and your travel date is 15days after your 2nd dose.

First, if you are gonna stay overnight, find a hotel or Air bnb that can accomodate you for your preferred date. Let them know that you are gonna stay there. If you will just Day tour, skip this and go to step 2.

Second, create an account and register your visit here https://visita.baguio.gov.ph/home/dashboard

Your hotel will be the one to give you the QR Code that will be checked at Baguio. We stayed at Hotel Veniz, very affordable and accessible. They give you free breakfast and you just need a foot bridge if you wanna go to Burnham Park or Night Market.

Third, Once you arrive at Baguio, you need go to Triage, they will check your QR code, Vaccination card and a little interview about where you will stay and where you are from. Then they will give you a Triage form that you will show at the hotel or where ever you go while in Baguio. If you are using a private car better arrive early here, we waited for 5hrs just to get checked because there are a lot of tourists! THEN YOU ARE GOOD TO GO!

If you plan to visit the Christmas Village, better book your tickets before you go to Baguio. You will be prioritized without any lines. The line for walk ins is crazyyyy. Book your tickets here http://www.e-ticket.thebaguiocountryclub.com/

You can also watch our Baguio Trip here!

[krisyyydvd]

Still blessed

I always love plot twists in movies. Because they are unexpected and its what makes the movie interesting. But today April 8, 2021, something happened that is even out of my imagination.

My sister tested positive on Covid 19. A virus that i thought won't reach the comfort of our house came right next to my room. At first, it was hard to believe it, but its even harder to conrol your tears from pouring down when i saw my Dad crying as he heard the news.  

Being infected by this virus in our Country is surely not a walk in a park, my sister stayed isolated in a room on our house because all the Isolation Facilities were on full capacity, it took 3 days for the Government to take her somewhere so she can get a medical care. It’s sad to see her ride that Van all by herself to be taken somewhere but it’s the best, because it’s what can keep us safe too.

Having a stable mental health is really a bonus on the first few days of our strict home quarantine. I went back to work from home again, my carefree self who loves going out was once again locked on our home. Before, our house always gets visitors and was the place for parties but when this happened, suddenly everything is just silent. Discrimination is also a thing because our Family is known in our place as we own a Sari  Sari store. People will immedialy report you if you went outside to hang clothes but wll not help you water the plants because they are too scared to be infected, although i wont blame them. Their eyes are always on us like we are the main artist of a show. My mom felt unwell too from overthinking of the situation, many times she was rushed to the Hospital but they turned her down thinking it might be Covid, so we got both of our parents tested and thankfully, the result is negative and that’s when we finally was able to breath with ease.

One good thing came out of thisis, we saw the people who really cared for us. Some would call us and ask how we were doing and offer help that if we need something outside they can do it for us. Others would send us fruits and one important thing, people showed their care by praying for our Family’s fast recovery from this slump, all of those we deeply apprecate.

As we count the days, we realized that we can’t be down forever, so we cooked good meals everyday, sang in the videoke and still celebrated the birthday’s on those days. I workout after my shift just to kill the boredom, my other sister even joined me for a Zumba. You see, the situation is hard already, we can’t be too hard on ourselves too.Look for the good thing in everything.Look for the good things in life and everything somehow be lighter.

Finally, the most awaited day came, my sister got back home well and with good memories from her isolation as she met wonderful people whom she shared her Covid-19 jourmey with. She may be far from home but they made her feel at home. We were allowed to go out too! The store re-opened and my family is complete in our house again with warm smiles on our faces that we know that we are finally HOME.

I don’t know why we went through this, i don’t even question God for it. Family and Prayer is the best armour and weapon to beat our situation. I’m really thankful to the people who helped us throughout and wished for our best! They said they are doing that because my Family was so good to them and they are just giving back. All we know that it was a challenge for us and with his help, we were able to get through it. Truelly, nothing is impossible with the Lord. 

Glory to God, after all this, we are still blessed and our faith is stronger than ever.

[krisyyydvd]

We made it 2020!

The year is about to end and just like last year, i can't seem to gather my words on how to narrate how my year went by, i regret that didn’t finish my 2019 entry so i’m here, taking the courage to once again reminisce.

The year started with the usual celebrations and my heart feeling brave enough to have a boyfriend and break a friend's heart. Thinking about it, it seems like January is already history. I had a normal Valentine despite being in a relationship. I do respect my lover back then, they don't celebrate such occasions, if i had known that February is the last only month where we can travel and live without a facemask i would've made my plans every single day. I also got my second valid ID! I have a drivers license now! March came in, everyone was worried about COVID-19, what seemed to be impossible was made possible where a strict lockdown was implemented. Work-from-home became a thing. 

Living while on a lockdown can be described by food experiments, movie nights and scrolling through social media seeing the places where you should've been. I can somehow thank lockdown because it gave us plenty of quality family time we all have been lacking. It also made me realize that after the career dilemma i had,  i chose the right career as my first job. Many people who stereotyped our field came to appreciate it, truly being in the BPO industry in this time of pandemic supported my family and gave us the comfortable life we had during lockdown. I also broke up with my boyfriend in May, too quick? No, it’s just right.

I spent the following months being consistent on my diet and exercise. I even bought a manual thread mill as a birthday gift to myself. At this point, i’m back to talking with my friend that i broke last January, i was praying to God to give me a sign if im going to go for him but it never came. Luckily, lockdowns are a bit lighter when June came, i was able to spend my birthday with my Family and closest friends. I love looking back on my pictures that day because I’m so happy and by the way, I’m a blonde now! 

But the following months differed, one of the hardest month for me, i had this anxiety where i can barely sleep, i was begging God back then to just let me sleep, i asked help from our company psychologist. Yes, it helped a little bit. I spent the rest of the days almost going out with my friends it’s like seeing the outside world the first time. I began talking with my crush but red signs kept on appearing and i realized that what good will it get me if im going on the same cycle again, that i deserve a good man, that’s why when August came, this is the month that i can vividly remember, because i met you.

Is it weird that from that point onward i can only think of happy moments? When my world is almost being wrapped up with gray, you came and gave me yellow and red. November came, and our Family went on a beach! ugh, how i love to hear those waves once again. As expected, i didn’t maintain my diet, so i just flaunted by three layers of treasured fats. I enjoyed it for it was very calm and it’s my first time on a beach with Fam. 

I welcomed December with a happy heart, i said Yes! to this guy who loved me more than i think i deserve, and i feel the same way, so much that i think that i love him more. 2020 is described as a year of disaster and isolation but as i once read “we may not be able to get what we want this year, but it taught us how to appreciate what we have” I want to thank every single person who became part of my year, i may have started and ended the year with a different guy, but believe me, it’s one of the best decision i made. I want to extend my gratitude especially to God for hearing my prayers and always being here at my side. I was challenged and learned a lot about the value of life, not just through me, but through my friends who also had their own struggles too. We will all make it, look at me now, on the last day of the year writing and i daresay, i am victorious! So bring it on 2021! I’m excited to experience you!

[krisyyydvd]

It's the 17th of the last month of this very confusing year but i did something of which i was certain, saying "Yes" to this man who became my comfort and peace.

Thank you for holding me tight when things are challenging us. Thank you for being brave and making me feel loved and thank you for being the good man i was praying for.

It will be a long road ahead of us but you are the one i wanna be with. May God guide us in every step that we take and decisions that we make.

I love you ❤

[krisyyydvd]

Being a twenty year old teenager opened my eyes about the reality of life. This year, you were challenged but let me tell you, congratulations for winning this battle. Hours from now, you will turn 21. Looking back,

you met and separated ways with people along the way.

you loved, got hurt and stood up.

you adapted to a different environment when it felt like you were just playing a role at first.

you were never ready for everything, but you survived.

All of those are thanks to the people you are surrounded with, you had mentors, life coaches and of course, your irreplaceable family and friends. This year, i've felt different emotions for the first time, not all of it were happy but on your downfall, you were very thankful because there are people who never left your side. Can make you think that out of all the decisions you made, choosing them to be part of your life is a right thing.

For sure, this is not the end of infinite wars you are gonna face, but you are blessed because you are not alone.

Face everything head-on

Conquer your fears bravely

And give credit to everyone who helped you.

I'm just 21, i'm still learning, growing and trying to live my life to the fullest. For this year, i promise to love myself more, and take care of my heart. May God help me in every steps i take and be my strength.

You are still young. Be free.

[krisyyydvd]

As a kid, we are always asked with the question “What do you want to be in the future” and we will answer a certain profession that we think exist or just seen on television. We thought the stages of life are after studying, you find work, get paid and everything will be fine for you. As they said “Study hard, for your future” But after graduation, no matter how mentally prepared you think you are, you will always hit a wall, rejections, pressure, and career dilemma while having blues thinking about what’s gonna happen next. Maybe you will feel those because you know that this is a stage on life where you create your path. But how can you know if you’re in the right path? Sometimes I hope there is a map for this. As you face the real world, you will sometimes end up in a situation that you will soon realize that you don't want. What will you do if you turn to someone that is not with the profession that you asnwered as a kid? First of all, Don't worry. Don't overthink. and most especially, do not ever think lowly of yourself for you are unique. Let me tell you this, you can do whatever you want. Follow where your heart is at ease. Life is not a race to become successful, you have your own timeframe to plan it out and achieve it. Make "Happiness" your goal, because no matter which field you take, as long as you're happy , even high salary can't replace it. Now, what do you want to be in the future? If your answer is a certain feeling, then congratulations, you can now appreciate the beauty of life.

[krisyyydvd]

I like seeing you like this.

Like what?

Hopeful.

[krisyyydvd]

Almost

It was a beat that made me believe in spark

A memory that left a big mark

Thought it was just a short arc

But it closed with someone crying in the dark

They said choose happiness

You are that, but can’t be my choice

My feelings bear no witness

So, the poem now became my voice

Honestly, It was never wrong timing 

You just don't like me enough 

And I'm not worthy for your risk-taking

I felt pain knowing I'm tough

Promised to never write about you again

Yet here I am, thinking of you the most

I know my feelings can’t be a bargain

After all, you are my greatest almost

[krisyyydvd]

Paragon

To you who befriended words, you appreciate things around you that no one else take notice. You are blessed with wisdom and kindess that makes you admirable. Though you always curse as if its the first word that came out from your mouth, you shine beautifully in writing. I always love your works because it can comfort anyone no matter what the subject is. You are the embodiment of emphaty who considers all situations regardless of your own struggles. Dear literate one, as we part ways physically, i doesn't matter because we are used to virtual than personal. Whenever reality slaps you with unfairness of life or when you feel happy, i want you to continue writing because it calms you and it gives you euphoric feeling. Its your talent, be proud of it! Remember that i'll always be here to appreciate your works. When you feel like you lost yourself, dont forget to open your books and get lost in the wonders of the other world. You inspire me to always pick up my pen again even when im even lost of words. You give me the most rational advice and most of all, you gave me an irreplaceable friend. To you who befriended words, thanks to that we got to know each other. And for that, im forever thankful to know you, a masterpice of your own kind, a paragon.

[krisyyydvd]

Conquered 2018

“2018, I am ready” I remember myself posting that on my Instagram account before 2017 ended, not knowing what will happen throughout the year, I faced the next year with just the courage and curiosity in my pocket. The year started with removing the extra fats I accumulated through the holiday season, then came the summer flaunting my chubby body on beaches and attending the annual castaway where I partied my heart out. And oh btw, I cut my hair really short that I looked like a rotten fat potato. I even got along with a boy, willing to wait until I graduate but I’m afraid that even after a year I still don’t feel the same way so I stopped him. And this boy too, willing to wait, but I’m not the only one he’s waiting, he got reserves, in which I know I don’t deserve.

This year, I faced one of my fears and that is to take my OJT, but then my expectations are far away from reality. I enjoyed my training so much that sometimes I thought it's not school related anymore. I met my superiors which are really kind and like a family in the office. I thought that if every workplace is like that, how nice my adulting life would be. And in May, I never expected that our outing to Anawangin would come true and it became one of the best experience, whenever I reminisce that day, my heart is filled with happiness and serenity. It’s like the waves took all my burden and worries. And the stars that we saw at that night shined as if celebrating my tranquil soul. 

Now I became a graduating student, I actually don’t feel it because I’m surrounded by people who really don’t act like one. And I still remember the quote shared by a fellow Dean’s Lister on our recognition “Don’t think that it’s stressful, think of it as challenging” living by that quote in my mind while doing school work helped me a lot to become positive. The acquaintance came, don’t wanna spend too much so I just borrowed, recycled and bought the cheapest clothes, yet got nominated for that night in a certain category, I still remember my heart beating so fast and being conscious about every single thing on myself, I’m glad I didn’t win, so I don’t have to go back to that stage again. After that, I met a firework in my life, blissful yet short. It challenged me so much and made me feel lots of things in vivid color. A war that I’m prepared to lose, a hopeless romance indeed.

That part of the year has been a rollercoaster for me, believed that I’m in the same cycle over and over. It’s like I met new me, more dramatic to the point I got tired of it. So I continued my life pursuing happiness and wrote lots of things to keep my mind calm. Still, thinking of that firework accepting the fact it won't work.  I guess 2018 is a year of literature for me and I spent my remaining ber months in celebrations. 

Throughout 2018, God never let me down. He always got my back, who is always there to listen and bless me with my most impossible requests. Some of my friends even say that I’m “ Dilang Anghel “ This year blessed me so much, reminded me that I'm surrounded by kind people, so I wanna do the same thing for them. I realized lots of things, like knowing my worth and to not be afraid to fall in love. Choose my heart always, because that will lead me to happiness. Be clear with what I want. And mind you, after all those years that I don’t have a goal, NOW I HAVE! I’m thankful to all of the people whom I just met and stayed beside me, never get tired of listening to my stories. Without you guise, 2018 will be boring.  I was faced with all those challenges, still remained victorious! I am proud of you girl! THANK YOU, 2018!

Now i shall say “ 2019, I am ready! “

[krisyyydvd]

[krisyyydvd]

False Love

We all experienced this, the feeling of bliss that electrified throughout your body yet enough to make you feel blue and enough to make the waters in the banks of your eyes fall either because of happiness or sadness. In search for true love, there are a lot of trials and errors. Most of it, is caused by the misconception of Love. Sometimes you will meet someone whom you will thought that he/she is the one. You can say that Cupid is really stupid. Because everything seems to be well, but along the way challenges changes your feelings with each other that ends the chapter with that someone. Every partings hurt, be it unrequited or mutual. They said that everything happens for a reason, but does it need to be that painful just to get a lesson? Many are looking for answers in " Why it can't be us?" Actually, deep inside we all have answers for that and its a pill that is hard to swallow. But there's nothing you can do unless you feel numb or accept it. You can't keep fighting for a fake destiny guided by your own greed to have that person. Your Red strings of fate just grazed but not each others' ending. Each of those failed triumph of love has its own charms. They made you what you are today. You might feel that you've had enough of pain, but let me tell you that do not be afraid to fall in love again but dont search for it or dont measure your value based someone else. Others can't make you whole, you don't miss a part of yourself just because you don't have someone. You are just missing a spice of life. Enjoy what you have right now and love will come naturally following the concept of meant to be. Fix yourself to be brave and love again until all the false love will make your true love worth it.

[krisyyydvd]