kurtthexander-blog

[kurtthexander-blog]

ON BEAUTY AND BEING ILL

I peel myself from the 10-day-old bedsheets. I have been sick for the last 5. I got sick just as I intended to change them but the little energy I have has been spent on other tasks. I waddle to the bathroom, a certain dull pain presenting in my legs almost to suggest that taking a 5-day break from walking wasn’t the radical act of self-care I thought it was. Dusty sunbeams unapologetically pierce through the window of the bathroom. The type of sunbeams you expect at 12:15 in the afternoon. I begin to take my clothes off. The red T-shirt I have called home for the past few days along with the once soft and fluffy sweatpants. I look at myself in the mirror. My body now longer looks the way it did the day I came into this world. The sun reaches from the window and reaches to just above my left knee. I take note of each detail of a body whose main job for the last (week?) has been to recover. I take inventory of each mark, tattoo and scar I have accumulated in the last 24 years. I feel so old but I’m being told my life has just begun. I think about each violation my body has experienced. Each hug my body has experienced. Each bruise that would form on my shoulders after a Sunday morning rugby match. I still can’t quite bring myself to love this body, though it has done so much for me in the past few years. I’m closer to accepting it for what it is than I was. I see people with similar bodies to mine and have no problem seeing beauty in them. Something I have also noticed as of late is I no longer find people ugly. At least in real life, every single person I see is truly beautiful in their own way. The graying mum using two hands to scroll through her Facebook on the bus. The man applying sunscreen to his newly shaved head for the first time after accepting his baldness. The fact that I have found this almost superpower is something that makes me happy, though it can make looking at myself in the mirror that little bit tougher. But! Surely if  I can change the way I view others, I can change the way I view myself :))

[kurtthexander-blog]

SITREP: CROFTERS RIGHTS, 5th AUG 2023

Location: 117-119 Stokes Croft, Cotham, Bristol BS1 3RW

______________________________________________________________

Set times:

Kurt Alexander: 7:30

Average Tweed: 8:15

Sweet Geranium: 9:00

Johnny Applesauce: 9:45

______________________________________________________________

Morning: I woke up remembering a dream I had until the sudden reality of the fact that it was show day set in. I had a fairly slow morning. I had spent the week prior chugging lemon and ginger tea due to my fear of getting ill being realised by a tickle in the back of my throat. I printed off two copies of the setlist. I also figured out a way to load tracks onto my loop pedal without having to play the track in full into a jack lead. I set everything up downstairs, my pedalboard, amp and guitars. then waited for the house to go quiet as my family left for lunch.

I ran through the set fully once and ran through it again without singing as I was worried about hurting my voice. I ate a chicken wrap and packed up the car

______________________________________________________________

Travel to the venue: This show was different to the last. I was getting a lift with my parents as it was a Saturday and my dad wasn't working. we left around 3:15.

I and my sister made a stop at Tesco for some honey and elastic bands. We found the elastic bands straight away but there seemed to be absolutely no trace of honey anywhere in this Tesco.

We hit traffic almost immediately after joining the M32 but luckily the jam lasted about 15 mins. It made us late but not too late.

______________________________________________________________

Load in and soundcheck

We arrived, me and my sister brought the equipment into the venue and greeted the bassist of sweet geranium

Sound-guy

Name: Giorgio

Giorgio was a nice guy. We set up the stage I talked him through the pedal board and he was super chill about everything. I had also brought with me a cassette player and had loaded up a drum track for Eat you alive onto it. I asked for Giorgio's opinion on this and he was super supportive.

Note: Giorgio mentioned to me after Luke's (Average tweed) soundcheck that he was super hungry. I asked if he wanted me to get something from a local supermarket when I go to get myself some food and he told me he had a pizza on the way with a look of happy surprise, as though he had forgotten about the pizza until the very moment he told me.

Average Tweed arrived and it was really good to be playing on the same bill as him again!

____________________________________________________________

Pre-show

I met Charlotte and nick outside before the gig and they very kindly gave me a good luck card which has now found a home on the shelf of my desk for the foreseeable future. I sat with them for a bit and spoke about the day they had just spent in Bristol. Complimented Nick on his new ear piercing and then began my almost ritualistic dart around the venue.

Three friends from work also came to this gig which was amazing.

About half an hour before my set a group of around 10 drunk people came into the room. They made a habit of asking me and Luke if they could get up and play one song. They did make me nervous to play but in all fairness, they were really supportive.

______________________________________________________________

The Set

Another sweaty one I'm afraid but a fun one none the less. I was playing two songs I hadn't done live before and a brand new song I had written 2 weeks prior.

I struggled through the first three songs in the set due to nerves but then it got fun.

I asked Nick to hold the cassette player which I think worked well and it may be something I try a little more in future.

I had two people in the audience clapping during the new song which I've never had before and I wish I had caught them after the gig to thank them for that. While going from eat you alive to the new song I put my capo down somewhere and completely forgot where I had put it after I hit play on the intro track for choke giving me about 30 seconds to look for it but I found it.

Setlist:

TENDER.VIOLENT.QUEER

INVERSE

IT'S ALL IN THE WAY SHE MOVES

EAT YOU ALIVE

TO OBSERVE THEIR FACES, 1984

CHOKE

ENCORE: AUTUMN

______________________________________________________________

Post show

I've come to realise now that I am completely useless for at least 15mins after a show. I need to have time to come down and I need to apologise to my friends from work as although I don't remember my brief interaction with them after the set I doubt It was very scintillating

After I had had a chance to calm down I stuck around to watch the other sets. Had a nice chat with Luke and then we left

Me and Nick got food we all hopped in Nick and Charlotte's car and went back to theirs. I slept on their couch

______________________________________________________________

[kurtthexander-blog]

SITREP: Filming @ 4am, 3rd July 2023

Location: [REDACTED]

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I was up at 03:45. We were out by 04:30.

It seems that time of morning was mainly reserved for cats. Given the bird song that doesn't surprise me. It was cold and we were worried about rain. It was lighter than I expected though, I had prepared for my laptop to be the only source of light to set up with but you could clearly make out even the hills in the distance.

It was strange playing these songs. They've been floating around in my computer for nearly 3 years now. I also like the fact that the versions that are gonna be out in the world first are reworked versions. It's like we're starting at the end and working our way back to the beginning. I enjoy these songs more with hindsight.

[kurtthexander-blog]

SITREP: THE CROWN, 4th MAY 2023

Location: The Crown Bar and Venue, Bristol

______________________________________________________________

Set times:

Average Tweed: 7:00

Kurt Alexander: 7:45

The Situation: 8:30

Street Art: 9:15

______________________________________________________________

Morning: The Morning was spent going through the set twice and then packing up. I had spent the previous week out of action with a cold. I had only just gone back to my day job the day before and all practice had taken place without using my voice. While it's not uncommon for me to get ill before a show this was my first time playing to an audience in nearly three years and my first ever time playing in the UK.

I met up with Matthew before heading to the train station

______________________________________________________________

Travel to the venue: We got the train in the early afternoon, the train was packed but during the first stop in Bradford on Avon we managed to put my guitar overhead and settle ourselves and my pedal board In two seats at the back of the carriage.

We arrived at Temple Meads station an hour and a half before load in and decided to walk to the venue (there was some discussion about getting a bus or Uber but decided to walk)

After finding the venue Me and Matthew went to a KFC just round the corner and had to rush to finish our meal as we were running late.

______________________________________________________________

Load in and soundcheck

We arrived first, the stage was in the basement of the venue. There was some debate about whether the cap of the venue was really 100

Sound-guy

Name: Rowan

Rowan was great to work with. I'm used to middle-aged Berlin men that seem to have lost their passion for live music but Rowan was sound (pun intended). This show was my first time using a loop pedal for backing and live interludes and Rowan was really helpful and laid back about me not knowing what I was doing with it.

Note: Rowan ate a hot dog during the situation's set and still made them sound amazing. I respect anyone that can multitask like that.

We met Average Tweed and Street Art at Load in and they were some of the nicest strangers I've met in music. I also pretty quickly find out while helping set up the drum kit that it was also Ben, Street Art's singer's, first sober gig as well!

____________________________________________________________

Pre-show

I hadn't sung in about 10 days at this point so I snuck off to find a corner to warm up and see if I still had it (;

There was no green room at this venue and I thought tea would be a good idea so me and Matthew went to find a cafe and ran into Jake and Doug from street art just as the heavens began to open.

I got a ginger and lemon tea along with a free lotus biscuit which I later found in my jacket breast pocket after my set.

My Second cousin was in town so she came as well as my parents which was nice as they hadn't seen me play in a few years

______________________________________________________________

The Set

The set went well but it was so hot in the basement.

I wasn't sure if my voice would hold up long enough for me to sing Eat you alive. It was originally second in the set but had been moved so I didn't blow my voice out early on.

When I got to that point in the set I asked Rowan how much time I had and there were 10 mins left so I went for it. I also went down into the crowd for the first time which was fun and something I will do again.

I finished with Choke and ended the set by belting the ending.

______________________________________________________________

Post show

After having a drink with my dad, my parents were kind enough to take my guitar and pedalboard home.

Me, Matthew, Ellie and her friend watched Street Art's set and then after a detour to Tesco for me and Matthew to get a meal deal we went to a Wetherspoons. It was so hard to hear anything in this spoons as it was busy. We stayed until we had to get the train home.

______________________________________________________________

Setlist

[kurtthexander-blog]

1,095 days

1,095 days ago you woke up hungover for the last time 

What followed was two weeks of pure bliss and strong headway in progress with your mental health 

Then came the dreams of drinking 

The obsessive compulsions

The sinking feeling of knowing that your main coping mechanism was no longer there to help you cope

Maybe it never helped you cope

You’ll realise the confidence that drinking gave you

Turned you into an asshole at first 

And a liability towards the end

You’ll move back home 

Sit across from someone on a bus

Someone you met, and knew exclusively while blitzed on an emotion-numbing mix of jäger and cheap cider 

The person you are now would be a stranger to them

But it’s unfortunate that you look similar enough to the way you did at 18 that it won’t matter

You’ll struggle to get busses  

Because they won’t run often

The public transport here is a far cry from the city

And it will become painfully obvious that the wing mirrors on these busses are put almost perfectly at forehead height

You’ll spend a year thinking 

Trying to figure out if this is what you want

If you’d forgive yourself for staying

Getting comfortable; rotting

You’ll start to exercise more 

Eat a little better 

It may not feel like much

But it’ll be a mammoth leap from the endless days spent in that unmade grave of an Ikea bed

Listening to every thought and made-up reaction bouncing from ear to ear

Finally, You’ll take a stroll around your hometown 

Laughing at all the adolescent memories 

But a sense of dread will begin to set in 

When in the year that you’ve been back 

No memories like those have been created  

Maybe it’s because you no longer drink

Maybe because the people in those memories have moved on 

Either way, you realise you can’t live in the past

You can visit the people there from time to time and reminisce 

But you’ll soon realise 

The person whose memories you are viewing is gone 

And the recipient of the memories you create now deserves better