l4vignesblog

[l4vignesblog]

warten

das sagtest du, würdest du tun

du würdest auf mich warten

egal wie lange

egal worauf

ob tage

ob wochen

ob monate

du wolltest auf mich warten

doch das tatest du nicht

warum?

vielleicht weil ich damals nein sagte

nein.

tu das nicht

warte nicht auf mich

warte nicht auf etwas, was du nie wissen würdest

doch du wolltest es unbedingt

und jetzt?

bist du weiter gezogen

allein

ohne mich

und ich?

ich stehe immer noch hier:

am festland

während du schon auf der anderen seite bist

auf der insel

du warst schon weiter geschwommen

ohne mich

du hattest es satt zu warten,

denke ich.

Ich sitze hier und komm nicht weiter

will nicht weiter

will hier bleiben,

warten.

und du?

du ziehst weiter,

wartest nicht

suchst weiter

weiter nach einem anderen festland,

wohin du schwimmen würdest

einem festland wo es alles gibt

alles was du brauchst

was dir alles geben kann

was dich glücklich macht

und ich seh dir dabei zu

wie du schwimmst

weiter und weiter

weg von mir.

ohne mich.

glücklich.

[l4vignesblog]

[l4vignesblog]

WHAT BEING IN LOVE FEELS LIKE

To write this, I am religiously listening to unreleased Lana Rey.

For me, Love was something I have always seen in movies, something that can’t be described.

In movies there is always only one side that can be seen. The “I can’t live without you” , the “I don’t want you anywhere besides beside me” , the look of Love, the heated arguments , the love confession , the yearning etc.

It has only shown me one thing. I have never experienced that. I have fallen in love with boys and I have fallen in love with their personality, but there has never been something like REAL Love. There has been arguments, there has been angry love confessions, there has been everything that someone could think of but not with the right boy. Instead I searched for THAT spark, I searched for the bad boy stereotype who hates anyone but you and changes for you, only to end up with the “nice and boring guy” , because the “bad boys” are just a movie stereotype and they actually don’t exist.

I love the Idea of being in Love. I love the idea of Love. I love Love. But somehow Love doesn’t love me. Instead I can’t find the right Love or the right Love can’t seem to find me.

Everytime I fall in love it’s not the same I see in movies. Did I ever really fall in love? It doesn’t seem like that for me. I want the Love everyone has, the Love all my friends have, the Love in books and movies. Just Love.

I want someone to look out for me like my friends do. I want someone, who listens to the things I say. I want someone to read my poems. I want someone who dances with me in the kitchen while cooking. I want someone who listens to me yap and can also yap back. I want someone who takes pictures of me to not forget me. I want someone who can’t get enough of me. I want someone who feels like our connection isn’t enough and always wants more. I want someone who’s as crazy as me.

And I want to do the same.