la-altair

[la-altair]

Once upon a time there was an old lady who had a spider on her arm. And the wolf came and bit off her arm. The end.

(My three year old’s first story. She’s gonna be a freak like me, I’m so proud.)

[la-altair]

Now that I’m ’Important’ at work I had to go to the board meeting and the associated schmoozing dinner and it was the worst. My coworkers were either excited to attend or jealous of those who did, and all I wanted to do was hit the Chipotle on the walk from the office to the hotel and watch tv alone in my room to recover from all the masking I’d already performed.

Worst part of all is apparently I was good at it because I just adjusted the software on my Autistic Socialization Simulation back to its law school socializing settings.

[la-altair]

thinking about anastasia trusova paintings again

[la-altair]

1897-1898 Dress by Salon Ungar Vienne

organza, ribbon lace, cotton silk satin, taffeta, faille, whalebone, metal

(Wien Museum Karlsplatz)

[la-altair]

"Star Wars" Masterlist

Poe Dameron/Reader

Alabanza (34/34)

Get Him Back

Hope You Never Read This 

It’s About the Waking

The Matter of Stars 

Earning My Wings (18/18) 

Winter Storm Warning (4/4) 

The Art of Falling (23/23)

All at Once, This is Enough (18/18)

Courage (12/12)

Kylo Ren (Ben Solo)/Rey

oh, heave away, you rolling king (34/34)  

Din Djarin/Reader

Minefields (20/20)

Solar

Mine

proposal

Significant 

It Goes Both Ways

Reunited

Uncalled they come to me, and told, they still won’t leave me ✨

hound (15/15) 

Cassian Andor/Reader

Whatever It Takes (3/3)

Tell Me Again

Oh Fuck

Pulse

Stardust ✨

Stars

Jango/Boba Fett/Reader

from what we cannot hold (the stars are made) (20/20) 

Saviours (20/20)

Saved (46/46)

the sacredness of shared meals (8/8)

Mr. and Mrs. Fett (9/9) 

blow all the ashes down (10/10)

Padme/Anakin

There is Someone Left to Save (9/9)

Anakin Skywalker/Reader

Counseling (24/24) 

Tough Guy 

Eventide (49/49)  

Cal Kestis/Reader

Hold Me Through the Storm  

Red Tinted Visors and Blue Lightsabers (5/5) 

Strictly Business (10/10) 

An Unexpected Visit (Cal Kestis x Mechanic!Reader) 

Of bunk beds and confessions 

“You see me…for me”  

Heartbeat Like Thunder 

Wherever you go, I go (3/3) 

Ezra Bridger/Reader

Green-Eyed Monster 

Wayward Evenings 

[la-altair]

Trying to figure out how to prepare my parents for Kindergarten Grieving when they watch my kids. ‘Hey guys, just fyi, you’re gonna be having a good time and my kids are gonna say some matter-of-fact shit about death that’s gonna gut punch you and you’ve gotta acknowledge and interact with it while also being able to pivot back to Normal Good Times when they’re done.’

Like seriously I’ve been doing it for months now and we navigate it but boy, the way kids process grief will haunt you. My daughter lost her first tooth and we were talking about the process of losing baby teeth and grown up teeth growing in, and I said something to the effect of ‘yeah, by the time you’re around 12 you’ll have all your grown up teeth.’

‘G didn’t get all her grown up teeth, she died.’

And then of course she’s moving onto the tooth fairy and I’m trying to breathe through overwhelming grief and she’s calling me out from the back seat ‘I know you’re up there crying’ like yeah sorry girl I lack your emotional flexibility.

My emotionally avoidant parents are gonna crack lol.

[la-altair]

[la-altair]

[la-altair]

It is absolutely wild to watch my three year old daughter develop the exact same imagination habits I have. She hasn’t really internalized anything so she just acts out dramatic dialogues between characters as she lays in bed. She’s got some bangers, too

‘I was silly, but not silly enough!’

‘Eric, share that lipstick with Tina!’

[la-altair]

Oh no, that was a load-bearing dog in the derelict house of my mental health. Bobo dog I miss you so bad.

[la-altair]

Hey I’ve functioned through like three earth- shattering personal and professional tragedies in the last six months and managed other peoples’ grieving processes on all of them - have I got enough punches on my card to take to my bed and leave shit up to someone else on the next crisis? As a treat?

[la-altair]

— Frank Bidart, from “Half-light: Collected Poems 1965-2016; ‘The Third Hour of the Night’", published c. 2017.

[la-altair]

Can’t wait to get this for my girls and me to color!!

The mermaid coloring book is coming together!

Little by little the last few steps are wrapping up. My goal is to have the book published by the end of July <3

I am the artist! Do not post without permission & credit! Thank you! Come visit me over on: instagram, tiktok or check out my coloring book available now \ („• ֊ •„) /

https://linktr.ee/ellen.artistic

[la-altair]

Visiting my maternal extended family and hearing all my female relatives speak is like witnessing a mass casualty event of body image issues. I hear my internal dialogue given voice by my aunts and cousins and it’s wild.

I love them so much but glad to be raising my girls far enough away that they can’t catch that voice.

[la-altair]

[la-altair]

I processed 9/11 as a high schooler with online friends from ff.net.

you wouldn’t last an hour in the asylum where they raised me

[la-altair]

@finweanladiesweek day one

Miriel & Indis