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23 Layer Chocolate Cake (via Instagram)

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Once brain-computer interfaces work, they can go get that beach night too.

Check out the bonus panel on the site!

SMBC ◆ PATREON ◆ INSTAGRAM ◆ BLUESKY ◆ STORE

Buy this comic as a print!

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knightgirls will order a meal that's too big and then stare at it, white-knuckle gripping their fork and knife, unable to accept the fact that they've been Defeated

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Dee & Maya - Sweet Things

(The previous Dee & Maya short can be found HERE)

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<Experience log: 29\5\2166 11:42> Q: Aaaah! Look! Look over here! <Log addendum: Maya is pointing at a small plant which is growing a bright red fruit> R: It appears to be a small red fruit. Q: Not just any fruit, that’s a strawberry! Didn’t know you could find them just growing out here! R: Strawberry. An aggregate accessory fruit. Q: The best berry. R: Not technically a berry- Q: The best. Berry. R: Noted. <Conversation marked high priority for preservation>

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<Experiment 806: Strawberry plant cultivation. Log #1> I have acquired seeds of a species named Nuevo Fragaria x Ananassa, which I will attempt to cultivate in the hydroponics chamber. In exchange for the seeds I donated some system resources to Ag54, which it is using to calculate flower arrangements involving red, white, orange and lavender roses as well as lilies. This endeavor is interesting to me so I am monitoring it, but irrelevant to this experiment. The seeds have been planted according to Ag54’s instructions, and must now be cared for regularly. Further experiment logs will follow. <Conversation log M42687> R: By what characteristics do you categorize strawberries as ‘the best berry’? Q: Everything! Never really put it into words... I guess to start with, it's delicious. R: You mean taste. Q: Yes. I know you don’t eat, but you find certain sensory inputs pleasing, right? <Log addendum: Maya is wearing a yellow sundress with a wide brimmed straw hat> R: I do. Q: It has a lot of sugar, which makes it very sweet. Like you! R: I do not think I have sugar in my construction. Q: The adjective also refers to personality. R: Oh. <Conversation marked high priority for preservation>

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<Experiment 806: Strawberry plant cultivation. Log #6> The Nuevo Fragaria x Ananassa has flowered. I have requisitioned pollination insects from Ag54 so that the plants can produce fruit. In exchange for these I have traded some of the cacao I had previously stockpiled, which they will no doubt use in a similar capacity. Data exchange has been fruitful, though irrelevant to this experiment. Caring for the small plants has been very calming. I am appreciating my dexterity training in Experiment 126 and 135. After the flowers are pollinated I will continue to care for the plants regularly. Further experiment logs will follow. <Conversation log M43006> Q: Have you been developing a new hobby? R: Hobby. An activity done regularly in one’s leisure time for pleasure. Yes, I suppose I have. Q: What is it? R: A surprise. Q: Your hobby is giving me a surprise? R: That is not what I meant, but that does also conform to that definition. Q: Fine, keep your secrets. I will find out eventually, right? R: Of course. <Conversation marked high priority for preservation>

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<Experiment 806: Strawberry plant cultivation. Log #9> The Nuevo Fragaria x Ananassa has produced fruit. They are much smaller than I expected, but Ag54 assured me that is common in a plant’s first fruiting. I cannot test how they taste, but there is nothing to indicate they are defective. Therefore, I will attempt to present them to Maya tomorrow morning. I have requisitioned cream from Ag54, and have constructed a stainless steel whisk to whip it with. Hopefully it will be satisfactory. If this experiment goes well I will invest in adding the Nuevo Fragaria x Ananassa to our main hydroponics lot.

<Conversation log M46619> Q: No. Way. Is that what I think it is? R: I believe that it is. Q: Where’d you get strawberries? They’re not in the food requisition system, I checked sooo many times! R: I grew them, with a bit of assistance. You said you liked them. Q: Oh my god, and with heavy cream too. You, just... <Log addendum: Maya stood up on the tips of her toes and kissed the side of my faceplate> <System alert: Core temperature spike> R: I liked that. Q: There’s more where that came from. R: I will continue to grow strawberries then. Q: There’s A LOT more where that came from! <Conversation marked top priority for preservation.>

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Dee & Maya - First Contact

A short story I wrote for a writing prompt about a clumsy robot, figured I'd post it here as well.

_______ <Attempt 56: Lump of dirt>

The dirt is approximately 1.45 kg in mass. I have gathered it into a rough spherical shape. When I attempted to hold the dirt it broke apart in my hands. 

Failure. Further experimentation is needed.

<Conversation log M6326>

Q: You’re a mess! Have you been digging all day?

R: It is an experiment I am conducting.

Q: On dirt?

R: The dirt is a medium for sensory calibration.

Q: I feel like there’s a better way to do that. Come on, let’s get you washed up.

<Conversation marked high priority for preservation> -------

<Attempt 64: Lump of colorful clay>

The clay is approximately 700g in mass. It is pale cyan in color. As Maya said, this artificial clay holds together much better than the dirt had. I have gathered it into a rough spherical shape. It does not break when I hold it, but further inspection revealed deep groves where my grip has deformed the sphere. 

Failure. Further experimentation is needed.

<Conversation log M6574>

Q: It’s cute to see you play with that.

R: Cute? Can you elaborate on this observation?

Q: Well usually play-dough is used by... You know what, nevermind.

R: What is the purpose of the colors?

Q: You shape it into sculptures. If you like what you make, you can bake it to preserve the shape.

R: I see.

Q: You’re really focused, eh? Will you make me something?

R: If that will please you, I will.

Q: I’ll have to make something for you too then.

<Conversation marked high priority for preservation> ------

<Attempt 396: Block of colorful clay>

The clay is approximately 3.25kg in mass. I have gathered it into a rough cylindrical shape. I have lowered the power output to my manipulation motors to just below minimum specifications. I was able to lift and replace the cylinder without significantly altering its shape. However, at a further attempt to lift the clay my right side manipulator failed due to power shortage. The clay was dropped, and it incurred significant damage upon impact with the floor.

Unacceptable failure. Further experimentation is needed. -----

<Conversation log M7050>

Q: You seem upset.

R: Upset? Can you elaborate on this observation?

Q: Your movements, your body language. For instance, your cooling vent has opened and closed five times since I arrived.

R: I am devoting large system resources to my experiment.

Q: And it isn’t going well? Are you not getting the shape you wanted?

R: That is... Correct.

Q: Sculpting is a difficult art, you won’t be able to master it fast even if you work all night.

R: I have been working during nighttime.

Q: Which means you skipped your maintenance cycle too. You shouldn’t do that.

R: The timescale priorities were-

Q: Were wrong. Your health comes first. Come along now.

R: Yes.

Q: Don’t skip your maintenance again, no matter how cute your focus is.

R: Cute? Can you elaborate on this observation?

<Conversation marked high priority for preservation> ------

<Attempt 849: Block of colorful clay>

The clay is approximately 3.22kg in mass. I have gathered it into an elliptic cylindrical shape. I have placed the clay on a high table, and attempted to surround it with my manipulator limbs without deforming it. The sensation was pleasant, however upon withdrawing grooves were observed on the back of it.

Failure. Further experimentation is needed. ------

<Conversation log M7212>

Q: I have a surprise for you.

R: You often act outside my expectations, Maya.

Q: It’s a special surprise this time, Dee. Do you want to see it?

R: I do.

Q: Ta-da! What do you think?

R: It appears to be a protective vest, manufactured by-

Q: By me! Well, I modified an existing one.

R: How have you modified it?

Q: I added a haptic sensory system, like the one in VR rigs. That way, you don’t have to worry about crushing me.

R: You were aware.

Q: I know you were upset since you broke my finger by accident that one time. I saw you were making an effort, so it was my responsibility to repay your effort.

R: You didn’t have to.

Q: I did, that’s what you do for the ones you love. Now, do you want to help me try it out? I think you’ve needed a hug now for a long time.

<Conversation marked top priority for preservation.>

<Attempt 849 redesignated as partial success>

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Have you ever seen a violinist going APESHIT?!

Be sure to check out IAmDSharp!

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Knight who seeks to get injured in combat so she can be tenderly held by her Lady but she keeps absolutely killing it out there and she's too honorable to throw a fight

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Love the sight of a random "cis guy" with classic online signs of noncommittal identity and presentation increasingly showing up in my notifications on a website, like a small scared animal slowly and cautiously approaching your outstretched hand with food in it, testing if it's safe to take the offer. Love seeing the following list slowly include more of my trans friends. It's like. Yes, it's safe, you're welcome here

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Ether using the spell spirit shroud! Ignore that this isn’t rules accurate okay my dm is a baller and doesn’t care, expect more art of my religious and lightly evil warforged 💜💜💜

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Fun fact, I've been working on a game with some friends for a really long time now. Our demo just released today, so if the game interests you, please check it out! We put a lot of hard work, sweat, and tears into it! :D

Steam link: https://store.steampowered.com/app/3198890/Scale_the_Depths/

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BWAAAAHHHHH wake the fuck up everyone on earth

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Oh my gosh. I just found this website that walks you though creating a believable society. It breaks each facet down into individual questions and makes it so simple! It seems really helpful for worldbuilding!

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in an interesting case of linguistic convergent evolution, the english words scale, scale, and scale are all false cognates of each other

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A translation of British sayings, what non-British people think they mean, and their actual meaning.

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