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I can't stop thinking about the Captain. Oh god. The fact that the series made it clear that somebody who had to hide who he was, who was persecuted just for existing, could finally find peace and acceptance in the next life. Fanny telling him he's a brave man. Julian's knowing looks. The way everyone knew but nobody ever outed him. Everyone on the edge of their seat when he almost-but-not-quite worked up the courage to come out. Him being Kitty's fairy godmother. The joy he took in "helping" prepare Button house for the lesbian wedding. Brighton beach, ABBA, Kylie Minogue. And his dying moments being spent with the man he loved. I'm going to cry now.

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I am so not normal about the “baby butterflies are caterpillars, Katherine- and one day, they come out, and they are their true, fabulous selves. The mayfly only lives for a day, did you know that?” Line

The Captain only lived for a day. He did not, in life at least, get to be one of the butterflies who come out of a dark cocoon and are themselves, wings spread, colourful and flying. He was like the one insect who is born, has a day to experience everything there is in life, whatever they can manage, however little that is, and then they die. In death, he had another chance to be free like the butterflies.

he was likening himself to the one insect who is born and then dies with minimal fanfare but experiences everything it ever will in one day.

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part 7(!) of a little project I'm working on, inspired by this wonderful fanfiction of Cap and Havers dancing

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Redraw of an oldy in light of final series developments

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I wonder if Havers is alone wherever he is, and if he thinks about his Captain. If his old CO stands out in his memories against all the horrors he would’ve seen on the front lines.

I wonder how Havers coped after the Captain died. Was he angry at the men who prevented them from meeting again? Did he stay with the body until the medics came to take him away? Did he cry, locked away in his room, as the other men left Button House to go home to their wives?

I wonder if Havers ever visited the Captain’s grave. If he lay flowers on the ground beside it, or if he traced the name ‘James’ with his fingertips. If he sat there for hours, too upset to be angry.

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This is four and a half hours worth of doodling and writing

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I love that the captain was never really closeted.

some of his scenes in season 1 are so blatantly gay, people joke about cap being repressed but he actually didn’t seem particularly repressed at the start of the show at all (“he’d make a very fine soldier”). and by season three it’s clear that everyone knows, save for kitty because her brain doesn’t quite work like that.

and then his jokes and gestures start to become more intentional, he has a greater understanding of how people like him are perceived in the modern day after seeing the wedding, it’s somewhat of an open secret. so by the time he shares how he died, it isn’t a coming out scene, because everybody knew already- it was him confronting his death in the same way they all had. there was no “you like men?”, there wasn’t even a hint of surprise because they all knew and he knew they knew. and they still loved him now that it was even more blatantly out in the open.

I’ve never been able to relate to big coming out stories where characters drop it on everyone like it was a secret, or try desperately to hide it. my parents knew I was a lesbian when I was 9. cap’s coming out story made me feel seen because it wasn’t about coming out

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thinking about the captain's stupid fucking uniform again. because the sam browne belt is still backwards. and we have no answers for that. but I have to think about him putting it on for the last time. not that he knew it was going to be the last time. but idk, the exact timeline between the war ending and the veteran's event is unclear, so I imagine there was some time in the middle there where he got to wear his civvies. there were a few days, between the life that trapped him and the death that did the same, where he was free. right? there had to be. just enough time to loosen the tie and breathe for a moment, to see what life might have been like without the army crushing his heart in his rib cage. and then, the party. a victory celebration. a relief. he had to dress himself back in the costume of a competent commander, for the chance to catch a glimpse of the only person in the forces worth a damn. he had to wrap himself in his own funerary shroud. had to buckle every strap and thread every button with shaking hands. and then he pinned that god damn medal bar right above his pocket like the last nail in his coffin. everything that killed him he did to himself. and then havers pressed the god damn stick into his hands, still warm from his touch, as he turned cold on the ground. and then he was stuck, for 70 years, suffocated by every reminder that the only world he thought he belonged in wanted him dead. and yet still, when asked what he would wear instead if he could, it's his uniform. I need to lay down.

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an effective way to shut him up

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After Carpe Diem I thought I’d do this poll again…

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5×05 certainly adds a new layer to the Captain’s excitement about the wedding in 2×06. of course he’d desperately want a celebration of love to happen at Button House and in the very room where he died trying to reunite with his love. and when he finds out it’s two women getting married? can’t even imagine what it meant to him, to see queer love and joy being accepted and celebrated on the very spot where he had been shamed in a hostile crowd, unable to say or do too much even in the last moments of his life

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The like, fandomization of Ghosts has really been fascinating to watch honestly. I have a lot of older relatives who have also watched Ghosts - I watch it religiously with my mum, and my older brother and his wife enjoy it too. But their perception of the show is so different to what you see on here and on TikTok etc. Like, for them Ghosts is just another BBC sitcom - it falls under the same sort of light-hearted-British-comedy as things like This Country or Outnumbered or Friday Night Dinner. And I think I viewed it pretty much the same way up until about a year ago, but since then I’ve associated it much more closely with other “nerdy”, more fandom-oriented shows like Doctor Who and Good Omens.

And I feel like this was pretty inevitable? I mean, when Ghosts first aired in 2019 it was for a lot of us the first time we had seen these six actors all together again since we were little and watching Horrible Histories - I remember when the first promos for it were coming out it was quite literally described as “Horrible Histories for adults!”. So naturally its audience was always going to be predominantly young people in their late teens/early twenties because those were the people who had been watching Horrible Histories when it was first on air and knew and loved this group of actors. And it was always going to be slightly nerdy young people because you had to be a pretty nerdy ten-year-old to really love and obsess over Horrible Histories (speaking from experience here). And so of course this young, kind of dorky audience were going to watch this show and project fandom culture onto it.

And then obviously having an explicitly queer character in the show would only boost fandom culture. The Captain has been so special to so many of us, not only because he’s just a brilliantly funny and endearing character (and not only because he’s played by the lovely and charming Ben Willbond), but also because he’s just a really refreshing representation of queerness in tv. He isn’t a walking stereotype, and he isn’t some horribly tragic character either, even though he does obviously have this very sad history. There are times when his queerness is taken more seriously, like his love story with Havers, but they also weren’t afraid to show it in a more light-hearted way which I think makes it seem so much more normal and identifiable - it’s often played for laughs but never in a cruel, laugh-because-he’s-gay way, more just a we-have-this-little-inside-joke-with-the-characters kind of way, you know? And his queerness isn’t everything either - as Ben and Larry talked about in that one podcast ep, the Captain isn’t this extremely one-dimensional queer character, there’s so much more to him than that and so much more that defines him. He’s just a wonderfully well written character and it’s no wonder we’ve all latched onto him the way that we have.

I don’t really know what my conclusion here is, other than just I think it’s amazing that this relatively small programme has amassed the audience and the fandom culture that it has. The writers are so deserving of every success and I hope they go on to create more because I think I speak for most of us when I say that we’ll follow and support whatever it is they do next. Ghosts has just been such a brilliant show and I’m very sad that it’s over, I’m going to miss it so much.

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Copium

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Saint Captain

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it matters so much to me that it’s Fanny who comforts the Captain after he comes out. Fanny, who’s so much like him in many ways. Fanny, who was homophobic in the past. Fanny, who’s not really the one to provide verbal support or pats on the back. Fanny, not the biggest fan of sharing incredibly personal and vulnerable things. 

but she does comfort him, and she says he’s a brave man. his bravery is not the 'hero' type, not the one that was expected and celebrated at the time, not the socially acceptable kind. it’s a different kind of bravery, the one that you show not in war but in life. and while the Captain’s face is way too heavy to indicate instant relief from that burden, it does change subtly. 

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Poor Havers.

Obviously poor Cap as well because he died

But fml poor Havers.

Being wounded after the war, having seen the horrors of the front line, then seeing Cap again realising that he isn't supposed to be there and that he smuggled himself in, Havers probably panicking because they are surrounded and every sign of affection is a high risk. And then someone confronts the man who is clearly trying to get to him and Cap collapses and basically tries to confess his love and Havers has to keep him from putting them both in danger but wants him to know that He reciprocates so he says he knows and stops him from touching his face but guides him to grab the swaggerstick so he can grab his hands. which is such a smart idea because of course a dying and scared man grabs at something and of course one has to provide comfort to loosen the grip. And then they say each others first named and the second Cap is dead he has to release his hand or else it would be suspicious. And he has to do this with a straight face.

I wonder when he finally was allowed to shed a tear, to mourn, to fall apart

I'm by now completely convinced that he went to the front to protect them both because Cap really wasn't that subtle

And Havers looked out for both of them even in Cap's final moments

It's just so tragic. Cap lost his life but Havers lost so so much as well

I really, really want to know what happened to him afterwards.

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Its genuinely so interesting that sequence of events that lead to the Captain's death started with him stealing someone else's medal ribbon. There's something so intentional about him putting on these medals as a way of masquerading as someone who fits in at the celebration so he could see Havers again. Its almost like how he borrows this military persona in order to hide all the struggles he has with his sexuality in order to fit in - but everyone sees through it.

The medals are a perfect abstraction of the identity that the Captain has constructed for himself since the war began, and over the years as he becomes more comfortable with showing parts of himself he finally becomes comfortable enough to tell the others that all this time the medals that everyone had believed were his were just another thing he'd borrowed - another thing that wasn't truly his.