lanurmisme

[lanurmisme]

This is the first time I’ve been tagged.

It means a lot that you considered me, @versesbyaaliyah — thank you.

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It’s a profound question, and it deserves a profound answer.

Honestly, there is no single answer.

Sometimes, I just write my mind out —

I let it flow on paper in black and blue.

Sometimes, I write what I observe, what I feel —

my writing is the extract of it. Anything and everything.

It may not always be me in my writing,

but it’s always my lens —

my way of understanding the world.

And sometimes, it’s a way of preserving myself.

Because if one day I lose all my memories — my sense of self — I know I won’t trust anyone to tell me who I was.

But maybe I’ll trust these pages.

My writing is the most honest trace I’ll leave behind.

It’s how I say: This was me. I was here.

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I don’t know many people here yet.

And the first person I ever connected with from the writing community is the one who tagged me.

So, I have no one to tag back just yet — but I’m grateful to be here, and I hope to cross paths with others who carry their worlds in words, too."

Since you’re always coming up with cool prompts and all, here’s a little one for you:

Not to sound like a nosy anon but, what’s your biggest inspiration when you write? Spill the tea 🍵✍️ And tag a few folks to answer too”

Great question! Really just little pieces of my life in general. Usually people I've met and the experiences we've had. I've had a very interesting life so it's the easiest thing for me to write about. So many different ways I could word the stories, so to speak. And so many different stories. I have bits of my life I've never touched in my writing, though I would like to change that.

@moonknightmaiden @noxnightingales @peepeepoopoo3d @butwhyareyoureyessosad @nyx-tenberis @faemaril @behindstonewalls

[lanurmisme]

Am I grieving the absence of meaning or the presence of meaninglessness?

~lan [Jun 24, 2025; 16:14]

[lanurmisme]

SILENT PLEAS

Is someone there?

Please silence those noises that burn my ears and disturb my peace of mind.

Why do you do this, human? Just why? The irony is, I am one of your kind.

I wish I wasn't. I know I don't belong. Yet, what gives you the right to make me feel alien? I am far away from those shallow mirages—the only thing you live for.

They say I am a facade. They say I am a lie. But how would you understand, human, that those do not taint my white.

The multitudes, they say, I feel them inside. You are unaware of the depths of the ocean I carry in my eyes.

My fault is just that I am in the wrong place. But you act as if I had a choice. My mind tells me every time that I should stop these futile tries. But he says to me to wait for a while. What's meant for me will find me over time, and my heart seems to trust him as much as my mind.

Then I look at my reflection only to see my hope dying. Even the epitome of optimism now embraces the notion of darkness. So before it's too late, my love, my savior, just come to me tonight? Hold my hand, for I might extinguish anytime.

~lan [Oct 28, 2023; 11:42]

[lanurmisme]

To My Psychologist #1

Hie (Name), Writing to you at this magical hour to share the realizations I’ve just had.

I feel like my journey so far has been like those animations of geometric shapes that keep evolving into different forms—and it goes on. Just a few moments ago, when I was reflecting on our last session, I realized this. At every step of my life, I feel like, "Oh! Now I’ve got a hang of it," and tada—after some time, I feel the same way about the same thing again. At this point, I know that it’s recurring. And every time I feel this "Oh, I got a hang of it," it’s actually the beginning of the end of the existing level—and time for a level up.

I break countless times, thinking this one is the perfect shape, only to break again and form a new one. At times, it feels like a game: whenever I feel like I’m back to zero, it's actually a new level. And the good news (not always) is that I’m never going backwards. It’s a one-way journey with no U-turn. Once started, it can’t be stopped—and even the start isn’t in our control. So, either way, we’re moving forward—might as well make it worth it.

Other times, I feel like a point. A point that has evolved into the shape I am today. And I’ve found the perfect visual example for this—so I’m sharing it with you. (Attaching the video to this post—originally shared the YT link.)

(Video credits to the original creator.)

Moral of all this: We keep breaking and making simultaneously, and nothing is truly good or bad. Breaking doesn’t necessarily have to be sad, as it’s the beginning of something new. And making isn’t necessarily always good, because it, too, is going to break or end at some point. This reminds me of the Yin-Yang mandala art I made, and the recent poem I wrote titled "Fallen." Both expressions, in different forms, convey the same idea (which, again, I had written):

"Beginnings are nothing but the start of an end, and an end is nothing but the beginning of a new start."

Title: A Beginning or an End?

~!@ñ

[lanurmisme]

Fallen

I am like an alphabet— or rather, just fragments of it?

Scattered everywhere, incoherent. The fragments that form letters, letters that weave words, words that build sentences, and sentences that shape sense.

Strange, isn't it? It is for me.

For now, I am shards of an alphabet, from some language I’m not even aware of. Lost in smithereens, searching for a meaning of my own.

I will unfold, piece by piece— fragments to letters, letters to words, words to sentences, sentences to essence.

That’s when I’ll know. What language I am— or if I am one at all.

I'll know the words. The sentences. The meanings. Then—I'll know the meaning.

Nevertheless, I will keep evolving—into something undefined.

Nevertheless, I am never complete, for I will always remain incomplete.

For I have always been an unfinished masterpiece— and I will continue to be one.

~lan [Mar 23, 2025; 19:57]

(Edit: Image generated using AI.)

[lanurmisme]

Insecurities declared a war against me, and here I stand without armor—questioning if there is any.

lan [Jul 30, 2022; 21:49]

[lanurmisme]

Now I understand—loving someone and being in love with someone are not the same.

lan [July 29, 2022; 02:13]

[lanurmisme]

Even after years, why are you so blind? To see how bravely you fought at those times. Be proud of yourself, girl, because the battle was a slow poison, And you decided to be a warrior.

lan [Dec 20, 2022; 19:49]

[lanurmisme]

Surrounded by mirrors, but the shell refuses to open, would the pearl have been evident if I were like you?

lan [Sept 21, 2022;13:00]

[lanurmisme]

Yes, perhaps my grown-up mind desire more, but my child-like heart is content and loves unconditionally.

lan [Sept 10, 2022; 22:22]

[lanurmisme]

Was tracing back those imprints you left for me—never thought it would lead me to my heart.

lan [Aug 20, 2022; 21:52]

[lanurmisme]

How vivid that journey would be— filled with the music of our footsteps and lyrics of our footprints!

lan [ Nov 26,2020; 19:06]

[lanurmisme]

A Cup of You!

I like the moment of us when you are right in front of me with ‘that’ layer on the top at the temperature of glee

Damn! I love it when it hits that very fiend I have inside Reaching nook and cranny, the taste takes over my mind

Every time I have you I want to have more That very craving for you won't ever turn out sour

I know. I know it- that I can't savor you all the time So, I'll hold back that desire and keep the timeline

Though my yearning for you is a path full of cautions I would still like to hook up with the next meeting's notion

~lan

November 27, 2021 01:01

[lanurmisme]

HER

Her inscrutable gaze never left the pinnacle

Impenetrable eyes sparkling with innocence

Breezes never asked for her consent

Neither did she withheld

Upward curves complimenting her countenance

Contemplating the beauty, clouds held her sight

Well, she did the same

Little did she know, who she is

'Cause she was busy living the very moment

Completely clueless

Of all the admiring eyes on her...

'MOON'

That's what they called her!

Date: May 31, 2022

Time: 19:49

[lanurmisme]

Who Sculptures Me?

It wasn't you, it wasn't me It was the realm who sculptured me...

I was on my aisle To the goals of mile They came and made a pile And it was huge as Nile

I worked, I struggled, I fought As soon as they got They stopped and they trapped Me in the fences of the social rot

I tried, I cried But no one realized That the fire within me Was impossible to minimize

Then I got ready for the riot and decided to be self-reliant... Then I fought for you and fought for me... And now, it isn't the realm who sculptures me...

It is Me... and it will be...

~lan

December 16, 2019 22:40

[lanurmisme]

I think it started back then When I first saw you on the screen You left me with the sensations I never felt before I felt you through my screen and the feelings were so real Real enough to sense it from the chest to straight down in my belly It was blue and I loved it Blue? I think my vocab is yet limited to explain blue... It was cold outside and mysterious inside I felt unconditionality It brought chills down my spine My heart suddenly became heavy for my body My breaths were strong enough to bring storms for ants It was a strange tingling right there and I dunno why?! I found myself longing for you and I wanted to be there... just there... I knew that something was waiting for me for a really long time but dunno what it is?! I wanna find it out... Just one chance to feel you Just one chance to find you at the right moment

I felt those frosty woods and I promise... I will visit you there if you are a part of my fate🍀

Title: I Felt Woods! Date: Dec 22, 2022 Time: __:__

~ lan (at My Universe)

[lanurmisme]

To the Developers of Pocket Pioneers,

My friend suggested me this game. It was fun for her. As I downloaded the game ‘Pocket Pioneers’, I wasn't really interested in the game. But in no time the tables turned. I started to find it interesting, and then meaningful. Now, it's been a month since I'm playing this game and now I'm even more determined to level up.

Well, that was just my start and conclusion. The middle story hits a different vibe. I never imagined that I would relate ‘Pocket Pioneers’ to real LIFE. Yes, this game resembles life (to me). I started to realize how we manage our lives, how we manage our finance, how we gradually store things for future use, and how we establish relationships. In need, we have to do trades with neighbors and while doing so we become friends. That's how you add people to life!. But sometimes, we even have to borrow trade with our people [when I entered into the game, I just had 2 real-life friends, and I (in need) did some trade with them].

Some levels are seem tough but you just have to go through it and you are over the tough times. Time ticks. Some tasks are short and some just go on for prolonged period. But you do it. It doesn't matter if it takes 2 days, 3 days, or a week or two. But you do it. Some situations are like- “OMG, am I just left with 20 coins?”, and some are like- “I've earned enough & life is quite stable, let's do some shopping”. The phases we go through just feels so real. And life goes on like this again!!!

I don't know how to express my thoughts and feelings further but it feels so real. And this game keeps me going in real life. During the lows, this game doesn't fail to energize me effortlessly. It motivates me and tells me that it's always better not to stop. And I literally keep going on in my real life. I'd like to thank you, Developer and the Team (of Pocket Pioneers) for creating such a meaningful game. I am very grateful. Now, life is a bit easier for me, and I know how to enjoy every single moment of life as hard time doesn't last long. I can't find any more words. Just all I have for you is- Thank You! I wish you a plentiful of success. Thank You So Much!!!

From, Snowflake (of Pocket Pioneers)

Edited: As of 2022, this game is no more available on Appstore.