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If BTS had American names

Namjoon: Rion. He's the hipster who thinks that Ryan is too mainstream but Lion is too far out there, so he comes up with a hybrid - Rion. Actually legally changes his name. Likes poetry cafes, coffee (he'll take a decaf), and acting cooler than he really is.

Jin: Daniel. The perfect guy in the neighborhood. Hobbies include being perfect, winning over parents, and telling wholesome stories with his stupidly perfect face. "oh Daniel? You mean the son I should have had but instead I had you?" oof.

Yoongi: Darren. Like his name sounds, he's cool, chill, but still vaguely sounds like he might kill you. The resident Soundcloud rapper of the group who likes to state that he is indeed "the D-boy from D-town." Says he dgaf, but really, he gaf the most.

Hoseok: Justin. The fuckboi. Also called Jay because he's just so cool. You wanna be him. Your sibling wants to be him. Your dad wants to be him. Says he doesn't think he's that cool. That's what makes him even cooler.

Jimin: Aiden. The local prince charming. Has people swooning left to right. Claims that he doesn't have a hair routine, but you for sure know he does because whose hair is that fluffy? Is actually gay but all the girls ignore that fact because he's so dreamy.

Taehyung: Dylan. Spends most of his time outside with the kids, so everyone around knows his name. The one time someone tried to bully him, they ended up crying instead because he's "just so nice." Is a hidden savage: "You look dumb." "Oh good. I thought I looked like you." OOF.

Jungkook: Timmy. Ok so his actual name is Andrew, which is lame. So he tries to make his friends call him Drew for maximum coolness. But they find out that his middle name is Timothy, so the nickname "Tiny Tiddy Timmy" emerges for optimal teasing. Can be cool at times, but ruins it by asking for affirmation.

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*Yoongi And Seokjin having an argument*

Yoongi: you know what I’ll tell you what I fucking want hyung

Seokjin: go ahead Yoongi tell me.

Yoongi: I wanna fucking have my hand held and to be cuddled

Seokjin: O..OH

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Jungkook: Am I in trouble?

Namjoon: Take a guess.

Jungkook: No?

Namjoon: Take another guess.

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I put the ho in wholesome.

Tae

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Interviewer: So what can we find in your closet at home?

Yoongi: Clothes.

Hoseok: Me.

Yoongi: What?

Hoseok: What?

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Jungkook: It’s fun to chant ‘Bloody Mary’ into your car’s side mirror three times and watch her jog and try to keep up.

Yoongi: Being a dick even to demons, I see.

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Namjoon: There are seven members and four chairs, what do you do?

Jimin: Sit on each other’s laps.

Taehyung: Get more chairs.

Yoongi: Kill three members.

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Noona, sex and drugs are nice but have you tried... loving yourself™?

Bangtan to Nicki Minaj

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Jimin: I need to work out more, bro.

Tae: Bro. You're perfect the way you are.

Jimin: You don't understand, bro.

Tae: ?

Jimin: I want to lift you up.

Tae: Bro...

Jimin: Bro.

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Serendipity, 2017: Just let me love youuuu ❤❤❤

Serendipity, 2018: Just *body roll* let *body roll* me *body roll* love *body roll* you *more intense body rolls*

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Fake Love who? Sorry, but I only know careless careless shoot anonymous.

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13 Reasons Why got me like 13 seasons, why?

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Jin: One bonus of being An Adult ™ is grossly misusing modern slang on purpose and watching the younger members cry inside

Jin: a fine example - the other day I pointed at a piece of artwork and, while looking Jimin right in the eye, went “Man, is that bae or what huh?” and the look on his face was something I will treasure for years

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If you like *insert song here from LY:Tear* you might like:

Intro: Singularity

2nd Thots (Jay Park)

Jenga (Heize)

Galaxy (Ladies’ Code)

Fake Love

Irresistible Lips (BTOB)

Eternity (VIXX)

I Wait (DAY6)

The Truth Untold (전하지 못한 진심)

Fool (Winner)

Last Dance (Big Bang)

Only Tears (Infinite)

134340

Blue Moon (Monsta X)

Cinema (Zion.T)

Hangang (Hoody)

Paradise (낙원)

Perfect Girl (Monsta X)

Lady Luck (EXO)

Baby Don’t Like It (NCT 127)

Love Maze

Dally (Hyolyn)

Turn Off Your Phone Remix (Jay Park)

Night (Taeyeon)

Magic Shop

Beautiful (EXO)

Wake Me Up (Taeyang)

Kontrol (Kim Sunggyu)

Airplane pt. 2

Tequila (G.Soul)

Mona Lisa (MBLAQ)

Obliviate (IU)

Anpanman

OMG (Double K)

Doin’ Good (KittiB)

Echo (Seven O’ Clock)

679 (Fetty Wap lol) (or anything Fetty Wap tbh)

So What

I Wanna Love (Teen Top)

Back to You (Beast)

Wave (R3hab, Amber, Luna)

Outro: Tear

Illusion (C Jamm)

Soul (Epik High)

Put ‘em Up (Jay Park and Ugly Duck)

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it’s ok. i’m just freaking out because Ne-Yo is my OG bb, and my bebz have met my ultimate beb. i’m fine. i’m whatever.

the saga continues

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Yoongi: Before calling me… ask yourself… is this textable?