lazvent

[lazvent]

coooooollllll yeah no push away my advances n go jerk off instead yeah that’s fine i don’t care

[lazvent]

what the fuck is fucking wrong with me what the fuck

[lazvent]

i’m not gonna relapse but fuck me i feel sick

[lazvent]

i actually feel disgusting

[lazvent]

me when my bf cannot fucking stand to touch me but is happy to leave his gf to make out with this fucking guy

[lazvent]

nobody wants me they just want him they just want him i’m not skinny i’m not shy i’m not a bottom i’m not a nervous little smol bean type bullshit i hate it i hate it i hate it i’m trying so hard and he isn’t he doesn’t even care i hate it

[lazvent]

i miss this a lot. like. so fucking much. i miss him cuddling me, telling me he misses me n wanting me to come over,,, him telling me he loves me n he want to be with me. him calling me pet names n i just fucking miss it. i hate that what meant everything to me means nothing to him. he promised me he wouldn’t leave me n we would still play games n still be friends. he doesn’t fucking care anymore. i mean literally nothing to him now. n it fucking kills me.

[lazvent]

i’m thinking about jamie a lot again. i miss him a lot. i miss how we used to be. i keep re reading old texts n just, wishing for it to be then again

[lazvent]

i think it hurts knowing i’m not worth it. he says he loves me and he wants to be with me but he can’t do polyamory but, if he loved me he would try? at least? i want. to be worth it. i want to be worth fighting for .

[lazvent]

my feelings currently?

i miss him. i miss him so much. i want to play games with him i want to call him i want to hang out with him i want to wake up to his messages and be all giddy and stupid n blushing: but he hurt me so so much and i just am not ready. i just. miss him.

so, it’s been a while. i’m gonna do a debriefing of the whole callum s drama. bc. jesus.

so go spoons on callum (bf) birthday. don’t talk much but get along pretty good. exchanged instas, talk every day for weeks. hang out in person. get close. a lot of flirting. a lot of tension. helps me build my pc and my whole gaming setup. is amazing and kind and pretty and funny n cute n everything. - catch feelings- we go watch the fnaf movie, get closer and closer, rest my head on his shoulder, he gets a semi. halloween. we have a party. kiss and cuddle. he sleeps in my bed, i go in in the morning and we cuddle, he gets hard, i leave. we keep talking all day every day playing games on vc just all the time together. he comes over to see me. we cuddle and he asks me to play with his hair. i do. he asks me to pull his hair, i do. he asks me to close my eyes and he starts touching himself. i am uncomfortable. i ask if he wants to make out and kinda go from there. he said i’m making it weird. i leave and he tries to get me to come back and sleep with him while i am having a panic attack. i go in the next morning and yell at him, calling him a narcissist and a prick and telling him that he leads me on and makes me seem obsessed. he asks me to leave; we pretend it never happened. we keep talking. 4 days later, i send him a video of me playing the ukulele and he completely ignores it and talks about how horny he is. he sends me a cumming audio. i tell him the next day that made me uncomfortable. i don’t want to be in this friendship anymore. and i blocked him.

that is it. that is the whole situation

[lazvent]

so, it’s been a while. i’m gonna do a debriefing of the whole callum s drama. bc. jesus.

so go spoons on callum (bf) birthday. don’t talk much but get along pretty good. exchanged instas, talk every day for weeks. hang out in person. get close. a lot of flirting. a lot of tension. helps me build my pc and my whole gaming setup. is amazing and kind and pretty and funny n cute n everything. - catch feelings- we go watch the fnaf movie, get closer and closer, rest my head on his shoulder, he gets a semi. halloween. we have a party. kiss and cuddle. he sleeps in my bed, i go in in the morning and we cuddle, he gets hard, i leave. we keep talking all day every day playing games on vc just all the time together. he comes over to see me. we cuddle and he asks me to play with his hair. i do. he asks me to pull his hair, i do. he asks me to close my eyes and he starts touching himself. i am uncomfortable. i ask if he wants to make out and kinda go from there. he said i’m making it weird. i leave and he tries to get me to come back and sleep with him while i am having a panic attack. i go in the next morning and yell at him, calling him a narcissist and a prick and telling him that he leads me on and makes me seem obsessed. he asks me to leave; we pretend it never happened. we keep talking. 4 days later, i send him a video of me playing the ukulele and he completely ignores it and talks about how horny he is. he sends me a cumming audio. i tell him the next day that made me uncomfortable. i don’t want to be in this friendship anymore. and i blocked him.

that is it. that is the whole situation

[lazvent]

ah this, this one kinda hurts

[lazvent]

hdhdhdhhx heheheheh

[lazvent]

messages from the jamie situation

this hurts so much man. what am i meant to do.

[lazvent]

,my dad has cancer.

he has surgery and another scan soon to see if it’s spread. after the surgery he starts chemo. feels weird,

[lazvent]

also talking to new guy issac? he is cute! we have a date planned n i’m excited for itttt hehe i think at the least it’ll be fwb type thing (he is very hot n i would like to fuck him n make him cum down mu throat :3) but yeah!!! i like him he’s nice hehe

[lazvent]

the way, i fuck him. the way i make this man cum. pls i am, so lucky look at him hnnnnnn fuck am i horny? yes mind ur business but fuck man i want him