lcstpadawan

[lcstpadawan]

cravked​:

a brow arched at him for just a moment when he offered a warning to his next words, though as soon as he stepped forward, it was immediate obvious that he was doing. trilla let out a sigh that was just noisy enough to be dramatic in nature, though they don’t move to stop him. instead, they tense slightly only to ensure that she did not shift her weight too drastically to make it more difficult for him to get inside of the hammock with her. once he had settled in across from him, they drew their flesh leg up, crossing it on top of the opposite thigh to offer a little more room for him. it was big enough for them both to fit without a problem, but not enough to get away with no bodily contact.

“i’ve noticed. amazing what a difference it makes when i stop trying to screw you over, isn’t it?” there was a wry dryness to their tone, making light of it, though there was little doubt that she had dedicated herself to truly repenting for all that they had done in the past. as uncharacteristically shy as trilla felt at the prospect of actually acknowledging her emotions out loud, there was no sense in trying to deny that their dynamic had shifted rather drastically given where they had started. but there was also an obvious difference between them, still – he was a jedi and she was not. a beat passed. “i enjoy the time that we spend together. beyond just the younglings. but you have a loyalty to the order.”

as far as cal knows, neither of them are particularly prepared for what this is becoming. cal knows he’s not. with the republic having turned into the empire while he was so young, cal’s life has been full of trying to keep safe, hiding from the empire, from the inquisitors. and it’s not as though growing up within the order really.. prepared him for how he feels with trilla now. whatever they are, what they’re becoming, he figures they’re discovering it together. which is comforting in itself, for cal at least.

“well yeah, that definitely helps. i mean i doubt i was ever gonna be this friendly with someone who was constantly trying to kill me or use me somehow.” he can’t help but laugh, absolutely no heat behind his words. all of that.. it’s behind them, now. trilla’s a different person now. he doesn’t want to.. rush this conversation though, or whatever sits behind it all. that’s the last thing either of them need. he can understand where she’s coming from. it’s all they’ve ever been told - attachment was never an option for jedi. and when he was younger, he didn’t question it. but things change. he’s changed - they both have. “i do have a loyalty to the order. but i have a loyalty to.. myself and the people i care about, too. i have a responsibility to let myself live my life. the order wasn’t.. always around, and i’m not gonna let myself fall back into thinking my entire life has to be the order and nothing else.” pausing, cal turns his head to look at trilla, suddenly struck by just how close they are - something that brings a comfortable sort of smile to his face. “trilla, i don’t wanna - make some big call on what.. this is. what i know is i like the time we spend together. i’ve liked where things have been going, i like where things are still going. i feel.. different when i’m around you, and it’s not exactly something i want to just throw away. and if you - feel the same, i wanna.. figure out what that can be. i’d want us to figure that out together.”

[lcstpadawan]

cravked​:

a slightly annoyed hmmm could be heard from the relative cocoon that they were caught up inside of, but there was no real irritation toward it, an act. trilla had put on the act for much longer than they had known him, but it had gradually chipped away, lost its edge and its efficiency. part of it was that she just couldn’t be that way with the younglings, but it ran deeper than that. she had grown tired of it all. they had never wanted to be that person to begin with, tortured and broken into it. it had been a very slow, painful realization that they did not have to be that way forever. it was not a life-sentence. even eighth knew that.

“and here i thought i was the cruel one,” they remarked, shifting just enough so that it was easier to peak their head out of the hammock and look at him. she wasn’t sure if he would fumble his way into the hammock with her, like they’d done with younglings, or stand there. “well, i suppose it’s one of the few instances where avoiding it may not help…” the sigh that followed their words was overdramatic. “but i’m not going first.”

there’s an ease to being around trilla now, something cal never thought he’d feel around them. something that’s.. grown so naturally over time, developed in a way he never could’ve expected but.. now can’t imagine not having. even the sound of annoyance she makes is different, no real edge or genuine annoyance behind it anymore. they’ve... changed, become another version of themselves - maybe not the version they were before the empire, but certainly not the version they made her either. and cal’s changed, too - it’s impossible not to, after everything. he just never figured that would.. bring them here.

he laughs softly as he watches them shift in the hammock, clearly comfortable. and as much as he doesn’t want to disturb her, it feels awkward as hell to just be standing here. “yeah, well - i’m about to get even more cruel, hang on -” with way more grace than people typically assume he has, cal manages to ease his way into the hammock with them without causing too much movement or unbalance. “that’s fine, i can... go first.” okay, but what does he want to say? cal has no idea, if he’s being completely honest. it’s not like he has a lot of experience with this, and it’s not like he expected it to happen with trilla. all he can do is be.. honest, he supposes. however ridiculous he knows he’s gonna sound. “things have.. changed. between us. even before the kiss. in a good way, if that wasn’t obvious. i didn’t really realise what it meant until then, but uh. i have a pretty good idea now.”

[lcstpadawan]

MENA MASSOUD // have you met CAL KESTIS yet? HE is a THIRTY year old CISMALE HUMAN. they’re originally from CORUSCANT and now show loyalty to THE NEW REPUBLIC. they are best known for being a JEDI KNIGHT, and i hear they’re pretty RESOURCEFUL yet also NAIVE at times; i hope they survive the galactic civil war.

L O A D I N G : // …  8ABY : MONTH TWO … //

cal’s main focus hasn’t changed - his priority is still to protect and train the younglings, and help younglings across the galaxy

he’s still doing this with the help of trilla, ahsoka, and meetra

while the younglings had been moved to trilla’s very secret hideout planet when the location of the jedi temple on yavin 4 was revealed to the remains of the empire, recent events have made him re-evaluate things

given the state of the communications, and the series of attacks, he feels the risk of higher to stay isolated without support and communication. the younglings, as well as cal, have moved back to the jedi temple where the order at large can help protect them.

cal himself is working on getting stronger as much as possible, and is working to continue to develop his skills so he can do everything he can to protect the younglings

on top of that, in the midst of the chaos at the consortium, the chaos and impact of their emotions, cal and trilla came face to face with their connection and their developing emotions towards each other.

original intro // timeskip

[lcstpadawan]

jedixmaverick​:

          quinlan wasn’t sure how much cal had been told about what had happened to quinlan almost thirty years ago, but the kiffar had a feeling that since the whole thing was due to the council’s misguided belief that they had the upper moral ground, it wasn’t likely the situation would’ve been shared with anyone not directly involved. still quinlan would feel like he was lying if they never talked about it, later, a voice in the back of his head said. 

        another nod, and an overwhelming feeling of pride filling quinlan after cal’s words. and then finally they reach the source. and the closer to it, the stronger the pull, but also the bigger the worries. why does it desire to be held so badly? quinlan could not help but wonder. ❝do you have any idea what it might be?❞ quinlan asks taking a few tentative steps towards it, ❝cal, i— i don’t like keeping things from the order❞ he was talking mainly about obi-wan, possibly only about obi-wan, ❝but i have a feeling this not something we can share with the others, not until we know what it is, and why—❞ why the call feels so strong, and yet like what they are doing is not right. ❝we should take a look at it together but not right now, not when…❞ quinlan pointed towards the way the ballroom would be, ❝but we cannot leave it here.❞ 

approaching the item in question, the strange sensation gets stronger. the need to be held, to share whatever history it holds, cal can feel it basically bouncing around the room, trying to find a way to boar into his head, convince him to forget everything else going on and just focus on the item, but it’s not that simple. there’s a very real, very dangerous threat right outside, and they can’t just ignore that for whatever this is. still.. call follows quinlan’s lead, peering towards it without getting too close - cal knows, if he gets too close he won’t be able to resist.

“agreed. whatever it is - leaving it here isn’t a good idea.” cal says, though he doesn’t take his eyes off it right away. over the years cal’s learned how to control and manage the sensations he gets from different items at random moments, but this isn’t like those. this is too strong to just walk past. “i can get it out of here.” he offers, finally tearing his eyes away to look over at quinlan. whatever it is he doesn’t want to read it on his own, but this isn’t the time. he knows that. “hopefully my ship’s still in one piece. i can take it and get it out until we can.. look at it properly. then we tell the council, once we know what it is.”

[lcstpadawan]

cravked​:

@lcstpadawan​   //   cal kestis.

the deep night sky was sprinkled with stars and two full moons leaving more than enough light to navigate outside without eye strain. when it had been just her alone here, during stretches of nice weather, they had set up a hammock to enjoy the fresh air. trilla had several of them now for the younglings, but not exclusively for them. after they’d gotten back here, they’d both been preoccupied with tending to the younglings, even catching up with her own exhaustion. she’s not precisely happy with the new prosthetic that she had, but it was functional. plus, it had been funny to see the youngling’s reactions, given that she’d always concealed it from them. 

trilla could see him before they heard him, like a warm tickle in the back of their mind. she didn’t peak up from the cocoon of the hammock. “if you’re trapping me out here to talk because of how hard these are to get in and out of, that’s hardly fair.” defensiveness was still a default, though there was a lightness to their tone.

settling the younglings in is never really a chore, at the end of the day. cal likes the time he has with them, and it really is their biggest priority not only to protect the kids but to make sure they’re doing well, that they feel like this is what they want, the life they’re happy living. but today.. cal can’t help but want to wrap things up a little more quickly. it feels like the right time to talk about what happened. about what it means for them. what he.. wants it to mean. and hopefully what she wants it to mean.

once the last of them had settled, cal stepped outside and found trilla easily, smiling at the sight of her relaxed in a hammock, looking very relaxed. and he’s glad - he wants them to relax, to be okay, to take the time to recover after their recent stresses. “was it a strategic play? maybe. you’re never gonna know for sure.” he throws back easily, a warm smile on his face. the night air is still, not too cold, comfortable, and the sky is clear. it’s such a nice night - and cal doesn’t want to waste it. “you’re right about us talking, though. if you’re up for it.”

[lcstpadawan]

jedixmaverick​:

           a smile that quinlan had intended would convey how glad they were to see cal again, turns sadder as the thoughts of everything he did against the order fill his mind, had cal know about his betrayal? when quinlan listed the people that had pulled him back from the dark side, the then padawan was featured in that list. shaking the thoughts away, quinlan focused on the present again, there would be time to talk about the past, he hoped, there was so much he wanted to ask cal, for now it would have to be enough that it looked like they had survived the slaughter of the jedi at the hand of the empire.

          ❝i- i don’t know what it is, or even what could it be❞ he had study plenty of artifacts in his time, the work he did for the order would often taken him across the galaxy, but the way everything seemed to pale in comparison to the need to reach the source of the call, it was nothing he had experience before. ❝it almost feels like its alive, doesn’t it?❞ quinlan asks, feeling like he can trust cal with his hesitation, ❝i worry we might not like what we find❞ the kiffar says with a nod and walks in the direction cal pointed.

no matter how many times cal comes across these situations, it doesn’t get any easier to manage the surprise. to see all these long dead jedi, those he’d grown up watching, believing in, learning from - seeing them now, after all he’s seen and learned and been through. quinlan, though... he seems closest to the nomadic jedi knight cal can remember, even if still a little different in the force, somehow. in a way cal’s familiar with, if he thinks too hard about it, but - now’s not the time.

hopefully they both make it out of here alive and he can ask about it later, maybe.

nodding in agreement, cal’s gaze is fixed on the direction the voice is coming from. he’s not sure he’s ever heard anything like it - he can sense items in the vicinity of course, and his abilities have grown stronger, but.. this is something else. something new. “that’s okay, i’m used to not liking what i find half the time.” he says with a weak chuckle, gaze shifting back towards quinlan. “whatever it is - i’d rather we find it and.. deal with whatever it is, than leave it and risk whatever it could mean for someone who’s not ready for it.”

[lcstpadawan]

cravked​:

there’s a brief pause, and in that short moment, trilla’s heart was gripped with a fear that they had managed to ruin everything that they had managed to build in the last three years: enemies tasked with a similar goal, begrudgingly acquaintances, nearly friendship –– till that had taken a sharp left turn when they had nearly ruined it. but since then, it had taken a different change of pace. they had changed, learned how to be a person again, even if they were too stubborn to just make it easy for cal. but they were no longer just two people with a shared cause. they had become friends. she cared, as much as she claimed to hate it. but she didn’t hate the person that she’d become, even if they were occasionally sheepish about it, not in the way they loathed the person the empire had made them.

“don’t–” oh, it’s too late. cal had already managed to say something that she hated. the huff they let out wasn’t quite as dignified as she would have liked, nor was the awkward scoot of her foot closer to him so she’s not leaning toward him, but standing straight with a more natural balance. it just so happened to be slightly closer to him than before. “we still need to get out of here, and you’re still not carrying me.” at least she could still assert that piece of stubbornness. “new. that’s practically an insult. you could at least say it was nice.” for all of the changes that they had gone through, she still was no more adept at offering up vulnerability without an equal dose of defensiveness.

he knows saying something like that is going to make them react with a huff or a roll of her eyes or something, but cal can’t help it. this is new. not just for them but in general. it’s not like cal’s had the time to run around experimenting and finding out what - this kind of thing would be. not when you grow up a jedi. it’s just not part of life. and despite that, despite the great big unknown of all this, and despite the fact that he and trilla never could’ve imagined this being where their path would lead them.. it doesn’t feel scary, it doesn’t feel wrong or weird. not to cal, at least. and he hopes not to them, either.

letting out a soft chuckle at her very predictable response, cal glances around to make sure they’re still not in immediate danger. nothing about this situation is safe, but - it seems they’ve managed to catch a few minutes where no one’s trying to actively kill them, not right now. “agreed, i - hey, come on! that’s not fair. i didn’t not say it was nice. you took me by surprise!” he protests immediately, very much aware that trilla is standing somewhat closer to him now than they had been previously but he knows if he points that out she will move, and that’s definitely not something he wants. eyes darting around the area, he spots a possible exit point through the smoke and the panicked crowds. “that way -” he says, gesturing vaguely towards it before putting an arm around her as a support and leading her towards the jagged hole in the wall, trying to take the weight her leg would ordinarily. “and - it was nice, by the way.”

[lcstpadawan]

jedixmaverick​:

          quinlan could sense obi-wan’s distress, somehow yelling at him through the force to just blast a damn hole on the armory did not seem to help dissipate his old friend’s concern. as much as the kiffar did not want to leave the battle, they knew that obi-wan was right, getting weapons to as many people as possible was their best shot. so quinlan reluctantly followed obi-wan’s force signature to the armory. except he never made it that far, as there was something stronger calling out for them.

         its an overwhelming feeling, and quinlan cannot walk away from it, its as if every cell in his body wants to find it, whatever it might be, because suddenly quinlan is in the middle of a hallway and the call is so overpowering that they almost miss another voice calling out to them. the force signature is so familiar even if the voice is one he’s never heard before, at least not like it sounds now. ❝cal?❞ quinlan asks and his voice is almost breaking, because little cal kestis is almost as old as him, ❝cal you’ve grown so much❞ but there would be time to reminisce later they hope, because if cal is here… ❝you feel it too, don’t you?❞ quinlan asks, their gift is after all not shared by many, and through it the force grants them things it does not to others.

in a different place and time, he might be inclined to stop and laugh, savour the moment of reuniting with yet another mentor. and quinlan certainly is a mentor, a unique one at that - their gift in the force is rare, cal’s never come across anyone else who has it except master voss. though, really, he had it first so it’s probably the other way around. “yeah, it’s.. been a while. i was bound to grow a little.” he says with a weak laugh, but his amusement doesn’t last long. between the chaos upstairs and the strange.. something calling to him down here, they have bigger priorities.

his expression turns more serious as he nods his head, turning his gaze towards the direction of the voice - if they could even call it that, really. “do you know what it is?” he asks quietly, a little unsure. cal wants to believe he can trust his instincts and what he’s hearing, what he’s feeling, but after the past few years.. well, it’s good to have quinlan here, to know that this isn’t just something going wrong in his head. “it’s coming from over there, i think -” he gestures towards the end of the hall, looking for a sign of a door, a room, anything that this sensation could be leading them towards.

[lcstpadawan]

cravked​:

“you should tell that to your ruined jacket. i should’ve just let you wear a damn poncho.” he was still himself, despite it all. truthfully, it was having more of an effect on her than she wanted to admit. to stay open to the force, even recognizing that whatever those things were, they somehow could not be sensed in it… in a moment like this, it was painful. their body was still primed for action, her heart still pounded in her chest. he was grounding for her, stabilizing, beyond just the physical grip of her hand on his arm, and his on hers.

another weary glance is given at the blood. most of it did look like it had already dried into the fabric, and a proper healing trance would probably be sufficient, but that required safety, stability, none of which was offered here. from the looks of things, they were both lucky to be alive. that wasn’t something that they could ignore. “cal,” they started and stopped, taking an unsteady breath. it wasn’t common she actually called him by his first name. “you could have died. even their weapons were unlike anything that i’ve ever seen. i’m not underestimating you, i’m…” using my eyes was what they wanted to say. something objective, logical. but it wasn’t that straightforward for her anymore. he wasn’t just anyone in the midst of all of this. before she could stop and convince herself that it was a horrible idea, trilla tightened their grip on his arm, and kissed him.

“maybe next time you’ll listen to me and let me wear what i want. might even let me bring bd-1 to things like this.” he points out with a sense of amusement - as if it’s ever going to happen, despite the fact that the droid would no doubt be useful if he were here. there’s no real heat behind his words though, he just wants to try and ease some of trilla’s concern over his injury. it’s not ideal, and he’s sure it’s going to hurt like hell later, but for the time being the bleeding’s slowed and he can manage without fussing over it too much. he just needs to focus on getting trilla somewhere safe and figuring out what they do next.

he doesn’t quite expect the air between them to shift the way it does, things settling a little differently as trilla speaks his name. his first name, at that. something they so rarely use. there’s so much to try and account for, so much to do, but for a moment cal can’t help but watch them, see the rare emotion play across their face as they speak and - oh, cal wasn’t expecting that. his mind stalls as trilla’s lips press to his, heart pounding in his chest, though he’s fairly sure his breathing stops. he’s never.. done this, embarrassingly, so all he can really rely on is instinct. all he knows is it feels soft and surprisingly and - kind of great. cautiously, his hand moves from trilla’s arm to settle on their shoulder, careful not to move in too close but certainly leaning into her space a little more, and he certainly feels like a walking cliche when he breaks off the kiss to breathe and feels his eyes flutter open in surprise. “so, that’s.. uh. new, for us.” he says a little slowly, a pleased sort of smile on his face despite the danger they’re both still in.

[lcstpadawan]

event starter for @jedixmaverick !

the armoury. that’s what cal rushed down here looking for. so far he’s managed to make it relatively unscathed, but he can only defend himself without a weapon for so long. and - well, making this lightsaber was hard enough given the circumstances, cal’s hardly going to leave without it. why is this place like a goddamn maze? he thinks as he hurries down the stairs to the the lower floor, trying to figure out where they would’ve kept the lightsabers, when something calls to him.

coming to a skidding stop, cal looks around rapidly in an attempt to locate where this particular call has come from. but there’s nothing obvious, and it doesn’t.. sound like a normal voice. doesn’t sound like it’s just coming through the hallways - it’s reaching out to him through the force, something.. unexpected. the need to find his lightsaber is still there, but it can wait - for now, he follows the voice, tracing it through the force as best as he can. he’s getting closer, he can feel it, it can’t be far away now, but - he senses something else. someone else. it can’t be the new enemies above, they don’t exist in the force, which is weird enough in itself. no, this is something else. something.. someone.. oh, i know this presence.. “..master voss?” cal’s voice is soft, a little unsure as it echoes off the stone around him, hoping he hasn’t just given himself away to a foe rather than a friend.

[lcstpadawan]

cravked​:

survival had been the utmost priority. it had been a long time since trilla had been able to do that in a way that did not immediately sabotage those around her for their own personal gain, and there was something gratifying about that –– but little time to feel anything other than the adrenaline buzzing underneath their skin. slowing down with a wobbling, splintering cane only allow for it to begin to set in. but much of it felt drowned out by the relief of seeing cal in one piece, even if they can see the deep maroon stain of his jacket. far from a graze, but at least his arm was still attached to his body.

“i’m fine, it was just the prosthetic.” even if her prosthetic had been expensive and well-maintained, it was replaceable. the woman who had watched her remove it seemed more disturbed than they felt. despite her verbal denial, as cal came nearer, trilla did reach out, gripping onto his non-injured shoulder for a sense of better stability. “what? kriff, no, you’re not carrying me. don’t be ridiculous. i’m not a child and you’ll hurt yourself with your shoulder like that.” they’re defensiveness is normal, the open concern was… becoming it, but still not quite there. her heart was still beating rapidly, cheeks flushed. she wasn’t used to being overwhelmed, not like this. a sense of panic threatened the base of her throat and she swallowed the sudden lump. “you can’t keep bleeding like that, you’re going to faint.”

cal’s expecting the exact response he gets from trilla if he’s being honest, so it doesn’t come as a surprise. if there wasn’t such panic and fear in the air around them he’d probably laugh - with everything going on, he just manages a small smile at their words. he’s pretty sure if trilla let herself be carried out he’d never hear the end of it. and - well, okay, he probably shouldn’t carry anyone in his current condition, but he’d rather risk a little harm to his shoulder than risk anything happening to her because of her leg.

“you know, one day you’re gonna stop underestimating me.” he points out, the same small smile still on his face, though he’s doing his best to stay as aware of his surroundings as he can. the last thing he wants is for either of them to get caught out by the enemy because they weren’t paying attention - especially an enemy they can’t seem to find in the force. his expression softens a little at her concern, though, a combination of surprise and appreciation. it’s not that trilla hasn’t expressed care for him before, but this feels.. different. this makes something swell a little in his chest. not for the first time around them, he’s noticed lately. he rests a hand on her arm, now outstretched between them, to try and offer a little more steadiness. “i’m fine, it looks a lot worse than it is. most of the bleeding’s slowed down anyway so it just looks terrible. right now i just wanna get you out of here.” where to from there, he’s not sure - it sounds like chaos outside too - but at least he can find somewhere safe.

[lcstpadawan]

cravked​:

@lcstpadawan​   //   cal kestis.

it felt like everything had happened all at once. there had not been time to stop or think, to look for anyone specific –– only to survive, to help others do the same, and to fight back. that instinct had come naturally. trilla had only been slowed down by the destruction of their prosthetic leg, wearily using the broken leg of a high-top table as a cane to move. but her motivation to move rose once again when she saw him, inhaling sharply and ignoring the skip of her heart beating in her chest, moving as quickly as their body would allow them to over toward him. “you’re hurt.” it’s an accusation, like the words might serve as an insult. “how badly?”

sometimes the galaxy and whatever seems to power it is a real asshole. for a long time now, the scar on his shoulder has served as a good reminder of the life he’d been fortunate enough to escape, a reminder of vader’s torture and what he would have taken, had cal broken and turned to the dark side. to feel one of those staffs shear right through his shoulder at that exact spot feels like someone’s playing a joke on him - but cal can’t afford to get lost thinking about that now. this is definitely not the time to get trapped reliving that point in his life, he can process it later. maybe.

with quinlan’s help he managed to fight them off enough to retreat, adrenalin in his body keeping the worst of the pain at bay as he searches through the crowd to see - oh no - “trilla - your leg, we need to get you out of here -” he says immediately as he reaches them, barely even registering the question. he knows they can more than take care of themselves and he knows he’s about to get told off for insinuating they can’t, but she can barely walk without aid at the moment and the last thing cal wants is for her to get hurt anymore than she probably already has. even just the thought of it is - no. he can’t let that happen. “i’m fine, it just grazed me.” he waves off the question as he looks her over for any further injuries. just a graze is clearly an understatement given the blood soaked into his coat, but cal at least knows it’s not life threatening. “can you walk or - do you wanna lean on me? i figure you’re not gonna let me carry you but i’m not letting you hobble around on your own.”

[lcstpadawan]

mvchinery​:

“it would be,” she says, & she tries not to sound too wistful. there’s a selfish part of her that’s glad cal drops the subject, if only so that it doesn’t become painfully aware that she’s desperately dreaming of that impossible day, too. if this was a galaxy where everyone got what they deserved, it would come, she thinks, at least for cal. but that’s not this galaxy. “i’m still trying to decide what i think of this new order,” she admits, biting her lip slightly. “but … one day, i think it would be nice to teach.” she had always wanted to, when she was younger. “it’s alright, cal. i do want to hear your opinion. it’s … important to me.”

cal can understand the skepticism. over the years, he’s learned the way the jedi order had handled things maybe.. hadn’t been ideal. and given where it lead the galaxy, a bit of concern probably isn’t the worst thing in the world. but he wants to have faith in the order, and it feels.. right to be part of it again. he needs it, even if it’s not perfect. “they’re.. trying. trying to be different. i don’t know - i was so young during the clone wars so i don’t.. know much of the specifics of how things were before, beyond that i experienced with my master. but from what i’ve learned - they’re trying to be better, now.” he says gently, a small smile on his face. cal can’t help but hope that being part of the order again is.. healing him, little by little. “i think you’d be a great teacher, though. you’ve got the temperament for it. and - honestly, if you wanted to help with the younglings i wouldn’t complain. i trust you, and - they can be a lot, sometimes.”

[lcstpadawan]

cravked​:

it took a remarkable amount of self-control to keep theirself from spiraling about this further than what they already had. controlling her emotions was something that she had unwillingly become good at, learning how to suppress it –– that wasn’t a lesson that she had learned from cere, no. cere had taught her how to use her emotions to her advantage, how to use them to take care of those around her. that was what they were doing now, here, with the younglings. the empire had forced that into her when they had stolen her name and given her a number. she needed to be rational about this. living life on the run after the rift had brought her back had not been in their best interest. but it had kept her safe. kept her alive. 

“i don’t know.” three quiet words, three words that every piece of their being loathed to admit. trilla wanted to know all of the answers, all of the time –– found it easier to lie and pretend she knew something, then go back and figure it out later, rather than admit that they didn’t know. a fatal flaw, one that she wasn’t willing to let hurt the younglings. “i know that tracking us here would be virtually impossible. maybe we should be slightly more connected out here. enough that we can know what’s going on out there.” when they had first settled on the backwater planet, they had made sure to keep theirself cut off. no commlinks, no holopads, nothing. it wasn’t as extreme now, but the evidence of what it had been was clear. she took a deep breath, letting it out a sigh. this was certainly going to be a bruise to their ego. “maybe you’re right not to cut yourself off from everyone and everything.” she could probably handle the fallout of that statement. probably.

it’s not his intention to freak trilla out, of course, but cal can’t help but try and prompt them to think a little deeper on what they’re saying. relocating all the younglings now, when they’re finally settling, isn’t really ideal. especially not when they know the kids are safe here. that doesn’t mean there aren’t some things they can do differently or better, but uprooting everything now isn’t ideal. he hopes trilla can see that.

he tries not to react at trilla’s words, openly admitting they don’t know. it’s hard not to, because he knows how much trilla hates admitting something like that, but that’s exactly why he doesn’t react. much. he can’t help the small smile that flickers across his features though. he’s not sure exactly why - maybe it’s because.. they finally feel comfortable enough around him to admit something like that. force, they’ve come a long way, haven’t they? “okay, that’s.. doable.” cal agrees slowly, mind already turning on the best way to achieve what trilla’s describing without needing to move the younglings while also keeping this planet secret and safe. he’s so busy trying to figure it out when trilla surprises him yet again - “i - what?” he asks in shock, eyebrows shooting up for a moment. the smile is back again - not intended to be mean, but that little relief that they would admit something like that to him is such a big deal. “well - i mean, okay. we.. we can work with that.” he says warmly, trying very hard not to make a big deal. which is really damn hard, but cal’s giving it his best shot. he really is. “maybe we allow more communication. maybe.. someone on the council can know our location so they’re able to provide support and updates as we need it. there’s - options here we can work with without compromising things.”

[lcstpadawan]

jedixcode​:

         the concept of starting over was still very hard for obi-wan to wrap his head around, rebuilding, specially with all the changes going around. for him it’s only been months since he was in a council meeting detailing the plans for their attack on geonosis. after the initial shock had passed, obi-wan scoffed at the realization of why the separatists had known their exact plan. and now, now he felt out of place, as if he wasn’t worth keeping around. these people, cal, ahsoka, luke, every force sensitive that had survived the empire deserved a place in this new order far more that obi-wan. he truly believed they were not only the future of the order, but the reason they were still standing. 

       ❝kestis❞ obi-wan greeted the jedi with a smile. it had been an easy choice to side with cal when the topic of ensuring the safety of the younglings was brought up, sure there was the topic of them not actually knowing where they were to be kept, but obi-wan believed trust had to be earned, and if they wanted the new generation to trust the old, then they had to give them the same courtesy. maybe it was his guilt at having abandoned the remaining jedi and force sensitives to be hunted by the empire for two decades while he was in exile, but obi-wan felt his contribution should be as backup. 

       ❝i might have arrived a bit early but i needed to get out of yavin❞ obi-wan said with a relaxed tone and a dismissive hand gesture, ❝no problem❞ he reassured the young jedi, ❝we will provide anything you might need, including extra hands if you need them, it doesn’t have to be ours❞ obi-wan said meaning the other members of the order, not everyone had decided to return or join, but if cal trusted any of them so would obi-wan. ❝how are things going? younglings can be a handful at times…❞

it’s hard not to get overwhelmed in these situations. obi-wan kenobi is a legend, a hero, the jedi master known for being one of the most skilled and incredible in the order, back during the clone wars. the general who could often do what no one else could. to even be at the point of working with him like this, to be able to experience this as a jedi, not as a tiny padawan still learning the basics in the midst of a war. it’s.. surreal, and cal’s doing his best to remember he’s come a long way since then. that he’s.. earned this, to some degree.

“please - call me cal. really.” he says a little too quickly, a somewhat excited smile on his face. he wants to make the most of this time, even if they’re just exchanging supplies and whatever else. he can’t exactly bring obi-wan to see the younglings, so whatever time he can have with someone like him needs to be time well spent. “why - what’s going on? is everything okay over there?” he can’t help but feel a little guilty, leaving everyone else behind to deal with things while they go hide out somewhere safe but the younglings had to be the priority. cal couldn’t risk them. “i know. and i really appreciate that. i think.. right now, we’re okay. just making sure we have enough to take care of them helps a lot.” truth be told, if cal was going to ask anyone else for help obi-wan would be pretty close to the top of the list, it’s just.. it’s not his call, at the end of the day. “it’s.. alright. good it’s not just me and trilla or we’d have lost it by now. i think the kids are a little confused why they can’t come back, but there’s enough stuff out there to keep them entertained. they love bd-1 -” the droid trills quietly on his shoulder - “so he helps keep them busy, too.”

[lcstpadawan]

cravked​:

it was uncanny to find comfort in the presence of another, even if cal had become the exception to quite a few things in their life. the last time that trilla had truly trusted someone like that had been cere, and she had never been able to entirely forgive what her master had done. a few seconds of closure were not equivocal to years of suffering. they needed more from her, and the emperor’s rift had not granted them that much. but cal wasn’t cere, he certainly wasn’t her master. she knew that. it was the reason that she had let him get this close in the first place.

a deep breath pulled in through their nose, willing her heart to slow down a bit. she hadn’t realized that it was beating faster in the first place, blaming it simply on the tense stress that all of this had brought upon them. “nothing natural,” trilla assumed, unaware of any reported contradicting information. natural disasters happened all the time, even on large scales, but never in her life had there been something like this. “the younglings don’t know anything happened. none of them were able to sense it.” a good thing for them, certainly, to not have such a deep attachment to the force at their age. they didn’t know how they would have handled a cacophony of agonized children. “we’re ill-equipped out here, if something were to happen. maybe bringing them here wasn’t a good idea.” being cut-off from so much had seemed like a good thing at first, a safety measure, but now she wasn’t as convinced.

the way things have been for these past few years, cal’s learned to take the small mercies he can. knowing trilla’s alright - if a little shaken - is one. knowing the younglings are alright, that they didn’t feel it themselves, is another. he’s not sure any of them are particularly ready for such young beings, so new to the force, to feel something so wrenching and catastrophic. and of course they’d manage, but.. they don’t need to add to everything already going on. they need a break, too. god knows the both of them have had their ups and downs for - for too long, now. and having the younglings here, in a place that was their safe haven for such a long time.. cal can’t even imagine how it feels.

“good. i don’t even.. know how we would’ve covered that.” he says with a soft, relieved laugh. it doesn’t necessarily make it easier for either of them, but it’s good to have one less thing to worry about right now. watching trilla closely, cal can’t help the flash of confusion that moved over his face. “okay...” he says slowly, tilting his head to the side a little. arguing with trilla is a bad idea, he knows - neither of them need conflict right now, however minor it might be. and the last thing he wants is to shake them up even more. “what’s.. the alternative? we can’t take them to the temple with the location compromised. taking them to the new republic.. too much could go wrong. and i can’t keep that many kids in a ship on the move, either. and if we move them, it’s going to take time to re-coordinate with ahsoka and meetra and the others who are helping..” he trails off slowly, grimacing a little, hoping trilla sees his point. that this was the best choice for the younglings - that it still is, so long as they can keep the location safe. “is this.. because you really think they’re not safe here, or because of what you felt happen today?”

[lcstpadawan]

mvchinery​:

they smile gently, sympathetic. “i think everybody feels that way,” they say with a shrug. “i can’t blame you for it.” they can talk big game about patience, but it won’t change their own hurt & frustration with their healing process. giving advice has always been easier than following it. they hope that the words they have to offer can still help cal, though, as impossible as it sometimes seems. they shake their head, doing their best to make sure that their fond smile doesn’t fade. “oh, i don’t know about that. you’d expect a jedi master to be able to do a little more with the force than i can.”

“i know it’s impossible, but.. wouldn’t it be nice? after all this time, for stuff to just work..” he chuckles softly and shrugs a shoulder, doing his best to move on from that. it’s never going to be like that, cal knows. if he was going to have a life like that he would’ve had it by now. it’s long since time he got used to the fact that this is just.. it. and that’s okay, because he’s got people like meetra around to help him. “you’re more than capable, if that was what you wanted. i’m just saying. not that it matters, it’s not like anyone’s asking my opinion.”