lcvlettrs

[lcvlettrs]

⋆｡‧˚ʚ💋ɞ˚‧｡⋆ 𝐬𝐰𝐞𝐞𝐭 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐲𝐝𝐚𝐲 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞

❝ can you stay? just a little longer… ❞

❝ your hair's a mess… it’s perfect. ❞

❝ don’t move. you make the best pillow. ❞

❝ you always know exactly what i need. ❞

❝ i feel safe when i’m with you. ❞

❝ you smell like home. ❞

❝ you fell asleep on me… and i didn’t mind one bit. ❞

❝ you make rainy days feel like sunshine. ❞

❝ do you want to share a blanket? ❞

❝ you’re my favorite notification. ❞

❝ you’re glowing. like… you always glow, but today especially. ❞

❝ you’re too good to me. ❞

❝ i made you breakfast. it’s not great, but it’s made with love. ❞

❝ you can have the last bite. ❞

❝ i like the sound of your laugh more than my favorite song. ❞

❝ come closer. you’re too far away and i miss you. ❞

❝ i saved you the comfy side of the bed. ❞

❝ your sleepy face is my favorite thing. ❞

❝ you fell asleep holding my hand. ❞

❝ i wasn’t staring, i was admiring. ❞

❝ you’re wearing my hoodie… and now i’m never getting it back, huh? ❞

❝ i could listen to you talk about nothing all day. ❞

❝ you looked so peaceful, i didn’t want to wake you. ❞

❝ i want to learn everything about you, even the little things. ❞

❝ you make my heart feel soft. ❞

❝ you’re always so gentle with me. ❞

❝ i brought snacks and a movie. can we do nothing together? ❞

❝ you always remember the small things. it means so much. ❞

❝ i didn’t know love could feel like this. ❞

❝ i like it when you play with my hair. ❞

❝ you kissed me in your sleep last night. ❞

❝ i’d pause the world just to stay here with you. ❞

❝ you have no idea how much you mean to me. ❞

❝ it’s okay. you can fall apart with me. ❞

❝ you’re not alone anymore, okay? ❞

❝ just hearing your voice makes me feel better. ❞

❝ can i keep you forever? ❞

❝ you’re my favorite place to be. ❞

❝ i love you more than yesterday… and that’s saying something. ❞

[lcvlettrs]

Axel's chin tilts up, lip twisting upward at the edges. He feels as if he's been saved. It feels good to know that Taeyang doesn't see him like a disappointment, or worse, an ass. "Yeah, Yeah," he mutters, already following. "You sure seem mad.. Furious." He's pushing it, but it feels better to play along. What kind of mess would he be if Taeyang was actually mad at him. Probably a pathetic one.

His shoulder bumps Taeyang's on the way out. Puzzle pieces finding their way back into their perfect fitted slots. "C’mon, birthday boy. You’re getting extra fries, but only 'cause I'm feeling generous."

────── ୨୧ ⋆ ˚ 𝐒𝐎𝐌𝐄𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐍𝐆   𝐒𝐄𝐓𝐓𝐋𝐄𝐒   𝐈𝐍𝐒𝐈𝐃𝐄   𝐇𝐈𝐌   𝐀𝐒   𝐀𝐗𝐄𝐋   𝐒𝐍𝐎𝐑𝐓𝐒   —   not   quite   forgiveness,   but   something   close   to   it.   ❛   you   survived   it   last   time,   ❜   he   points   out,   remembering   how   they'd   leaned   close   over   the   shared   armrest,   arguing   about   bee   physics   in   whispers   while   the   other   kid   behind   them   kicked   their   seats.   not   that   the   solar   hero   actually   knows   much   about   that   anyway.   ❛   though   i'm   not   sure   you   qualify   as   a   man   of   incredible   patience   after   that   rant   about   the   court   scene.   ❜

the   memory   brings   another   genuine   smile   to   his   face,   unexpected   and   warm.

❛   who's   crying??   my   back's   fine.   just   because   you're   ancient   doesn't   mean   the   rest   of   us   are   falling   apart,   ❜   he   teases,   though   there's   no   malice   to   it.   just   their   familiar   rhythm   returning,   like   finding   his   footing   after   being   off-balance   for   too   long.

when   axel's   knuckles   brush   his   arm—   taeyang   feels   the   contact   like   a   small   spark   against   his   skin.   he   swallows   and   tries   not   to   read   too   much   into   the   gesture.   tries   not   to   be   too   touched   at   what   it   means   to   him.

❛   yeah,   okay,   ❜   it   feels   like   it's   the   truth   this   time.   then,   remembering   himself,   adds,   ❛   but   you're   buying.   birthday   rules   still   apply,   even   when   they're   late.   ❜

he   moves   toward   the   door,   pausing   just   long   enough   to   glance   back   at   ax.   ❛   and   i'm   still   mad   at   you,   ❜   he   lies,   but   the   slight   curve   of   his   lips   betrays   him   entirely.

[lcvlettrs]

Axel snorts and its more tender than it should be. Like maybe he's relieved. Like Taeyang’s smile knocks some of the weight loose from his chest. The suggestion Taeyang makes is so absurd, he knows it's to spite him.

"The Bee Movie?" Axel always had things to say when it was on around him. It brings back the memory from when they first watched it together on a plane ride. Their first abroad mission, in economy with a crying baby behind them while they debated the realisticness of the film. "You’re lucky I’m a man of incredible patience." His hand stays at the back of his neck, fingers pressing because he’s still figuring out how to stand in the space that’s no longer quite so tense. Who does he thank for the fact that Taeyang is so forgiving?

"Alright, deal," it's a little awkward, but honest in a way that’s impossible to miss. "Bee Movie, loaded fries, and, fine, you win. Pick the floor if you want, but don’t cry when your back’s all messed up after." He starts to grin but wipes it off his face. He doesn't want to push too far. Instead, his hand drops from his neck, knuckles brushing Taeyang’s arm, barely there, but deliberate. That's one.

"There's no better time than the present, right?" Not really a joke, it's more like a peace offering disguised as one, or an invitation that they should do it all now. That he doesn't want to wait.

─────── ୨୧ ⋆ ˚ ❛   𝐘𝐎𝐔   𝐃𝐎𝐍'𝐓   𝐇𝐀𝐕𝐄   𝐓𝐎—   ❜   𝐇𝐄   𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐑𝐓𝐒,   𝐁𝐔𝐓   𝐒𝐓𝐎𝐏𝐒   𝐇𝐈𝐌𝐒𝐄𝐋𝐅.   truth   is,   he   wants   this.   wants   axel   to   care   this   much.   his   skin   heats,   warmth   creeping   up   his   neck   in   a   way   that   makes   him   feel   too   obvious.

❛   burgers   and   a   movie,   huh?   ❜   he   aims   for   casual   but   lands   somewhere   more   delicate.   his   eyes   linger   on   axel’s   face   —   the   way   his   usual   edge   is   traded   for   something   quieter,   something   almost   vulnerable.   it   does   something   stupid   to   his   heart.

a   smile   breaks   through,   genuine   this   time.   ❛   fine.   but   you’re   sitting   through   the   bee   movie   with   me.   ❜   he   crosses   his   arms   ,   feigning   seriousness.   ❛   and   I   want   those   ridiculous   loaded   fries   from   that   place   downtown   —   the   ones   with   that   weird   cheese   sauce   you   hate.   ❜

his   gaze   flickers   away   before   axel   can   catch   whatever’s   bleeding   through   his   expression.   ❛   and   I   get   to   pick   where   we   sit.   no   whining   about   the   floor.   ❜

the   tension   in   his   shoulders   unknots   just   a   little,   that   hollow   feeling   in   his   chest   filling   with   something   warm.   He   won’t   admit   how   much   this   matters,   how   axel’s   stubborn   attempt   to   fix   things   has   already   glued   something   back   together   inside   him.

❛   this   better   be   the   best   apology   movie   night   ever,   ❜   he   mutters,   but   there’s   no   bite   to   it   —   just   the   slightest   curve   of   his   mouth,   betraying   how   axel   always   seems   to   know   exactly   how   to   pull   him   back.

[lcvlettrs]

"No, we’re not just... brushing this off. We’re not." Axel didn’t do 'letting go.' Not when it mattered. Not when he mattered. Taeyang mattered.

"I know I screwed up. Seriously, I know," Axel said, his voice cracking for just a second. He hated that. Hated the way he sounded like he might not be able to get it together, like he wasn’t as sure about this as he was about everything else in his life. "But..." He couldn’t find the words right away. The stupidest things ran through his head, like, I’ll buy you a puppy or Let me serenade you with 'happy birthday' in the middle of a crowded mall. As if he'd ever do that. But.. For Taeyang? Maybe he would? Yeah, he wasn’t that delusional. He wasn’t that stupid.

"Just... let me fix it," he blurted out. It storms out, awkward and clumsy. As soon as he said it, he knew it sounded ridiculous. Like he could just patch this up with a couple of words, like a hero in a cheesy movie who kissed the girl and made everything better. Yeah, right.

But God, he couldn’t just sit there and pretend things were fine. Not when Taeyang’s eyes were still red at the corners, not when he knew exactly what that quiet, simmering disappointment in Taeyang’s face was doing to him.

He took a deep breath, trying to figure out how to salvage this. His brain was a mess. He was a mess. But he was trying. That had to count for something, right?

"I mean..." Axel trailed off, testing the waters. "We could still do something. It doesn’t have to be big — not like, a cake fight or a full-on wrestling match over your birthday presents. But... I dunno." He rubbed the back of his neck, suddenly a mirror of his other half, embarrassed. "We could get burgers. Or cake. Or I’ll let you pick the worst movie ever and we can watch it until we both fall asleep in a pile of nachos."

His grin was lopsided, a little too strong on sharp features, like it didn’t quite fit his face, but his eyes? There was something different there. Something that said, I’m trying, okay?

"Just... let me make it up to you, okay?" he added, gentle this time. Maybe it was dumb. Maybe it was futile. But Axel wasn’t the kind of guy to just walk away (anymore) when it mattered. Not when Taeyang mattered.

And that was all that really mattered now.

─────── ୨୧ ⋆ ˚ 𝐌𝐀𝐘𝐁𝐄   𝐇𝐄   𝐒𝐇𝐎𝐔𝐋𝐃   𝐅𝐄𝐄𝐋   𝐒𝐎𝐌𝐄   𝐒𝐄𝐍𝐒𝐄   𝐎𝐅   𝐒𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐒𝐅𝐀𝐂𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍   —   watching   the   realization   bloom   across   axel’s   face   like   a   bruise.   but   it   doesn’t   feel   like   that.   instead,   it’s   this   awful,   crawling   feeling   —   like   he’s   just   done   something   wrong   —   and   taeyang’s   gaze   drifts   upward,   searching   the   ceiling   like   he’s   asking   for   mercy.   none   comes.   and   the   more   axel   speaks,   the   worse   it   gets.

❛   it’s…   fine.   ❜   (it’s   not.)   perhaps   it's   evident   in   the   way   his   tone   sounds   like   it’s   being   wrung   out   of   him.   ❛   it’s   been   a   while   anyway…   and   —   ❜   he   sighs,   deep   and   heavy,   like   he's   trying   to   expel   everything   he’s   holding   back.   ❛   it’s   stupid.   ❜   his   voice   comes   out   wet,   clinging   to   him   in   a   way   that   makes   him   feel   small   —   like   if   he   speaks   too   much,   he   might   just   start   crying.   he   doesn’t   want   that.   doesn’t   want   to   make   axel   feel   worse,   not   when   axel’s   already   got   his   own   mess   weighing   him   down.   taeyang   knows   who’s   really   been   on   his   mind   —   knows   it   even   if   neither   of   them   says   it   out   loud.   this   was   dumb.   he   was   dumb.   sensitive.

❛   we’re   not   kids   anymore,   ❜   he   says,   trying   to   brush   it   off,   like   if   he   says   it   casually   enough,   it   won’t   sting.   ❛   we   don’t   have   to   do   all   the   stupid   stuff.   ❜   he   means   the   traditions   —   the   messy,   loud   ones.   eating   with   their   fingers   and   getting   frosting   smeared   across   their   faces.   the   twenty-one   birthday   punches   he   should’ve   gotten   this   year.   it's   all   ridiculous   when   he   thinks   about   it   now   —   embarrassing   enough   that   he   wants   to   curl   up   and   hide.   ❛   and   it's   not   like   i   wanted   anything   big.   ❜   he   rushes   to   clarify,   voice   softer   now.   ❛   we   didn’t   need   anything...   i   didn’t   need   anything…   i   just…   ❜   his   words   trail   off,   dying   in   his   throat.   i   just   thought   i   was   important   to   you.   it   goes   unsaid   —   too   real,   too   honest   to   push   out   into   the   open.   he   just   didn’t   want   to   be   forgotten.   but   it’s   not   that   big   of   a   deal,   he   tells   himself.   he’s   being   stupid.

❛   you’re   not   an   idiot,   ❜   he   says   instead,   trying   to   stitch   together   something   softer.   ❛   we   all   make   mistakes.   and…   we   were   still   together.   ❜   he   smiles   —   small,   weak,   something   barely   holding   itself   up.   ❛   it’s   not   that   big   of   a   deal.   i   made   it   way   bigger   than   it   needed   to   be.   ❜   his   hand   slips   free   from   axel’s   grip,   dragging   across   the   back   of   his   neck,   fingers   digging   in   like   he’s   trying   to   rub   the   embarrassment   right   out   of   himself.   ❛   just…   forget   it.   ❜   he   forces   the   words   out,   like   if   he   says   it   enough,   it’ll   feel   true.   ❛   it’s   fine.   let’s   just   put   it   behind us. i’m okay. i’ll get over it… i am over it. ❜

[lcvlettrs]

"What?" He's thrown off my the question. Was Taeyang messing with him? It felt like it, but when he took in the state of his partner's face he knew otherwise. Axel opened his mouth again, his thoughts scrambled, reaching for the answer. (When’s my birthday?) He knew this. He knew this. Then it hit him. November twenty-

His mind flicked back to the watchtower, that night Taeyang had shown up unexpectedly. They’d sat on the cold floor, watching the city, their voices low enough to drown out the world. Taeyang had listened to his dumb concerns. He’d even tried to pull Axel into some half-hearted debate about which superhero had the ugliest costume. He was just trying to distract me, Axel realized. Trying to keep me company. And the whole time, Axel had been too wrapped up in his own head, too busy worrying about Lily, too afraid of what would happen if he ran into her, to notice that Taeyang had been waiting. Maybe even waiting for him to remember.

The memory hit harder than he expected; the weight of it twisting in his chest. Their stupid birthday traditions suddenly felt like a punch to the gut. The way they’d insisted on eating cake with their hands when they were teenagers, just because it seemed cooler than using forks. How they’d started swapping the dumbest presents possible — like the half-broken lava lamp Taeyang gave him at eighteen, or that awful shirt Axel once picked out that said HOT STUFF in glittery flames The traditions had always been theirs, something nobody else touched. Something Axel shouldn’t have forgotten.

His grip on Taeyang’s arm slackened. "Shit…" His voice barely made it out. "Tae, I..." But there wasn’t an excuse good enough to fix this. Just the awful truth settling in: He forgot. "Let me..." There was nothing he could do, and he now understood. He now knew why Taeyang had been giving him the cold shoulder. Despite himself, it felt justified. "I.." Seeing how Tae's eyes were red at the rims made him feel ten times worse. Why did he always hurt the people he cared about? It had already been two weeks. "I'm an idiot."

─────── ୨୧ ⋆ ˚ 𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐑𝐄'𝐒   𝐒𝐎𝐌𝐄𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐍𝐆   𝐒𝐈𝐂𝐊   𝐀𝐍𝐃   𝐓𝐖𝐈𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐃   𝐓𝐇𝐀𝐓   𝐂𝐔𝐑𝐋𝐒   𝐈𝐍   𝐓𝐇𝐄   𝐏𝐈𝐓   𝐎𝐅   𝐇𝐈𝐒   𝐒𝐓𝐎𝐌𝐀𝐂𝐇   when   he   feels   axel's   grasp   trap   his   wrist   in   his   hold.   taeyang's   gaze   falls   permanently   to   the   floor,   ashamed.

❛   it's   not…   ❜   he   bites   down   hard   on   the   words.   his   breath   leaving   him   in   a   tipsy   turvy   exhale   that's   far   too   thin,   too   vulnerable.   ❛   it's   not   what   you   said.   ❜   his   voice   dips   quieter,   like   he's   already   regretting   opening   his   mouth   at   all.   ❛   it's   not   even…   ❜   his   thoughts   stumble,   unraveling   before   he   can   make   sense   of   them.   god,   this   is   so   stupid.   like   he's   building   a   mountain   out   of   nothing   —   but   somehow,   that   just   makes   it   worse.

❛   i   just…   ❜   the   mighty   'sun   eater'   cracks,   and   suddenly   everything's   spilling   over.   his   laughter—hollow   and   humorless—bubbles   out   of   him,   dragging   a   hand   through   his   hair.   it's   become   a   nervous   habit,   something   to   soothe   him,   but   he   notices   the   strands   are   dry   from   heat   that   clings   too   close   to   his   scalp.   embarrassing.   because   if   he's   overheating,   axel's   probably   noticed,   and   isn't   that   just   perfect?   his   hand   falls   away.   surrendered.   cornered.   in   such   a   situation,   he   doesn't   mean   to   look   up,   doesn't   want   to,   but   when   he   does—when   his   eyes   catch   on   axel's—they're   red   at   the   edges,   damp   but   angrily   refusing   to   spill   over.

❛   axel…   ❜   he   barely   breaks   the   air   between   them.   ❛   when's   my   birthday?   ❜

[lcvlettrs]

Axel grabs for Taeyang’s arm. Not hard enough to hurt, only enough to make him stop. To make him stay. "This is exactly what I'm talking about!" For the first time, Taeyang was running away from him. It made him panic. "You keep trying to avoid me." On the battlefield, during press, when they were off the clock. Did Taeyang want nothing to do with him anymore? The past few weeks seemed fine. Taeyang had even come to see him at the watch tower. It was only after that day had things gotten strange. "Is there something you're not telling me?" His grip loosened but he couldn't make himself let go. Not yet. "Did I say something?" Axel wasn't the best at getting his feelings across. Maybe he'd said something hurtful. "Please." Taeyang had never been this stubborn. "Just tell me what's going on."

─────── ୨୧ ⋆ ˚ 𝐓𝐀𝐄𝐘𝐀𝐍𝐆   𝐀𝐋𝐌𝐎𝐒𝐓   𝐋𝐀𝐔𝐆𝐇𝐄𝐃   —   𝐁𝐈𝐓𝐓𝐄𝐑   𝐀𝐍𝐃   𝐒𝐇𝐀𝐑𝐏   —   the   kind   that   barely   makes   it   past   your   throat   before   turning   into   something   uglier.   and,   his   head   tipped   back,   eyes   catching   on   the   ceiling   like   that   might   comfort   this   sick   feeling.   but   the   sting's   still   there,   tightening   behind   his   ribcage.

❛   really?   ❜   his   voice   broke   a   little,   rough   at   the   edges.   his   hand   dragged   down   his   face,   fingers   lingering   at   his   mouth   as if they   might   press   the   words   back   in   —   stop   him   from   saying   something   he'd   regret.   but   then   he   shook   his   head,   swallowed   hard,   and   let   it   out   anyway.

❛   you   can’t   think   of   anything   from   the   past   few   weeks?   ❜   the   words   wavered   again,   and   this   time   it   wasn’t   just   frustration   —   it   was   hurt,   tangled   up   with   something   smaller,   something   closer   to   disappointment.

he   blinked   hard,   once,   twice   —   like   that   could   stop   his   eyes   from   turning   glassy.   he   felt   stupid   for   getting   choked   up   over   this.   stupid   for   letting   it   hit   him   this   hard.   ❛   you   know   what?   never   mind.   ❜   his   hand   tightened   around   his   keys,   turning   to   leave.   ❛   forget   I   said   anything.   ❜

[lcvlettrs]

[lcvlettrs]

There was no way to explain it other than Axel felt like the rug was being ripped away from beneath his feet. Where was this coming from? Axel let out a breath, sharp and bitter, holding it in too long. "Space?" They had been together, almost irrespirable since they were forced together in their tiny dorm room. From the days when Axel wanted nothing to do with a partnership, and Taeyang... was well, Taeyang. They had been seamless since he was eighteen and Tae was sixteen. Both, young. "Since when did we need space?"

He shook his head, stepping forward before Taeyang could retreat any further. Peeling his back off the wall. "No." Something was wrong. "I’m not buying that." His voice tightened, rougher now. "You’re not just tired, and this isn’t nothing. You’ve been shutting me out for weeks. You barely answer my texts, you avoid me unless you have to talk to me — hell, I can’t even remember the last time we hung out." He knows he's partly at fault, for not insisting. Maybe it's his fault that he didn't initiate more. But these last couple of days,... when he did? He was met with nothing. Thinking about it, Axel’s hand twitched at his side like he wanted to grab Taeyang’s arm, to make him stop running from whatever this was.

"If you’re mad at me, just say it. Don’t stand there acting like this is all in my head." The words poured out before he could stop them — frustration giving way to something closer to panic. "Because I don’t know what I did, okay? I don’t know what I’m supposed to apologize for, and I..." He trailed off, voice catching. His eyes softened, like he was finally admitting what had been gnawing at him. "All I know is we're not the same, and I don’t know why."

─────── ୨୧ ⋆ ˚ 𝐅𝐎𝐑   𝐀   𝐌𝐎𝐌𝐄𝐍𝐓,   𝐓𝐀𝐄𝐘𝐀𝐍𝐆   𝐉𝐔𝐒𝐓   𝐒𝐓𝐎𝐎𝐃   𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐑𝐄   —   fingers   curling   tighter   around   his   keys   like   they   might   tether   him   to   something   solid.   like   they   might   anchor   him,   or   better   yet,   make   him   disappear.   he’d   known   this   was   coming   —   had   felt   it   brewing   for   weeks   —   but   hearing   it   out   loud   still   knocked   the   air   from   his   lungs.   that   awful,   gnawing   feeling   he’d   been   trying   to   smother   clawed   its   way   back   up,   no   longer   willing   to   be   ignored.

❛   it’s   not—   ❜   he   stopped,   swallowed   hard,   tried   again.   ❛   it’s   not   you.   ❜   the   words   felt   flimsy   the   second   they   left   his   mouth.   he   dragged   a   hand   through   his   still-damp   hair,   fingers   catching   at   the   roots   before   falling   limp   at   his   side.   like   his   resolve   was   slipping   right   through   his   fingers.

❛   i’m   just...   tired,   ax.   that’s   all.   ❜   his   voice   wobbled on   the   lie,   and   he   knew   axel   would   hear   it.   he   always   did.   the   silence   stretched   too   long,   heavy   enough   to   make   taeyang’s   chest   ache.   he   shifted   his   weight,   eyes   flicking   toward   the   door   like   he   could   still   escape   this.   ❛   look,   i   get   it.   i’ve   been   off.   i   know   i   have.   ❜   he   exhaled   sharply,   frustration   curling   at   the   edges   of   his   words.   ❛   but   i’m   not—   ❜   his   voice   faltered   again,   softer   this   time. like he didn’t have the strength to carry the thought to the end.   ❛   i’m   not   freezing   you   out.   okay?   i   just...   i   just   need   some   space.   ❜   he   glanced   up   then,   meeting   axel’s   eyes   for   the   first   time   all   night.

[lcvlettrs]

OPEN TO: @imvgincs

WHO: Arson [Axel] & Sun Eater [Taeyang]

LOCATION: The Agency [Locker Room / A week after Taeyang's Birthday]

BASED ON: Here.

Axel’s frustration simmered but that didn't stop his stare from being cold. "Don’t do that," he said, more stern than usual. (At least, when it came to Taeyang.) "Don’t stand there and act like this is just about today." His arms dropped to his sides, tension still coiled tight in his shoulders. They hadn't been fine for a while now, and Taeyang's sleeve was a blatant reminder. "You've been… different. For weeks. I can’t even get two words out of you anymore unless we’re on a mission." Axel couldn't remember the last time they'd hung out after contract hours. When was the last time that Taeyang responded back to one of his text with more than one word, if at all? "And the worst part?" A strange fear nestled in his chest. "You’re pretending like I’m imagining it. Like I don’t know you." Axel hesitated, the next words catching in his throat before he forced them out. "If you’re pissed at me, just say it. If I did something—hell, if I didn’t do something—just tell me. But stop freezing me out like this. I can’t fix it if you won’t even let me try."

[lcvlettrs]

CHA EUNWOO — ENTITY Concept Films

[lcvlettrs]

that's shocking! ( sooji @ ash )

"What? That I think you're holding back, or that you're getting soft?" He could see it. They could all see it, but Jojo and Zak were too blinded by their little-sister image of Jinx, and Jeremy—who knew? But Kyumin did. Kyumin saw it as if it were all happening in slow motion. "I don't know why it's shocking to you," he neared her, fuming. "I'm always right! So tell me, and tell me honestly." His gaze pinned her in place, mere inches away. "That you're not."

[lcvlettrs]

why the long face? ( nabi @ ash )

God, did this girl pride herself on being annoying? Could she not pick up on the social cues, on the energy he was emitting, as if to say, "Leave me alone"? He also didn't feel like hashing it out; she'd get the hint soon enough. "S'not your business."

[lcvlettrs]

if you see gum on the street, leave it there. it isn't free candy. ( jojo @ insu )

What was wrong with this guy? With each passing moment with the 'Laeuge,' Insu felt disbelief that this was the gang of villains that had become so famous. First, the bulldozer with the shadows, then the house husband who was their leader, the girl who had tried to kill him for going into her room, and now this? What was wrong with them all? Nabi was crazy for this, too. What was he even supposed to say to that? "Thanks?" Was he joking? "Picking up gum off the ground would be unsanitary. No?

[lcvlettrs]

call me an elf one more time. ( sooji @ zak )

"Aw, did I hurt your feelings?" Not that he cared, and he knew Jinx had tougher skin than that. "I call them how I see it." He cracks a grin, holding the cookies Jeremy made out of reach. "And, from the looks of it, you're the size of one of Santa's helpers, but…" She's clearly not as jolly, and he tsk's to mock her and chastise her. "How 'bout gremlin? Think that's more like it. Who fed ya after midnight, glitchface?"

[lcvlettrs]

Ash stands there, eyes locked on her face, watching the way her shoulders are pulled up like she's trying to shrink into herself. How she won't even look at him. He's hit with the a memory; her defeated slouch, the hollow resignation in her eyes. Back then, she'd just been another lost cause. A casualty of the hero world, with no one to save her. She hadn’t fought back. Not once. That had changed over time.

But now? She’s not resisting. She’s falling apart, but not fighting it. And that’s what pisses him off. It's harder to just walk away. With everyone else, he can detach. But with her? There’s something he can’t shake. His stomach twists, and he hates it.

Ash doesn’t feel for anyone. Not even for himself. So why does his chest feel like someone’s dropped a ton of bricks on it? He knows what it’s like to live under a father who would rather break him than love him, to breathe in the poisoned air of a mother who checked out long ago, medicating herself with everything from pills to oblivion. He’s been through it. But he didn’t let it consume him. Unlike Jinx. She’s still letting it swallow her whole. Maybe that’s what makes him so mad. She hasn’t figured it out yet.

His jaw tightens. No sympathy in his eyes, just a frozen anger. But when he takes a step toward her, something in him stirs. His hand moves before he can stop it, pulling her close. Into his chest. It's not kindness, not even close. But it’s not like he's being cruel either.

Maybe he’s trying to comfort her—or maybe he just wants to shut the noise in his head up. Get control over the situation. Whatever it is, it feels ugly. “It’s only gonna hurt you,” he mutters into her hair, voice low and rough, like he can’t quite decide if he's pissed or sorry for her. Hard to say. His eyes? Yeah, they're full of something. Anger, guilt… it’s hard to tell in the mess of it all. He doesn't really want to know anyways.

He can’t leave her behind. As much as he wants to, as much as it disgusts him, he can’t. There’s something about her that’s keeping him here—and it eats at him. It’s not compassion. It’s not tenderness. It’s something darker. Something that ties him to her, like he can’t walk away, even if he tried. "It's only going to make you feel worse."

for a moment, sooji feels fourteen again. feels like she’s sitting on that train to busan, knees pressed together, hands clenched in her lap, a single suitcase resting by her feet. sent away so her family wouldn’t have to deal with her. out of sight, out of mind. the memory of that trip comes rushing back—a bullet through time and space where everything else stopped. the quiet ache of abandonment had settled into her chest like bricks, one by one, until it crushed her.

and now, standing here with ash towering over her, she feels it again. that heavy, suffocating ache of being unwanted. her knees nearly buckle from the weight of it, a cruel déjà vu she can’t shake. her gaze drops, sticking stubbornly to the center of his chest because looking him in the eye would mean letting herself feel everything she’s tried to bury.

when ash speaks, his words barely register. she’s caught in the haze of memories—her father’s harsh voice echoing through the house, the sharp sting of her mother’s criticism, the hollow silence that followed when she tried to stand tall in the face of their rejection. she wonders, not for the first time, if she ever knew what she wanted.

had she ever had a dream that was truly hers? or had she spent her life chasing dreams her parents had wanted for her, molded herself into what she thought they’d love, only to find their love was something she could never earn? and when they finally sent her away, across the country like discarded luggage, what had she been left with? nothing but the desperate need to be wanted, to belong.

that desperation had carried her into the league, too. following ash, doing what he said, becoming what he needed. but no matter how much she gave, she never felt like she belonged there either. she doesn’t know what she’s trying to ask him for now. that thought circles in her mind like a fog, impossible to grasp. her throat tightens with frustration, emotion wedged there, making it hard to breathe.

her gaze drops lower, to the pavement, watching it blur into her worn sneakers. “i just wanted to see it,” she says vaguely, voice quiet, though the truth presses hard against her chest. she wants to see her old house.

she wonders if the sting will still be there, sharp and raw, like when she was younger. coming home to her father’s anger, her mother’s disapproval, the suffocating weight of never being enough. will the carvings on the tree outside still be there? the ones she made when she was small, tally marks her parents had once used to track her and soobin’s heights? will the letters she hid under the floorboards in her room still exist? letters she wrote to herself, back when she thought she could make her family love her if she just tried harder.

her voice cracks as she adds, “that’s all i want.” proof. proof that she had existed, that there had been something more than this endless cycle of trying and failing to be enough.

her shoulders tighten as she says the next words, the vulnerability slicing through her like a blade. she hates it. “if you won’t leave, come with me.” she doesn’t look at him, doesn’t let him see the rawness in her eyes. letting someone like ash witness her fragility feels unbearable, but she presses on. “can’t you just let me have this?”

[lcvlettrs]

Anger ran across his face like a flash. She said exactly what he wanted to hear, but somehow, it didn’t make him feel better. If anything, it made things worse. His jaw tightened, his fists clenched at his sides. "And what, exactly, am I supposed to let you have?" he spat, each word dripping with a mixture of frustration and disbelief. A pity party? A chance to wallow in her own self-made misery? Was that it? She couldn’t even see the bigger picture—the real picture—the one he’d been trying to show her for years. He had dragged her out of mediocrity, handed her the opportunity to get revenge, to be something, and yet all she could do was complain. Ungrateful. So damn ungrateful.

He took a step toward her. Then another. Each step felt like dragging his feet through quicksand, but he couldn’t stop himself. Finally, he was standing right in front of her, towering over her with that look on his face—the one he’d been hiding behind a mask of control. His brows were drawn together like the lines of a storm, his eyes dark with the weight of everything he’d been holding in. "You want me to let you tear yourself apart inside, over this? Or should I just stand back while you gamble with getting caught, or worse?" His voice was low, so low it almost felt like a hiss, but honed with venom. "What you're doing? It's reckless." What was this? Self-sabotage? She was making it so hard to even think straight. He waved his hand toward the neighborhood—the place that felt like a thorn in his side. "It’d be even dumber to think I’d leave you here." He looked around, disgust creeping into his gut. He hated how she clung to this place. Maybe, just maybe, he needed to pay this place a visit some other time. Erase it off the map.

there’s something about ash’s words that makes sooji feel like maybe this is where she really belongs. but not in the comforting way someone might think. his criticism slices through the air like a nasty reminder, haunting her with echoes of the man she despised most in her life. and yet, standing here, she feels small—like the weight of the past is collapsing around her shoulders, heavy in this neighborhood she grew up in.

she doesn’t say anything. not at first. the pause between them stretches, long enough for silence to wash over them, cold and unwelcome. she stares at his back, her gaze drilling into him as if she can make him go away by sheer force of will. but he’s kyumin. and kyumin never does what she wants.

the air feels heavier here, like every breath has to push through something unseen. she looks past him, her gaze flickering over a memory, lingering on the life she’s long left behind. it feels unreal, like if she looks too closely, it might all unravel, leaving nothing but the mess she’s always tried to avoid. “yeah,” she finally offers, her voice low, quiet. it’s not the kind of quiet born of hesitation but the kind you use when you’re scared the world might notice you. like speaking too loud might force her to confront everything she’s been running from. “i know.”

and she does. she knows exactly what he means, even if she won’t say it aloud. she realizes this is equivalent to turning herself in with her hands up, inviting surrender but believing you’ll make it out unscathed. and maybe she will. sooji has a way of disappearing when she needs to. like a houdini act, slipping out of bonds no one thought she could escape. it might be harder with him here, though.

she swallows hard, the lump in her throat burning as she forces herself to meet his gaze when he finally turns. her lips press into a thin line before she speaks again. “did you only come for this?” it's always a fight with him. her features twist, half in scrutiny, half in something softer she doesn’t want to name. hurt, maybe. “to give me this lecture?”

her words carry an edge, but it’s dulled by the faint whisper of a scoff that escapes her. it’s barely a sound, like the ruminants of a laugh that never formed. “you gave it," she informs him, as if to remind him just in case he didn't know. "you’re so smart, i’m so dumb,” snark laces into the faintest of breaths. the sarcasm hangs in the air, brittle and pointed. “if it bothers you so much, leave.” her voice falters just slightly on the last word, but she pushes through, letting out a faint sigh. “can't you let me have this?” her eyes flicker briefly, vulnerability slipping through the cracks before she tightens her expression, forcing herself back behind her walls.

[lcvlettrs]

"So, you know this is stupid." She knows she's an idiot? He freezes mid-step, realizing he can no longer hear the sound of her feet scuffing against the sidewalk. "You know you're stupid?" he corrects, louder this time, like he's spelling it out for her. Still with his back to her, he takes a moment to steel his expression; calm, indifferent, unaffected. At least, that's the mask he needs before he turns around. He can’t let her see the trouble twisting behind his eyes, the irritation he’s barely holding down. This is a posh neighborhood, all perfectly trimmed hedges and surveillance cameras. He’s certain Sooji is screwing with the footage somehow, scrambling it just enough to keep her invisible. Maybe even more. Clearly, she's been keeping her tricks to herself, getting stronger without telling him.

"What are you, a masochist?" he snaps, finally turning to face her once he feels like he can manage it. What the hell is so great about this place? "I don’t know why you do this to yourself," he’s frozen where he stands, staring at her. The space between them feels immeasurable, though she’s only a few steps away. But it’s been like this for years now. Every year, it feels like another mile stretches between them—a gap that keeps growing, no matter how close they appear to be.

the memories sooji had sown together along her quiet walk—every fragment of longing, every thread of anxiety bubbling up as she drew closer to the place she once called home—had unraveled the moment her eyes landed on him. ash. as always, his presence loomed larger than the weight of anything she carried. what she held heavy in her mind and heart crumbled, replaced by the sharp edges of his existence.

a scoff escaped her lips when his shoulder brushed against hers, irritation threading her brows together in a way that felt like his signature. somehow, he always managed to pull this expression out of her, an annoyance so familiar it felt as though it belonged more to him than to her. she hated how easy he made it.

most nights, she would have ricocheted a sharp comment back, something quick and biting to let him know she wasn’t the type to back down. but tonight, all she could do was bristle. take it. let the moment linger without retaliation because she couldn’t shake the feeling of being caught—caught in a web of her own making, embarrassed by the vulnerability she had let slip. how foolish it felt, missing a part of her life that was anything but perfect. and if anyone could twist the knife deeper, it was ash.

“thanks for the life advice,” she muttered, rolling her eyes. her pace faltered, her steps slowing until she stopped entirely. maybe if she stood still long enough, he’d keep walking, leave her behind to wallow in peace. to wallow in… what? grief? pity? self-loathing? the emotions tangled together, a knot she couldn’t loosen no matter how hard she tried.

but ash had never been one to grant her grace.

“though I don’t think it’s that smart either to come loitering out here,” she mumbled under her breath, he'd followed her after all. a bitter, self-deprecating thought followed: perhaps she should have kicked him harder last time. really let him have it. maybe she deserved the sting of it just as much as he did.