leafygreenkats

[leafygreenkats]

The Lifeguard

I jumped in to save To save someone who had already drowned Someone too close to the storm The water would have found me as the tides rose If I had stayed sitting on the beach But I cannot watch someone drown I have been swimming for so long Swimming against the current Swimming to the sunny beach I am tired My body began to ache Long before the riptide caught me When the storm took what was most precious to me The riptide caught a hold I went under for a minute Wondered if I would ever breathe again I fought I kicked I clawed for the surface I gave so much of me Just to breathe I caught a breath for just a moment And in the whirl of disorientation Thought the current was moving towards the beach But I am still in a current Out of my control So much more tired than before I feel my limbs trying to give in Begging to let me drift to the dark and stormy place But if I stop swimming from the storm I will only have to claw harder to get back And if I allowed to drift into the storm Who knows if I could ever get back That is not an option. I am drifting towards the storm I am slowly beginning to sink And to think I thought I was near the beach I hate not fighting the storm So much more than I hate this ache But I am so tired And I can only do so much Someone come save the lifeguard

[leafygreenkats]

Parents

My biggest dream has become my greatest fear and likely my harsh reality And what I feared when I dreamed that misguided dream Has become my new aspiration. Dreams are a funny thing. Only in brokenness have I grown stronger. Only in heartbreak have I found passion. Only after confirmation of my deepest fears have I found any semblance of courage. Now I dream a tainted dream But I dream it with everything in me.

[leafygreenkats]

Have you ever

No. i dont do shit

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[leafygreenkats]

Missing myself

I miss the me that got dressed in the morning wearing orange because I like orange and not grays and creams because people like grays and creams. I miss the me that liked a boy because he was smart and funny and not the me that craves the shallow attention and hollow compliments and he could give me. I miss the me that did good for others because of the twinkle in their eye when the deed was done and not the mute on regrets trumpeting past failures. I miss the me that sang just because if it was the song in my heart and not to maintain my scholarship. I miss the me that was unapologetically me and not a fear of the world around me.

[leafygreenkats]

Shower thoughts

Standing in the shower, alone with my thoughts Wishing all emotions down the drain Is it the guilt or the steam slowly suffocating me With nothing to think of but pain Regrets boil up to the forefront of my mind Self loathing deep within my soul As the temperature soars my spirits sink Even in my sacred steamy solitary hole Things I could have changed but let pass by The way I never her withering away to bone The way I never reported the assault The way I he fell apart and I didn’t call home Though the soap hasn’t completely rinsed off And my hair is still in massive knots I turn off the water and narrowly escape. I can’t be alone with my thoughts

[leafygreenkats]

There's good news and bad news

"There's good news and there's bad news—the good: I got some time off work; the bad, it's indefinitely," my scarred, former biker and trucker of a father disclosed through a fake smile to attempt a distant form of comfort. In an instant, the harsh realities of the world slammed into my innocent comfortable life of privilege. Ironically, between the piercing 6:00 A.M. alarm for work every Saturday morning and the ever later nights worrying about making ends meet, I realized how overwhelmingly fortunate I am. With the help of ramen noodles, I never went hungry—something that an estimated 1 in 9 people cannot say. While I complained about my huge glasses of the wrong prescription when I couldn't afford new contacts, others never have the opportunity to see the exquisite intricacies of world surrounding them. While I borrowed friend's computers or stayed late in the library for projects, others are never taught to read. While I rigorously washed my hands knowing my family had no health insurance, others don't have water. Upon realizing this, I can never go back to the life I planned before. Though my father delivered the dreaded message of his layoffs three more times into the next two years, I learned to give. Naturally with no money, I decided to give time. I applied to volunteer in the local VA Hospital both to gain insight for potential future careers and, more importantly, make the world a better place. Because no one should ever live with the fear that he will not have access to medicine in his time of need, I now intend to pursue a medical degree. I was assigned to 5 North, a HOSPUS unit and a step down and recovery unit. Delivering fresh water and checking to see if any of the patients required any assistance, I stepped into room 64 with two fresh pitchers and left with more than I ever could imagine. One foot out the door, I replaced the pitcher with a new one and was about to leave when the feeble old patient caught my attention with a huge toothless grin. So rarely are smiles found within the plain white walls of the hospital that I couldn't help but stop to return it. "Is there anything I can do for you?" I inquired with a much more chipper tone than normal. With difficulty, he murmured, "Would you grab my dentures from the sink over there?" Having done this a thousand times for my own grandpa, without hesitation, I walked to the sink, cleaned the dentures, squeezed on some Fixadent, and handed them to Mr. 64A. Right as the dentures were secured in his mouth, the student nurse and her mentor entered to put in his IV. As I brought a pitcher to the neighboring patient, I watched the sweet student fail miserably. In the midst of her repeated sincerest apologies, however, the old man flashed his toothy, heartfelt smile. "I am honored to allow you the practice. You're gunna need it for that nursing certification." On my way out to get some fresh linens after the incident, Mr. 64A glistened his smile as big as his heart and whispered, "Thanks for the smile." I always wonder if he knew that because of him, countless patients will receive care from a doctor with a smile straight from his heart. There's bad news, but there's good news—the bad: the world is full of tragedy and hardship; the good: in each seemingly inconsequential moment, every person has the ability to chose to leave a piece of himself and take a piece of everyone he meets to learn all that is humanly possible to learn and use every resource available to make the world one smile, one step, and one choice closer to the point where reality meets the Impossible Dream.

[leafygreenkats]

Sure on this shining night Of star made shadows round, Kindness must watch for me This side the ground. The late year lies down the north. All is healed, all is health. High summer holds the earth. Hearts all whole. Sure on this shining night I weep for wonder wand'ring far alone Of shadows on the stars.

Sure on This Shining Night

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Sweet summer

Summer dreams slowly whisper my name Shimmering stars sing softly below Sparks of campfires dance and glow Sweet honeysuckles encircle this dame All is well in the world and my soul For just a moment, all problems fade And melt into the breezy shade For just a flash my heart is whole

[leafygreenkats]

Eyes like Christmas

Eyes like Christmas A brilliant green But red from tears She sheds unseen Behind closed doors With no one nigh Her world seems to stop Yet the clock ticks by All superficial Comforts are tried But she only desired Someone by her side Eyes like Christmas The world fell apart And with each tear Went a piece of her heart

[leafygreenkats]

Ceiling tiles

The clock ticks by slow as molasses Getting behind in all of my classes 10 million things to do just today Yet all I can do is stare my life away 97 ceiling tiles above my head 4 assignments I wish I had read Almost undefeated in Trivia Crack My sleeping schedule is so out of whack 10 million and one things now to do I haven't done any, ill admit it's true Paralyzed by life and numbed by time I'll just sit here and write out some rhyme

[leafygreenkats]

Acrostic

When the sweet summer sun Sang the hymn of the waves Alternating between slow crashes Water purified my soul And crashed my anxieties

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Senior chords

Chords, chords Curriculums, extracurriculars, college, chords The bright white graduation robe prim and pressed Enshrouds my Sunday best ghost white dress And five chords are hanged around my neck One for beta club One for the fine arts program One for NHS One for thespian society One for the honors program An albatross for each activity Each rope hangs me high on a pedestal Hours and hours on end For some shiny stamped papers And five chords

[leafygreenkats]

Dust

From dust we came To dust we'll return And all are the same One truth we all yearn The destiny of our souls If there is such a thing Billions it controls Like puppets on a string And after all these years Infinite answers afloat Bringing many tears "Truth" the answers gloat Yet nothing is seen And nothing is heard From apparently mean Deities of their word This leaves all people To toss and to turn And stare at the steeple And pray not to burn They give commands Regarding life and lust But I'm starting to think They're also just dust

[leafygreenkats]

Flesh wound

Sometimes things don't get better They just spiral down the drain And the forecast of all of life Has 100% chance of rain But sometimes even in hell Although things are in disarray The camel's back gets stronger Able to push through another day Sometimes that shot in the heart Or the nasty stab in the back Starts to feel like a paper cut And you find the strength you lack Maybe things don't really get better People just learn to deal with shit 'Cuz now I've received another wound And I barely notice it

[leafygreenkats]

Snowball

A snowball rolling down a hill A family in distress A time bomb ticking without fail A problem none would guess A mother sick and the son enraged A child on the stairs A daughter hiding in the closet A heavy weight she bears A another kid with her mouth shut A child who knows no truth A daughter forced to leave behind The home that stole her youth

[leafygreenkats]

Waiting and spinning 2/15

The shimmering stars Don't shine the same way The glistening lights Lost their luster today And the world spins slower When you're away Counting the days Till I see you again I'll be right here Waiting until then Every song I hear Reminds me of you The stories I read Do it to me too The world spins slower still While I'm waiting for you Counting the days Till I see you again I'll be right here Waiting until then When you're back The stars will align And you'll slowly slip Your hands in mine The world will spin fast