learntokeepyourshirton

[learntokeepyourshirton]

Keeping in touch with people is so hard when your brain tells you no one wants to talk with you

[learntokeepyourshirton]

A lot of my realizations happens after 12am. I’ve always been a night owl, this has always been my best thinking time, and also maybe the worst.

Last night I was talking with my best friend about my previous relationship. One that I didn’t realize was so toxic until I was out of it. And the words she said to me have been engraved into my brain ever since.

“He defined your happiness too much. You were depending on him to make or break your happiness without even knowing it”

This hit me, and this hit me hard. I have always been the person to put everyone else’s needs above my own. I tend to go alll in on something and have no balance with other things in my life. Like my relationships. Once I start dating someone, I’m sucked in, I am doing my best to make them happy, yet I forget to even evaluate if I myself am happy. And 9/10 I’m not. I acknowledged this in the beginning of the year because I struggle saying no. I put myself in situations I don’t want to be in because I won’t say no. That was my new year resolution, to put myself and my needs first. And I have actively been doing this. I was very unsure if I was being successful until once again my best friend spit some knowledge at me.

I have been seeing someone else. And she was quick to point out, “You are happier than I have seen you in a long time, not only with yourself but with your life. You seem to do you, and just allow so and so to be an asset”.

This is what I’ve dreamt of accomplishing. This was my goal. It’s a month in and I’m already holding up to what I said I’m going to do.

Sometimes it is hard to accept the things that happen to you, and I do my best to remember that everything happens for a reason, but we are all still human with alllll the feelings. Which tends to make you feel like you’ve been knocked down and sometimes unable to get back up.

If you find yourself on your back, struggling to get back up, and wondering why me?! I challenge to you look into yourself, dig deep, and see what improvement you can do within. Because, and this is my favorite quote lately...

“The way people treat you is a reflection of THEIR character, not YOURS.” 🖤

Don’t be afraid to rise again after a traumatic event, you are meant to get back up. You can be sad, you can feel defeated, but do not, I repeat, DO NOT, unpack and live there.

[learntokeepyourshirton]

Susan Sontag, Reborn: Journals and Notebooks, 1947-1963

[learntokeepyourshirton]

“You’re not a bad person for the ways you tried to kill your sadness.”

— (via hplyrikz)

[learntokeepyourshirton]

[learntokeepyourshirton]

It’s happening again, all at once. You go from quiet and careful to inside jokes and sharing things you know the other will like. The nicknames, the sass, the laughter, it’s all there. All at once.

I haven’t experienced this comfort in so long, years really. To be so content and so calm. To enjoy the laughter and playfulness. To catch you looking at me with delight.

But my favorite thing of all, is when you reach for me in your sleep, searching until you make contact, you give a quick squeeze and you drift back to sleep. And I’ve never felt so safe.

[learntokeepyourshirton]

[learntokeepyourshirton]

1991, Jenny Holzer

[learntokeepyourshirton]

[learntokeepyourshirton]

via weheartit

[learntokeepyourshirton]

i don’t know how to ask for help i disappear and come back when i’m good

[learntokeepyourshirton]

When I went through my first big breakup, I was living with my significant other at the time.

I was so used to sleeping next to a person every night, I would take my heated blanket and place it behind my back so the warmth felt like a person and I could fall asleep.

I look back at that and think how ridiculous that sounds. I survived before that person and I was obviously going to survive after. But in that moment, sleeping alone felt impossible.

It is insane how much we let ourselves get attached to the wrong people. The ones who hurt us and break us until we are mush. Until we need a heated blanket to fall asleep at night. Or have to skip songs on Pandora so you don’t cry again.

In a few months this new break up is going to feel like nothing, but right now it feels like my insides are being crushed and I can’t take a breath.

Humans are weird.

[learntokeepyourshirton]

[learntokeepyourshirton]

I just don’t know what to do anymore, I feel permanently lost.

[learntokeepyourshirton]

[learntokeepyourshirton]

Suffering silently is the worst.

[learntokeepyourshirton]

I love the sunflowers! :D