lectovers

[lectovers]

Currently obsessed with Should You Turn Finally to Face Me by Noah Baldino. Found while scrolling the poems tab an egregious amount of my precious time.

"She trots toward me but, suddenly coy, / dodges my outstretched hand. / She’s forgotten glee again,"

Quick Thoughts: The pulse of the poem is its movement. I think the piece's tension rises and falls like a deep breath, with a voice full of subtle devastation

[lectovers]

Hell yeah

'he would not fucking say that' maybe he would if he knew he was starring in his very own porn fic for the sole purpose of delighting some freaks on archive of our own dot org. maybe he'd play it up for the cameras. ever consider that

[lectovers]

personally i’m a fan of when a story is like. the love was there. unfortunately. this all could have actually gone a lot easier for everyone if the love hadn’t been there but here we are

[lectovers]

Having to clean the shower is so fucking annoying. It’s clean in there. That’s where I go to get clean. It’s clean dude trust me. Stop fucking growing bacteria and stuff man this is the clean locale. You’re embarrassing me in front of the sink

[lectovers]

Being a participant in a Saw game would be less stressful than my life right now

[lectovers]

but if I don't get weird and horny about this then who will

[lectovers]

What if wr kissed …in the saw bathroom..?

[lectovers]

Claudia + text posts part 2

[lectovers]

just let jensen kiss that middle aged man already. in fact let him do it on camera. maybe when he's wearing flannel and the other guy is wearing... oh idk... off the top of my head maybe a trenchcoat? i think jensen's given #spnfamily or whatever enough. let him have a smooch. as a treat.

[lectovers]

forgive me lord for I have imagined a life far more soft and tender than the one you created for me

[lectovers]

Jensen Ackles as DEAN WINCHESTER Supernatural | 12.22 “Who We Are”

[lectovers]

he’s a whore it’s so unserious

love how will graham told jack crawford yea I have the perfect plan to catch hannibal lecter. see it consists of me hanging out with him all the time drinking wine and having fancy dinners while indulging my own violent impulses. this is the only way jack we'll get him this time I prommy <3333

[lectovers]

You gotta give props to Mads Mikkelsen for playing such a pretentious character who constantly talks in metaphors because I know for a fact he didn’t understand at least half of what he was saying, but still slayed that role so hard

[lectovers]

oh my god oh my god oh my GODDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

Saw’s Adam Faulkner-Stanheight and Queercoding

In today’s day and age, I believe any relatively media-literate person would be able to tell you what “queercoding” is in the lamest of terms.

It’s the flamboyant male sidekick in Disney movies who is comically gender non-conforming and is played for laughs. It’s the punky girl in sitcoms who seems to despise all men and is mean to everybody she encounters, while still having a heart of gold she extends to her female friends. That's, no offense to media critics who spent years unpacking the never ending layers of undeniable queerness in these characters, baby’s first queercoding. For the context of this essay, let’s call this extremely obvious type of coding “Cishet Queercoding” - coding largely done by cishet people, easily recognizable by cishet people. What I want to unpack in this essay is “Queer queercoding”.

The most obvious example that comes to mind and got plenty of media attention recently is, of course, Supernatural. You’ve got to hear me out here. In its grueling 15 season run, a hodgepodge of people of different ideas and ideas for the show worked on Supernatural, but fundamentally it was a show conceived by cis straight men for cis straight men. This resulted in its two leads, Sam and Dean Winchesters, being comically masculine. Dean’s demonstration of masculinity (enjoying rock’n’roll, women, cars and alcohol, preferably at the same time) is so comical every queer person who laid eyes on this character immediately went “Oh, okay, you’re overcompensating”, while the writers of the show simply tried to fulfill their ultimate cishet dude fantasy. No one is this macho all the time, except if you are performing cishet masculinity.

Hence by my definition, “queer queercoding” isn’t necessarily LGBT characters by LGBT folks for LGBT folks, but rather coding a character as queer (accidentally or not) in such a way it’s painfully familiar for LGBT people but largely goes over the head of cishet folks. So where does Saw fit into all this?

Saw’s whole premise is a complicated, morally gray mix of one man both exacting revenge on people who wronged him and teaching them to appreciate the sanctity of life. While the main antagonist, Jigsaw, isn’t afraid of collateral damage, his main targets are people who somehow ruined his life and don’t appreciate their own. This is why Dr. Lawrence Gordon finds himself in the trap - for cheating on his wife and cold heartedly breaking the news of untreatable cancer to Jigsaw. His companion in the trap though - a downtrodden twenty-something photographer Adam Faulkner-Stanheight - seems to only be there as an accessory to Gordon’s torture. He doesn’t have any immediate connection to Jigsaw and his only connection to Gordon is that he was hired to spy and photograph his activities. Gordon’s condition to escape the trap is that he must kill Adam. Adam doesn’t get a solution to escape.

Adam’s only function in the film is seemingly to be an audience self-insert and then to suffer. The audience for gory, tacky horror flicks is obviously much closer to Adam’s character than to Gordon’s thus while we can sympathize with the latter’s struggle, the former’s is much more visceral. Adam’s only crime seems to be taking a job to earn some money and not being satisfied with a life that’s frankly hard to be satisfied with (In his own words - “I remember going to sleep in my shithole apartment and then waking up in a literal shithole”). And he dies in the end - abandoned, on the edge of escape, not knowing what he did to deserve this fate - while his fellow prisoner, as we later find out, becomes Jigsaw’s apprentice and goes on to torture other people.

Cool, so I’ve explained why Saw is scary beyond a guy cutting his foot off, why is Adam queer again? Well, besides his artistic career, general cynicism about life, comically crippling addiction to nicotine (queer existence and addiction to substances is a well-documented problem in real life, a coping method for living in an unaccepting society) and a cut dialogue line revealing he doesn’t speak to his parents (I don’t think I need to explain how many queer children were disowned by their caretakers), being put in a narrative only to suffer, die and be outlived by some cishet douchebag is possibly the oldest queer trope in cinema. Leaning into symbolism even more, Adam was cunning and on-guard the whole movie, obviously recognizing the only other person in the trap with him is just as likely to be a foe as an ally, but by the end he put his life entirely in Gordon’s hands. He shot Adam to escape and Adam still helped him, believing he will return with help. To make it painfully obvious, Adam was punished for putting his trust in another man. Adam Faulkner-Stanheight, bleeding out from a bullet wound inflicted by Gordon, still embraced him and begged him not to leave.

I don’t think it was Leigh Whanell’s, screenwriter and Adam’s actor’s, intention to make a veiled kill-your-gays metaphor. On the contrary, I think that the ephemeral queerness of suffering elevated this movie far beyond its successors. It becomes a commentary not only on needless violence, sanctity of life, but on how queer people suffer both in media and in real life. Perhaps by not considering this perspective, Saw was able to look queer pain in the eye and not flinch.

[lectovers]

hello tumblr void… i am in my saw era

[lectovers]

hello World if anyone would be so kind to send me some fic writing prompts, that would be awesome because i’m stumped rn lol lol lol

i write stranger things, supernatural and hannibal stuff because duh, v gay. mostly for steddie, destiel and hannigram but if you ask for something else i’ll most probably give it a try blah blah blah i promise my work is more coherent than this post.

okay bye World please send things !!!

[lectovers]

So, I don’t really fit the term semiverbal, but I definitely don’t fit as a fully verbal autistic either. Because of this, I’ve been thinking of what a good term would be for sorta verbal (aka can reliably talk a decent amount of the time, but also has plenty of verbal shutdowns, and a little trouble speaking in a way that’s usually not all that hindering when able to speak) autistic. I decided on demi-verbal and think this sums up my experiences pretty well. I’ve never seen demi-verbal anywhere and searching for it brought up nothing.

Demi-verbal:

Can reliably speak most of the day for most days of the week

Verbal shutdowns happen anywhere from a few times a week to a few times a month, possibly for no apparent reason

May experience some level of difficulty with mouth words, anywhere between slight difficulty only a little of the time to half the time

Please respect nonverbal/non-speaking and semiverbal/semi-speaking autistics and listen when they tell you not to use (and thus misuse) a word/words that was coined specifically for nonverbal/non-speaking and/or semiverbal/semi-speaking autistics. Those words/terms were coined for a reason.