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I'd love to

cherish you every waking hour, protect you from everything that hurts you, soothe you when you are yet again shaken, support you when everything seems daunting, cuddle with you, cook with you, watch your favourite shows with you, fall asleep next to you, go through uncertain stages of dating with you, spend most average of days with you, and I'd love to see grand sights with you, study with you in the same room, kiss you good night, show you how warming love can be. I'd love to tell you "I love you and I have hid this feeling from both you and myself until I couldn't ignore it any longer", I'd love to hear you reply "so do I".

But I don't think you'd allow me to. But I don't think I can stand to lose you And so I can't. And I can't cherish you every waking hour, and I can't hide my feelings from you much longer, and I can't always protect you from everything that hurts you, and I can't use this as motivition to improve much longer, and I can't always soothe you when you are yet again shaken, and I can't see you smile not knowing that I lie to you much longer, and I can't support you when everything seems daunting, and I can't cuddle with you, and I don't know how this will end, I only know that I can barely see the letters any more. I just hope that someone can show you how warming love can be. I hope it will be me, I can't stand the thought of never feeling your love, I can not imagine life without you in it. But I should've realised sooner that I was playing with fire, all those nights talking to you, all those years of friendship, every embrace we shared, every time you allowed me to support you, I can't betray that trust by falling in love. I shouldn't, I mustn't, I know you can't answer kind, but that was fine, I wasn't falling in love, I was merely growing closer to a friend. And then I realized, I'd love to hug you more often, laugh with you more often, cuddle and read with you more often, feel you lying on top of me more often,

And suddenly, I wanted to tell everyone about this new feeling, these new sensations and for the first weeks it was fun, and every second with you is a gift from the heavens, but every time I leave you I feel like crying, like I just lost another chance, like I caught a splinter that I can't get out, like I just burned myself with glowing steel, like I got caught being helpless. I can only try to do better and tell you. But I can never tell you now, it never seems right, I don't want to burden you with my love, I know how daunting it seems to you, how much you are scared of it, how scarred your family left you. I think I'd love you to love me, but I'd be happy if you can forgive me my emotions for you.

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Fucking hell my appendix decided to randomly and with barely an hours worth of warning fail and burst and while getting it removed was done rather quickly, getting an organ removed hurts a lot. It isn't the pain I felt yesterday, writhing on my bad and uncontrollably chattering my teeth while my arms and legs started to tingle like they all had fallen asleep on me (this barely took twenty minutes, after that I could walk again, if barely so, however, it was twenty minutes which were far more painful than absently minded touching red hot steel while welding without gloves). The pain I feel today as duller and less sharp, at least while lying down. It really annoys me though, because sitting is the most painful, and walking to the toilet is just below that.

@theUS-Americans don't worry, my German health insurance has got me covered

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It brings me great joy to text my “modern, cool and hip” cousins in the cringiest early 2000′s short hand possible. They just ignore it but I know it annoys them

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I am just so overtly happy to live in a tinyish town in Germany with real bakeries who get their grain locally and produce bread with out preservatives because damn after eating toast for two days this it is heavenly to feel the grain to have bread that has character both in taste in texture, which smells of just something more than plain fucking toast. I love good bread.

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I live close to a kindergarten and it just melt my heart seeing the tiny little ones with their backpacks barely large enough for one lunchbox and one (1) fancy rock from the playground.

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My current mental state: humming the tetris melody

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This is probably my flashiest pen and came with a handwritten letter by the company chairman. First impressions: It’s opulent, and to a level that is simply laughable. Wrapped in what I presume to be wrapping tissue, it came in a leatherette box, which contained a massive chunk of wood called an imperial blue presentation box, wrapped in velvet. Now that is a presentation which makes you hold your breath, and the pen inside is no less jaw dropping. The material comes with a depth and chatoyance that just has you marveling at the inticracy of it all.

It writes beautifully to, supremely comfortable, threads out of the way, so there’s more to this than just superficial looks. The 18K fine nib is rather well tuned, a good balance of smoothness with just the barest hint of feedback, good flow but not overbearing and well balanced to give you some shading yet enough to distraxt you. After you’ve stopped marveling at it’s stunning looks, it really gets out of the way and you learn its personality is even more charming, so to speak. I would say I’m probably more in love with this pen than most of the girls I’ve liked so far but I am friends with some of them and I don’t want to insult them. #fountainpens #onoto https://www.instagram.com/p/CQ6iSL8s0qv/?utm_medium=tumblr

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So I switched to Gateron Silent Ink Switches because Khail Box Pinks were getting to loud after spending 8 hours at the mill.

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Isn't she nearly to pretty?

Also what my sister stated about some girl I've been texting with. Good thing then that my libido lies where my sleeping rythm used to suffer and cry.

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Farewell online privacy

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Now that I use Tinder again “to make myself feel superior to some of these people”, I have several questions:

What the fuck is a foodie, who doesn’t enjoy a good fucking meal

Who doesn’t enjoy traveling

What is it with astrology and bland people

Why does one fifth of all girls here have „Zu Vino sag ich nie no“ oder „Zu Vino sag ich Wein“ as their bio

(Translation to English: "I never say no to vino" and "I call vino wine")

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I really enjoy this

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I must say, as someone who was born in 2002 and has no active memory of Keshas fame, I really enjoy some of her songs. And yes, my emotional stability is currently in free fall, thanks for asking.

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So now, about half a year after I finished school, I had an emotional breakdown because I lost a few friendships, some to distance most to the utterly depressing fact that except very few positive surprises most friendships are build around convenience... I miss my former crush. Not in a romantic way, its just that she happened to be a good friend before I fell in love and accidentally killed that of. I miss my tight relationship with two of my closest friends who I now didn't even dare tell about this. I am utterly disappointed by two friends moving without even telling me beforehand. I yearn for some of the dumb physics jokes of some of my friends.

But there is always hope. Friendships that run deeper than you realise, which can't be torn just by not seeing each other daily or wich were always very impractical. Friendships which utterly surprise you because you never expected these people to be that close to you. I will treasure while it lasts and I hope our friendships last as long as we spend time on this wretched earth.

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Now, I don’t know, to how many of you this applies

But if you are living in the U.S.A. and especially Washington... I feel sorry for you.

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I swear to god, this is fucking unsettling

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after not much reconsideration: My appearance is skeletal enough as is that I can pull that of naked

Why dress to impress when you can look like an omen of death