lessdecency

[lessdecency]

december 08 , 2024

» this is my first post, i’m only using tumblr because i can hide behind a screen, nobody knows who i am, and i can talk to real people. i feel like i have nobody to talk to and don’t get me wrong, i know i do. i have plenty of friends that all say “im here when you need me” but i feel like that isn’t the case. i just don’t like reaching out and talking about my feelings. i have anxiety which makes it hard to talk about my feelings in fear of oversharing, overwhelming them, their issues being worse, being invalidated, or seeming like im attention seeking in a way. i really don’t try to do any of those things, i get carried away sometimes. i’m dealing with alot right now both mentally and physically. i feel like im going crazy. the guy i like is giving me so many mixed signals and it’s making me feel like im not worth it. i just lost my best friend and it feels like it’s entirely my fault because even my mom was defending her. “(friends moms name) says (friend) has been super depressed and barely comes out of her room now” im sorry it’s not my fault i dont know what im supposed to do about that, if i dont think she’s good for me mentally im allowed to think that. my mom hasn’t noticed ive been the same way simply because she does not give a fuck. i’m so drained. my sport, my family, my friends, school, everything. it’s all so draining. i’m constantly tired and i don’t want to do anything. i never want to go to practice and im always begging to stay home. school makes me sick to my stomach every monday because of my anxiety and i have to constantly work and work and work and work for 8 hours a day on subjects i know nothing about no matter how hard i try to understand and come home and get harped on about my grades that i try to fix constantly. its so stressful trying to balance everything. ive been clean from self harm for a little over 9 months but the urges have been getting so bad, im always crying, i dont think ive cried this much in one month since i was in 4th grade, its been almost impossible for me to cry until this year. i want to talk to someone about it SOOOO bad but i have a fear of reaching out and i just seem like an attention seeker every time. my closest friend is going through things way worse and i feel like if i try to vent to her it’s gonna seem like i want something to be wrong (if that makes sense?) ive been bottling everything up for over a year, and thinking about it makes my chest hurt physically. i dont know what’s going on with me but i dont like it and i just want to be happy again.

-lessdecency

» please please please give any advice you think might be helpful or useful and feel free to share your stories or dm me if you’re having a hard time and i will try my best to help you out!