levishaw

[levishaw]

The Best Thing

For a room full of crowded people, Levi had never felt more alone. Who could have guessed that here he would be, at his lover’s funeral, just about to give a eulogy. His head hung low with guilt and misery. From every aspect, it was obvious that he was feeling an overwhelming sense of guilt.  After a long break between speakers, Levi cleared his throat and pushed himself up from his seat. He made his way to the stout podium laid out in front of the crowd, his posture faltered over the wooden stand. His height made it difficult to see the cards sprawled out in front of him. “Hi everyone,” he said in order to break the silence. When he looked up the only response were the silent and solemn eyes staring back. Levi glanced at his notes he spent hours on the night before. He had poured his heart and soul into these words, but now looking at them, he couldn’t decipher the foreign words scratched on them. Everything on those cards were hypocritical, and he knew he couldn’t say a single thing he wrote down. Sighing deeply, he shook his head, clearly disappointed with himself.

“Screw it,” Josh mumbled as he placed the cards down on the podium. “I could stand up here and tell you all about how much I loved Darleda and all of this mushy-crap, but I won’t. There’s something you all should know about her death, and if it makes you hate me, then fine.” He paused. His attention snapped immediately to Darleda’s parents. They narrowed their weary eyes at him in a wry sneer that caused Josh to break out in a sweat.

“I didn’t kill her,” Levi swallowed the lump that grew in his throat before continuing.  “But I might as well have.”

~*~

Darleda Merks was a gift I didn’t deserve. Her compassion and kindness made her radiate with goodness—the type of goodness that is so exceptional that you can’t help but notice it. She was my rock, my everything, and without her now… I’m lost. I loved her from the top of her head all the way down to her toes. I loved the way her brown hair cascaded like a wonderful waterfall around the nape of her neck. And when she smiled, her nose wrinkled in ways that just begged for affection.

It is because of Darleda that I’m not dead or in jail. She has helped me overcome my gripping addiction that’s held me for countless years. Late, on a summer day in July, she held my hand as I shook and cried with craving for the drug that almost destroyed me. She supported me when my parents refused to, and healed me when I couldn’t do it on my own.

“Why do you stay?” I’m awful to you. I don’t deserve you… Why do you stay? The questions echoed in my head for weeks, but it wasn’t until recently I finally voiced my question aloud. Every day I would wake up, and there she would be in all her beauty. The beautiful Darleda Merks… is dead. Unfortunately, she loved me: an unpredictable addict who could explode at any moment.

There she sat, across the table from me in an almost empty diner. We had planned a quaint lunch date for the afternoon, and with one question I ruined it. Darleda shrugged in dismissal before returning back to her plate laid out before her. Anger caught in my throat before I could stop it. Without another word, I shoved myself from the table and left the diner. At that moment, I didn’t care what she truly meant from her response. All I knew was that she completely disregarded me. She ignored me. Did she even love me like she’d confessed countless times before? Was this all a lie? Why was she helping me? I could do this on my own; I didn’t need some perky prude to take care of me like some crack-head charity case! So I ran from my problems rather than face her reaction head on. I left like a child hiding under the covers during a thunder storm. If I could go back in time and change everything I did, believe me I would.

Isn’t that funny? As people mature, they realize half of the things said or did in the past ruined the future, and they were too naïve to know at the time. Naïve can’t even begin to describe how big of a mistake I made.

I blazed a trail right out of that little diner, and deeper into the city. Angry blood coursed through my veins, and it screamed in my ears. My eyes stung from all the pain and fury. I couldn’t control my emotions. I wanted to scream, or slam my fist against the cold and unyielding brick walls that followed me wherever I went. Those damn brick walls! I followed them until it was clear of where I was planning to go. I turned down the familiar passage and frowned at the pungent smell of marijuana and fear.

“Look who it is,” a voice reverberated against the walls from the darkness. I had to squint to see who was speaking. “It’s the ‘Changed Man’. He stops buying the goods and suddenly, we aren’t good enough for you.” My heart sank deeper into my chest from the cold terror I felt. The figure slipped into the light, a vengeful smirk plastered on his lips. Raising his arm, a rusty knife caught my eye and I could only stare Feigning innocence, I raised my arms in surrender and shook my head. No, you have it all wrong. I couldn’t speak for fear whatever I said would only anger him more. That’s not how it happened! With his free hand, the malicious man I once called a friend shoved my body against the bare brick wall. I squeezed my eyes shut and waited for the undeniable ultimatum

“Get away from him!” A familiar voice screamed from the edge of the ally. No! Darleda! Before I could connect every detail together in my mind, I saw her beautiful white shirt stained with crimson. I watched helplessly as her wounded body crumpled to the sticky floor and as the criminal who hurt her retreated into the city. After a moment of shock and silence, Darleda’s gentle whimpers brought me back to life.

Without thinking, I collapsed to the floor by her side and grasped her hands in mine. I had imagined losing Sam thousands of time, but never had I ever thought of such a terrible fate. She didn’t deserve to die saving me. Her frozen fingers shook as I held on tightly and begged her not to go. I tried my best to steady her rapid heartbeat, but it was hopeless. It was obvious that she would die, the amount of blood she already lost was enough to stain my clothes and hands.  She weakly murmured apologies and even began to thank me.

“I love you,” she looked into my eyes weakly. “I always will.”

I held her in my arms as she left me. I told her it would be alright, and I apologized for my selfishness. Even as she died, Darleda Merks was beautiful. Her skin glowed with radiance and sophistication that no one else in the world could ever have. She was perfect. I could have lived a million lifetimes and I would still never deserve her. It was because of me that Sam was forced to come to terms with death as a young adult, and I may never be able to live with that.

~*~

Now, as Levi stood before everyone, their judgmental eyes examined his every move. Now they knew the truth. If Darleda had just stayed in that diner, it would have been someone else’s funeral today, and she would be the living her lovely life. The one who deserved to be here had their one chance at life ripped from their grasp. And that’s a debt Josh would never be able to repay. “Thanks,” he murmured, and stepped away from the podium. No one cried for him, no one cared. Instead of returning to his seat, Levi kept walking. He walked past her parents, past his life that would never be the same, and into the hallway. He left the room, misery threatening to release through his tear ducts. And he never looked back.

[levishaw]

some little boy put tights on me today...

More pics : TASM 2 Set (26/05/2013)

[levishaw]

Levit smirked down at Celeste. "Well, the tribute helped you look great. Why didn't you have your stylist help you?" He quick changed the subject. He knew what she was about to say, but he would have had to admit that she made him feel the same way. Everything about Celeste sent chills through his spine. He hoped that it wouldn't stay like this forever.

Flowaz || Leveste

[levishaw]

Levi frowned at the thought of the careers. "Farren's drug crazed now anyways, I wouldn't worry too much about all of them. There's this girl um... Celeste--" His voice cracked just as he said her name. Levi paused, his cheeks flushing, but then continued. "I'm not sure if she's any good but I've only ever seen her train uh... once."

Wanderer || Levi and Darleda

“I’m sure the training center would be wild even if there weren’t so many tributes… I just don’t like going during the day.. all of the Career tributes..” Drifting off, she shook her head. The thought of the eight tributes caused her to shiver slightly. 

[levishaw]

Her first statement helped Levi to feel a little bit better. He sighed, "The training center is a little bit... wild." He frowned. "It seems there's so many tributes that are coming out now. I've never seen them before." He couldn't help but to think of Celeste, but the thought quickly fleeted.

Wanderer || Levi and Darleda

Smiling, she nodded slightly. “Of course I would have come with you too, but obviously this is the first time in awhile that we’ve actually run into each other.” Casting a quick glance at him, she returned to admiring the things they passed. “Yes… I’m rather glad I found this place. Otherwise the training center might be far to much for me to handle.” 

[levishaw]

"Better, now that you're here." He smiled at Celeste just as they reached the staircase. Why take the elevator for literally one floor? That was the benefit to being with a career, which is odd. Levi pushed away the thought of her physical status, and said: "How are you?"

Flowaz || Leveste

[levishaw]

Levi rolled his eyes as he pressed the flowers to his face. She was right, they did smell nice. But his bag had killed them. Still, he smiled though and offered her his arm like a gentleman. "Now, let's be off to see some much better flowers than these, yeah?" He smirked at his dead flowers and wanted to punch himself in the face mentally. He sucked. Who did that? Bringing a girl dead flowers, how cute. Probably a bad omen.

Flowaz || Leveste

[levishaw]

"That's okay," he said with a smile. Levi was just about to leave when Celeste finally walked out of her Flat. He had only been there five minutes, but it still felt slightly ridiculous to have to wait like that. "You look very nice." The two had agreed to return back to the gardens since their last trip was about ten minutes in total. "Oh, hey, I got you these." Levi turned to dig into the bag that he carried occasionally on his back. He pulled out some, rather damaged, flowers and frowned.

Flowaz || Leveste

Skipping on towards the door, Celeste caught her mentor eyeing her suspiciously and immediately walked in her normalized posture, which seemed to satisfy her escort, sitting across the common room. Why couldn’t they be in their dorms or outside like all the other normal people? Giving a small sight, Celeste avoided all possible questions and finally made it to the door of her flat, wondering if Levi would even still be there after making him wait 23465678974534356 hours. Opening the door, she gave a small smile, “Sorry,” was her introduction.

[levishaw]

Harlo, Levi sneered when she said his name. No, this isn't right. As much as he didn't like Harlo, he had to be happy for her. She had finally reached bliss, and if it had to be at Levi's loss, then he had to accept it. It wasn't his place to tell her who to love. "Well," he said after a long pause. "That's good. At least you have somewhere you can wind down."

Wanderer || Levi and Darleda

Smiling back at him, she nodded. “I’m glad you think so. I’m out here quite often, either with Jaxon or Harlo. Sometimes by myself when the training center seems to crowded.” Wrinkling her nose, Darleda clasped her hands in front of her. “Its definitely not as great as home, but I suppose this is the closest I’m going to get, so I can’t complain.” 

[levishaw]

"A few times," Levi admitted as his arm with the flowers lowered. "It's really nice out here though. I'm surprised that a place like the training center even has such a peaceful place." It was nice though, a break from all of the death and destruction for a little piece of beauty. He sighed wistfully at the thought. "I don't even need to ask: You've been out here. This place just screams Darleda." He smirked.

Wanderer || Levi and Darleda

“Well thank you. I’ve miss you, in a completely platonic way. So lets make it a habit of running into one another more often, hm?” She teased, grinning slightly before giving her head a small shake. “You keep them. The flat has enough flowers that they’ve started to disappear… I suspect my mentor and district escort have instructed the Avox’s to throw them out when I’m not around, but thank you.” Flashing him a smile, Darleda continued to lead him further into the garden. “Have you ever been out here?” 

[levishaw]

"Hey, all I ask is that you pay every once in a while." Levi winked at Jaxon and sniffed once. "Yeah. Let's get something quick. Then maybe we can go back to my flat...?" He asked the question as if he didn't know the answer already, but Jaxon was unpredictable.

My Age Has Never Made Me Wise || JAVI

[levishaw]

Levi laughed hysterically at Jaxon's reaction to the medicine. "That's what you get!" He called out. "Come on baby, we don't need her." Levi grabbed Jaxon's hand and led him out of the room. "Thanks Lady Nurse! And Sorry for this Jackass!" Levi began to laugh again and he shoved him forward down the hallway giggling louder than a hyena.

My Age Has Never Made Me Wise || JAVI

[levishaw]

idc sparta shut up ok

[levishaw]

"Yeah," Levi chimed into Jaxon's witty banter. "We do this type of thing every Tuesday night, no need to worry. We just screwed up tonight." The nurse glared at him before treating Jaxon. Levi cringed at Jaxon's nose, and tried not to puke. He was pretty weird about bones. But then the nurse was yelling at Levi for moving too much. "Woah, slow down what the hell is that you're holding?" The nurse was holding a large spray bottle with a large 'X' on it. It looks like some toxic chemical given to kill someone... He slowly backed away from the nurse, but was too slow. She sprayed the Chemical X on his face. It burned for a good 20 seconds before relief washed over him. "You look like... wow. I think she fixed your nose up pretty good, sweetie!"

My Age Has Never Made Me Wise || JAVI

[levishaw]

poop poop rd poo poop poopsylvania 19poop0

see i didn’t know what i was doing when i was levi im surprised i stuck with it for a full year omfg

[levishaw]

Levi nodded, maybe a few more times than necessary and faced the other way: out toward the city. "Yeah, yeah. I understand." He smiled and began to follow her back inside. BUT THEN HIS SPIDER SENSES TINGLED AND HE JUMPED OFF THE SIDE OF THE BUILDING AND HE DIED CUZ HE AINT NO SPIDERMAN. ok this is done lol lets para again soon.

Never Knowing Where I’m POOPING || Leveste

[levishaw]

see i didn't know what i was doing when i was levi im surprised i stuck with it for a full year omfg