libby-writes

[libby-writes]

i was thinkin about the ideal person i would like to be with the other day. like what kind of traits they would possess and how they would treat me, and all the sudden i realized this boy slowly become my ideal person over time. i met him like a year and a half ago when things were really weird and he just never left. like he’s always there. and he listens to me, he wants to spend time with me, and he actually sees me for me and connects to me on a ton of different levels. i always wanted someone who just really SAW me, does that make sense?? ah. he wants to talk to me about everything, he cares about my thoughts, we just bounce off of each other really well. he’s so nice, has never once made me feel like i was a burden or anything. it just kinda fits and it’s cool to know that he came into my life and didn’t leave. i’ve told him so much over the period of time i’ve known him and all of our texts are just PARAGRAPHS. lol we both like to talk and we both lost parents young and we both view a lot of things the same way... idk, i think i’m in love, man. i don’t feel the need to hide anything around him and he’s goofy and kind and really loving. i don’t have to ask him for flowers or to spend time with me or anything, he just does. it’s kinda scary but also really calming because i think we’re on the same wavelength... idk. :) i hope it ends up working, he’s wonderful. sometimes it’s right in front of you and you don’t even know it. sometimes it takes time to grow and then you’re just like “oh shit, it’s you.”

[libby-writes]

reason to stay: I want to make a better world

I love that :)

[libby-writes]

Reason to live? I'm the only person that my girlfriend is living for atm. If I died, I'd be killing her too

You are amazing.

[libby-writes]

I'm sick of feeling so empty. Come into my life and teach me how love works Show me how something so small can feel so much Take me to places only we can go when we're near each other God damn, I just want to feel something I want my sunrises to start meaning more I want my nights to turn into memory making I want to get inside the deepest, most fucked up parts of you and choose to love you anyway I don't want one-sided bullshit anymore Or to question whether or not I'm good enough Because I'm fucking good enough I just want to know. I want to be real. I want to feel so much and uncover everything you never wanted someone else to know Just let me in

[libby-writes]

New boy

Hi okay so I'm posting this here bc my actual blog people I know follow me and they don't need to know the deats of my life. Lolz. But there's a new boy!! It's been a year since I've been in a relationship. Which may not seem like long to some people, but it was a nice gap for me. I was so used to jumping from relationship to relationship for a while there. It was nice to try and figure out myself. And while I have, there's still so much growing to do!! Needless to stay, for me, this is a change. I've been used to being alone now. So the change of someone new coming into my life is a little... Scary I guess. I know I get attached easily and that I mess things up quite unintentionally but I want to try really hard not to this time. To prove to myself I can "relationship" and also because he's pretty damn cool! He's so cute first of all; the kind of cute that you can't stare at for too long without thinking "how the fuck did I get you" because honestly, I don't know. I never thought someone so attractive could ever find me attractive back. But that's kind of been an issue of mine. I go for less. So that when it ends, I'm not as disappointed? He's also so easy to talk to! Like not just about deep life things, but normal things. Any topic, it just flows. It goes from one to the other and he answers any questions I have. He's so open and it's what I need. He's so funny and adorable. SO FUNNY. I can't even describe. I don't think he knows it, either. But that's the best kind of funny. The unconscious kind. They say something and suddenly you're on the floor. My point is, who knows. Beginnings are usually very anxiety-startling for me. They just are. I get nervous about someone losing interest suddenly. I get nervous about it being too good to be true. But maybe it's not, maybe this one can actually last??

[libby-writes]

Feelings are kind of like weather 
So please understand that when I get worried
It’s not because of you 
I’m so sick of boys autumn kicking in 
When the leaves fall and they decide it’s their time to leave and I’m stuck in summer 
Waiting for the next snowfall to come around and whisk me away 
A new love is formed every couple of seasons 
I want someone to stay during my fall when my leaves start falling 
And they finally see the branches of a girl who’s not only scared 
But ready for your leaves to fall down with hers 
Please stay when the rain comes and all you see are dangerous puddles 
I’ll be at the end of every one of them 
 Just promise you’ll stay for the summer 
I’ll fill you up with more warmth than the sun 
And my body will be yours 
I’ll give you the love of the ocean and the freedom of the trees 
Just promise you’ll stay with me.

[libby-writes]

My body aches for you like everyday like thirsty roots for water I can feel them starting to tire out just like my bones and my aching heart I need you more than the earth needs the moon and I'd fight for you forever if you actually wanted me to win

[libby-writes]

i hate that. i hate how you’re finally starting to get over someone after months of trying to love yourself again and then suddenly you seem them again and you’re back to square one. your stomach drops and you panic when you see them and all the feelings start rushing back and suddenly all the progress you made is gone.

[libby-writes]

damn.

lets not sugarcoat this.

i lost my mind over you.

because i thought for once maybe someone loved me like people told me i would always find

from the age of 10 i heard of boys breaking hearts but i never heard about how much it would hurt

especially after nights and nights of sleepovers

and endless i love you’s from very naive minds

but damn, i did love you

now don’t get me wrong it was good while it lasted

but the night you broke my heart was the night all of this self-hatred started

i’ve made out with god knows how many random boys hoping they would feel like you

in fact i was so disgusted by the fact i was kissing someone else that i just told my mind to convince myself that it was you

it never worked.

while laying in another guys bed, i texted you drunk

all i could think was how wrong it was,

to have a perfectly good guy right next to me, 

but all i could think about,

was your name

your goddamn voice

and the shame i felt the next morning

make me sick to my stomach

the fact that i admire a boy

who completely shattered my heart

was something i also never got warned about.

it’s painful.

it’s fucking painful.