lightyears327-blog

[lightyears327-blog]

No, I hear your laugh and I see your faces. 

Something has taken control of me

Only it’s from the inside out

You can’t see it, and neither can I 

No, I can only feel it. 

How do you explain something that is not there? 

You don’t, it’s impossible 

To measure and compare to something else. 

So until science can prove it 

You’re wrong. 

Oh wow we see it!

I’m sorry it only took two hundred thousand years. 

Uh oh, to those millions of people we chained up. 

I guess they weren’t that crazy after all. 

 When we were kids we were scared of the nighttime 

but as we get older, the darkness becomes our friend

And the light is the enemy. 

What made reality worse than our night terrors. 

Nothing? Then why is my body in fight or flight mode 

every time I get out bed.

But that’s better I suppose, then to feel nothing at all

Maybe that’s why I began to like freezing temperatures

Sharp as razors on dry skin 

It woke me up, and it kept me away

 from completely submerging myself into an unconscious sleep

The monsters of the night

can’t fight me when I’m awake and distracted

I have to be drowning in another activity 

Unaware of my thoughts

Shooing them away 

when they begin to creep up on me, like an unwanted (bug)fly 

I tend to do that a lot

dismissing things or people that might help me 

At some point the other side seems so far away 

It’s like falling into a deep lake

When you first go under

you can still see the light through the murky waters

but the farther under you go, the dimmer the light gets. 

Until the only path to show you the way out vanished

Now you’re surrounded in nothing but darkness

 You see less, and less and until you see nothing

 When I was 8, I went to kings island for my birthday 

I rode on my favorite roller coasters

I was tall enough finally for every ride

I spent the day with my family

And ate two scoops of ice cream that were too big for me

Walking away I remember thinking 

Is this it? Not more rides, but was that the peak of my happiness?

And if so, why did that feel wrong to me? 

That was every eight year old’s dream and more 

I remember even feeling happy at the time 

But I still craved something more, something deeper.

Thrill only lasts for moments before it’s over

One birthday I spent most the day reading

I was content and that’s how I wanted to spend it 

But that’s not how other people spent their birthdays

I didn’t mind the quiet or being alone

until the world told me I should, 

“there must be something wrong with you if you like being alone 

In your head, in your thoughts. 

That’s different, and we don’t like different. 

You’re not good at math, and you're only okay at everything else 

You’re pretty, but you're quiet almost completely mute. 

Not sure if you’re rude or a prude 

But I don’t like it 

And you never know what anyone's saying

I’m tired of repeating myself 

and stop looking like you know when you don’t” 

I tried so hard to be a chameleon 

I became who ever I thought you wanted me to be

Until I completely lost my own color

Once a warm yellow, now a dull grey

Why do I want to be an actor?

because I put on a show everyday, 

and people don’t notice it’s not real 

I am in a battle with the mind everyday

with a war I didn’t want

but if I don’t fight, I die. 

Please don’t stop looking for the person 

who once controlled this mind

They knew what they were doing

This isn’t me, I’m in the sunken zone

I can watch but I can’t control 

So don’t give up, not yet

I know the tools I need to do it without help 

But it’s always faster when I have others. 

I am getting better

I realized I can only go so far on my own

and if I rely on people, no one will be here forever. 

I was in a dark place, until I finally saw a flash of light again 

In a book, by this worlds and other world’s most famous man. 

“To love.” 

 I want to talk about my progress

It’s easy to feel let down when you think you relapsed 

 But growth no matter how small is growth 

I try to be more like Him everday. 

I feel my conscious coming back and my self conscious being put to rest.

It was time for a switch

I had to become like my old self again

The one who loved unconditionally 

Who believed in the good of people

And know that the world is grey not black and white. 

To understand you must switch one eye, to look at the other perspective

A smile goes along way 

Your real smile is beautiful. Not the one that hides your teeth

Embrace yourself 

The world only has you once, make the change while you can 

and remember 

It’s quality over quantity 

[lightyears327-blog]

Outside looking

No, I hear your laugh and I see your faces. 

Something has taken control of me

Only its from the inside out

You can’t see it, and neither can I 

No, I can only feel it. 

How do you explain something that is not there? 

You don’t, its impossible 

to measure and compare to something else. 

So until science can prove it 

You’re wrong. 

Oh wow we see it!

I’m sorry it only took two hundred thousand years. 

Uh oh, to those millions of people we chained up. 

I guess they were’t that crazy after all. 

When we were kids we were scared of the nighttime 

but as we get older, the darkness becomes our friend

and the light is the enemy. 

What made reality worst than our night terrors. 

Nothing? Then why is body in fight or flight mode 

every time I get out bed.

But that’s better I suppose, then to feel nothing 

Maybe that’s why I began liking the freezing air 

Sharp as razors on dry skin 

It woke me up, it kept me away

 from completely submerging myself into an unconscious sleep

The monsters of the night can’t fight me when I’m awake

and distracted, I have to be drowning in another activity 

Unaware of my thoughts

Shooing them away 

when it begins to creep up on me, like an unwanted (bug)fly 

I tend to do that a lot

dismissing things or people that might help me. 

At some point the other side seems so far away 

It’s like falling into a deep lake

When you first go under, you can still see the light

but the farther you go, the dimmer the light gets. 

Until the only way you know is gone

Now you’re surrounded in nothing but darkness

 You see less, and less and until you see nothing

When I was 8, I went to kings island for my birthday 

I road on my favorite roller coasters

I was tall enough finally for every ride

I spent it with my family and ate ice cream 

Walking away I remember thinking 

Is this it? Not more rides, but was that the peak of my happiness?

And if so, why did that feel wrong to me? 

That was every eight year old’s dream and more 

I remember even feeling happy at the time 

I wanted something more

Thrill only lasts so long before its onto the next 

One birthday I spent most the day reading

I was content and that’s how I wanted to spend it 

But that’s not how other people spent their birthdays

I didn’t mind the quiet or being alone

until the world told me I should, 

“there must be something wrong with you if you like being alone 

In your head, in your thoughts. 

That’s different, and we don’t like different. 

You’re not good at math, and you're only okay at everything else 

You’re pretty, but you're quiet almost completely mute. 

Not sure if you’re rude or a prude 

But I don’t like it 

And you never know what anyone's saying

I’m tired of repeating myself 

and stop looking like you know when you don’t” 

I tried so hard to be a chameleon 

I became who ever I thought you wanted me to be

Until I completely lost my own color

Once a warm yellow, now a dull grey

Why do I want to be an actor?

because I put on a show everyday, 

and people don’t notice it’s not real 

I am in a battle with the mind everyday

with a war I didn’t want

but if I don’t fight, I die. 

Please don’t stop looking for the person 

who once controlled this mind

they knew what they were doing

this isn’t me, I’m in the sunken zone

I can watch but I can’t control 

So don’t give up, not yet

I know the tools I need to do it without help 

But it’s always faster when I have others. 

I am getting better

I realized I can only go so far on my own

and if I rely on people, no one will be here forever. 

I was in a dark place, until I finally saw a flash of light again 

In a book, by the worlds and other worlds most famous man. 

“To love.”