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the end of the eleventh

i wrote this after sobbing to matt smiths regeneration.

missy is just an own character and i guess it’s what the doctor called her. like the doctor chose the doctor he called her missy and it became her known name.

it’s bad and short but i needed to get it out it was in my head

“doctor is this it” missy asked the man she loved feet away from her. he smiled weakly his hands rubbed against one another. a tear dropped from her eye along her cold rosy cheek.

“i’m afraid so” he said his voice wavering. missy looked at him. she studied him. she did this every day in the TARDIS from the balcony as he did his own thing for a while. he looked older. the man aged before her eyes and she just let it happen.

“can you stay longer, as you. as the doctor i know” she asked tears now falling constantly her eyes were glazed over, like many of the planets and stars the couple had seen together. eleventh time was up. she knew this. she knew that her time with her lover was over.

“missy, you-“ the doctor started before his voice choked up. tears were falling from his own eyes. he looked up at the ceiling of the TARDIS. his eyes following the walls back down to his lover before him.

“i know i know but can’t i go back see you with you be with you, be with you before it’s over.” missy begged stepping forward slightly. her voice was weak. she hadn’t slept in weeks. the TARDIS helped made it feel like a night but in reality she hadn’t slept in weeks. the doctor watched her pull her patchwork cardigan around her frame, like she always did. it’s like the way he plays with his hands.

“missy you’ve lived every day you could with me. if you went back i would know it’s not you. your hairs changed you’ve changed. you’ve aged. i’d notice this. you right now have to let go let me move on become number twelve” the doctor said his hands waving around her stature. his eyes streaming. he loved her more than anything in the universe. her eyes were pleading for something.

“what if” the doctor opened his mouth to cut her off but she stopped before the words left his mouth. missy’s eyes watched the words he had not leave his mouth. she stepped closer to him.

“missy you love me yes” she nodded. she wiped her eyes but more tears took their place. “you need to love me to let me go. there’s so many millions of places you could go.”

“i don’t want to go anywhere if it isn’t with you doctor.” she shouted at him. her small height allowed for the feistiness to fester inside her. it came out rarely but when it did it, it was only when she was angry or trying to get her point across. the doctor looked at her his mouth closed

“missy this is my regeneration. i cannot stop this. you know this you’ve seen with my tenth self. you watched my regenerations through my eyes when i gave them to you. you know everything about my missy. you knew this was coming. i cant stop me changing into a different man. we all change. every day we live a new day sometimes a different person.” he was watching her she just listened tears falling fast. he stopped forward and put his hands to her cheeks. she let out a sob. “you can go on. visit twelve tell him all about me. there’s nothing you can do to keep me as me missy” he said he put his forehead to hers. his breath fanned along her face. cooling her cheeks that had grown hot in the boiling anger of loosing him. “missy you are the best thing that has ever happened to all of my selfs. you made me realise that i didn’t need to be a cold lonely mad man with a box. i would become a loved mad man with a box and his girl” she laughed. their tears dropped onto the floor. meeting. a small glow appeared around the tiny tear puddle on the floor. the glow grew. along the floor of the TARDIS. the golden glow wrapped around the pair. the doctor looked up. he saw the glow. missy knew what she had to do.

“i love you doctor” she said. she took three steps back and disappeared from the glow. she wasn’t in the TARIDS. the doctors face dropped. tears fell from his eyes faster than they ever had before.

“missy” he shouted. he stepped forward to where she just was and she wasn’t there. the glow followed him. “where is she. tell me where she is” he screamed at his TARDIS. the console screen lit up and he ran around his boots clattering on the floor. there was a picture of a graveyard. rory and amys graveyard. missy was stood by the graves. her patchwork cardigan wrapped tightly around her shoulders. “why are you there” he said his fingers dragging along her figure on the screen. his fingers now glowing. the screen fluttered to a different place. missy was stood in the tower of london with kate. talking to her. the doctor did not have any idea how missy was moving around the world. the TARDIS changed the image once again. craig was stood on his doorstep hugging missy. his hand was rubbing her back. she was sobbing into his shoulder. alfie now a toddler walked out of the house and missy turned to the small boy and handed him something the doctor couldn’t see. he cried the doctor sobbed. the image changed. missy was stood where they first met as missy and the doctor when he was the tenth. she looked up to the stars and kissed her fingers and put them to the sky. the doctor smiled. “oh my wonderful light” he said his hand was streaming his regeneration glow. missy was now stood on top of a mountain. she was sobbing. her body was deprived of air. she was struggling to breathe. the doctor noticed the red sand that she was sat on. she was at the day he died. “missy missy missy how i love you” and with his last words as the eleventh.

his twelfth face snapped into his clothes. he saw the woman on the console screen sobbing. the twelfth doctor yelled in pain as his new kidneys came into his body. “how to fly this thing” he asked the air. the TARDIS showed the twelfth what to do. the police box vanished from its place.

missy stood up from the mountain. she looked out in front of her and saw the doctor die. shot by river. she sobbed even more. she saw her younger self begun running forward. the astronauts suit containing river turned away. missy let the suit walk away. she fell to the floor next to the doctor. rory grabbed her shoulders and pulling her back. she remembered this day like it was yesterday. it could have been yesterday for all missy knew. missy was screaming and kicking. missys older self stepped away when she saw river looking over at her. she waved her hand at river and then vanished from the mountain top.

[lilslotsofchat]

Make It Up To You

“hello,can I request a george fic where the reader is feeling insecure about her chubby body and how she feels insecure because George always works with gorgeous actresses and he makes it up to her? ”

Sorry this took a hot second, nonny. Times have been tough, but I’m trying to get back in the swing of things!

w/c: 1k.

───※ ·❆· ※───

George had been away long enough for you to feel the impact of how alone you really were. Of course, you were glad he was off living his dream. You couldn’t have been happier for him, actually.

George was always good at changing your perspective… when he was around. Not that you needed anyone to tell you who to be. But George always knew just what to say. He listened to you, he didn’t diminish your feelings, and he was a master at getting you to see your insecurities in a different light, all the while.

Keep reading

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scott’s pissed

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soft and not painful things that i love so, so much about 1917: 

the absurd and delightful size difference between the two privates who find scho dragging blake’s body and the fact that the little one is in charge while the bigger one is just a gentle giant (and the way that they watch scho passing with captain smith once they’re already sitting back in their truck, like they’re still quietly worried about him) 

the fact that the idiot who thought it was tuesday saying his little “sorry, sir” wasn’t in the script 

cooke giving the finger to the driver, like that boy is just so completely feral

the way kilgour kinda happily dozes into his scarf while leslie’s talking to scho and blake and looks up with the most startled, softest little :o when leslie tells him to fetch the flare gun

scho not taking his hand off blake’s shoulder for like 30 seconds after they get away from the soldiers yelling at him, and staring at him the whole time until he tries to break the tension with “it’s bloody quiet”

the fact scho could have been mean and petty and told blake it was his fault when he asks “your hand alright?”, but he instead just says he put it through an effing german. he doesn’t want to make blake feel guilty because he knows it wasn’t his fault he was scared by the face in the mud, and he knows there’s no point placing blame, and he wants to protect him

“welcome aboard the night bus to fuck knows where”

“you could do with a new set” 

how deeply jondolar cares for scho. like, he sees him and he’s just immediately “i am going to protect this boy. i am going to make sure he is okay” 

the way jondolar picks on and singles out rossi the most out of all the men he’s with, like they’re clearly close and i’m soft i love it 

scho’s bunny face. that thing he does with his mouth where only his top row of teeth show. the soft bashful little bunny smile when he tells blake he can eat bosch dog meat because oh that’s such a cheeky thing to say i’m the devil incarnate. the face he does when he hurts his hand and when he’s pushing the truck. that face

the fact you can hear the dog barking for a little while before scho and blake even get to the frontline, and for a little while afterwards - that dog was so well-behaved and sweet to sit through 50 takes and i love the realism of him/her still… existing even after the camera has moved on

the yorks were probably cheering and laughing and jumping all over each other and celebrating back in the trenches when they saw the flare - it would have been the highest point of their lives in months and a symbol of hope

the colonel’s driver when he asks if he can drive around the tree now - “no, sir.” he’s so tired. he’s been putting up with the colonel for months. we truly do love to see it.

“they at least could have retreated with a bit of grace, BASTARDS”

scho’s frightened flailing when he says “i can’t, i can’t see!!” it’s the most freely and uncontrolled we ever see him move and he’s just so heartbreakingly soft 

“sirthatlandisheldbythegermans”

“friend. i’m a friend”

“a girl?” 

“for you and the child”

blake wiping his sleeve across his face when he slides down into the crater and waits for scho to lead the way from the barbed wire

blake reacting to every single dead body they come across in no man’s land with the same amount of disgust and horror and grief every single time because he isn’t used to all the senseless death yet while schofield doesn’t give any of them a second look, no wait that’s sad

“chil-dren? you?”

scho’s tiny smile when he’s talking to the baby and the way he brushes his thumb in circles over her fingers

scho’s eyes never leaving lauri’s in that one bit where it would have been a kiss in any other film or where his eyes would have at least gone to her lips. he respects her. he admires her. he wants her to feel safe and cared for. his thank you is genuine. she’s what his daughters/nieces could grow up to be

the fact that they chose a balletic score to go over the night window sequence. like, ballet-esque music in a war film. it’s beautiful and so brave. and the way the surreal, liquid shapes perfectly capture what scho is experiencing with his concussion. 

the way scho walks to the german by the burning church because in his concussed state, he honestly goes “friend? that man is my friend?”

joe’s first instinct to try and make scho feel better and comforted is food, same as blake

“what?” *squint* 

“what the HELL are you doing, lance corporal?”

scho’s horrible, panicked sobs when he realises he’s just touched a body in the water, and the way they grow when he realises they’re everywhere and he has to go over them. wait no that’s sad too

“well he’s not one of ours”

“well done, lad”

the way the singing soldier sounds so much like blake that schofield probably thinks he has come to greet him in heaven

[lilslotsofchat]

i’ve thought about this all day i’ve told 10 of my friends they don’t care but i’m genuinely begging for this

why do i have the biggest feeling that bmcLDN is going to move to west end

the haymarket frees up after only fools ( closes june ) from august because the tiger who came to tea is in there from july for a month

so that leaves it free

and that’s where heathers went after they left

oh my god i’m going to yell

[lilslotsofchat]

@ scott folan

have you ever been so wildly attracted to someone you can actually feel it driving you insane

[lilslotsofchat]

I ADORE THIS CAST

[lilslotsofchat]

being 18 and trying to find a job in london theatre is harder than child birth im sure

[lilslotsofchat]

why do i have the biggest feeling that bmcLDN is going to move to west end

the haymarket frees up after only fools ( closes june ) from august because the tiger who came to tea is in there from july for a month

so that leaves it free

and that’s where heathers went after they left

oh my god i’m going to yell

[lilslotsofchat]

Be More Chill Is A Self-Aware Musical: A Conspiracy Thread

Note: I haven’t actually read the book yet, but I’ve watched the musical twice and have been pondering over the soundtrack for four whole weeks, so I have a lot of thoughts…

Okay, so in the intro song “More Than Survive”, Jeremy laments on about how he’ll never be the hero of the story. 

“Out of all the characters at school I am not the one who the story’s about…”

Which is like, a typical thing to say when you see yourself as the high school loser. Like, of course you think the story’s not about you. You’re not a popular kid. You’re wallpaper at best. But there’s something that always bugged me in the song. This line:

“And that’s not what I need right now. End scene. I hang a left and there’s–”

It may just be a quirky thing that Jeremy does, narrating himself like a writer would with their main character. I mean, he’s been narrating himself from the start, but at that point… At the point where he literally quotes words that can usually be found in a screenplay, well… That’s when shit got interesting for me.

Keep reading

[lilslotsofchat]

unpopular opinion:

londons more than survive is better

( not that i’m up scott folans )

broadways doesn’t have the emphasis that scott has.

for example

the boyf part london loud and bully like pinned up against the wall

broadway not really it

i am up scott folans but will r i love him but it’s a bit meh

[lilslotsofchat]

his lil smile gets me

#joe “I’M ADORABLE & SOFT” mazzello

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serious question why does roger look about 7ft tall

queen at ridge farm was something else

don’t forget roger’s sparkly shoes

[lilslotsofchat]

no one:

absolutely no one:

me: yes I'm Hufflepuff and proud and what about it

[lilslotsofchat]

JUMPER 2 - Four/Billy

posted this a few times i don’t know if people are seeing this

warnings : death / attempted su*cide s/ swearing

———————————————————————

no one knew ones story. they knew he was an asshole and he cared for eight like she were his own kid. one was rich everyone knew it. he had access to planes and guns he just returned every week with a new case full to the brim. four and eight wondered to the back corner of the graveyard on their skate boards. they held hands as they skated. speaking about their past and how they missed thieving together. “we haven’t explored this plane.” eight said stopping in her tracks. she saw the boeing 747. she jumped off her board and began scaling the plane. four followed behind her. the two of them made it to the top of the plane and stood looking at their base about a half mile away from them. his arms wrapped around her. “i miss kissing you mid mission like we used to.” he said looking down at the girl he loved dearly. her hands wrapped around his neck her fingers pulling at the hair on the back of his neck. four pulled her in for a kiss their lips met perfectly. the sun set was a backdrop for the couples kiss. four pulled back he looked down at her smiled and then kissed her again. the couple pulled back and looked at each other. four helped her down off the plane. he kissed her when they got on their boards. four and eight rode back to camp laughing at each other rolling over on their boards. eight dived on the floor. four jumped off to pick her up and she just sat there laughing. her fall was funny and four couldn’t help but chuckle along with her. one came out of his cabin and saw the two of them curled up on the floor. “yo children meeting now” one called. eight got up with the help of four. four took their boards back to the dome.

eight walked with one to the belly of the biggest plane. she climbed to her normal spot. behind the group on the tier as one called it. “eight you need to focus today.” one said to the woman who was getting comfortable in her seat. two walked in with five and three followed a few minutes later. “eight where’s four” three asked the kid who was watching through the hole in the metal. “jogging over now” she said. four looked up at his girl and ran under into the belly. he walked to his normal spot. one was talking about getting a seven. he found someone who fit perfectly. he wouldn’t be a driver but he was a sniper. eight smiled the gap of the number that her stubborn mind left. eight was supposed to be five. she declined the number. she wanted an even number. one had already decided on his six. so he gave her eight. he knew that four and herself knew each other. very well. he allowed her to be eight as he felt that four and eight were the ones that needed to be a pair. he tried to tell them that but it didn’t make sense. “eight your coming with me we’re leaving first thing tomorrow we’ll be back in two weeks” one said. four looked up at eight and she smiled. the crew left and one and four stayed. eight climbed down the back of the beam. she dropped to the floor. her ankle jerked as she landed but she brushed it off. she limped over to four who noticed she shook him off before he asked. “the two of you did really well in florence. it may have been a shit show but if it wasn’t for the pair of you there probably would have been more than one death. thank you” one said. the couple nodded. “are you okay eight” four asked his girlfriend. she nodded. “i’m fine” she replied. his arm wrapped around her waist. “here’s your wages” one said digging around in a draw and pulling out two thick envelopes. “thank you one.” eight said. eight limped around to one and hugged him. he hugged her back tightly. “if i lost you eight i’d be fucked.” he whispered into her ear. she hugged back again to suggest she heard and she understood. “both of you spend time together tonight. we might be longer than two weeks” one said. eight nodded. “i’ll meet you here in the morning” she said before leaving with her arm wrapped around four. she had hurt her ankle badly but she didn’t want anyone to know.

four began cooking pasta for eight and himself. eight got in the shower and cleaned her body and hair. four came in to use the toilet. “are you okay with going away for two weeks babe” four asked leaning on the sink cabinet. “yeah we need a new six and wine of them isn’t going to come walking to us” she said to him stepping out of the shower and picking up a towel. “but we just got back and you need rest. you’ve just fucked your ankle as well.” he said to her. she laughed. “billy i’m fine baby.” she pressed a kiss to his lips and walked out of the bathroom. she looked down at her ankle and the side he’s bruised. “get dressed food is ready” he said in the doorway. eight got changed into her joggers and one of billy’s old hoodies. he smiled and kissed her. when she limped past. “let me see your ankle.” he asked as she sat on their sofa. he brought over their pasta and put it on the coffee table. “babe it’s really okay i’ve just twisted it” she muttered taking the pasta bowl he set out in front of her. he pulled her feet onto his lap. he looked down at her ankle. “gee it’s bruised.” he said rubbing it lightly with his fingers. she hadn’t heard her own name from him in days. “ow” she muttered. he looked up at her sharply. “i’m calling five” he muttered grabbing his phone from the side. “billy it’s fine” she put her hand on his. his fingers locked with hers. “no gee you’re a runner. what if it gets actually fucked like fucked fucked. you’ll be stuck shooting guns with two. i need you fucking running with me.” billy’s panicked voice was filling quicker than usual. his hands running through his hair. “call five but if you’ve woken her up for no reason she’s going to be raging at you” eight said giving into her boyfriend. billy stood up. “five can you come to me and eight shes fucked her ankle and it’s all bruised. she’s been limping since the meeting and okay your coming thank you.” four said. he opened the door and left it open for five to come over. “stick the pasta back in the pot to warm it up.” eight said to four he nodded and took the pasta and started to reheat it.

five came over she had her medical bag in hand just incase. she saw eight laying on the sofa. “you are a fucking idiot” five said to the woman. “get one” five snapped at four. four walked out of his cabin and came back over five minutes later with one complaining. in those five minutes five had strapped up eights ankle. “what’s happened” one asked seeing eight being strapped up. “she fucked her ankle” four said. “i am aware i was there what has she done five” one asked sitting down on the chair at the table. four stood in the doorway. “she’s fractured the bone in her foot” five said looking at one. one formed a o with his mouth. four put his hand to his face. “will she be okay to leave for a month” one asked. “you said it was a fucking fortnight” four snapped at their leader. “not the point” eight said. “she will be fine. she’s just gotta use a crutch on her foot” five said to her and one. four just stood in the back. watching he looked at his girlfriend. “next mission” one questioned. five looked around in her bag. “it can’t be in the next two months if she will do what she always does.” five said to one. four muttered under his breath. one looked around the cabin. he looked like he was thinking of a plan. “she’s still coming with me tomorrow. for the month. she will be fine four you can text and call her she isn’t dead to you. she’ll have to rest as much as she can when she’s with me. i’ll make sure she’s fine. well come back as quick as we can.” one said. he looked at four who looked worried. “four can we have a chat” one asked the blonde in the doorway. four nodded and led him to the bedroom.

five packed up her bags and put them by the door. “thank you five” eight said. “don’t walk on it tonight i’m sure four can carry you to bed.” five said to her she smiled at her friend. eight sat up when four came back through to the living area. his face was red and one walked out right away. “sleep well eight five. four i’ll see you dawn” one said. four stood at the stove clearly fuming. “thanks five i’ll see you tomorrow” eight said five nodded and left taking her bags. four closed the door. “calm down” eight said to her raging boyfriend. “one said to me that if you don’t heal up in the next week he’s taking you off the next mission” four said mixing the pasta again. “okay and why are you so angry four.” she asked him. “call me fucking billy gee. you are not with anyone.” billy snapped. “why are you mad billy” she asked him her voice softening.

their last heist together was a shit show. gee was injured her arm was broken but she still came. billy was so mad she turned up at the apartment they were stealing a necklace from. he screamed at her but she knew he was always stressed during these things. he didn’t work with trustworthy people they stole from him as they were thieves but they stole his life. “fuck, we ain’t leaving till we have the kalahari” billy shouted throwing a set of draws on the floor. gee looked over at billy from her set. she pulled open a draw and billy came up behind her and picked up the necklace put it in his mouth. gee took it and he moved around her quickly to the desk next to the side. “billy we’ve gotta go” a voice called. gee looked up. “fuck sake where is it” she muttered. “go ive got it.” billy screamed. gee ran. the group were jumping and sprinting away from the building that they were stealing from. gun shots were heard. and a team memeber was killed. gee noticed and gasped. billy rushed her on. they dropped through the floor and landed on another roof. gee screamed at the pain in her arm and billy grabbed her and ran. he still had the kalahari in his mouth. they began climbing across the hotel sign which was their get away. gee made it across and billy was just behind her before he dropped. he caught onto a strand of wires. gee turned around. “fuck billy” she screamed. there was no way getting across. billy was hanging. he was smart he knew what to do. he swung and was able to grip onto part of the concrete on the opposite building. the female who was in their group grabbed onto the kalahari had no intention of saving billy’s life. gee could hear his cries of taking his hand with the muffled tone from the kalahari in his mouth. gee stood with her hand over her mouth her heard pounding. “take his fucking hand” gee screamed. at that point billy fell his grip faltered and his body began falling. gee screamed his name and saw the panic in her eyes as he fell. she began trying to scale down the building but her broken arm did not allow her.

it took her at least twenty minutes to make it back to the original building they were in. the crew left her behind she was sobbing running over the rubble and tripping yelling in pain at her arm. “billy” she yelled. she stumbled to where he would have fallen. there was nothing. no body. “billy” she called looking around. there was his coat on the floor. “please billy where are you” she cried. she fell to the floor holding onto his coat. she looked around and saw nothing. there was the wood that had fallen with him. she just sobbed for how ever long. gee walked back to their apartment in ukraine. crying she opened their flat door. “billy are you here.” she called her voice breaking. gee climbed into bed and laid there for a week. she was weak. the house phone rung at 8am a week after billy disappeared. gee climbed out her bed weakly and walked to grab the phone. “hello darling” billy’s mother said down the phone her south london accent really shinning through it. gees mouth dropped. she was too busy whining about billy she didn’t tell his mother and brother. “josie” gees voice broke. “gee are you okay lovely” his mother asked softly down the phone. gee and billy’s mother were extremely close and called every other day. she knew that her son and his girlfriend were travelling around all the time she didn’t know they were stealing but she loved gee dearly. “i’m sorry josie” gee sobbed into her hand. she was weak and hadn’t eaten other than a few crackers that were in billy’s side table. “what’s happening hunny where’s billy is he with you” josie asked her sons girlfriend. “he fell and his body wasn’t there i looked for hours josie.” she cried to her. “billy isn’t alive” josie asked. gee sobbed. “i couldn’t find him. i looked for so long” she cried. gee was dirty. “it’s okay baby. it’s okay. i’m coming to ukraine. we’ll arrange everything i’ll be there tomorrow morning.” josie said her eyes filling with tears but she knew that gee grew up with billy by her side. they ended up together. gees parents disappeared and left gee on josies doorstep. billy loved gee since they were 13. billy finally asked her out when they were 16. they had been dating since then. “have you eaten hunny. jack book flights to ukraine.” josie said to her oldest son. her voice was faltering. “i ain’t eaten anything” gee said her voice breaking.

billy’s funeral happened in ukraine. josie jack and gee stayed and lowered an empty casket into the floor. jack had packed up the whole apartment into boxes. two of billy’s friends showed up and left before the end they did not stay till the casket was in the floor. gee was sobbing. jack had his hand on her back rubbing small circles in her spine like billy used to do and she cried even more. josie hugged gee tighter when the mud was thrown onto. “we send to the heavens william fredrike lee” the preist said. gee hadn’t heard billy be called william since they were 18 and in trouble for stealing his mothers alcohol. gee didn’t know that billy was on a rooftop watching her cry. she looked ill. like she was going to fall apart any second. he wanted to go to her but she had just closed off a casket with an empty bed. one the man gee would meet in a few months time was stood next to the blonde crying watching his girlfriend sob. “it had to be done.” one said. gee was broken.

gee grieved in london at her second home. josies house. one day she made she was well enough to leave for a walk. one had been watching her. he followed her to a place where billy and gee came on their first date as adults. she stood at the top of the building looking out at the city. her eyes jumped across buildings that the couple had climbed. they began stealing in their late teens. the first thing they stole was cookies from a shop then it grew then it grew to asda when his mother took them on shopping trips when they were 14 and they always got a rush from it. it grew and grew till billy lost his life. gee was crying. her eyes were weak and she was skinnier than she couldn’t live without him. he was her everything and she was his. gee stood with her arms out. “hello gee” a soothing american voice peeled up. gees heart began to race even more. her breathing was heavy and the man could hear it. he stood ten feet away from her. she hadn’t spoken to anyone other than jack and josie in months. “i know this is a bad time. i really do but you need to listen to me” the man said. gee looked over her shoulder. she saw a man with a full beard. he looked gentle. he looked like he would hold her and comfort her. “you lost billy to a fall in ukraine. what if i said you could steal for the rest of your life with big money in the game” the man said. gee looked back at him and turned around. her face shocked. “i’m about to kill myself and you come out with this shit” she says to him. he laughed. “as i said this is a bad time.” the man said.

[lilslotsofchat]

i miss young roger and deaky together 🥺