lilwitch87

[lilwitch87]

Goals.

botanical_tales

[lilwitch87]

[lilwitch87]

An open letter to the world that ate me ...

     I feel like I’m finally in a place to address this and move on from it. I have my blinders off and can speak from a much healthier place. It’s insane how much I’ve changed.

    I spent more years than I care to admit tied up in a world that kept me prisoner from my life, my loved ones and even myself. You really just believe it’s a habit, an interest, a game... but then it’s like quicksand and no ones there to scream “ATREYU!”. Instead, the people there with you just keep you there, even if they know it’s keeping you from being healthy and living a healthy life. I too, am guilty of doing this to others.

   It’s not fair to say I didn’t enjoy any of it, or that it was all bad. I can however say for sure, it was more bad than good. It caused problems in my real life constantly, and my response was always defensive. It was like any other addiction. Someone takes a bottle away from an alcoholic and says “You’re not yourself, you’re not even eating, you have to stop!” ... the alcoholic does what? Right. Me too. This wasn’t my first fight with addiction. Alcohol, pills, and then this... but this was “better”...wrong. This was far worse. Not only did it keep me from facing my issues and healing from my past, it also gave me new issues to deal with. Threatened my health, my marriage, my friendships ... everything.

     I had fun. Sure, but at what cost? Oh that’s right. TIME. Literally, all of my time. The time I should have been putting into my self care, my husband, my kids, my house, my interests and hobbies. It’s not even like this was just something that was taking away from others in my life, it took away from me too. I enjoyed other things but just never had time for them because it was like I always had to be logged on. It was literally constant. I woke up, I came to my computer, I was on. I stayed there all day, all night, barely slept. I turned down going places, or went and just stayed on my phone the whole time talking to people from in world while I was gone. That... that was the other hook that kept me there ... the people.

     Friends sure, but it was the relationships that fucked me up. I’m married, and happily so despite what people think about married individuals in relationships on there. Are some people looking for an out? I’m sure. Are some people just like tinker bell and die without attention? Yes. That’s me, hello, sparkle sparkle. It started with just flirting and thinking, oh... this is fun! This feels nice to be able to do this and it not be real life, and something that’s going to get me in trouble or put me at risk. HA! That’s rich. That flirting becomes talking all the time, being intimate (as much as you can without physical touch anyway), getting attached, etc etc. That rush of new, over and over ...thinking it’s ok because it’s not “really happening” ... that crush of a break up over and over, the emotional toll it takes to get soooo attached to someone and then just, POOF, no contact with them at all. All that while slacking on your actual relationship. Blaming your SO when really it’s you that’s not putting in your best because you’re distracted. Realizing that while it was meant to fill the gaps that you were home alone, now it’s filling all of your time up, and you have none left to give the person that’s really there.

     The fights because of me always putting being online first. The constant toxicity and drama in that world. The lack of eating, drinking, exercising, sleeping or generally taking care of myself correctly. The stress, anxiety, depression and late nights laying in bed thinking of ALL the things I didn’t do that I wished I would have, literally EVERY day. Finally all of this, and a lot more detailed incidents, drove me to want to quit. It was like I just, grew up... didn’t want this anymore. On top of already feeling this way I had a wake up call with one of my kids health problems. So I quit. Not only did I leave Secondlife, I left the state... I hit the road with my husband, kids and dog for about 2 weeks. Traveled all the way into the mountains of Colorado and just spent time with nature. Really let myself be gone from all of it. It was the best thing I ever did for myself, and for everyone around me. I’ll save trip details for another blog.

     I came home refreshed. I was happy with my decision to leave. I had to really find myself all over again. Find my routine without my computer involved, which meant being away even for just gaming, or talking to friends, but it was well worth it. I kept in touch with a few people, got on discord from time to time to talk and game. At first I struggled. I missed it. Not fully, but the work...my friends...the always having someone to talk to morning, noon and night. I pulled through that part a lot easier than I expected. The bad just outweighed the good so heavily.

     It’s been 6 months. I’ve had time now to really go through all the waves of walking away from something that was part of my life for so long. The ups and downs and all the thoughts and feelings and tug of war with it all. I am literally, so fucking happy. So much healthier. So much more present in life! My anxiety is practically non existent, I’m doing things I haven’t done in years, and enjoying it. I’m so much more productive, active...I just feel so much more, me! Without having something that sucks you in and soaks up every bit of your day, there’s so much more day to do things with. My relationship is back to normal, I’m not missing things in my kids lives anymore. The friends I made over the years spent on there have both helped and hurt me. Some are still in contact, and some (that I thought for sure would be in contact) have just fell off the face of the earth...but no, they haven’t, they’re just still in, so if it’s not about that, you’re outside of their cone of vision. I’ve been that person, I get it. Those of you I have though? You’re the only good thing that came out of all this mess...I met some people and made some connections I never would have otherwise, you know who you are. ♥

     All that being said... maybe someone will read this and have an epiphany and walk away and live life better, or maybe this was just for me to vent it all out and close the chapter for good now that I feel so good about it being over. It’s not bad for everyone, people who can do it casually, or use it as a business but still live a normal happy life. There’s a lot though, that are like me, trust me I knew some of them...that are just completely shutting off to everything but this person they’ve created in world, and it’s not helping you mentally, physically, emotionally...it can be so much better, and I hope you find that place. Trust me when I tell you that this is literally just the icing, not even a page in a book that could be written about my time there. It’s not called what it’s called for the reason you might think, and life, should never be put second.

[lilwitch87]

Dead ass obsessed with my new set up ... wanted the quartz stuff from the beginning but finally got to upgrade ... THE CLICKY CLICKY of this keyboard is LIFE! Whyyyyy? LOL. Razer, thank you!

[lilwitch87]

Lughnasadh is this Sunday! Here is a GREAT link to learn more about this time on the wheel of the year! https://www.kajoralovely.com/lovely-blog/2019/7/28/lughnasadh I’ll be posting up my altar after it’s decorated for the special day! ❤

[lilwitch87]

Ok so something I'm curious about right now is the Unitarian Universalist places. I e been to one for a Pagan Festival and have wondered ever since, so then I checked out a local one yesterday. Has anyone actually been to any services at one or have any experience with what it's all about?

[lilwitch87]

Check it out!

So I’ve made my own Facebook group for witchy things! I kind of got tired of seeing/being in so many that were just toxic and wanted one where I could make sure it didn’t get that way. Less rules, more freedom as well, gatekeeping is gross. Check it out! https://www.facebook.com/groups/moonlightandmagick 

[lilwitch87]

Unboxed my Bijou order today! Ugh so excited! The candle smells amazing just as it is can't wait to see how it does as it burns. The matches are way bigger than I expected and I love it! Such a good price too for 40 of them ❤️

[lilwitch87]

So I thought I’d post for those of you curious, or maybe just starting your path. This is the book that really began everything for me, as far as diving into what I already knew was in me. It is amazing, and really gets you started on your path while not picking it for you. From here I found what I wanted to learn more about first, other things I was interested in that I hadn’t even thought about yet as well as just confirmation of things I’ve felt for a long time as far as knowing there’s a lot of us that feel this way, and it does mean something. Enjoy! ♥

[lilwitch87]

The sun watches what I do, but the moon knows all my secrets

J.M. Wonderland

[lilwitch87]

I had to share this, I’ll do a review once my stuff comes in, but UGH, they have some really cute stuff, with some truly amazing scent profiles! Also, they allow use of after pay so EEEP. I’m most excited about the “wand matches” I ordered because, I don’t know about you, but when I’m lighting candles on my altar, a long match would be SUPER useful. ♥ Enjoy!

[lilwitch87]

[lilwitch87]

Welcome!

Finally a place to share all things witchy! I’m always looking for more knowledge myself so now I’ll be around to share some, as well as offer tarot readings. This is gonna be fun, stick around! ♥