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GOOD MORNING SAEZURU NATION WE HAVE NEW OFFICIAL SAEZURU ART

The pop up store will be held from July 5th 2024!

So excited to see all the new merch!! 🎉🎉

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This Tumblr is now a BLeeMulligan's fangirl i am GAY for this man. This prompt SENDS me to the ether and I am neither a kink practitioner nor a dd player but this whole performance is chefs 💋

A new Make Some Noise is out now on Dropout - with Izzy, Brennan, and Erika!

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All of these but honestly Yashiro decided to let Doumeki go / acted real cold not because he’s afraid to fall in love but because he wanted Doumeki to live. He saw how this boy was willing to die for him just like that and got so scared (I’m not afraid of losing you I’m afraid what it would do to me) and so his solution is to be mean, because if it’s Doumeki who doesn’t choose him then his hands are tied (just like if Doumeki is impotent then no matter how Yashiro wants it they could never fuck). It’s self sabotaging and self sacrificing at the same time. Like «you will not die for me because i am not worth it and you have a whole family and a life you can return to so go and don’t look back . » Yashiro already knew that he was in love at this point, just like he knew he was into Kageyama but literally set him up with someone else because he thinks that he is the one to save them rather than the other way around. And i think Doumeki knows that, and that’s why he plays the long game, choosing to darken his life because if he goes light, even if he finds Yashiro again he won’t be able to be together with Yashiro because if this man acts like this when he’s already on yakuza’s payroll there is no way Yashiro will take civilian Doumeki to be his lover. That’s why it’s s hard decision for the both of them. Yashiro didn’t think that he could ever «come back» (chap 1, pg 34) to civilian life, but others should. Doumeki, I’m the other hand, being a former cop whose cop dad was a literal child rapist thinks normative life is unsettling and overrated and that organized crimes are actually just life being honest to the violence it takes to survive in this world. Thats why the both of them are both alike and opposite: Yashiro’s and Doumeki’s innocence were both shattered but Yashiro longs for it and Doumeki dreads it - Yashiro wishes to protect Doumeki’s innocence (« I found you so cute ») while Doumeki throws it away without a second thought to stay near Yashiro. Doumeki wants Yashiro because Yashiro is a survivor/victim but never thought to « rescue » or bring him to the light/normative world because he was powerless in that world.

Hey! Hope your having a nice day, anyway I waned to ask you abt something that I really didn't understand at the end of chapt 35(I think? I could be wrong do). When Y looks at D for the last time at the hospital, while covering one of his eyes. The chapter then ends with "Flying birds speak no words " I'm not really sure of what that means but I'm curious for your interpretation.

Hi there and thank you really much for your question! I’m really happy to share my interpretations and always ready to engage with the wonderful community of Saezuru.✨

You went for a very interesting question and I had to think about it a lot before starting to write down my own explanation. However, I should note that I am not sure if my interpretation is 100% accurate, as it has a very personal touch to it and it might not be how things actually played out.

Also, in order for my explanation to make sense, we have to go a few pages back, as many things are interconnected and they sort of complement each other. Sorry if I am going to talk a lot around the subject.

We're talking about the hospital scene, happening after Yashiro confronted Kageyama with “why did you choose Kuga and not me?” I should point this out because in this before scene with Kageyama, Yashiro does something super interesting: he actually recalls his feelings for Kageyama. And I think that he is able to touch the subject of these feelings, exactly because his feelings aren’t as strong as before. They’re in fact already faded since Doumeki got so far and broke every wall that stood in front of him and Yashiro. Let’s just say that his unrequited love for Kageyama doesn’t even amount to much, now that Doumeki explored Yashiro with his hands, body and soul, and shook his core. If there would be a moment for Yashiro to realize that he is no longer in love with Kageyama, this would be it. Because Doumeki simply won. However, this does not mean that Yashiro, as we know him, wants to admit it.

Then, 3 different things happen in 3 different plans. We have the birds in the view of the window, standing on a branch. We have Yashiro who proceeds to walk around. We also have Nanahara talking with Sugimoto about Yashiro's lie that he hit his head and does not remember Doumeki anymore.

I think this is important because when Yashiro spends those few moments walking, he is actually thinking and processing everything. Processing that Doumeki took over his life and heart, and also processing his own blind and pathetic decision to pretend that he does not remember him. Even if he can only vaguely realize everything he has done, he definitely feels like there is a burden in his heart, like he is going to miss something. Perhaps, he feels a contradiction?

That’s why the dialogue of Nanahara and Sugimoto is so telling: because looking at Yashiro in the nearby panel we have the answer to the question: “What if boss fell for Doumeki?” The answer is yes without any doubt and it’s in front of us. He is in love with Doumeki, which twists his insides even more.

Then he notices Doumeki, together with his mother and sister, and gives him one last bittersweet stare.

The hand covering one eye could be on a shallow level something as convergence insufficeny, but I really believe that it symbolize something deeper than an eye condition.

Yashiro's act of covering one eye means that his mystery, deceit and hidden facts are on the shadowed side. You can see only half of his face being hit by the light, and the other half in shadow, just as his feelings on the inside are mixed between pursuing his love and losing himself in the unknown or flying away into his known darkness because "flying birds speak no words". His internal battle is emphasised by this gesture of his. Will I chose the light in front of me (Doumeki) or will I chose my darkness and pretend not to see him anymore just because it hurts to love?

Even though he already chose to forget him, the fight is inside of him, stronger than ever. And Yashiro is leaning towards the dark side, letting it take over.

In the next panel, the bird flies leaving a feather behind. The bird flying means escape with the avoidance of entanglements for Yashiro.

Personally, in the way I see it, the bird is Yashiro. The entanglements are his romantic feelings towards Doumeki, the things left unsaid that are burning so much in Yashiro’s heart. Yashiro thinks that if he disconnects and disappears, there will be no need for further words, and there will be no need for Yashiro to abandon himself because he developed feelings for Doumeki. He thinks that pushing him away is going to make the feelings of love go away, but oh boy, how wrong is he!

When the bird flies, we assume that Doumeki sees and reads through Yashiro's intention to go away from him, knows it is over and is swallowing his words. "Is something wrong?" ;"No, it's nothing." But in fact, ultimately Doumeki is left behind, like a caged and abandoned bird. That little baby bird that used to follow Yashiro everywhere.

Also, Yashiro covering his eye, catching shades of light and darkness across his face, mirrors in a way the very last scene with Doumeki looking like he is trapped in a bird cage, after he talks to Nanahara on the rooftop.

The difference between these two scenes (Yashiro between light and darkness and Doumeki stepping in the dark) is that Yashiro has a choice when he covers his eye. He can see both perspectives ahead, and that is perhaps more painful given that choice is just an illusion anyway. But Doumeki has nothing else than to step in the darkness, as he is caged as a direct consequence of what Yashiro decided: to abandon him.

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a study

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These 2 pictures are living in my head rent free.

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Tweet tweet motherfuckers 😭😭😭 please I am violently twirled in my stomach for their love i LOVE a stone butch and that is doumeki post timeskip with his clothes on messing Yashiro up with his ungloved hand i am feral

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Saezuru is one of those series that I so enjoy because while yaoi as a genre has so much examination of sexual violence, most of those unfortunately are just rape fantasies and the porns are just there for sexual gratification for readers. But Saezuru differs because it stays with the trauma that shapes people’s lives, in a visceral way, down to the throbbing feeling of being touched gently when you have so much self hatred, to the fear of being alive in a meaningful way other than self destruction. This is a story, while adhering tightly to the unrealistic world building of yaoi yakuza, still makes use of that space to depict complex human relationships. I think Yashiro’s and Doumeki’s relationship is so cathartic (and God Doumeki is such a man written by women like I don’t know a better man) in that Doumeki is the only one that insists on acknowledging and treating Yashiro’s toxic relationship with sex as an issue, while Yashiro continued to fight himself falling in love with Doumeki because he wanted the guy to leave the work he occupies, going so far as scaring him off with a gun. He’s so afraid Doumeki is gonna die while wanting to die himself. He’s so fearful of happiness because he’s afraid it’s not going to stick around. And Doumeki is truly just a man ™️ who has lost his naïveté or trust of normative morality after seeing (and then being told by Inami) how his dad was a police officer gaining power in order to abuse the most vulnerable one he could find. I’m still trying to find a more grounded reason as to why he was so attracted to Yashiro beyond love at first sight, but the way that he was drawn to Yashiro must come from that shaken psyche, and the sexual trauma that was performed over and over again in front of him in an attempt to rewrite the logic of power and domination. Yashiro is someone that was bent but not broken under sexual domination, and it gives Doumeki a new way to look at himself who was so disappointed in himself for ignoring his sister and blaming himself for being the son of a rapist and the fear of sex act as inherently violent. These two men were both impacted by the crimes of their violent father figures, and the way they get lost in each other’s was the beginning of a different life. Doumeki would have saved me too bruh why is he so hot like I 100% understood Yashiro’s feelings. He was so relieved that a person like Doumeki exists.

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afternoon munchies 🦌🍂

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Januar

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fascination

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pondwater

(art from patreon last month, i’m pretty bad at promoting it cos tbh i get kind of shy about it, esp since i haven’t had much finished art to share this year, but if you’re interested in sketches/studies or patreon exclusive stuff i post all that over there)

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Crow babies are important

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bring back victorian flirtation cards

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Not me crying on the airplane reading time is a mother

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Helen Parsley

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— Mahmoud Darwish

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Levihan episode 83