lionessonaleash-blog

[lionessonaleash-blog]

More Than Just a Complication

This is the nth attempt to work my way back to blogging. Thinking about it now, I am kind of regretful that I deleted the blog account I created here. Of all the blog accounts I had in the past, the bookaholictunes.tumblr.com was I guess, my favorite. It was not too personal but not too technical as well. It showcased my love for books and music. And it served as a reminder of my recent favorite songs or the current books I've read. It was helpful somehow not just for me but for others, too. But they're all gone. And I am in a recent struggle, trying to go back to what I loved most.

Like any other young adult out there, in his or her late twenties, I am in a constant state of confusion. Well, it may not be THAT constant really but kind of one-of-those-days-kind-of-thoughts. There are times when I question my role in the world, the meaning of my life and if I am truly in the right place. Sometimes I think it is midlife crisis or the problem of maturity because I am telling you, I am in no way near it. My personality is a mixture of complicated characteristics. I am a walking contradiction. I am in a state between realism and idealism.

Growing up in the late 90's (I was born on 1989) with the entrance to the early 20's, I was caught up in different generations that had an immense impact on my behavior and the way I see life. I don't know what happened because I only have vivid memories of my childhood, but I was shy, aloof and an introvert when I was young. But when I started my elementary education, I blossomed. I was an achiever, I was told that I am or was bright. I always get medals in every grade. I was always included in any contest and somehow I managed to get a place. However, when I started my high school at a prestigious public institution known for its ESEP classes or special classes meant for, you know, students who usually excel. I know you get the point. It was a big school because it was in the city but at that time, I was a provincial girl. I only attended elementary school at our barangay. I think my whole life changed in there. Apart from the pressure from maintaining good grades and staying in the same first section, I was also adjusting to the city life, to the peer pressure, to the whole society packed in a small ground called a school. I was back to my introvert self, I was a quiet kid, I did not excel, it was like I was in a state of culture shock. I was exposed to the REAL WORLD without my parents and the whole group of friends and family who seem to know and adore me.

College was a bit of the same, mixture of this and that. I was not a popular student but my friends were. At some point, I was included in the 'in crowd' because I was friends with the famous ones and not because of just, me. But it was okay, I was used to that already. I had great friends. I gained and lost some but I had really great friends. The ones who stayed are my prized possession. It was helpful also that some of my high school classmates were also my college classmates.

But deep within, I was still lost. I don't know what I really wanted. I was grasping for control over myself. We all had that moment in our lives when we want to do things our way. That came when I graduated and passed the Nursing Licensure Exam. I was in Cebu City, trying to find myself and chasing a dream I couldn't get hold of. Perhaps it was not easy for me because I was probably looking for the wrong dreams or maybe, God must have seen that it was not meant for me.

Fast forward to today. I am in a government service. I will not divulge more about it because it is easier when left unnoticed. Don't get me wrong, I am proud to be a public servant especially of the specific area where I am in, but I want this blog to be different. An avenue away from my work. It's another part of me, it's the inner lioness on me, still on a leash.

Thinking about my 7th paragraph made me smile. I intended to write a brief first blog post but it turned out to be longer that expected. I guess, that's really where I feel happy about - writing. Oh I am not good in English, I am not best at this, I am not a grammarian, I just love to write about anything. I am a writer of random thoughts.

I wanted an initial post that would enlighten other readers about what this is all about. But, this is first and foremost a blog account about finding myself, discovering stuff in life, realizing the lessons on life's experiences, being able to reflect and talk about faith, being a better person and trusting that God has plans. Being able to share it to other people is a bonus. This is also a nice way of sharing a bit about beauty, music, books and just about anything I could think of. Basically, this is my life patterned in an artistic platform. Lots are going to happen. I know, life is full of surprises. May we all be able to get through them and enjoy what is laid out in front of us.

Let me conclude this with an inspirational message from a book I've read, since it is Holy Monday: "Let us rid ourselves of the clutter of life, ride the donkey of humility, and enter our own Jerusalem, knowing and believing that God alone can fill us and make us complete."