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For B

I have felt alone most of my life. When I started exploring outside the bounds of monogamy, it wasn't just because of the lack that existed within my relationships, though that is important to consider. It stemmed primarily from this feeling of aloneness - this desire to be seen, heard, understood, and still loved after that.

For every relationship I've been in, I wanted it to go right. I imagine that's how most of us feel when we date someone. When I was married, I'd never wanted a love to go so right before. That is, until I met you.

I meant it when I said, when I look at you, I see everything. I can see it all happening with you. And I want to be right. Not because I need this to go my way, but because I really love you. I want to love you.

There is no destination to reach - I'm not waiting until you are "healed," I'm not waiting until you reach a certain level of income, I'm not waiting until you have a car or a place of your own, whatever. I'm not waiting to love you fully. I love you fully now.

I want this to work. And I will do my part. I will work on what I need to, to show up for this in the ways it deserves. I will choose this every day and do what I need to to honor that choice.

I told you that there have been many circumstances in which I try my hardest not to feel pain and negative emotions because of how strongly I feel it. I am deathly afraid of what it would feel like to lose you.

But, that's the risk. If I want to fully love you, I risk fully feeling the loss of you.

The flirting with strangers, the fun with feeling "desired," the temporary thrill of skirting the line -

It doesn't even come close to what I feel with you.

I choose this. I choose you.

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God I love you

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sorry can you repeat that. i was busy trying to make eye contact and act normal and didn't hear you

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I wasn’t built to be employed. I need to stay up until 4 am like a normal person

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Sprinkle soft serve ice cream cone (x)

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We are all shedding old skins this year I can feel it in the air and I think although we all handle it differently - we are gonna come out a little lighter and feeling possible again

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Intimacy is not just experienced through sex. It's crying together. It's whispering late at night. lt's talking about growing up and what used to scare you. It's going places that remind you of your childhood. It's feeling each other without touching. It's exchanging energy.

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You do not talk too much. You do not expect too much. You do not care too much. You do not ask too many questions. You do not need too much attention. You are not too needy. You are not too much to handle. You are perfect the way you are. If people make you feel like you are too much, they are not worth your time, your effort or your love. You deserve better than that. Your heart and soul should be protected at all cost. You simply are not too much in any way, my love. Always remember that.

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Jamie Anderson/Glennon Doyle Melton, Love Warrior

Grief and love are interconnected

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healthy relationships are created, not found

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willing to spend a lifetime figuring you out