littleladyjhai

[littleladyjhai]

I've been trying to gather things I enjoyed doing in the past and rekindle my love for anything, honestly. I have tons of sketchbooks, notebooks, booted up my old games again, even bought myself a new pair of rollerblades. But it's a bit lonely when your closest people don't share your similar interests anymore. At least my friend has a pool so we can play mermaids...though I do miss going to the lake with them on the weekends.

Also, gotta find myself a second job now. I'm sure I'll never be able to retire. I guess that's alright since I'm a workaholic. Please, someone wake me from this nightmare.

[littleladyjhai]

Honey, I'm not doing so well...

There isn't much to say, except that I am lost. There isn't even a spark inside of me anymore. Life feels like a burden too heavy to carry and I can't stop sleeping the days away. Is this really all there is..? I'd much rather disappear into the forest and melt into the moss. Or be absorbed into a riverbed. Or mummified in a dark, dry cave.

[littleladyjhai]

There are some times when I need something, but I can't ask for it because then it won't be genuine. I just wish for it to be genuine...

[littleladyjhai]

Hear me tonight. I have no motivation or money to continue this effort. I'm sure the feeling will pass. I just need to finish this game...but really, I just need to finish my assignments. This is my dilemma.

It's just so good though...it's been a while since I felt something. I think I'll spend the weekend grounding myself out in the wilderness.

There's so many things I need or want to get done, my mind just isn't in the right place. Have to get in the zone!

[littleladyjhai]

Rock Bottom

When the negativity has brought you to the lowest points in your life, the only thing that you can do is grow upwards towards the sun again. Recently, I've been taking time to go outside more often, to enjoy the smell of the Earth and take in the sounds of the wilderness. It brings peace to my unstable emotions.

It's tough when you fight against yourself. Sometimes you are too blind to see it at first. But once the feeling passes, you realize it was just that, an emotion, not the truth.

You don't have to be held prisoner to your emotions. Set yourself free and find what makes you feel lighter again.

(It's been a while, my apologies.)

[littleladyjhai]

They are calling me...

I tried to hide away long enough, but it is no use. They still see me, they still hear me. I can't run from the future any longer. But what if I am afraid of what the world has become in my absence? What if I'm not the same person I was?

Time to start anew once again. Let's see where the wind takes me! <3 I want to become a better gardener this time. And be closer to my family. <3

Also just finished the first season of this and loved it! I hope there will be another! We are all a little bit crazy nowadays, don't you think? It's better than being normal :)

[littleladyjhai]

Mood swings, with feeling

[littleladyjhai]

Mood swings

Sometimes I have dreams in which I remember really wonderful memories and people. This is strange since I don’t really dream about people I know normally. But whenever this happens it always puts me into a funk, not necessarily because of the dream...but because these people that I care so much about slipped away from me. Or in reality, perhaps I slipped away (living in another country will do that to you.) And although I feel sad now, I know that they are living on happily the way they are meant to be. 

But am I happy where I am? Is this where I am meant to be? Won’t somebody tell me? 

How do I know when the time comes? To stop trying to find out who I am. I don’t think I will ever know...there have been so many turning points I ignored because I was too afraid to stray from my path. But where was I even going...? I lost track now...

[littleladyjhai]

My summer life

[littleladyjhai]

There are some days I just feel useless. Today is one of them...but I have to get up and do something, otherwise I’ll just be upset later when I haven’t done anything for another weekend again.

[littleladyjhai]

This movie...I need to watch it again soon <3

[littleladyjhai]

Every second I wake, the feeling of being alive grows stronger than the thought of being dead. Dreams can be dreams, but reality can become whatever you wish if you strive to achieve it. Keep your chin up and look to the sky, infinitely open...

[littleladyjhai]

ROBOTS OR DINOSAURS?

Dinosaurs. Robots terrify me, but I think I love them.

[littleladyjhai]

[littleladyjhai]

This is the truth.

I think as you grow older your christmas list gets smaller and the things you really want for the holidays can’t be bought

[littleladyjhai]

Dad is here! Finally  :-D now I can sleep...zzzzzz