lizzywhimsy

[lizzywhimsy]

🔥Thomas Jefferson

I have thought a lot about this and this is exactly how it would go down: I would just calmly step out of my car and just lurch forward… Not being the type of man to engage in fisticuffs, he would curl up into the fetal position. There would be no fight. I would then steal his keys, throw them into his car, lock the doors, and let him fight for his life through the rest of the night while being abandoned in the Denny’s parking lot at 12 AM in the middle of winter. 

[lizzywhimsy]

Eleanor of Aquitaine: If you’re saying I play favourites, you’re wrong. I love all my children equally.

[Earlier that day]

Eleanor of Aquitaine: I don’t care for John.

#arrested plantagenets

[lizzywhimsy]

tv shows with time travel organizations/bureaus/police/agencies/whatever should have a department with instead of a tech genius eating candy, it’s a harried seamstress or fashion designer who is like

“1450 italy? does it look like I have the time to dye you wool? nO. YOU’RE GOING TO THE 1980s”

and throws shoulder pads at the hapless time agent

[lizzywhimsy]

oh you like history? name everything that ever happened

[lizzywhimsy]

History department recruiter: You there! Do you like historical fiction? Period dramas? Historically themed films, tv shows, and video games?

Prospective student: Yes!

History department recruiter: Would you like not to?

[lizzywhimsy]

[lizzywhimsy]

“Mr. President, Please! This is a serious matter… no… stop high fiving each other… I am very worried for the future of the union.“ 

Inspired by this Kate Beaton Comic and a hilarious commentary by ladyhistory

[lizzywhimsy]

[lizzywhimsy]

Usually my response is: teachers are required to teach to a set curriculum in order to keep their jobs. Second point: did you really pay attention in school? Because it is possible, it was mentioned and you didn’t pay attention…

“I don’t learn this in school :(“

Hey here’s a question what steps have you taken to increase your education and knowledge since graduating?

[lizzywhimsy]

I love Baltic Sea in the Winter 🦢🌤️

[lizzywhimsy]

Person: what is your net worth? Is your portfolio diversified?

Me: oh, uh, what is my net worth? $10 and a rotisserie chicken.

[lizzywhimsy]

I remember when I first watched this show, I played this part at least 5 times

[lizzywhimsy]

The highlight of my school year is being able to tell the 8th graders the story of Charles summer’s caning and how locked in and silent they are. They get INVESTED. Then you mention how much blood there was and how he ripped the desk out of the floor and they just LOCK ALL THE WAY IN. Nothing else exists around them.

[lizzywhimsy]

30 Funny Marriage Tweets That Nailed The Humor Of Love This Week

[lizzywhimsy]

Happiness Will Come To You.

[lizzywhimsy]

Purrito

[lizzywhimsy]

Ramen Cat slurping up all the noodles