lobotonya

[lobotonya]

Girlhood is next to Godhood

[lobotonya]

Unironically, I cry or feel like crying, whenever someone mentions the Lisbon sisters or The Virgin Suicides in general. Whether it's a quote, a frame from the movie, or just a few notes of the score, it makes me want to cry. This movie means so much to me. 

[lobotonya]

[lobotonya]

[lobotonya]

When I was in primary school, my only reason and goal for living was to survive until high school, because maybe everything would change there. A new environment, maybe friends and maybe even a boyfriend. In high school, I told myself to survive until college, maybe I'd make friends there and meet my future husband. And I kept waiting, considering this to be my only reason to live. To create a safe home, get married, have a small circle of friends. But I'm afraid that if I ever achieved that, it would turn out that it wasn't really my goal or reason and it wouldn’t make me happy at all. I'm afraid I'd still be depressed on the anniversary of being together, a month after the wedding. I'd still be unhappy. I'm afraid it would turn out that this isn't what I was really looking for, that I wasted so much time, I had nothing to look forward to. I don't know what would make me really happy, what would make me happy that I'm alive, what would make me feel alive.

[lobotonya]

છ˖ꔫ꒰✧˚ෆ•｡ꪆৎ˚⋅

[lobotonya]

the urge to be perfect

[lobotonya]

sofia coppola girly summer

[lobotonya]

I love arguing with old men on twitter.

[lobotonya]

.°. ݁₊ 𐙚 . ݁ ⁺₊(*/ω＼*)

[lobotonya]

tysm @sweetboyken for the tag :D

favourite colour: black and white

currently reading: Sylvia Plath's journals

last song: Die your daughter - Susannah Joffe

last film: Little Miss Sunshine

cravings rn: tiramisu

current watch: nothing for now but I think I'm going to rewatch BoJack Horseman

coffe: cereal coffe with milk

working on: not much, really, I might get into drawing or something like that soon

tagging: open tags, idk who to tag so any of my moots feel free to join!!

get to know me better tag challenge thing... i was tagged by @alexxisalone (thank you for the tag!)

favourite colour: orange (the jokes thrown at me for that one)

currently reading: nothing, but i'm going to continue reading lolita by vladimir nabokolv soon.

last song: hypnotise - system of a down

last film: the terminator (1984). love this film... is anyone knows a good piracy site to watch judgement day lemme know i'm struggling here.

cravings: cheese and honey on toast.

current watch: none, i don't watch much in the form of tv shows.

coffee: either a cappuccino with brown sugar or a caramel frappé. i love love LOVE caramel.

working on: a drawing of me and my lover boy<3

@minecraftboxersdawg @knownoevil @daggerofdiction

[lobotonya]

₊‧꒰ა a doll with a blade n uncontrollable rage ໒꒱ ‧₊

[lobotonya]

[lobotonya]

I love finding yet another unreleased lana song cuz there’s always more

[lobotonya]

I genuinely feel sad whenever I go to ikea. I see all these couples walking around, picking out accessories and looking at furniture, probably for their new home. And it always makes me feel a little blue because I'm afraid that might never happen to me. I don't even have friends, so if no one can like me, who's ever going to love me? But I still look at the showroom rooms and think to myself, "oh we definitely would buy this sofa, this bed, this carpet". I imagine us sitting in this kitchen, cooking dinner together. In this bedroom, lying in the evening, watching movies on a laptop or reading books. In this living room, talking late into the night. On this balcony, watching the sun set behind the apartment blocks. But I'm afraid it'll never happen, that I'll be alone.

[lobotonya]