lollyjfc-blog

[lollyjfc-blog]

[lollyjfc-blog]

I do-don’t think I’ve e-ever experienced a-anything wo-worse than constantly vomiting, especially wi-with partial vision l-loss.

[lollyjfc-blog]

[lollyjfc-blog]

[lollyjfc-blog]

@lollypop: reunited. i swear, she likes me really.

[lollyjfc-blog]

D-Don't be.

I’m sorry.

[lollyjfc-blog]

Too late. The words haunted Lolly. Soon, very soon, it would be too late, she had to get in over with soon. Because Lolly had been trying not to think about telling Jonny, she had realised just how little time she had left in this world. Just less then three months, four tops. It wasn’t long, it wasn’t long at all. Lolly still had so much she wanted to do. Some of those things, she’d never do. Like be at both her brother’s weddings, and meet their kids; her nieces and nephews. And have her own wedding, and her own kids, and one day be a grandma. Those things would never happen. Other things, more realistic things Lolly wanted to do were go to Six Flags for the weekend and simply spend a day with Jonny doing things they love. She kind of felt like Tessa from Before I Die, except she didn’t want to do the extreme things Tessa did; such as break the law. But Lolly didn’t want to be the sad little dying girl, either. She wanted to be normal, or as close as she could be to normal.

Lolly was so grateful to have Ariel there, cleaning her up and just generally helping her. She felt like crap, and she probably looked like it to. Using all her strength, which wasn’t very much, Lolly pulled herself over to the bathtub so she was leaning against it. The cool marble stung her back, even though she was covered in sweat as she felt freezing cold. Lolly pulled her legs up to her chest, wrapping her arms around herself. It was uncomfortable, but helped settled her stomach. Lolly had always been skinny, but a combination of childhood cancer, genes and now cancer again and made her verging on anorexic looking. All her bones jutted out of her flesh, and her skin was turning pale and almost translucent, loosing any tan she had managed to get.

When Ariel asked her what she could do to help her, Lolly just shook her head. She knew Ariel was just trying to help her, but there was no way she could. What Lolly really needed was incredibly strong pain killers, ones that can only be administrated at a hospital. But if Ariel drove her to the hospital, no doubt her parents would be called and Jonny would find out, which Lolly knew couldn’t happen. The only thing Lolly could do now was try and sleep off the pain, and if it wasn’t better by the morning, she’d have no choice but to go to the hospital. Since the brunette had woken up, her symptoms had been steadily worsening, so she hoped they would peak sometime soon and then she’d start to recover. “There’s n-nothing you c-can do. I’ll j-just wait it o-out, and maybe g-get some s-sleep i-if I can.” Lolly croaked, shrugging slightly still tightly grasping the toilet. “I m-mean, if t-that o-okay with you. I c-could a-always go h-home, I d-don’t want t-to be i-invasive.” She said, lowering her eyes to the bathroom floor.

the hardest part of living is just taking breaths to stay || Ariel & Lolly

A six wasn’t as bad but it was still pretty bad. Ariel nods understandingly at Lolly’s request. “No, don’t worry about it, I understand. Just don’t tell him when it’s too late." She’d never force Lolly to do something against her will but suggestions and advice were always mandatory. She watched as Lolly stood up and looked at her questioningly. She should’ve seen what was coming the moment she clasped her hand over her mouth. Her eyes followed the girl as she proceeded to the bathroom. The act threw her off for a moment. Seeing Lolly like this made her nauseous and hurt her head. It left her slightly winded and unfocused on the situation at hand. The sounds of her throwing up reverberated loudly throughout the bathroom and Ariel’s room. She shook herself out of it and went to tend to the poor girl sulking over the toilet.

The box of tissues sitting at the edge of the bathroom counter were convenient enough to have Ariel silently thank God. She plopped down onto the floor beside Lolly and rubbed her back gently. “You’re okay." She spoke softly to convince Lolly and even herself. There weren’t any other words that would come close to comforting the girl but Ariel knew that Lolly would appreciate anything. She tugged the silky tissue out of it’s box and reached over to wipe Lolly’s face. She started at the mouth before tossing the tissue away and grabbing a new one to wipe the beads of sweat cascading down her forehead. It hurt Ariel to see Lolly in this condition but she’d never show it. An even shittier feeling hits her when she realizes that situations like this drain the energy from the younger girl.

"Lolly, I know that I should probably be educated about all of this stuff since we’ve been through it before," She made sure to emphasize the ‘we’ in her sentence because Lolly wasn’t going through it alone, they were all going through it together. "-but I— I’m a little rusty on all of it. I really wish I could take this pain from you, I do. Just tell me what you need, okay?" She admitted and noted that she should probably do a lot of research about brain tumors to refresh her memory and to be more prepared for nights and days like this. It had been awhile since she’s actually been at the hospital and even then it was mainly the doctors and nurses who took care of her pain. She hoped that despite her lack of knowledge, Lolly would still let Ariel take care of her.

[lollyjfc-blog]

Then y-you'd b-better make t-the most of t-the last couple o-of m-months you have w-with me.

It’s not the same and you know it. 

[lollyjfc-blog]

I'm n-not leaving y-you, exactly. Y-You'll always have m-me, Jonny. A-Always, even i-if I-I'm not physically h-here. I p-promise. You w-wouldn't b-be replacing me, I w-wan't you to have a r-relationship with o-our brother.

You’re not leaving me. I won’t let you leave me, Lolita. I’ve been alright without mom because I have you. I’m not replacing you with Kayden. You’re not leaving me. 

[lollyjfc-blog]

And y-you understand m-mine, you a-always have. I t-think we should w-write a letter of c-complaint.

You get me. You understand my problems and struggles in life.

[lollyjfc-blog]

Yeah, I u-understand. You're n-not m-missing out on m-much, if I'm b-being honest. 

I just.. don’t think I’m ready yet, you know? And I love my adopted father, I don’t want him thinking I’m betraying him or anything. I mean, he was the one who raised me.

[lollyjfc-blog]

Yeah, you w-will. You've b-been going alright w-without Mom f-for a-all these y-years, and it'll b-be the s-same when I'm g-gone. Besides, you h-have Kayden, n-now.

No, no, I won’t be alright. Not without you.

[lollyjfc-blog]

Why n-not?

Please don’t tell him.

[lollyjfc-blog]

Tell m-me about i-it. I haven't b-been a-able to trust anything or a-anyone after t-that happened t-to me.

You know what sucks? When popsicles taste like soap when you suck on them after expecting the succulent taste of artificially flavored fruit. All trust is broken.

[lollyjfc-blog]

Oh, r-really? I might g-give it a go, t-then. Should b-be fun.

If you’re interested in it, it can be a good thing. I’ve heard it’s very liberating.

[lollyjfc-blog]

Please d-don't c-cry. P-Please. You'll b-be a-alright.

Oh my god.

[lollyjfc-blog]

Well, u-unless Jonny's told him, w-which I highly d-doubt, then n-no, he doesn't.

Does Dad know that I’m here? Like, that we’ve met and stuff.