lonelyusersuggetions

[lonelyusersuggetions]

Me over and over for months: I'm insecure about letting people help me or say they love me because Everytime I have a mental illness episode I loose my friends because it's too much for them.

Previous Friend Group: nah we love you we're all adults here. We're here for you.

Me: please stop pushing that, it's making me uncomfortable.

Previous Friend Group: *continues pushing this for months until after like 6 months I full commit and believe them and start saying yes to stuff like financial help.*

Me: *starts taking prescribed heartburn meds, misunderstands how they could effect my psychiatric meds I'm taking. Leading to very erratic and unstable emotional behavior that is clearly out of the ordinary. I apologize and take space after an outburst at my friends when I'm coherent. After two weeks I start rejoining the group and staying something is wrong but we haven't figured out what. And I'm trying really hard. But I can still sense the distance they have with me and it's making me spiral worse. Until I have an accident and my PC stops working, and I have a nervous breakdown. And beg them to just be here for me and let me talk about how bad and serious I'm getting and how I've been hurting myself (since before the first fight) and I really just need them to be there for me. Get sent a long message the next day how I've triggered them with talking about suicide and self harm and how I've over stepped boundaries. I check myself into an inpatient facility because I'm still under the impression that these people love me and care about my well being and I'm hurting THEM. 7 days in a ward while getting my meds fixed and deeply believing I'm doing this for myself because I have people who care about me. Under a week after getting home, they go no contact with me due to me hurting feelings and not respecting their boundaries. Proceed to loose the entire friend group because of this and my own spiralling. The only friend group with id formed a connection to over the last year. And proceed to have literally no one.

I literally should have just killed myself in February instead of going to the hospital.

[lonelyusersuggetions]

Unhinged note mother wrote for me.

Fridge ice, not purchased bag. I have ice in my 24oz water bottle everytime I refill it. I don't fill it with ice.

[lonelyusersuggetions]

abusive parents: convince me that everyone deals with cruelty on daily basis and that hearing slurs, insults, degradation, humiliation and malignant criticism is normal and a part of everyone's daily life and I just need to deal with that and grow thicker skin

abusive parents when I'm little mean to them one time because I thought it was Normal: You Monster! How Could You?! Evil! You Are Trying To Kill Me??? That Was Extreme Violence And Harm! I am going to have a Heart Attack! This is the Worst Abuse to Ever Happen!!!

[lonelyusersuggetions]

parents will be like "We're good parents! We did our best!" while their child is alone in their room, terrified of footsteps, unable to conceptualize being loved by anyone.

[lonelyusersuggetions]

[lonelyusersuggetions]

it's so wild when your parent changes when you become an adult. my dad is very cordial and non confrontational - he regularly helps me with adult stuff like changing the oil or providing insurance tips. he's always smiling when i call him on video and providing jokes when i complain about college

when i was a kid, i would have to tiptoe around his anger issues often, sometimes running quietly past his work table until he got his own place completely separate from our family, locked away for days. every so often he would start screaming in the car and trying to hit me or my brother for talking too loud while my mom attempted to calm him down as he swerved on the road. and now he, smiling, helps me with car insurance.

like oh, this is just who you are when you have power over someone, and this is who you are when you dont have power over someone. no wonder you can have a normal life, friends, work while scaring the shit out of your kids and wife. i see it now. i see why no one would have believed me. that, i think, is one of the core fears of trauma - seeing the outside of it from the perspective of other adults that brushed you aside, and understanding. of course, that understanding gives the opposite of solace; it just gives you more grief with nowhere for it to go

[lonelyusersuggetions]

being self aware suuuucks like yeah this thought pattern/behavior is stupid and pointless and a symptom. i know this. [does it anyways

[lonelyusersuggetions]

even having one true friend or person that loves you can change your life

[lonelyusersuggetions]

If you:

Feel like you need to be always attentive, responsive, nurturing, supportive and comforting to other people, otherwise your existence has no point and you’re worthless

Don’t feel important enough for other people to care about, feel guilty and ashamed for having problems and struggling

Feel empty inside and lowkey don’t want to live but it makes you feel ungrateful and selfish to ever mention it

Try to make people as good as possible about themselves, always find good things to say about them, regardless of how they’re acting

Feel terror at the thought of saying no, ignoring someone when you’re busy, or acting unenthusiastic about giving someone attention

Can’t feel like you’re a person, feel like everyone around you is people but you are only pretending, and you’re scared of being caught

Don’t rely on anyone and feel like you have to sort out all of your problems on your own

Feel like you owe people to be honest and vulnerable and to give them every possible way to criticize you and judge you, or else you’re hiding something and being a hypocrite

Or alternatively, terrified of telling anyone anything and feeling as if anyone knew the real you, they would despise you

Have to act tough but you often feel broken and overwhelmed inside, and you’re ashamed of secretly being weak and breakable

Feel like you have to constantly please, entertain, be helpful, useful, convenient, in a positive mood and ready to admire others, or it’s reasonable for people to hate you

Feel like if you accidentally displease or offend somebody, it’s reasonable for them to retaliate 100 times worse and hurt you, and it’s your fault and they’re right to punish you

Don’t feel like you’re worth anything more than to be used by others

Then it’s possible you’ve been raised as a food for narcissists. These are the signs of severe childhood neglect, abuse, and trauma conditioning to force you to act as a source of endless attention, support, comfort and admiration, while receiving zero nurturing, attention or caretaking yourself. It’s likely you’ve been severely and unfairly overpunished for showing any human needs, signs of pain or struggle, or for wanting any attention, until it was very deeply established in your mind that it’s shameful and wrong for you to have human needs. It was wrong and despicable to do this to you. Narcissistic parents do this to children because they view them merely as a resource of narcissistic supply and not people whose feelings exist, or lives are as important as theirs. You did not deserve to grow up this way. Nobody should ever have punished you for being a normal child. You are human, too.

[lonelyusersuggetions]

It happened again. Literally the same exact fucking thing at the same time last year.

I fucking start making good improvements in my irl life and fuck up all of my relationships in one swing accidentally. Amazing. Only my worthless ass could do this fr

[lonelyusersuggetions]

ohhhh i get it now. the little seed of loneliness i’ve carried with me since i was five will never go away

[lonelyusersuggetions]

my mother, right after giving birth: and now... you owe me one. you will spend the rest of your life paying it back. stop crying its annoying me.

[lonelyusersuggetions]

the society: you will feel so much better when you forgive your abuser, do it for your own sake

the abuser, on top volume: I'M NOT SORRY, it was entirely your fault, and it didn't even happen, and I'll do it again! I'm doing it again right now! I will end you if you ever even say something!!! I only regret not being worse to you because maybe then you'd LEARN TO BEHAVE!!!!!!

society: forgiveness is going to make this all okay, we don't need to address this behaviour. I know I'm right about this

society: and remember, if you don't forgive them you are just as bad as they are! ;)

[lonelyusersuggetions]

i don't understand my emotions or thoughts. it's like a bunch of shit trying to affect me all at once, but i end up feeling nothing but a void in my chest

[lonelyusersuggetions]

In case no one told you growing up

Bras last longer if you let them air dry. Don’t put them in the dryer.

If you have a problem with frizzy hair, don’t dry your hair with a towel. It makes the frizzies worse. (I recently read an article that said to use a t-shirt? I brush mine out and let it air dry.)

Whites wash best in hot water. Everything else can be in cold - save on your electricity bill.

You can kill 99.9% of germs in a sponge by putting it in the dishwasher for a cycle or by microwaving it for 2 min (be sure to make the sponge damp before microwaving and to put a cup half full of water in with it and please DO NOT squeeze the sponge until it has cooled off)

Airing out your room/house and letting sunlight in every so often can decrease the number of household pests like silverfish and ants.

Black underwear is best during your period as stains are less likely to be visible.

To save money, put aside 10% of each paycheck into a savings account. It’ll add up.

Unless your hair has something on/in it (like grease or mud or something), using conditioner first can actually be the better choice. The conditioner holds in the good oils that help you hair look sleek and beautiful, which shampoo would otherwise wash away.

Speaking of shampoo - if you have long hair, washing just the bits that touch your scalp is generally enough. The rest of your hair gets cleaned with just the run off from your scalp.

If you put a tampon in and it’s uncomfortable/you can feel it, you didn’t do it quite right. A properly placed tampon is virtually unnoticeable by the wearer.

Apply deodorant/antiperspirant a couple hours in advance of when you need it. This gives the product the chance to block your sweat glands. Using deodorant just before going somewhere where you’ll sweat (this means walking outside for people in high humidity places) results in your sweat washing the deodorant off and starkly limiting its usefulness.

After running the dryer, use the dryer sheet from that load to brush out the lint catch - it gets everything off in a fraction of the time it’ll take you to get it clean with your bare hands. Paper towels also work well.

Wash your face everyday, or as often as possible. Forget which brand of cleanser is best. Just washing your face everyday will guarantee you clearer skin. And do you best not to pop pimples, as tempting as the urge may be.

Fold laundry asap after taking it from the dryer to avoid wrinkles. This may seem obvious for dress shirts and silly for things like t-shirts, but you’ll notice the difference even then once your shirts stop looking like unfolded paper balls.

[lonelyusersuggetions]

i think it's CRAZY that ppl from gaza are randomly in-boxing people to ask for donations. it's been coming through my main blog only, so im assuming they're going through peoples likes on posts. im NOT interacting with anything relating to gaza on my main tumblr. im following stuff through twitter only.

i cant doom scroll on every single app, so sue me if your pissed im not interacting with every post i see on every single app.

but like. your spamming me. i've gotten 3 in 24 hours. you are spamming me more often than bots, if you arent bots yourself. it's NOT helping the cause to harass people. TWO OF THE THREE WERE ACTUALLY VERIFIED DONATION ACCOUNTS. WHAT ARE YOU DOING. i know i cant possibly be the only person they are doing this too, because im avoiding stuff on tumblr hardcore. so they're doing this through the interactions of unrelated posts. It's spam. you are spamming people. it doesnt matter for what reason.

It Is Spam.

[lonelyusersuggetions]