lorelei-system

[lorelei-system]

Had our first therapy (and psychiatrist) appointment in two years the other day, following some hypomania symptoms that had us worried about developing full-blown mania and/or psychosis. As far as I recall, we didn't plan on bringing up DID, but it happened anyways, because the therapist asked what diagnosis we had found that fit so we ended up listing everything we've ever thought we might have, including DID (while also saying that we were scared to mention it because we didn't want to come across as crazy or faking). I dont think we said anything about symptoms of DID. It was a first session, after all.

Therapist and psychiatrist both seemed nice enough and like they wanted to help. Therapist said bipolar seemed likely, and that they would help us figure out the full picture. Psychiatrist prescribed Lamictal (we haven't started it yet, haven't had the chance to pick up the prescription yet).

I'm a little worried because I know there's going to be alters who, if given the chance, will tell this new therapist about themselves. Mainly Bee. She's the one who revealed herself to our last therapist, and as I understand it, that's what led to that therapist abandoning us.

Also, I believe Alice fronted the day before therapy, and was planning to be herself if she was there for therapy. Which would have been even worse. I don't think she cares about how much trouble she can get us in if she's honest about what kind of person she is ("person" is a generous term, she basically sees herself as a demon).

Oh, I do think we mentioned feeling not in control of the body sometimes. Which is the scariest experience we've had connected to DID. But we brought it up connected to the hypomania symptoms.

I don't even know who was fronting for therapy. Best guess is Ruby. Whoever it was, did not have a filter.

But yeah, I hope the new medication helps with mood, and I hope these people are actually trustworthy.

- Danny (I think)

[lorelei-system]

[lorelei-system]

[lorelei-system]

It is so wild opening up a game you ain't played in a while and seeing a name you don't know on your load data. Who are you, Summer, and why are you playing MY games!?

[lorelei-system]

I WISH I COULD SHAPESHIFT I WISH I COULD SHAPSHIFT AUFJFJFBG I CANT STAND TO BE IN THIS BODY ANYMORE I NEED MINE BACK ok normal now

[lorelei-system]

There's random cartoon music playing in my head and it's actually kinda nice.

[lorelei-system]

Fight monsters, talk to ghosts, and hang out with friends while discovering your college town's darkest secrets in Usual June. 👻 Play the demo on Steam now!

[lorelei-system]

Really feel like giving up on getting help now. I don't know what i was thinking. They're not going to help. They never do. They don't want to. I just don't understand why no one cares. I said I wouldn't cancel the appointment this time, but I really want to. I just don't understand. I feel so alone. Why can't I just get help.

[lorelei-system]

TIL that effexor withdrawal can cause hypomania. And also anxiety and agitation. So yeah. I feel like I wanna bang my head against the wall, and it's because I forgot to mention I was already out of meds when told to taper off over the next 2 weeks. Just feels like my mood isn't even valid, because it's (most likely) just caused by medication withdrawal. I have an appointment to be evaluated for bipolar, and now I'm worried that they won't take me seriously because this wasn't a "natural" episode. Not that I've never experienced hypomania before, but with my terrible memory I can't remember the details. I was so happy to finally be able to describe what it felt like while it was happening, and now they won't believe me. I guess nothing ever changes. Nobody ever believed me they won't start now. Should've known. We should've never said anything. This is what happens when we try to be honest 5o the prof3ssionals. Fml

- Phoebe

[lorelei-system]

Feeling a lot more calm today, so I think the party's over. And now I'm questioning whether I even want to go on a mood stabilizer if i get diagnosed with bipolar. I mean, I had an amazing time (apart from being scared of it getting worse by turning into full blown mania and/or psychosis). I'm gonna bring this up at the evaluation, and I'm sure they won't push me to take mood stabilizers if I don't want to. But right now I don't know if my fear is even legitimate. If there's nothing bad about my hypomania, should it be treated?

At least I can clearly tell today that it's not just being happy. Because today I am happy. Yesterday I was flying down the driveway, laughing at nothing, twirling giddily, all on 4 hours of (interrupted) sleep.

I'm also considering bringing up hearing voices and seeing things (even though the latter has only happened a couple times in my life, and the former I have been seeing as alter voices and not internal auditory hallucinations), and sometimes feeling possessed or not in control of my actions (also something I've been attributing to alters).

I want to remain open to potentially being wrong about being a system, and i feel like I'm more likely to be believed by a professional if I bring up these potential symptoms as a possible sign of psychosis, rather than DID.

Not that I want to have either. I just want a professional to take me seriously and tell me what's actually going on with me. I mean, that's the thing about self-diagnosis: a lot of people are forced to figure things out themselves because nobody will help them or take their genuine symptoms seriously. I know I'm not a professional, I know there's significant overlap between different diagnoses. I just don't want to be accused of faking when I'm expressing genuine concerns over my real experiences.

[lorelei-system]

I often talk about reality checking and going along with it when helping someone deal with delusions, but I felt as if I didn’t really make it clear to what I meant when I said it.

Recently I saw a post similar to “how to sneakily give your delusional friend a reality check when they told you not to” and honestly, that’ll just make us lose trust for you. Because we can tell when you do that.

[lorelei-system]

It wimdy

[lorelei-system]

Went to the doctor today, and was actually honest about what's been going on (I believe I may be having a hypomanic episode). Got an appointment in two weeks to get evaluated for bipolar disorder. For now I was told to wean off my antidepressant (effexor). I was afraid that I would either not be taken seriously, or too seriously (get sent to the psych ward for almost jumping out of a moving car yestersay) but it went really well.

I don't want to self diagnose but I've been suspecting bipolar for over a decade now, with no one helping me figure out what's actually going on. If this is not hypomania/ bipolar, that's fine.

I just want answers.

[lorelei-system]

Almost threw myself out of a moving vehicle today but no biggie lol. Not in a suicidal way either. Glad I didn't because I'm not actually invincible or whatever. It's just sitting still sucks so idk.

- Sammy (they/them)

[lorelei-system]

Yes, your friend will "change" if they come out as a system to you. They seem like they're changing because they're trying to unmask around you and let their alters be themselves and not hide amnesia and other aspects of the disorder as much.

I understand it can be hard to realize your friend isn't exactly how you thought they were, but they're still you're friend. It's likely you've met their other alters, they just didn't say who they were.

Please support you friend, even if it's seemed like they've changed.