louehsaintlaurent

[louehsaintlaurent]

Niall and Harry bickering like 5 year olds. Louis is very content because he’s not getting roasted by Harry. Liam staring at Harry like he’s from another planet.

[louehsaintlaurent]

Lirry, you will always be the old, grumpy married couple in my heart. like

[louehsaintlaurent]

[louehsaintlaurent]

OT5 in the bread van in Rio De Janeiro, Brasil, 2014

[louehsaintlaurent]

when zayn left, i took the habit of tagging ot4. because in my head one direction was five, always, and i had to separate the two. ot4 was louis liam niall and harry. ot4 was the last leg of otra. ot4 was made in the am.

ot4 wasn't meant to become louis zayn niall and harry. it wasn't supposed to be written at the end of a letter. and it's so stupid to be crying over a tag on tumblr and a combination of names, but here i am.

[louehsaintlaurent]

i’m still thinking about liam saying one direction makes him feel safe—about how even though they were mistreated, his time with the other boys and the love that was shared between them had such an impact on him that he’d conflate it with something so beautifully human and raw

[louehsaintlaurent]

danny devito 2022 directioner real

[louehsaintlaurent]

liam. oh liam. god. he was the one i worried so much about ever since the band. like, it used to be zayn but when zayn left and grew i thought "ok, he's going to be ok" because you could see after a while that the band was not good for zayn. you could see it. but liam, god. he carried so much weight, all the time. from the band all the way to the present, he was the guy who was supposed to be put together. he was "daddy direction" he was. yeah. he was that guy. and i know it weighed on him. i KNOW it did. the drinking and the fucking spiraling he went through after the band, it was all connected. and i'm not. defending his choices, i'm not. but i'm grieving him and i'm aching for him, and. i just wanted him to be okay. i really really thought that he would be okay. and he's not. and i'm. fucking heartbroken about it.

[louehsaintlaurent]

Baltimore - 8/08

[louehsaintlaurent]

We were supposed to be mourning our 1D boys in our 80s. Not now. I’m speechless.

[louehsaintlaurent]

[louehsaintlaurent]

and i guess i had this whimsical idea of all the boys sitting on a porch as old men reminiscing about the good old days in the biggest boy band in the world as five terrible dancers with a whole lot of heart, but life is cruel and just doesn’t work out that way sometimes, and it fucking hurts

[louehsaintlaurent]

seeing so many people who haven’t been here for a while . we’re all family and will always be . what we got to experience is rare and precious . hope time will allow us to look back at it with joy and peace again . hugging all of you tight

[louehsaintlaurent]

one direction (2011).

[louehsaintlaurent]

coming in here once again, after 7 years to relive some of liam and 1D’s memories. it’s heartbreaking and at the same time feels being on edge. i may not have liked what he has been doing after 1D but liam was crucial to my teenage years.

liam, this may not be how it should have ended, but thank you. thank you for the songs you’ve written with the rest of the boys, the memories, friendship, and most of all, thank you for being a part of my life

[louehsaintlaurent]

Liam was a boy, and then a man, who suffered so much trauma and pain. He was bullied as a child and then lived a nightmare that I think none of us can really imagine of having that triggering experience replicated on a literally global public scale. He became a man who inflicted trauma on others. He was an addict who was unable to find a way out of that disease, and now never will, but who was open and vulnerable about his struggles. He was an incredibly talented musician and artist and an absolutely integral part of one of the most important bands of a generation; his voice and songwriting and skill in the studio shaped every aspect of what One Direction became at their best. He loved that band and being a part of that experience with his whole being and would never have stopped celebrating what they meant to us and to the world. He had problems and did bad things; that doesn't mean he was a bad person who didn't deserve to be loved and helped to heal- everyone deserves that- and the fact that that's not something that can ever happen now is devastating. I was very distressed by many of his actions; and I cared deeply about this man I didn't know and wished for better for him than this outcome.

I'm so deeply, deeply SAD tonight. I'm sad for Liam, who will never now have the chance to look back on this hard time and reflect on how far he's come, and for Liam's family, for his parents and his sisters who loved and supported him so much, and for everyone in the 1D band family and circles. And I'm sad for us. It feels like nothing will ever be quite the same, and that's hard and sad and shocking. It's a special kind of doubled grief, to mourn the loss of the person, and also of what he meant to us in this strange world of parasocial fanning, for the real him and also for the version of him that we made up and attached so much meaning to and for the escape that brought us. For him, and also for the easy uncomplicated joy of listening to those beautiful songs from happier times, which might never feel the same again. For the other boys, who we love so much and wish we could shield from suffering and loss and pain. For our fellow fans, who we also worry about the impact of this on. Everything about this is terrible, and I am sending so much love out to all of you. We are not alone, and it's okay to feel complicated emotions and it's okay to mourn and it's okay to care about how it effects you and your life, whatever you're feeling- it's okay. We are here with you. We are 1D family.

[louehsaintlaurent]

i just remembered that louis recently spoke about wanting to write more with liam and oh my god. this hurts