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Hell’s Kitchen Movie Club #2: Silent Running

This was just supposed to be a dumb strip about bad action movies, obscure band t-shirts, and the peculiar rhythms of male friendship. Then as I wrote it, these two assholes starting having emotional arcs and longer, interconnected storylines about loss and PTSD, and *throws up hands* why can’t I just make stupid things?

Then the Last Vegas shootings happened. Dave and his wife did a lot of the graphic design for that concert; they had many friends in the audience. And suddenly a lot of the casual conversations in bars we’d been having about these characters and their larger presence in the American cultural landscape got very real.

Look, I’ll go to my grave swearing that artists have a duty to be irresponsible. You try for responsibility in art – giving the audience what they expect – and you end up with Soviet Realism, or WPA murals. They’re pleasant enough in their way, but they don’t really make you feel anything, do they?

The act of creation is, at heart, wildly irresponsible. So, sure. Be daring. Tweak noses. Astonish and anger your audience. But remember there is first a far more fundamental rule, the numero uno, the bedrock law of existence in civilised society:

Don’t be evil.

And don’t enable the use of your creations for evil by others.

This is true from your very first story. It’s even more true when you are the brief caretaker of a multi-million-dollar corporate character, especially one that represents disenfranchised white male working-class rage, or a yellow-haired man wrapped up in red, white and blue who represents “America”, whatever that is.

Because make no mistake: evil is abroad in this land. It visits itself daily in violence on innocent bodies based on the color of their skin or the name they call God. And nobody does anything. It visited itself on hundreds of innocent music fans in Las Vegas. And nobody’s doing much of anything to stop it happening again.

I’m not saying you have to do anything. You don’t have to be a hero.

Just don’t be evil.

And if you’re lucky enough to write heroes, don’t do it in a way which allows the hateful to use them as symbols for evil.

If you want to do something, consider giving a little money to the Las Vegas victims’ fund (Team Frank) or Stop Soldier Suicide (Team Bucky). Or, y’know, maybe both.

Yours always (or at least until the inevitable Cease & Desist),

Alex

PS love to my volunteer co-creators, @dave-acosta (line art) and @deecunniffe (colour art), please follow them. 

PPS you can read the colour version of Hells Kitchen Movie Club #1 right here.

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I realize I drew the Bi Pride Flag two different ways but… well, that joke writes itself.

This is a story about a little thing, and some big things. I have lots more on Patreon! I love you. Happy Pride.

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Source

BI PRIDE and VISIBILITY not ERASURE!!!

Happy Pride Month 2017!!!

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Stuck in the subway free write (originally a text message to someone I'm dating)

😖 it took me an 100 minutes to get from home to Barclays (literally 2 subway stops). My commute normally takes less than 45 minutes. The people around me began resorting to canibalsim. Small children were sacrificed to foreign gods in order to appease them and beg for release from this world. I. Beginning to suspect that the lady to my right is actually being mind controlled by the see something say something face grid and will soon begin accusing everyone in the train of being alien shape shifters. I have begin to reach out to the mole people to dig through the subway tunnel walls and create an opening through the tracks and bottom of the train through which I can escape to the surface world. Also the conductor has not talked to us in 45 minutes. And we now get to walk to the first 3 cars in an attempt to detrain. This epic is likely my final writing. If this message finds its way to your hands, please publish it as the opening to my memoir.

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Super Insecure Pt. 7

A crowded subway car was one of the most nerve wracking environments for Jamie. Surrounded by an abundance of strangers, with only intermittent moments where escape is possible. Jamie still had a level of nervousness whenever they walked out of the house and must once again enter the public space. Where it was once easy to go out with a cut and color that turned heads, finally living their truth made Jamie less comfortable.

Jamie was relieved to arrive at home. After flinging a backpack into the corner of the room, Jamie lay in bed, breathing deeply. The temptation to read the minds of those encountered during life was great. However, such power had to be wielded responsibly both for the sake of the public and Jamie’s mental health.

Finally, after four months, Jamie was finally gaining control over their power. The thoughts of random people did not invade Jamie’s mental space. Control granted them the ability to selectively listen or block out invasive thoughts. Jamie was also careful not to use the power to invade the privacy of others. It was a daily struggle to balance control, desire, sanity, and curiosity.

“Dishes?” Laura cried out from the living room.

“I literally just walked in. I was in a rush this morning. I’m sorry. I’ll get to the in a few minutes,” Jamie shouted back.

After another late day of spreadsheets and balances, Jamie trudged to the kitchen and got to work washing the dishes and to avoid being an inconvenience to the roommate.

“Well, at least now I can cook,” Jamie thought.

After a quick survey of the cabinets, fridge, and freezer Jamie realized it was a fruitless effort. After rifling through their wallet and finding a few spare bills, Jamie started out the door to find some food. Not quite feeling up to eating yet, Jamie stopped by a bench at the edge of Prospect Park, watching joggers and bikers circle on the perimeter roads.

Jamie noticed the occasional double take from a jogger directed toward them. With an exasperated sigh, Jamie leaned back on the bench resting an arm on the backing. Distracted by the sunset and squirrels running up and down the trunk of a nearby tree, Jamie was startled when a cold, wet nose brushed against their exposed heel.

Jamie turned around and saw a startled dog retreated into the foliage.

“I’m sorry, buddy. I didn’t mean to scare you.”

Jamie held out a hand and the dog slowly re-emerged.

“Hey there. I know you didn’t mean to scare me. I’m just… on edge lately.”

The dog tilted its head to the left. Staring into Jamie’s eyes as they talked.

“Look at you. Are you lost out here in the park?”

This was met with a head tilt to the right.

“Aren’t you the sweetest? You just see me as me. No pretention. No judgement.”

The dog laid its right paw on Jamie’s shoe.

“Well, aren’t you a peculiar little fella? I’d almost think you understood me.”

The dog walked directly in front of Jamie and making direct eye contact, and let out a quiet “yip”.

Jamie stared down at the pup and bent down. His tail started to wag and Jamie reached for him. Jamie place the pup on their lap facing out towards the park. The dog instead turned around and looked at Jamie. He began to nuzzle and push Jamie’s left arm.

This struck Jamie as unusual. Jamie did not generally believe that animals were incredibly smart. After months of being able to read minds, they were not able to ever decipher a clear thought. But something felt different right now. With a newfound curiosity, Jamie opened their mind.

“Hey. Hi. Hello? No? I should have figured you would not be any different,” Jamie heard.

Jamie looked incredibly confused down at the fur ball in their lap.

“Wait. Are you...? Can you… Can you hear me?” the dog thought towards Jamie.

“No. No way,” Jamie said aloud. A few joggers’ heads turned, but immediately went back to their running.

“Wait. You can. You do hear me. NOOOOO WAAAAAYYYYY!” thought the dog. “This is insane. You have no idea. I mean, I can communicate with the other dogs, but they never really say much. And humans can never understand me. Rough language barrier.”

“Wow. This is incredible. I’ve never heard thoughts from any animal that wasn’t human. Even infants are difficult. How is this possible?”

“You tell me. Four months ago, I went from blissfully unaware and the unadulterated joy of dog life, then overnight I’m forming complex thoughts and have no one to express them to. Speaking of how it’s possible, I think it’s your turn to spill some beans. Also, I haven’t eaten yet today. Would you mind?”

“Ummm. Not at all. Come with me and I’ll grab us something to eat.” Jamie said. “It’s definitely not normal. Around the same time, four months ago, I started being able to hear other peoples’ thoughts. But just people. Well, until now.”

“Wow. You’re super special just like me. I’m glad I found you, friend.”

“I’m Jamie.”

“Oh. Fun. Ummm… I don’t really have a name. After I started becoming aware of what a name was, I was just with my mother. And whenever I barked to try to communicate she just barked back at me. Kind of like an echo.”

“Well, I think that’s a good place to start. Mind if I call you Echo?”

“If I can get that food, call me whatever you want.”

“Where are you staying?”

“Park. It’s not great, but after I was weaned and my mom and the rest of my litter were caught, I’ve been riding solo. Just watching the people in the park.”

“Would you want to come home with me? My apartment allows small dogs. I just need to check with my roommate. There’s also some paperwork I’s sure, but we can figure that out. Now let’s get you something to eat and some water.”

Jamie pulled out a cell phone.

“Ummm… Laura. We need to talk. How would you feel about a dog?”

Jamie place Echo on the ground and started towards the super market. Echo’s tail wagging back and forth furiously while he runs beside Jamie.

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Super Insecure Pt. 6

John sprawled out on Blake’s bed as he waited for the oddly familiar stranger to return from the bathroom. Both men were filled with excitement. Not only did the find someone whom they deeply connected with, but also shared a very similar secret. It was unknown to the pair the extent of the transformations that had happened world wide, but at this moment they found each other and no longer felt alone. Despite knowing very little about each other, Blake and John could not have felt more comfortable.

Blake walked back into the bedroom, and crawled under the covers and leaned against the headboard. John remained at the foot of the bed.

“It’s cool. I just want to be comfortable and chat. You do what you need to do,” Blake said. “Do you mind doing it again?”

John stood at the foot of the bed. “I’ll try. I’ve never had control of it. It’s more of a reaction than a conscious effort.”

Blake rose from the bed and placed his arms around John’s neck. “Don’t worry about it. No pressure. I’m just very curious.” Blake placed a quick peck on John’s lips and turned to walk to the bed. Before he could take a second step, John had become a human crystal.

“Sorry. I’m just nervous,” John said.

“Do you mind?” Blake asked holding the hem of John’s shirt.

“Go ahead, Blake”.

He slowly pulled John’s shirt over his head revealing a, literally, rock hard body. A body that looked like it was literally carved out of a magnificent gemstone. A body that rivaled the classic Greek and Roman sculptures, enhances by the clarity and sheen of Blake’s body.

John pushed Blake backwards onto the bed, admiring his unusual form. As he moved toward the belt, Blake’s hand shot southward.

“Sorry. I’m not ready,” Blake whimpered.

“It’s cool. Sorry if I pushed you too far. Want me to show you mine?”

Blake propped himself up on his elbows as John rose to his knees, throwing his shirt to the floor.

“What do you want to see?”

Twenty minutes passed and John’s body shifted from massive, hairy bear to a slim pocket otter, to a world class professional athlete.

“Do you mind just looking like yourself?” Blake asked.

John’s eyes began to tear up as his body slowly reverted to normal form. Waves of comfort and relief crashed over him as he collapsed onto the bed. While he was distracted by John’s metamorphosis, Blake, feeling increasingly at ease, also slowly returned to his natural state. Tears filled John’s eyes as Blake pulled him closer and nestled him on his chest.

Blake felt John’s body heaving as he let feelings of insecurity and anxiety flow through his tears. Felling oddly at ease and open, Blake was able to relax and hold him.

A panicked John stirred, frantically grabbing at his clothes and making a move for the door. Blake grabbed his hand, “You don’t have to go”.

John and Blake crawled under the covers. Blake pulled John in close, and that pair silently slipped off to sleep.

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Super Insecure Pt. 5

It was precisely 6:00 when John entered the park to start looking for his date. He walked halfway through the park and immediately recognized Blake from his dating profile photo.

Blake looked up from a pair of squirrels that were chasing each other up and down the trunk of a large oak. He saw John approaching, unsure whether his date would turn back.

Blake and John locked eyes. Blake gave a knowing nod, his heart in the deep recesses of his stomach. The two men met with an embrace and proceeded to make their way to a quiet bar one avenue west.

Away went the phones and the world faded away save a few interruptions by the bartender to get John and Blake’s drinks.

John and Blake made small talk, talking about everything and nothing. After a few drinks, John was lost completely in Blake’s eyes. The moved to the back of the bar and grabbed a couch. John, hesitant to make physical contact, hovered his arm on the back of the sofa.  Time passed in a flash, and John and Blake reluctantly walked outside dreading the return to their normal lives.

They walked back to the subway, standing at a surprisingly empty street corner. Blake looked deep into John’s eyes and immediately both men grew extremely nervous. John was afraid to let his guard down, but he had such an amazing time. Blake was out of his head long enough that he wasn’t concerned with what John thought about his hair, his nose, or his clothing. The world once again faded away as John leaned forward for a kiss. Blake, nervous to admit his attraction, ultimately gave in. After a few seconds of an amazing, connected kiss, John panicked.

Blake’s eyes shot open when suddenly the man he was kissing was gone and in its place, was a crystal form that resembled John. John was frozen in fear.

“Blake, I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry. I’m just going to go. This was a mistake. Just forget tonight ever happened,” he said with tears in his eyes.

Blake grabbed John’s hand and held him tight. Staring deeply into his eyes. “It’s fine. You’re not alone.”

John watched as Blake slowly started to fade away. His appearance shifting and changing until John was staring back at what was essentially his reflection.

“We should talk,” Blake said. “Would you mind coming to my place? I’d rather do this somewhere quiet, away from people.”

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Super Insecure Pt. 4

John was on his third mimosa, thankfully bottomless, surrounded by family. His mother knew that John was gay, but he was also surrounded by relatives that he was clueless as to what level of knowledge they had with his intimate personal life. While enjoying some casual brunch discussions, the topic of conversation turned in a way that made John feel sick to his stomach. He stopped listening in a state of shock for a few seconds, his skin went pale and clammy.

“She’s really a failure as I parent,” he heard from one of the female voices around the table, “I mean, two gay children. How awful.”

John sat silently and drank the most recent mimosa refill. He started casually looking around the restaurant for anything; a waiter, something to spark a new topic of conversation, an escape route. After the conversation, had seemingly moved on, John excused himself from the table and headed for the bathroom. His mother saw him get up, and decided to follow shortly to check on how he was feeling.

John opened the door to the restroom, single occupancy, and just sat on the closed toilet, breathing deeply. He had prepared on casually dropping his latest date and using a masculine pronoun to see how the reaction went over, but he was not ready for what he heard.

“How can I be sure they will still love me or accept me? Every time I see them I will just play that conversation back in my head. I know that these thoughts will be on their minds with every conversation we have. I need to get out,” John thought.

He was luckily close enough to his hotel room, which he had booked to avoid relying on any family members in case things went horribly wrong, that he could make it back and say he wasn’t feeling well. Avoid the whole family portion of his vacation. He knew that he would have to see his family many more times if he didn’t make a choice to leave. He started unlocking the door to make his escape and saw his mother standing outside of the door.

“John, I know that was hard to hear. I am here to talk with you if you need it,” his mother said.

“I’m fine, Mom. I’m just feeling a little ill. Too much champagne.”

“Sweetie, we both know you can handle more than that. Just come out and we can talk in the car.”

“No. Really, Mom. I’m fine. Just go back to the table. I’ll talk to you later.”

“You can talk to me whenev…”

“GO!” John shouted, “just go.”

John started feeling stiffness all over his body. He looked down and his hands were turning blue. John ran over to the sink, and turning on the faucet began to splash water in his face.

“This can’t be happening. I’m just overreacting and my mind is playing tricks on me.”

John looked up to the mirror and noticed that his skin had become a solid sheet of topaz, tanzanite, and turquoise. John ran back to the door and relocked the deadbolt. He took off his shirt and pants and stared at and ran his hand over his body. He leaned against the wall and sank to the floor. All he heard was his back scratching against the porcelain tile.

John sat on the bathroom floor, and for the first time in ten years started to cry.

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Super Insecure Pt. 3

It was the end of a long work day. Blake grabbed his messenger bag and coat and headed for the elevator. Walking to his subway, he looked to his left and saw the gym. He was on the eighteenth month of his membership, and had not stepped foot inside since early summer. He meant to stop in and cancel, but never felt brave and kept paying month after month. Blake hopped on they Q train and headed south into Brooklyn. Across the train, he thought he saw a very attractive man looking over in his direction. “No. It can’t be me. He has to be looking at someone else,” Blake thought.

Blake looked back down to his phone and continued reading until finally arriving at his stop. Blake continued home, stripped off his blue button down, undershirt, and grey dress pants and threw them into a pile on the closet door. Blake grabbed his phone and plopped himself down onto his unmade bed.

“Is it worth even checking?” Blake thought staring into his reflection in his phone. Almost ritualistically he opened an app and looked through the grid of men, all seemingly more handsome in better shape than him. He flicked over to messages and views. Once again, he saw nothing. Scrolling through seemingly hundreds of men Blake couldn’t help but wonder what was wrong with him. Blake kept wondering if he would do better if he had more body hair, more muscle, and a stronger jawline.

“Yeah, throw a few of those my way and things would be perfect.”

Blake focused on a shirtless man who filled all that criteria. Blake sat imagining what it would feel like and how he would look. Absentmindedly Blake’s hand started scratching his chest as it started to itch more and more.

“Maybe it’s just a bad picture. I’m sure I can take one of myself that would get better results.”

Blake stood up from his bed and opened the camera app on his phone. He saw a face looking back at him that wasn’t quite his own, he dropped the phone on the floor in shock. A spider web crack covered most of the screen. Blake ran naked to the bathroom, forgetting to check whether his roommate was home. Blake explored his body in disbelief in the mirror. His body had transformed and body hair was growing in ways it had never done before. His jawline was stronger and more defined. From the jaw down Blake looked identical to the man he was admiring only moments before.

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Super Insecure Pt. 2

Blake awoke on the morning of December 14th and rolled out of his bed and trudged over to his alarm clock. He turned off the buzzer, grabbed a towel, trunks, and a V-neck undershirt. Blake walked through his kitchen to the bathroom, and after locking the door removed his gym shorts and underwear from the night before. After turning on the fan and starting the hot water, his eyes fell on the mirror. Blake studied his facial features and took a step back. His eyes slowly ventured down his to chest and torso. Blake let out a deep sigh and pulled back the shower curtain. Climbing into the stream of hot water, Blake was able to admit this wasn’t the worst he has looked.

John was in the dressing room with a handful of clothing. Mostly bulky winter clothes, that he knew would be far too hot to wear any time soon. He eyes a pair of shorts and a tank top hanging on the hook at the door of his dressing room. He slid his pants down his legs and removed his plaid button down and college t-shirt. John tried on the tank top and shorts and looked in the mirror. After a deep breath, John watched as the still unfamiliar sight of his skin crystallizing and becoming an oceanic shade as his exterior changed into solid aquamarine.

The sun slowly filtered in through the shuttered window in John’s bedroom. He had a flight to catch in a few hours to ensure he would be at his parents’ house in time for his mother’s birthday brunch on December 15th. John finished packing a few last pairs of underwear into his carry-on bag and moved into his living room. Alan had been John’s college roommate and they had continued to live together in Bushwick after both moving to the city.

“Ready to face your family this time?” Alan asked.

John continue walking through the front door.  “Why does he need to know how I’m feeling? It’s my life, my problem. People can be so nosy”. John saw no reason to talk to others about his thoughts or feelings. He was a strong man that had been through so much in his life, that he felt no need to share. He rolled his suitcase to the waiting car and hopped in the back, en route to JFK. He had only recently come out to some of his family and was dreading a return to a family event where he knew he would be surrounded by family that disapproved of what they had called his choices. John knew that he didn’t have a handle on his feelings, but he had no interest in letting anyone else know how hurt he was inside.

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Super Insecure Pt. 1

Blake sat anxiously on a bench in Madison Square park. Distracting himself by watching squirrels chase each other up and down trees, he took several deep breaths in and out. He watched the people passing by, wondering if his date would find them more attractive. Would that person’s nose make him more interested? Should I have a body like the jogger that just rushed by? It had been months since his last date and his first since the meteor shower.

John looked at his watch. It was still 5:30. He had agreed to meet his date in half an hour. Not wanting to seem too eager, he walked into a clothing store and started browsing the rack of jackets hanging in the corner of the room. All winter clothing was on clearance. In just a few short weeks, people citywide would start breaking out their t-shirts and shorts. John wasn’t sure if he was ready. He only had a few months to adjust since an astronomical event had changed his life.

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Writing Challenge

It’s time for something new. I’ve been working on some ideas and am probably going to leave them here. Trying to write more regularly and this will probably be the final resting place (for now).

It will probably be messy, unedited, and personally revealing.

In the immortal words of a certain Italian plumber

HERE WE GO!!!

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Busy night. Only problem is I neglected my laundry again. #lowelife #tvisntontheflooranymore

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We were going to do a “Top 10 Awful Displays of Sexism on Fox News” video, but the clips just kept rolling in. Here are 70.