luckysmattress

[luckysmattress]

she can store a whoole lot of honey in that lil body of hers

[luckysmattress]

MASOCHIST MUTUAL: ouhhh I need to receive a botched execution where they try for a gutshot but they miss and hit my steel dog tags instead and it shatters my solar plexus shredding my lungs with bone fragments and they kick me into a ditch where I slowly asphyxiate to death choking on my own blood and bone,,,

SADIST MUTUAL: [picture of newspaper cat] I should fuck a girl who is scared of me

[luckysmattress]

Chair press [High quality + replay]

https://subscribestar.adult/posts/2011663

[luckysmattress]

i think hypno would do crazy things to orange in a DID way. i interpret orange as a host who REFUSES to let go of front, even when hes brought to awareness about seconds existence (and possible other parts) he views them as parts of his brain and not things that need to "come out" and i think the first time he's put into trance is both like a sexually awakening moment for him but also a very very strange shift in power in regards to being a system. completely relaxed completely letting go orange doesn't hold onto the front with a vice grip like he usually does and drifts off and his body is allowed to do things he typically wouldnt "allow" for himself. whether that be pretending to be a pony or literally just using it to relax with yellow i think it's both like a fetish he develops but also a really weird way for him and the others to interact with his system.

[luckysmattress]

[luckysmattress]

[luckysmattress]

tmi im insane

i am tactily hallucinating the feeling of my vibrator inside of me AND the noise it makes. WHILE. JUST LIKE SITTING AND DRAWING. OKAY!!! WHAT!?

[luckysmattress]

[luckysmattress]

[luckysmattress]

[luckysmattress]

jurys entire life has been focused on the concept of fairness and the idea of "take and give" if you take something you have to replenish it or something else of equal value. that means jury spends a lot of his time NOT taking in any way because he genuinely does not want to "give" back. both because there are a lot of things that he physically is unable to "give" back in the way people demanded of him as a child, but also because now as an adult he is so burnt out from this behavior that he hates giving. he doesn't want to give anymore.

this is then juxtiposed with more adult desires that he's struggling to manage, ie: sadism. i wouldn't call jury a Sadist in all aspects of his life but i think viewing it from a sadists perspective is very accurate. you could say the same thing about juno- who imo is not an actual sadist, but the "metaphor" would be the same, just much more extreme with jury. jury likes to hurt people, both in a way of having and using power, but also in that sort of way that autistic people develop as a way of stimming. there is a fundamental reason why a lot of autistic kids will choose antagonism over any other kind of interaction in certain situations and one of those fundamental reasons is because someone elses "reaction" can become a stim. its like when a kid purposefully annoys another kid, a lot of this time this "bullying" behavior isn't coming from a drive to specifically hurt the other person, but because the "bully" is actually autistic and seeking out an outside stimulous response, and the "bullied"s reaction fills that stim. i would describe Jury as this type of person, both as a child and being a bully but also as an adult. he likes that he can hit someone and get an IMMEDIATE instant reaction out of them, and it's constant in him. if hes laughing with someone his first reaction is to hit them while laughing like on the leg or back, if he's cudding or making out with someone he wants to grab them and dig his nails in and bite them. the difference though between him and juno though despite both being this type of person is that Jury is genuinely turned on by this as well in certain situations. where as juno gets an easy pass because he gets to go "im autistic its not a sex thing" jury doesn't because its both an autism thing AND a sex thing for him. and because he's never earned proper boundaries or how to follow or enforce them, he thinks it must be proof that he's actually evil and selfish and "not giving back" and is a taker. and these are the ULTIMATE failures he was raised with. he ultimately feels repulsed by himself because it feels like this perversion is something hes obsessed with and bleeds into everything he does, he enjoys biting people, he thinks because there are situations where he does get off to biting people that ANY time he bites someone and enjoys it that means its inherently sexual and perverted and hes "taking" from them.

this in turn then enforces a very "eye for eye" mindset. both because that is the mindset he was raised with in the cult he was raised in, but also because he feels like the only way to SORT OF justify his desire for violence is by enacting it on himself, it is his way of controlling how he "gives" back. if he hurts himself in various ways its almost like relieving the guilt, but also almost like building up "points" hes allowed to save away for his own selfish behaviors. if he hurts himself five times maybe that means hes earned enough innocence to hurt someone else twice? and that's literally how he sees the world. its insane. it is a bizarre mindset he has that im realizing i think would just be so easily fixed if he realized that sometimes he can just be a sadist with someone who wants a sadist and then move on.

[luckysmattress]

horse toy transition was a success

[luckysmattress]

ive been obsessing over jurys sadism again since making my post about him. i'm not particularly interested in his life as a sadist and realistically if he were ever to come to terms with it i actually think his sex life would decrease in a healthy way since he's still sort of in his "fratgirl" era that juno tentatively talks about (period after sburb where they focus on hedonistic and self injurious behaviors) and is having a LOT of mediocre sex right now. but i think if he actually realized he can just be a sadist and that doesn't mean also having to be into masochism or self injury he would immediately feel so much better. he does truly genuinely believe he deserves to be punished for his desire to see others in pain and his attraction to others in pain, hes ashamed and embarrassed of it. and he micromanages those feelings by constantly obsessively putting himself down and punishing himself. this is why he insists that he doesn't hate himself despite hurting himself regularly, because he genuinely sees it as a needed requirement to keep him from "being evil." he's like i'm not doing this because i hate myself im doing this because my body has impure desires that i need to "purify" out of me.

ive been spending a lot of time imagining what kind of person hed become if he knew that. i have a hard time imagining it but over all i just imagine hed feel lighter. more optimistic. like he isnt carrying around this giant weight he's tyring to hide from everyone at all times and doing a VERY bad job at it

[luckysmattress]

[luckysmattress]

turn him into a horsie.

[luckysmattress]

forcepony is actually kinda hot … being forced into a hood and hooves and no choice but to depend on the person holding ur reins …

[luckysmattress]

pony boy